Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

5 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

You need to get your wife a job, or an out of the house volunteering opportunity 

Or a boyfriend.

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

I have to second this.  The existence of that egg tray really bothers me (unless someone actually did have backyard chickens).  Why are there slots for seven eggs?  Eggs are sold by the dozen.  Sometimes, I've seen them sold by the half-dozen.  An egg tray with 6 slots might make sense.  Twelve slots would make some sense if it didn't take up more space than the egg container that is under it  I can't see any purpose for the egg tray other than to annoy anal assholes like myself that may be hyper-focused on refrigerator real estate. 
So, of course, wives are out buying it.
In the hood, you can buy a quarter dozen eggs.
22 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:
On 6/13/2023 at 4:40 PM, PhillyD said:
I have to second this.  The existence of that egg tray really bothers me (unless someone actually did have backyard chickens).  Why are there slots for seven eggs?  Eggs are sold by the dozen.  Sometimes, I've seen them sold by the half-dozen.  An egg tray with 6 slots might make sense.  Twelve slots would make some sense if it didn't take up more space than the egg container that is under it  I can't see any purpose for the egg tray other than to annoy anal assholes like myself that may be hyper-focused on refrigerator real estate. 
So, of course, wives are out buying it.

In the hood, you can buy a quarter dozen eggs.

They sell loosie eggs in the hood?

Not sure about loosie eggs, but I did buy butter by the stick at the corner market once.

They sell loosie eggs in the hood?
Yep. You can get 3 eggs and 3 cigs.
1 minute ago, Brothahorn said:
5 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:
They sell loosie eggs in the hood?

Yep. You can get 3 eggs and 3 cigs.

3 cigs? Look at Mr. Moneybags.

  • Popular Post
9 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Home Office Jollies

We have workers finishing the basement and they’re making a racket right under my office, so I take my laptop to the kitchen, move some shit off the kitchen island, and continue work.

She      What are you doing?
Me       Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise
She      You wanna play Scrabble? 
Me       Can’t – I need to get this stuff out.
She      (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me)
She      (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.)
Me       I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. 
She      (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the            contractor  to tell him that we  haven’t changed our mind)
She      I’m going to the farmers market after lunch.  Want to come with me?
Me       I need to work
She      You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?  

 

You could always try to have sex with her.  That usually gets wives to go away, and if it fails...sex.

12 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Can anyone translate what the fuck she means?

ab9bcefc038fc76e5072f2dd262aee02.jpg

We don't talk about the nail.

14 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Can anyone translate what the fuck she means?

ab9bcefc038fc76e5072f2dd262aee02.jpg

She clearly wants two sammiches - one with turkey, and one with cheese.  Get it together, man!

12 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

She wants the pastrami reuben.

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

7 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

When mine does that I take it as a compliment that she thought of me. And I eat without complaint whatever shit she brought me that isn’t even close to what I asked for. 

19 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

Dammit. That makes me angry for you.

On 6/13/2023 at 1:05 AM, Superhero said:

Wife: The kids are out of school, we should go somewhere before summer camps start up.

Me: We spent a week in Hawaii over spring break, do we really need to go somewhere?

Wife: Yes, we can just go to San Diego for the weekend. I booked a hotel, it's $400/night.

Me: We live 90 miles up the freeway, we don't need to spend the night...

 

So we spent $400 to stay in a hotel (not to mention a crappy $120 breakfast buffet), and we stayed in San Diego for less than 20 hours. Not quite as bad as Knoxtnhorn's wife and SIL's boondoggle to NO, but pretty close.

If only my wife spent 10% of her energy decluttering the house instead of booking the next getaway, we'd have a much cleaner house and a bigger bank account.

Excuse me?  $120 breakfast buffet?  I hope that was for six.

20 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

When mine does that I take it as a compliment that she thought of me. And I eat without complaint whatever shit she brought me that isn’t even close to what I asked for. 

Do you meditate? I feel like you should teach a class on mental health or something 

1 minute ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Do you meditate? I feel like you should teach a class on mental health or something 

It’s that or drink. And I’m not good at drinking. 

1 hour ago, Native Horn said:

She clearly wants two sammiches - one with turkey, and one with cheese.  Get it together, man!

No, she wants two turkey and cheese sandwiches, and a side of turkey and a side of cheese. 

