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1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

What I need is a young, horny sister-wife with no job and a car.  I'm beginning to think the Mormons were on to something.

Oh hell no. I don’t have the time or energy for a second wife. Or MIL. 

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Oh hell no. I don’t have the time or energy for a second wife. Or MIL. 

I could see this two ways. On the one hand, like you said wtf wants another woman bitching at you and not putting out. On the other hand, you’re already miserable so why not increase your chances at pussy by 100%?

Second MIL could be the deal breaker though.
I live in Houston and have 0 issues with my AC hitting 73/74 in 105 degree weather.  Now my electric bill is scary, but still
Free nights are your friend. Especially in this heat.

68 from 10 to 6.

Didn't even bother changing it when we left.

The new phone or the old phone?


Did she retrieve it?

The new one… she got it, but only after banging on the doors after close because she left it in a cart and they had taken them all inside. Honestly I’m shocked it was still there…

Do you trust Waze on travel times for the most part? I do. Google uses every phone on the Waze app to see flow of traffic, times it is busier, etc. The only thing they can’t see is future major accidents.

So wife has to be in FTW at 11 tomorrow for an appointment. Per Waze it’s a 3:07 drive during the commute time I am going, or planned on going. Says leave at 7:43, cool.

Nope, she wants to leave at 6:15a in case of a wreck or I guess a nuclear bomb goes off in Greenville and we have to re-route to I-20.

She has to be there “around” 11 per the nurse for her 2P surgery.

207 miles. I told her I don’t leave that early for international flights out of dfw and got the eye roll.

Will promise to update tomorrow from the parking lot I will be sitting in for hours.

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:


I could see this two ways. On the one hand, like you said wtf wants another woman bitching at you and not putting out. On the other hand, you’re already miserable so why not increase your chances at pussy by 100%?

Second MIL could be the deal breaker though.

Marry sisters. Two wives, one MIL.

Profit.

3 hours ago, tbone_ said:

increase your chances at pussy by 100%?

Ok, let's math. 100% of zero is? 200% of zero is?

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Do you trust Waze on travel times for the most part? I do. Google uses every phone on the Waze app to see flow of traffic, times it is busier, etc. The only thing they can’t see is future major accidents.

So wife has to be in FTW at 11 tomorrow for an appointment. Per Waze it’s a 3:07 drive during the commute time I am going, or planned on going. Says leave at 7:43, cool.

Nope, she wants to leave at 6:15a in case of a wreck or I guess a nuclear bomb goes off in Greenville and we have to re-route to I-20.

What is this, some sort of a fucking brag?  

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I just opened the fridge and my wife had filled up ice trays and put them on one of the shelves. 

What is this, some sort of a fucking brag?  

Is it bragging when you have to sit in the waiting room for 2-4 hours? No idea where you are going with that
37 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I just opened the fridge and my wife had filled up ice trays and put them on one of the shelves. 

Some people like slightly chilled shots of water….asshole!

She's cooling the water down first so it'll freeze faster, duh, and letting it degas in the fridge means it'll freeze clearer for the cocktails she makes you jerk!

6 hours ago, markstanco said:


Is it bragging when you have to sit in the waiting room for 2-4 hours? No idea where you are going with that

I was giving you a hard time that you have a wife who actually wants to be early for something. 

13 hours ago, markstanco said:

Do you trust Waze on travel times for the most part? I do. Google uses every phone on the Waze app to see flow of traffic, times it is busier, etc. The only thing they can’t see is future major accidents.

So wife has to be in FTW at 11 tomorrow for an appointment. Per Waze it’s a 3:07 drive during the commute time I am going, or planned on going. Says leave at 7:43, cool.

Nope, she wants to leave at 6:15a in case of a wreck or I guess a nuclear bomb goes off in Greenville and we have to re-route to I-20.

She has to be there “around” 11 per the nurse for her 2P surgery.

207 miles. I told her I don’t leave that early for international flights out of dfw and got the eye roll.

Will promise to update tomorrow from the parking lot I will be sitting in for hours.

Waze may be ok in the city but once you get rural hasn't been very reliable. I was calling on a lot of wind farms in the Panhandle and New Mexico a couple of weeks ago with a factory rep who used Waze. It tried sending us on all kind of out of the way routes, sometimes adding 50+ miles to the trip. It may be because of the smaller sampling groups in those areas but it was wonky at best.

