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  • Popular Post
Oh like the bag of kale.

My wife printed some kind of kale soup recipe about a month ago. Every week since then she’s bought a bag of kale and thrown it away before the next trip to the store. Rinse. Repeat.
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My wife printed some kind of kale soup recipe about a month ago. Every week since then she’s bought a bag of kale and thrown it away before the next trip to the store. Rinse. Repeat.

Your wife is throwing away kale.
Every time she does that, it’s a positive entry on your ledger, don’t complain.
  • Popular Post
On 11/12/2024 at 5:52 PM, luke duke said:


My wife printed some kind of kale soup recipe about a month ago. Every week since then she’s bought a bag of kale and thrown it away before the next trip to the store. Rinse. Repeat.

Next time you're unpacking groceries just throw the kale strait into the trash and tell your wife you're saving time by skipping the step of putting it in the fridge

  • Popular Post

My wife and daughter both have a bad habit of putting items on the stairs because they're too lazy to walk them up and put them where they belong. Then those things will just sit on the stairs in the way for days. So I started just putting anything on the stairs into the adjacent downstairs closet every time I see something there. 

my wife: "If you're going to go to that effort why don't you just take them up and put them away" 

25 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Then those things will just sit on the stairs in the way for days

"days"....amateurs.  My wife and kids have stuff there for weeks on end.  They have beaten me down. 

Does her husband work at a daycare?!  What kind of grown ass man eats a PB&J on the daily at work?!

Does her husband work at a daycare?!  What kind of grown ass man eats a PB&J on the daily at work?!

Aggy
  • Popular Post
On 10/30/2024 at 3:44 AM, Dnaguy said:

My wife bought a grounding mattress pad.

Why I asked her why, she said ‘I’m not going to get into all the benefits it provides right before bed’

I just shut up. I’ve tried over the years to debunk all the snake oil she’s fallen for and have just lost my desire bc she’s just can’t help herself.

Don’t ever let your kids go to A&M folks.

My wife bought one of those years ago.  She spent some amount of time telling me the benefits.....I glazed over after 5 minutes.  The next week she is telling me how great she is feeling and what a huge benefit it provides.  I still haven't told her I unplugged it after the first night.  

She gave one to my dad.  He told her Thank You and then later asked me if she was trying to kill him by getting electrocuted at night or during a thunderstorm.  I told him I unplugged ours.......I got the knowing nod of a job well done.  

5 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

Does her husband work at a daycare?!  What kind of grown ass man eats a PB&J on the daily at work?!

image.gif.05c8c042f157b3702c5b63e3c8c6894b.gif

Edited by Sawbonz

5 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

Does her husband work at a daycare?!  What kind of grown ass man eats a PB&J on the daily at work?!

I did for 19 years straight at my last school.

Me, looking at a Total Wine catalog...

 

Her: You don't need to buy any more whisky.

Me: image.gif.61e9d95d93ba83ebad079000b4bbf48b.gif

Nothing wrong with a pb&j

With a layer of crushed up lays between the pb and the j.

/fixed

She’s somebody’s wife …

 

  • Popular Post
I did for 19 years straight at my last school.

6ee7052f9a5bf0eef1432ebc14b74e1a.jpg
3 minutes ago, luke duke said:


6ee7052f9a5bf0eef1432ebc14b74e1a.jpg

You know that dude's wife had 20 different hairstyles and at least 10 different hair colors during that period of time.

 

We've been married for 32 years.  I've had the same hairstyle since about 1972, maybe just adding or subtracting an inch or two over the years, almost exactly like the guy above.  Mrs. NNM, on the other hand . . . 

2 hours ago, nnm said:

She’s somebody’s wife …

 

 

If she wasn't on the phone and was in fact "paying attention" to the road, the outcome likely wouldn't have changed.

Particularly if the Jaguar was say, I don't know ... the side and/or middle support beam of our two door garage.

In which case it would have happened on three separate occasions.

Hypothetically speaking, of course. 

On 11/14/2024 at 2:09 PM, PvilleStang said:

Does her husband work at a daycare?!  What kind of grown ass man eats a PB&J on the daily at work?!

I had a physical therapist a few years ago who was the most midwestern stereotype I've ever met and one of the other PTs told me that he ate PB&J every day for lunch.

I bought him a case of designer peanut butter flavors for Christmas that year.  

16 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I had a physical therapist a few years ago who was the most midwestern stereotype I've ever met and one of the other PTs told me that he ate PB&J every day for lunch.

I bought him a case of designer peanut butter flavors for Christmas that year.  

image.gif.d32c1818a643574ab9e703202c76243c.gif

17 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I had a physical therapist a few years ago who was the most midwestern stereotype I've ever met and one of the other PTs told me that he ate PB&J every day for lunch.

I bought him a case of designer peanut butter flavors for Christmas that year.  

What are designer peanut butters?

