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Why does every text, no matter how innocuous, unimportant, random, or irrelevant to my, my wife's, or my daughter's daily existence require a response?

 

 

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4 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Why does every text, no matter how innocuous, unimportant, random, or irrelevant to my, my wife's, or my daughter's daily existence require a response?

 

 

Could be worse. Could be a phone call. 

17 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Why does every text, no matter how innocuous, unimportant, random, or irrelevant to my, my wife's, or my daughter's daily existence require a response?

 

 

Tell her she's much more likely to get a response to one of her texts if it also includes a pic of her tits.

Either she gets mad at you and stops texting, or she starts sending you tit pics.  Win-win.

10 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

We’re not here to judge, just benefit. 

 

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

And judge.

..and profit?

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Popular Post

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

33 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

 

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

And that kind of workout is exactly why he needs 500 protein bars.

41 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

Now she needs to send him something to wash them down with

Arctic Berry - Five 8.3oz Cases

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

Needs more crab.

"That South Alabama coach looks kind of like Major Applewhite."

 

"That's actually his younger brother, Minor Applewhite."

Edited by Beau Vine

Wife is boiling some chicken. 
Wife: How long it should cook
Me: 20 minutes or when the chicken hits 145.
Wife: shit! And runs to the kitchen. 
Me: how long has it been cooking?
Wife: 1 hour. It’s at 190 is it ok to pull off?

9 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Wife is boiling some chicken. 
Wife: How long it should cook
Me: 20 minutes or when the chicken hits 145.
Wife: shit! And runs to the kitchen. 
Me: how long has it been cooking?
Wife: 1 hour. It’s at 190 is it ok to pull off?

88a0ad0b2d4c496af7633f163c7903a9.gif.89a021633293fbcebe288ee1d08c4ee7.gif

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."
unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg
Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

giphy.gif

We’re about to start renovations and getting materials delivered to the house.

Me: Are you gonna be home around noon? They’re delivering the cabinets today.

Her: Put them in the garage?

Me: No, just have them leave it on the grass outside.

* tone *

On 9/19/2024 at 4:36 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Son is freshman in college living in the dorms. Mom wanted to send him a care package. Very nice of her, right? He told her to just send him some protein bars so she Amazon'd some to him. He just sent me this picture with the only comment: "Dude."

unnamed.thumb.jpg.ef1ec8ed24c8961545bf9a32e9b1c57e.jpg

Poor kid had to walk to the mail center in the student union (~20 minutes) to pick this shit up and haul it back. Thanks, mom!

Those will be good for barter. 

15 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Those will be good for barter. 

Not unless they have weed in them. 

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My wife is 45 and an elementary school teacher.

While driving today:

Wife: I wonder how much they get paid.

Me: Who?

Wife: The people who fly those jets that make the clouds.

Me: Airline pilots?

Wife: No the ones that fly the jets.

Me: You mean like Southwest Airlines.

Wife: No, the jets.

Me: Commercial airlines ARE jets. They have jet engines.

Wife: I thought they were airplanes.

Me: They're all airplanes. If they have jet engines, they are jets. If they have propellers, then they are Prop planes.

Wife: Anyway, I'm talking about those jets that fly way up in the sky and make those cloud lines.

Me: Those are called contrails. And commercial airlines routinely fly that high.

Wife: I figured it was just a Navy jet or something making the clouds.

Me: Wait, you think that there is a Navy pilot who's only job is to fly around and make clouds in the sky when there aren't any?

Wife: Yeah.

Me: Guess what I'm posting on my football forum?

Wife: Wait... NO! NO!

jesus.... she must suck the chrome off a trailor hitch every fucking night. 

1 hour ago, AUS-97HORN said:

jesus.... she must suck the chrome off a trailor hitch every fucking night. 

Ehh, she's alright.

7 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife is 45 and an elementary school teacher.

While driving today:

Wife: I wonder how much they get paid.

Me: Who?

Wife: The people who fly those jets that make the clouds.

Me: Airline pilots?

Wife: No the ones that fly the jets.

Me: You mean like Southwest Airlines.

Wife: No, the jets.

Me: Commercial airlines ARE jets. They have jet engines.

Wife: I thought they were airplanes.

Me: They're all airplanes. If they have jet engines, they are jets. If they have propellers, then they are Prop planes.

Wife: Anyway, I'm talking about those jets that fly way up in the sky and make those cloud lines.

Me: Those are called contrails. And commercial airlines routinely fly that high.

Wife: I figured it was just a Navy jet or something making the clouds.

Me: Wait, you think that there is a Navy pilot who's only job is to fly around and make clouds in the sky when there aren't any?

Wife: Yeah.

Me: Guess what I'm posting on my football forum?

Wife: Wait... NO! NO!
 

Well shit I guess I need to look into homeschooling now. 

9 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Well shit I guess I need to look into homeschooling now. 

That way the best case scenarios is your kids are as smart as your wife in regards to math, science, history,  English, logic, reasoning etc, while having stunted social skills.   

2 hours ago, ABSR said:

That way the best case scenarios is your kids are as smart as your wife in regards to math, science, history,  English, logic, reasoning etc, while having stunted social skills.   

Or having the same personality traits as your wife. 