1 minute ago, Crapinon said:

Waze may be ok in the city but once you get rural hasn't been very reliable. I was calling on a lot of wind farms in the Panhandle and New Mexico a couple of weeks ago with a factory rep who used Waze. It tried sending us on all kind of out of the way routes, sometimes adding 50+ miles to the trip. It may be because of the smaller sampling groups in those areas but it was wonky at best.

Agreed. I spent some time at our family ranch in SE NM recently and found this to be true. Plus you can download map sections on Google maps, which helps because a lot of that area has spotty at best cell coverage. 

Just now, nnm said:

Agreed. I spent some time at our family ranch in SE NM recently and found this to be true. Plus you can download map sections on Google maps, which helps because a lot of that area has spotty at best cell coverage. 

Spotty at best is being kind.  Last time we were driving home from Ruidoso we took a detour to go to White Sands before heading back to Dallas.  Wife damn near had a panic attack when she didn’t have service for half an hour.  
 

Her: what if something happens?

Me:  we’ll figure it out.

her:  what if we get lost?

Me:  do you see that little E on the side of the rear view mirror?  That means we are going east.  As long as we continue going east we will be fine.  I also looked at a map before we left this morning and can get us home even if every electronic device in the car ceases to function.

 

37 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Spotty at best is being kind.  Last time we were driving home from Ruidoso we took a detour to go to White Sands before heading back to Dallas.  Wife damn near had a panic attack when she didn’t have service for half an hour.  
 

Her: what if something happens?

Me:  we’ll figure it out.

her:  what if we get lost?

Me:  do you see that little E on the side of the rear view mirror?  That means we are going east.  As long as we continue going east we will be fine.  I also looked at a map before we left this morning and can get us home even if every electronic device in the car ceases to function.

 

This probably belongs in the old's thread but since we travel in my wife's car it's applicable here; we still keep the old foldable, paper maps in her car. When we get off the beaten path it's nice to know what your option are.

14 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Marry sisters. Two wives, one MIL.

Profit.

Marry twins, and everyone will think that you just have one wife.  Plus, if one gets to uppity, you can just kill her and bury her in the back yard and nobody will know.

3 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

This probably belongs in the old's thread but since we travel in my wife's car it's applicable here; we still keep the old foldable, paper maps in her car. When we get off the beaten path it's nice to know what your option are.

To get from White Sands to DFW you only have to turn twice.  You hang a right in Snyder and a left onto 20 in Sweetwater.  The only reason I even bothered to look at a map is because it was slightly different than the route we normally take.

11 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Marry twins, and everyone will think that you just have one wife.  Plus, if one gets to uppity, you can just kill her and bury her in the back yard and nobody will know.

Plus, you know... TWINS!

15 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Marry twins, and everyone will think that you just have one wife.  Plus, if one gets to uppity, you can just kill her and bury her in the back yard and nobody will know.

04caabddb3ec47a86b520700fe5da0d2

17 hours ago, markstanco said:

Do you trust Waze on travel times for the most part? I do. Google uses every phone on the Waze app to see flow of traffic, times it is busier, etc. The only thing they can’t see is future major accidents.

So wife has to be in FTW at 11 tomorrow for an appointment. Per Waze it’s a 3:07 drive during the commute time I am going, or planned on going. Says leave at 7:43, cool.

Nope, she wants to leave at 6:15a in case of a wreck or I guess a nuclear bomb goes off in Greenville and we have to re-route to I-20.

She has to be there “around” 11 per the nurse for her 2P surgery.

207 miles. I told her I don’t leave that early for international flights out of dfw and got the eye roll.

Will promise to update tomorrow from the parking lot I will be sitting in for hours.

Hd Reaction GIF by MOODMAN

9 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

To get from White Sands to DFW you only have to turn twice.  You hang a right in Snyder and a left onto 20 in Sweetwater.  The only reason I even bothered to look at a map is because it was slightly different than the route we normally take.

I'll drive 50 miles out of my way to avoid Snyder. 

15 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

I'll drive 50 miles out of my way to avoid Snyder. 

Where are you going 50 miles out of the way that is better?  West Texas sucks aside from the Allsups burritos.  The Dairy Queen was fine.

Marry twins, and everyone will think that you just have one wife.  Plus, if one gets to uppity, you can just kill her and bury her in the back yard and nobody will know.