We got a letter from the IRS yesterday, telling us there was an issue with our tax return. They already cashed the check, so I don't know what else they wanted but I said we need to call our tax lady, who is an old family friend of my wife's. My wife is off today, so she went down to the tax lady's office to get it figured out. After an hour, she texts me to say "Can you find the envelope with last year's taxes? I need to know about the 1040". I'm like oh shit, I wonder what's up. I grab everything and get the forms out and text her, saying it's all in front of me, what info do you need? Her reply was "Oh, I don't need anything, Just wanted to make sure we had it". 

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

When mine does that I take it as a compliment that she thought of me. And I eat without complaint whatever shit she brought me that isn’t even close to what I asked for. 

This is the way   

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.”  - Oscar Wilde

We got a letter from the IRS yesterday, telling us there was an issue with our tax return. They already cashed the check, so I don't know what else they wanted but I said we need to call our tax lady, who is an old family friend of my wife's. My wife is off today, so she went down to the tax lady's office to get it figured out. After an hour, she texts me to say "Can you find the envelope with last year's taxes? I need to know about the 1040". I'm like oh shit, I wonder what's up. I grab everything and get the forms out and text her, saying it's all in front of me, what info do you need? Her reply was "Oh, I don't need anything, Just wanted to make sure we had it". 

So after sending just your wife, how much more do you owe?
8 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


So after sending just your wife, how much more do you owe?

He's in prison. He'll get back to you from a TDJC number sometime in the next 90 days. 

Had a friend and his yappy wife over for movies and beers. She gets a call,puts it on speaker, and starts yelling into the phone like the caller is lost in the woods. I pause the movie and she says, oh don't worry I can talk and watch the movie. Then goes back to yelling. 

Looked at my buddy, dude I'm walking the dog. Ping me when she's done.

My wife pulls this all the time “Hey I know this isn’t what you wanted but I thought it sounded fun to try something different”

Seems like this could be a really valid excuse for some other activities.
23 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

oh don't worry I can talk and watch the movie.

Yum Yum Chefs Kiss GIF by Nick Jonas

5 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

 

Funny, but I’m so jaded. Very staged. No paint pan in front of her. And no paint splatter on the paper on the floor. My guess is that she got momentarily confused and then realized it would make a good social media post. 

Edited by nnm

  • Popular Post

Divorce was finalized. I'm drunk. Enjoy. G cups

 

IMG_1635.jpeg

IMG_1637.jpeg

  • Popular Post

Out walking a bit in between lunch and going to one of our kid’s play and she gets tired and decides she doesn’t want to walk all the way to theater. 
 

M: Ok, well, the tram stop is a few blocks, we can catch one.

W: The bus stop is right here though, we can take a bus. I like that bus, I take it sometimes. 
 

M: That bus doesn’t go where we need to go.

W: The bus is here in five minutes! Can’t we just take it!

M: THAT. BUS. GOES. THE. WRONG. WAY.

W: (Squinting at the the time-table). Oh, this bus goes towards home and not the theater. My phone says we should take a tram. 

41 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

You can be right, or you can be happy. 

Why I’m divorced.   

On 6/17/2023 at 4:22 PM, nnm said:

Funny, but I’m so jaded. Very staged. No paint pan in front of her. And no paint splatter on the paper on the floor. My guess is that she got momentarily confused and then realized it would make a good social media post. 

And changed into a cute outfit for filming. 

On 6/18/2023 at 9:05 AM, Kennythetiger said:

You can be right, or you can be happy. 

 

On 6/18/2023 at 9:47 AM, Gatorubet said:

Why I’m divorced.   

So does that mean you're both right and happy?

9 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

 

So does that mean you're both right and happy?

On some things, yes.  Mostly, daily drama and her need for fighting because she was unhappy at work is now a distant memory.   I’ve tried for 15 years to have nothing to do with her but she keeps trying to be friends.  Not. Gonna. Happen.  After those years I am better off financially than she is.   Hence the attempt. I guess. 

Getting gas today, the wife got out to ensure a 60 cents a gallon credit was going to be part of our purchase. As I was hanging the gas cap onto the little built-in holder on the gas tank door, she looked at me like my head was suddenly a giraffe.

She had no idea you can hang a gas cap. She said she has always let it dangle and thought that area of the door was kart kf trh closing mechanism.  