Call me uncultured, but give me a crunchy Jif peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mix it up every once in a while and use honey instead of jelly. 

What are designer peanut butters?
Call me uncultured, but give me a crunchy Jif peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Mix it up every once in a while and use honey instead of jelly. 

Designer PB is all that Whole Foods organic shit that separates. We have family members whose mom is crunchy and would only stick that PB at home. But when we went grocery shopping on vacation, they’d ask for (and get) Jif or some such, which they called “I love you peanut butter” because….it is tasty and not that organic shit.
1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:


Designer PB is all that Whole Foods organic shit that separates. We have family members whose mom is crunchy and would only stick that PB at home. But when we went grocery shopping on vacation, they’d ask for (and get) Jif or some such, which they called “I love you peanut butter” because….it is tasty and not that organic shit.

I assume it’s more this than organic stuff 

https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/peanut-butter-sampler/264440000003?utm_keyword=google surfaces&flow_country=USA&one_s=google&one_m=x&one_c=21561351756&one_as=&one_a=&placement=&one_t=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_id=21561351756&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD_u0rW0aNSydnvDu4_x5C_HHW6S0&gclid=Cj0KCQiAouG5BhDBARIsAOc08RQEV55NUBlYXiZD56q2EnskxJP4k5XyAOXUdel15AZHD_pNSc_jOXoaAmGSEALw_wcB

2 hours ago, txindep said:

image.gif.d32c1818a643574ab9e703202c76243c.gif

There's nothing gay about one dude buying designer peanut butter for another dude who put a lot of work into massaging the pain out of said dude's back....

OK, never mind, I heard it that time.

1 minute ago, Beau Vine said:

There's nothing gay about one dude buying designer peanut butter for another dude who put a lot of work into massaging the pain out of said dude's back....

OK, never mind, I heard it that time.

Did you lick it off of his balls too?

1 minute ago, txhorns said:

Did you lick it off of his balls too?

Wrong thread, this isn't "Beards and the stupid things they say and do."

Background: Hot water heater goes out

Wife: can you re-light the water heater?

Me: I’ll take a look at it

Later after looking at issue and finding it was a bad FV sensor. I’m searching on my phone to try and find the sensor that can get here in a day or two. Or bypass it somehow.

Wife: Is it fixed yet

Me: [Kind of pissed at the question] No. I would have told you.

Her: I only asked a question. What’s wrong?

Me: The FV sensor is out.

Her: How do you know.

Me: it says it on the display and I checked its resistance. It’s the sensor.

Her: what’s the sensor for?

Me: It senses combustible gases and vapors.

Her: Did you check it with a gas monitor?

Me: I can smell that’s there no gas. 

Her: So you didn’t check it with a gas monitor?

Me, reaching my limit: No. no I didn’t. I don’t have a 4 gas monitor 1. and 2 I know it’s the sensor. And how TF am I supposed to manifest a fucking 4 gas monitor? Have you ever seen me with a gas monitor? Where would I bump test said monitor to maintain it?

Her: why do you talk to me like that? I’m just asking questions. I live here too. I can ask questions.

Me: But that’s all you do. I’m trying to fix this shit and all you’re doing is second guessing me and distracting me from finding the part to fix this.

Her: Slams door to bedroom. 

And thanks to YouTube I was able to temp bypass that shit so she’s now enjoying a hot shower. Crazy. 
FYI: the sensor has a resistance between 7 to 25 k Olms. so it was showing  350 k olms. There’s a silicone with carbon dialectic coating on it or something. So I cleaned it off and used a pencil while hooked up to a multimeter to get it back to 9 k Olms. Then put it back in. Reset the fault.  Bam! Worked. YouTube is amazing when it isn’t brainwashing my kids.

41 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

Background: Hot water heater goes out

Wife: can you re-light the water heater?

Me: I’ll take a look at it

Later after looking at issue and finding it was a bad FV sensor. I’m searching on my phone to try and find the sensor that can get here in a day or two. Or bypass it somehow.

Wife: Is it fixed yet

Me: [Kind of pissed at the question] No. I would have told you.

Her: I only asked a question. What’s wrong?

Me: The FV sensor is out.

Her: How do you know.

Me: it says it on the display and I checked its resistance. It’s the sensor.

Her: what’s the sensor for?

Me: It senses combustible gases and vapors.

Her: Did you check it with a gas monitor?

Me: I can smell that’s there no gas. 

Her: So you didn’t check it with a gas monitor?

Me, reaching my limit: No. no I didn’t. I don’t have a 4 gas monitor 1. and 2 I know it’s the sensor. And how TF am I supposed to manifest a fucking 4 gas monitor? Have you ever seen me with a gas monitor? Where would I bump test said monitor to maintain it?

Her: why do you talk to me like that? I’m just asking questions. I live here too. I can ask questions.