Curiously specific…
28 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Where are you going 50 miles out of the way that is better?  West Texas sucks aside from the Allsups burritos.  The Dairy Queen was fine.

Lol. I just not fond of Snyder. And there are some amazing views when you get off the beaten path if you like high plains and vista's. Highway 207,from Post to I40 has some great scenery as do a lot of the highways up there. They're just not the quickest way to get anywhere. Last time I came back from Panhandle I saw 3 cars in 60 miles and I got to drive through the southern end of Palo Duro canyon. 

19 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

Lol. I just not fond of Snyder. And there are some amazing views when you get off the beaten path if you like high plains and vista's. Highway 207,from Post to I40 has some great scenery as do a lot of the highways up there. They're just not the quickest way to get anywhere. Last time I came back from Panhandle I saw 3 cars in 60 miles and I got to drive through the southern end of Palo Duro canyon. 

Snyder sucks.  But if you are pulling into town at 10:00 and are tired and don’t want to push through to Dallas, the Holiday Inn is an attractive option.

On 8/2/2023 at 3:31 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

We have a special needs kid who can't stay in school or most camps.  We frequently get called to pick him up.  I am a lawyer; my wife is a personal trainer. Ironically, I generally have more flexibility in my job than she does, except when I don't.  When she is with a client, which is all the time she is working, she cannot take calls or leave.  If I am in court or a deposition or a client meeting, I REALLY can't leave.  Today I had a client meeting when I got a call from the camp to pick him up. Because my wife is almost totally unavailable an hour at a time, I didn't know if she would be able to respond or what, so I made the decision to go get him myself.  I asked another lawyer to cover the meeting (he was going to be in it anyway) and I left my office and texted my wife that I'm getting him and will take him to my office until she can pick him up.  This has happened numerous times before.

Since the last time, however, two things have happened.  1. My wife got busted for cheating the time clock at work (long, complicated story that is not entirely her fault, but still) so her hours are being heavily scrutinized and she has to meet a minimum or we lose our health insurance, 2. her step-brother is coming to town to visit her diminishing step-father today and she's picking him up from the airport. So it's complicated, which is why I was trying to make it less complicated by eliminating a variable - what fucking time can you come pick up our son from my office?

I texted her asking what time she would be able to pick him up.  I was more than willing to leave early or whatever I needed to do, but I didn't know when she might be able to pick him up.  I was expecting an answer that ended in "o'clock."  Instead, I got a bunch of words, none of which was "o'clock." Some of the words had to do with the time clock issue and picking up her brother from the airport. Then, when I complained about her not answering the question she says, "Fine! I'll just come get him now!" She's all pissed at me now.  WTMFF?

is picking up someone from the airport still a thing?  can step-bro not install uber on his phone?  i can't imagine asking someone to waste an hour or more of their time (especially middle of workday) to save $20.

 

I’ve always thought it was kind of fun to be the picker-upper. I make signs like the limo guys do. 

40 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I’ve always thought it was kind of fun to be the picker-upper. I make signs like the limo guys do. 

I’ve done that with buddies.

”California Institute for Impotence - Mike Smith”

35 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

I’ve done that with buddies.

”California Institute for Impotence - Mike Smith”

It’s a shame nobody (except for olds) writes checks these days.  I used to have a lot of fun with the memo line.  

On 8/2/2023 at 7:51 PM, markstanco said:

Do you trust Waze on travel times for the most part? I do. Google uses every phone on the Waze app to see flow of traffic, times it is busier, etc. The only thing they can’t see is future major accidents.

So wife has to be in FTW at 11 tomorrow for an appointment. Per Waze it’s a 3:07 drive during the commute time I am going, or planned on going. Says leave at 7:43, cool.

Nope, she wants to leave at 6:15a in case of a wreck or I guess a nuclear bomb goes off in Greenville and we have to re-route to I-20.

She has to be there “around” 11 per the nurse for her 2P surgery.

207 miles. I told her I don’t leave that early for international flights out of dfw and got the eye roll.

Will promise to update tomorrow from the parking lot I will be sitting in for hours.

Broke my promise, but late is better than never I guess.  

Ended up talking her in to leaving at 6:45.  9:50 we roll into the parking lot for her 11:15A (not 11A like I thought but I did find out 11:15 before we left). 