She’s been driving for more than 2 decades. 

  • Popular Post
24 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

Getting gas today, the wife got out to ensure a 60 cents a gallon credit was going to be part of our purchase. As I was hanging the gas cap onto the little built-in holder on the gas tank door, she looked at me like my head was suddenly a giraffe.

She had no idea you can hang a gas cap. She said she has always let it dangle and thought that area of the door was kart kf trh closing mechanism.  

She’s been driving for more than 2 decades. 

Sorry about your stroke.

 

Some of the newer cars don't have a gas cap. I have a female friend that bought a newer Tahoe and spent a decent amount of time trying to pry off the fuel filler.

Team no gas cap here.

You’re lucky she even knows where the gas goes.

9 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Sorry about your stroke.

 

Some of the newer cars don't have a gas cap. I have a female friend that bought a newer Tahoe and spent a decent amount of time trying to pry off the fuel filler.

Ha thanks 

I wish it didn’t. But it’s a 13. Want a new one but ya know the industry is fucked. 

On 6/17/2023 at 11:02 PM, TDunk said:

Divorce was finalized. I'm drunk. Enjoy. G cups

 

IMG_1635.jpeg

IMG_1637.jpeg

Dude, I appreciate the share but you gotta spoiler that shit on a non-NSFW thread. Not cool to have that on my screen at work.

On 6/15/2023 at 12:27 PM, Budkudzu said:

She      What are you doing?
Me       Gonna work in the kitchen to get away from the noise
She      You wanna play Scrabble? 
Me       Can’t – I need to get this stuff out.
She      (follows me into the kitchen, reads a text out loud from a friend I’ve met once and comments on it to me)
She      (finished with the commentary, watches mom comedy videos on her phone.)
Me       I’m going to go out on the deck, where it’s quieter and I can get my work done. 
She      (follows me out to the deck, talks about flooring for the basement, comes to the same conclusion we did 2 weeks ago, and asks me to call the            contractor  to tell him that we  haven’t changed our mind)
She      I’m going to the farmers market after lunch.  Want to come with me?
Me       I need to work
She      You seem to be on edge, what’s wrong?  

 

My Dad has the patience of a saint when it comes to shit like this. I wish I had inherited his ability to sit there and zone out while pretending to listen as my Mom drones on about whatever. Dude's been pulling it off for close to 50 years!

My wife does this thing where she'll be quietly floating in the pool or watching tv or (insert literally any leisure activity) and I decide to join in on some peaceful relaxation and she takes this as a cue to empty her brain of every passing thought in a rapid-fire stream of consciousness. I can only sit there for a few minutes before I hop out of the pool or whatever and get a "that was quick, where are you going?" and stupidly blurt out something like "well, I didn't exactly come out here to get yammered at", which, shockingly, does not tend to be received well.

Edited by Storm the Field

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

Dude, I appreciate the share but you gotta spoiler that shit on a non-NSFW thread. Not cool to have that on my screen at work.

You should quote it so it shows up again.

53 minutes ago, Storm the Field said:

My Dad has the patience of a saint when it comes to shit like this. I wish I had inherited his ability to sit there and zone out while pretending to listen as my Mom drones on about whatever. Dude's been pulling it off for close to 50 years!

My wife does this thing where she'll be quietly floating in the pool or watching tv or (insert literally any leisure activity) and I decide to join in on some peaceful relaxation and she takes this as a cue to empty her brain of every passing thought in a rapid-fire stream of consciousness. I can only sit there for a few minutes before I hop out of the pool or whatever and get a "that was quick, where are you going?" and stupidly blurt out something like "well, I didn't exactly come out here to get yammered at", which, shockingly, does not tend to be received well.

Maybe she just wanted the pool to herself. 

Probably been brought up eleventy times here. My favorite…

1a64956df5d0b44fd85e1ed4d2ed8280.jpg

other than folks on a fixed income or legit living paycheck to paycheck, the number of folks who refuse to fill up their car until its basically running on empty astounds me.

I get that pumping gas isnt the most fun thing in the world, but constantly letting it get to 2 gallons or less would drive me up a fucking wall. 

 

Dude, I can go 70 miles on 2 gallons easily. I tend to fill up when it's between a quarter and an eighth but I don't sweat it if it's under that.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.