Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

34 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

And I said "because I am a LAWYER." 

it all makes sense, now

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

I'm convinced that women are just not constructed to be happy, nor content.  

1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Like 90% of our business is student level stuff. But we have some higher end stuff as well

You should start a thread on the music board.  I'm sure there's funny stuff involved in running a music store.

16 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

I'm just trying to get my soul mate to close the fucking windows when the AC kicks in. 

If she is like my wife she is blinded by every fucking light in the house being on and can't tell it is open.

  • Popular Post

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 


I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 


3D chess
23 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

Buy her an Alexa.  One of the best purchases of my married life.  

On 6/6/2024 at 11:18 PM, ztejas said:

I've seen a lot of stepmother/ stepson porn that starts this way.

@McCroskey... 2nd wife, yeh?

On 6/6/2024 at 11:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

& Then when you give her an answer she doesn't like, she refuses to believe you.  When you show her the internet says she is wrong well obviously you're an asshole for arguing with her & "You always have to be right, don't you?"  Well dear - why are you apparently always wrong?

8 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Buy her an Alexa.  One of the best purchases of my married life.  

If it make it easier for her to order shit from Amazon, I'm out. 

17 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Buy her an Alexa.  One of the best purchases of my married life.  

If I did that, my wife would say "can you ask Alexa..."

On 6/7/2024 at 1:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't care to know or understand 90% of anything that doesn't involve her job or her favorite shows. She couldn't care about truck tonnage, humidifiers, etc. That's what I'm for.

And if she does need to know for some reason, she won't bother looking it up. She'll just ask me. "You are my Google."

100% my wife. 

My favorite is, when I think about something and go to look up the answer "Why do you have to know the answer to everything".  Why the fuck wouldn't you learn the answer if you can?????

Somebody's future wife.

I can understand why she hates the talking stage

 

 

51 minutes ago, ajax said:

Somebody's future wife.

I can understand why she hates the talking stage

Saw cleavage & excellent tits.  Were words spoken?

 

 

Somebody's future wife.
I can understand why she hates the talking stage
 
 

Well, I’m pretty sure that her dates aren’t interested in her taking either. So, winning all the way around.

Not actually a wife, yet. But really close (wedding was next day).

Quote

With Alex Kessinger behind the wheel, Lydia Kessinger laid on top of their mattress to keep it from flying away.

“After we took off, just a couple of seconds later, and I just remember flying out,” Lydia Kessinger remembered.


https://www.azfamily.com/2024/06/07/bride-to-be-trying-secure-mattress-falls-truck-50-mph-day-before-wedding/

2 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Any pre-accident pics?  It’s hard to rate her properly all bandaged up like that, but it feels like she has potential.  Also Utah, so who knows what weird shit is going on behind the scenes.

11 hours ago, ajax said:

Somebody's future wife.

I can understand why she hates the talking stage

 

 

One of the first comments so good.  "She's that bad at talking so it's no wonder she hates the talking stage."

Wife is not open for more suggestions on leaving a bit more space between her car and her bike, so just posting here for my future expense

IMG_8474.thumb.jpeg.dcbee3090b6f3493293a147566bb02e7.jpeg

Our flight was delayed 2 hours, so I gave the kids some extra screen time on their ipads.

Wife: Why did you give them extra screen time, now they won't turn it off.

Me: Why don't you just tell them to turn it off?

Wife: Well you gave them extra screen time.

Me: Do you want me to switch seats so I firmly suggest they turn it off?

Wife: No, I'm not switching seats, but why did you give them extra screen time?

 

image.png.f3a31179b492c27d0852d03bf9a1f1a0.png

15 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

I have an uncle that is a retired Battalion CHIEF from the Dallas Fire Department. When he started, everyone has to be on the ambulance as an EMT for the first 2-3 years. He worked at the fire station at the corner of Westmoreland and Jefferson in SOC. One of his first stories he told me was about some dudes moving to a different apartment, and all the had to move with was a VW Bug. Their new apartment was just up I-30 a bit, so one guy is driving, the other is laying across the mattress on the roof, and has a grip on both rain rails. Everything is fine until he hits I-30 and has to run in traffic, and the mattress catches wind and throws the dude about 20 feet in the air. He said the guy was road rashed so bad, that you couldn't even tell what race the guy was, he was just "red."

He has so many good stories from over the years, I could start a thread with just his stories.

CHIEF

On 6/7/2024 at 2:34 PM, blacklab said:

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

repairing a toaster?  Who the fuck are you, Emmett Clark?

Wife is not open for more suggestions on leaving a bit more space between her car and her bike, so just posting here for my future expense
IMG_8474.thumb.jpeg.dcbee3090b6f3493293a147566bb02e7.jpeg

You know that you are going to be the asshole when it happens right?

How in the fuck does one lose a credit card between the gas pump and the car? Asking for a friend.

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

How in the fuck does one lose a credit card between the gas pump and the car? Asking for a friend.

Count that as a blessing for at least the next 5-7 business days.

 

Count that as a blessing for at least the next 5-7 business days.
 