Soooo, since we were so early I drop her off and go to a starbucks around the corner to get a coffee.  I pass a Sunglass Hut so I swung in there and grabbed some new glasses.  Go back to the doctor's office with my coffee and sit there until about 11:30 when she finally went back.  I threw in a few "you look bored" smartass comments every now and again to get my point across. 

31 minutes ago, markstanco said:

I threw in a few "you look bored" smartass comments every now and again to get my point across. 

"And you look like you never want to get laid again"

Yeah, I'm not sure he's making his point too well.

 

11 hours ago, gyroprotagonist said:

is picking up someone from the airport still a thing? 

I pick up/drop off all the time, but only people that I like.

On 8/1/2023 at 9:29 AM, uoftorange said:

I live in Houston and have 0 issues with my AC hitting 73/74 in 105 degree weather.  Now my electric bill is scary, but still

Mrs. Shooter and I may tend to argue over the thermostat from time to time but typically the AC is at 76° during the day and around 70° at night.  In the past when I've been hot for whatever reason, we've run it at 67°-68° with no problems.  Yes, we get it serviced prior to summer every year.

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

I pick up/drop off all the time, but only people that I like.

I would do that too if there were people that I liked, but my dog rarely flies unaccompanied

17 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Snyder sucks.  But if you are pulling into town at 10:00 and are tired and don’t want to push through to Dallas, the Holiday Inn is an attractive option.

I used to hunt on Buster Welch's ranch just east of Snyder.  That land on the edge of the Caprock has some incredible vistas and really neat country -- big draws, ravines, and caves all over.  Mr. Welch was a hell of a Texan, RIP.

We were passing the grocery store on the way home, so we stopped for 5 items: beer, soda, foil, an onion, and chips.  We had the dog with us, so I made the horrible mistake of sending the wife in while I waited with the dog.  27 minutes for 5 items.

Edited by Beau Vine

42 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

We were passing the grocery store on the way home, so we stopped for 5 items: beer, soda, foil, an onion, and chips.  We had the dog with us, so I made the horrible mistake of sending the wife in while I waited with the dog.  27 minutes for 5 items.

Narrator: “It wasn’t 5 items.”

3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

We were passing the grocery store on the way home, so we stopped for 5 items: beer, soda, foil, an onion, and chips.  We had the dog with us, so I made the horrible mistake of sending the wife in while I waited with the dog.  27 minutes for 5 items.

Mrs. Brat can be in & out of HEB in 12 minutes easy for a half dozen items while I wait outside. 
She uses the HEB app prior to going in for each item’s location.

She’s out before I know it while I’m surfing Surly.

For the extensive shopping list, we do the curbside about every 2 or 3 weeks…

 

0A0EBEF2-FB0D-4E92-B936-FB37909BFA08.jpeg

Edited by Armybrat

18 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

We were passing the grocery store on the way home, so we stopped for 5 items: beer, soda, foil, an onion, and chips.  We had the dog with us, so I made the horrible mistake of sending the wife in while I waited with the dog.  27 minutes for 5 items.

Free time with the dog? That's a win.

18 hours ago, nnm said:

Narrator: “It wasn’t 5 items.”

There was some very very important shit to discuss with some other ladies inside, he's lucky it was kept so brief 

Wife came home late from a 3 day trip to the water park/campground with a carload of 11-13 year old girls. Understandably she was wiped out, so I tip toed around the house all morning and let her sleep in, then she basically spends the day on the couch relaxing, hey she more than earned it! Around 10 that night and I’m getting tired but the kid asks me who watch some show with her. Around 11 and I’m getting ready for bed and my wife’s apparently caught her second wind and starts cleaning our bathroom. Guess who’s the asshole for mentioning the time?

2 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Wife came home late from a 3 day trip to the water park/campground with a carload of 11-13 year old girls. Understandably she was wiped out, so I tip toed around the house all morning and let her sleep in, then she basically spends the day on the couch relaxing, hey she more than earned it! Around 10 that night and I’m getting tired but the kid asks me who watch some show with her. Around 11 and I’m getting ready for bed and my wife’s apparently caught her second wind and starts cleaning our bathroom. Guess who’s the asshole for mentioning the time?

Wife that cleans the bathroom?

I Dont Believe You GIF by Judge Judy

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What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

I mean, if she bought 10 tickets, and there was one other winner, wouldn't she get about 91% of the pot? She's a whole lot less likely to win in the first place, but it's not like the odds were high to begin with.

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