12 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Well shit I guess I need to look into homeschooling now. 

IMG_3770.jpeg.755139d3bcc956f3172c5b2780c1403f.jpeg

Figured this was a good place for this. Someone posted a meme about their daughter making brownies and goofing a measurement. Not sure how old the "daughter" is but it's an honest enough mistake for a kid learning to cook and kind of humorous. (She added 1 and 1/3 cup instead of 1/3)

Screenshot_20240923_100130_Instagram.thumb.jpg.466a3ce41de5171afbbf6a8115b9e17a.jpg

Here's where it gets good: comments from GROWN ASS WOMEN in the comment section.

Screenshot_20240923_100513_Instagram.thumb.jpg.678c955877171c998080c121f184f05e.jpg

Screenshot_20240923_100531_Instagram.thumb.jpg.d7844bdcbc10ccdf83ebb0affc3f17b8.jpg

Screenshot_20240923_100604_Instagram.thumb.jpg.d7d872ef2213b6cab98b71efc6cb2bbb.jpg

Confused Fantasy Football GIF by DraftKings

the real problem here is units of cups and fractions instead of using metric and decimals.

7 hours ago, 52-80 said:

the real problem here is units of cups and fractions instead of using metric and decimals.

In fairness to stupid wives, that would sadly also confuse the hell out of most men.

9 hours ago, 52-80 said:

the real problem here is units of cups and fractions instead of using metric and decimals.

It is a running joke in our house when it comes to my wife (no pics) having to double a recipe. Something has 2/3 a cup that has to be doubled is like quantum physics apparently. 

 

It is a running joke in our house when it comes to my wife (no pics) having to double a recipe. Something has 2/3 a cup that has to be doubled is like quantum physics apparently. 

 

Is it too hard to just do 2/3 cup twice?
Just now, tbone_ said:


Is it too hard to just do 2/3 cup twice?

Now you are talking crazy. Much easier to ask

me for the 10,000th time. 

24 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

It is a running joke in our house when it comes to my wife (no pics) having to double a recipe. Something has 2/3 a cup that has to be doubled is like quantum physics apparently. 

 

Tell her the math is easy, you just multiply both numbers by 2 so she needs 4/6 at the end. 

On 9/21/2024 at 3:13 PM, Modessit said:

My wife is 45 and an elementary school teacher.

While driving today:

Wife: I wonder how much they get paid.

Me: Who?

Wife: The people who fly those jets that make the clouds.

Me: Airline pilots?

Wife: No the ones that fly the jets.

Me: You mean like Southwest Airlines.

Wife: No, the jets.

Me: Commercial airlines ARE jets. They have jet engines.

Wife: I thought they were airplanes.

Me: They're all airplanes. If they have jet engines, they are jets. If they have propellers, then they are Prop planes.

Wife: Anyway, I'm talking about those jets that fly way up in the sky and make those cloud lines.

Me: Those are called contrails. And commercial airlines routinely fly that high.

Wife: I figured it was just a Navy jet or something making the clouds.

Me: Wait, you think that there is a Navy pilot who's only job is to fly around and make clouds in the sky when there aren't any?

Wife: Yeah.

Me: Guess what I'm posting on my football forum?

Wife: Wait... NO! NO!
 

I hope she's a good cook,because being hot as balls isn't enough. 

3 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

In fairness to stupid wives, that would sadly also confuse the hell out of most men.

Only if the top 1/3 line was the only line on the measuring cup.

  • Popular Post

She goes to drive oldest daughter’s car around the neighborhood late last evening to make sure everything is ok with it. Because it’s been sitting because she doesn’t drive it so we’re going to sell it. There’s a guy coming to look at it at 9a.

This morning I take it to the car wash last minute before the guy comes. The low tire pressure light is on.

Text:

Me: hey was the low tire pressure light on last night?

Her: Not that I noticed but yea probably.

Wife just asked me if I was drunk and I said no, I'm just tired from watching football and drinking all day.

Jeez.

14 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Wife just asked me if I was drunk and I said no, I'm just tired from watching football and drinking all day.

Jeez.

WRONG. There are only two correct answers to her question:

1) "Huhhhh?"

2) "Did you say 'blowjob'?"

On 9/24/2024 at 1:27 AM, 52-80 said:

the real problem here is units of cups and fractions instead of using metric and decimals.

Or by weight for dry ingredients 

 

On 9/27/2024 at 10:17 AM, tbone_ said:

She goes to drive oldest daughter’s car around the neighborhood late last evening to make sure everything is ok with it. Because it’s been sitting because she doesn’t drive it so we’re going to sell it. There’s a guy coming to look at it at 9a.

This morning I take it to the car wash last minute before the guy comes. The low tire pressure light is on.

Text:

Me: hey was the low tire pressure light on last night?

Her: Not that I noticed but yea probably.

Translation: Yes, but I figured you could take care of it.

Translation: Yes, but I figured you could take care of it.

100%

Watching the news last night . . . should have seen the look when she heard the reporter mention the Toothy Rebels.

On 9/29/2024 at 6:29 PM, nnm said:

 

What did Gary do?     Make a good decision.

4 hours ago, ABSR said:

What did Gary do?     Make a good decision.

Likely after making a bad decision.

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