Mine has memorized her number. Which means that even though she couldn’t produce the actual card even if given an hour to look for it if her life depended on it, no purchasing is slowed down at all.
4 hours ago, tbone_ said:


Mine has memorized her number. Which means that even though she couldn’t produce the actual card even if given an hour to look for it if her life depended on it, no purchasing is slowed down at all.

Could be worse.  Wait until your kids memorize the number.  Nothing like having mom and dad’s credit limit with zero impulse control.  Wife had a student who plowed through $10k on eBay auctions for vintage video games before the parents noticed.  He was 6 at the time.

On 6/7/2024 at 4:34 PM, blacklab said:

I lived with a girl who was a waitress for a while when I was in the Navy. I was an electrician in the Navy. I was fixing a loose wire on a toaster and she was watching me and telling me what to do, and of course she was wrong. I told her I'm a fucking electrician I know what I'm fucking doing, if I need help on how to wait on a table I'll ask you.

I don't think she talked to me for about 3 days after that. 

f91a033c-380e-489e-9ef5-97ccffe99ff1_tex

Had some new plants in the planters around the pool that were wilting since the sprinkler didn't hit them..  Wife said she was going to water them with the hose that was on the side of the house and asked "is it connected". Said yes and said just turn it on.  "It's not plugged in".  Huh?  While the hose was connected to the water tap, the grounded electrical socket a few feet away didn't have anything plugged into it... 

  • Popular Post

.

FB_IMG_1718068267769.jpg

Edited by ROFL BOX

On 6/8/2024 at 6:48 PM, ajax said:

Somebody's future wife.

I can understand why she hates the talking stage

 

 

Like, would.

13 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

.

FB_IMG_1718068267769.jpg

 

 

Symbol on right is pronounced "Blah-blah-blah".

 

 

Wife signed up the kids for a variety summer camp programs and now wants me to pick them up at noon on certain days.

What’s wrong with leaving the kids at library before going to work and picking them after work?

 

 

I kid. I’m grateful to have her. If she wasn’t around, the kids would be at the library with the homeless or parked in front of the TV. 

Little survey here -

52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn.  What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone? 

DNAgal: Dang it. I should have gotten caviar for our lox and bagel brunch 

Me: You're right. That would have been cool instead of capers. I wonder, though, how exactly they farm caviar now.

DNAgal: They kill the sturgeon and cut out the eggs.

Me: Yes, I understand that, but does the dead sturgeon get used for its meat too? That'll at least make it better IMO. Oh well.

DNAgal: They made the beluga  sturgeon extinct I think. I used to think Beluga caviar came from Beluga whales.

Me: What?! That's hilarious. Like you thought they came from its ovaries? Man now that would be cruel.

DNAgal: No. I'm not an idiot. From its eggs.

Me: You thought whales laid eggs? Whales are mammals.

DNAgal: I know that.

Me: All Mammals but a select few give birth to live young. 

DNAgal: How am I supposed to know that?

Me: I mean..... its like pretty basic biology. Didn't you take AP biology?

DNAgal: Go get the bagels.

11 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:


543
Yesterday

My mom had over 100 Chrome tabs on her phone.

Instead of a number letting you know there's a lot, it gives you a  😃 face.

Little survey here -
52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn.  What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone? 

Zero desire to ever look
7 minutes ago, Superhero said:

My mom had over 100 Chrome tabs on her phone.

Instead of a number letting you know there's a lot, it gives you a  😃 face.

Well shit...😀Screenshot_20240611_120701.thumb.jpg.182a2d0af76be74b8ec8959d2bfc1b7c.jpg

2 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Little survey here -

52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn.  What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone? 

200.gif

500 on iOS, which is the maximum allowed. I accidentally cleared them all and I caught shit about it for a bit.

1 hour ago, royiv said:

200.gif

500 on iOS, which is the maximum allowed. I accidentally cleared them all and I caught shit about it for a bit.

I have to sneak updates onto Mrs NNM’s phone and iPad. She fundamentally distrusts them and gets peeved with me every time I do it. 

4 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

DNAgal: Dang it. I should have gotten caviar for our lox and bagel brunch 

Me: You're right. That would have been cool instead of capers. I wonder, though, how exactly they farm caviar now.

DNAgal: They kill the sturgeon and cut out the eggs.

Me: Yes, I understand that, but does the dead sturgeon get used for its meat too? That'll at least make it better IMO. Oh well.

DNAgal: They made the beluga  sturgeon extinct I think. I used to think Beluga caviar came from Beluga whales.

Me: What?! That's hilarious. Like you thought they came from its ovaries? Man now that would be cruel.

DNAgal: No. I'm not an idiot. From its eggs.

Me: You thought whales laid eggs? Whales are mammals.

DNAgal: I know that.

Me: All Mammals but a select few give birth to live young. 

DNAgal: How am I supposed to know that?

Me: I mean..... its like pretty basic biology. Didn't you take AP biology?

DNAgal: Go get the bagels.

wives and the stupid shit they say and do to somebody who appears to also be a wife

42 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

wives and the stupid shit they say and do to somebody who appears to also be a wife

Am I wrong to assume that it's common knowledge that whales don't lay eggs or that eggs the size caviar couldn't come from a creature the size of a Beluga whale?

George Costanza Seinfeld GIF

Edited by Dnaguy

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.