Me: But that’s all you do. I’m trying to fix this shit and all you’re doing is second guessing me and distracting me from finding the part to fix this.

Her: Slams door to bedroom. 

And thanks to YouTube I was able to temp bypass that shit so she’s now enjoying a hot shower. Crazy. 
FYI: the sensor has a resistance between 7 to 25 k Olms. so it was showing  350 k olms. There’s a silicone with carbon dialectic coating on it or something. So I cleaned it off and used a pencil while hooked up to a multimeter to get it back to 9 k Olms. Then put it back in. Reset the fault.  Bam! Worked. YouTube is amazing when it isn’t brainwashing my kids.

image.gif.900baa94b4f884ec49ae9715463c2857.gif

image.gif.199b5ddbb99bbebaf9a8ec25bcd35a83.gif

25 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

I dunno man. You kinda sound like the dick there. 

Probably.

But considering this is literally every time my wife asks me to fix something…. And then asks me a million questions…. Or then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … I had reached my limit. 

7 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

Probably.

But considering this is literally every time my wife asks me to fix something…. And then asks me a million questions…. Or then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … I had reached my limit. 

I get it. No judgement. 

9 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … 

That's because you have no idea what you're doing.

Just now, Sam Lin said:

That's because you have no idea what you're doing.

At being married? Yeah…..

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

That's because you have no idea what you're doing.

If he knew what he was doing, it wouldn't take him so long, right?

  • Popular Post
2 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

Background: Hot water heater goes out

Wife: can you re-light the water heater?

Me: I’ll take a look at it

Later after looking at issue and finding it was a bad FV sensor. I’m searching on my phone to try and find the sensor that can get here in a day or two. Or bypass it somehow.

Wife: Is it fixed yet

Me: [Kind of pissed at the question] No. I would have told you.

Her: I only asked a question. What’s wrong?

Me: The FV sensor is out.

Her: How do you know.

Me: it says it on the display and I checked its resistance. It’s the sensor.

Her: what’s the sensor for?

Me: It senses combustible gases and vapors.

Her: Did you check it with a gas monitor?

Me: I can smell that’s there no gas. 

Her: So you didn’t check it with a gas monitor?

Me, reaching my limit: No. no I didn’t. I don’t have a 4 gas monitor 1. and 2 I know it’s the sensor. And how TF am I supposed to manifest a fucking 4 gas monitor? Have you ever seen me with a gas monitor? Where would I bump test said monitor to maintain it?

Her: why do you talk to me like that? I’m just asking questions. I live here too. I can ask questions.

Me: But that’s all you do. I’m trying to fix this shit and all you’re doing is second guessing me and distracting me from finding the part to fix this.

Her: Slams door to bedroom. 

And thanks to YouTube I was able to temp bypass that shit so she’s now enjoying a hot shower. Crazy. 
FYI: the sensor has a resistance between 7 to 25 k Olms. so it was showing  350 k olms. There’s a silicone with carbon dialectic coating on it or something. So I cleaned it off and used a pencil while hooked up to a multimeter to get it back to 9 k Olms. Then put it back in. Reset the fault.  Bam! Worked. YouTube is amazing when it isn’t brainwashing my kids.

I feel your pain brother.

Wife's car won't start, her: "could it be the tire pressure is low?"

3 hours ago, blacklab said:

I feel your pain brother.

Wife's car won't start, her: "could it be the tire pressure is low?"

Happy Excuse Me GIF

On 3/22/2023 at 9:33 AM, Brothahorn said:

When the wife is in one of her chatty modes, I put one of my Bluetooth ear pods in and listen to a podcast or book. It helps drown out the noise.

In almost 9 years of marriage, I've finished everything by Tom Clancy and Vince Flynn at least twice.

This, but I literally can't hear out of the other ear.

 

Screenshot_20241117_033742_Messages.jpg

Wife thinks that things dry by having the water fall off of it and onto a towel. Which is trivial but I keep explaining that the water needs to evaporate and she keeps putting giant wet bowls upside down on a towel (which…. just dry the bowl off) and then if I fuck with how she has the food processor arranged to dry (because I’m going to end up putting it away at night) “why are you fucking with it???”. Trivial but here I am drying shit off in the morning that should have been put away forever ago.

 

also, ordered this, which I think is heavily advertised on social media-

IMG_0836.thumb.jpeg.8e4dc38643cbf1a940548bd0e0908f96.jpeg

cause her bag is old. Her old bag? A still pristine Briggs and Riley.

8 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I dunno man. You kinda sound like the dick there. 

If she's gonna depose me or look over my shoulder, she can fucking do the work or shut her trap.

Thankfully, my wife learned this shit a long time ago.  I thought he was pretty patient in answering her dumbass questions.

Edited by Iceman

10 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

Background: Hot water heater goes out

Wife: can you re-light the water heater?

Me: I’ll take a look at it

Later after looking at issue and finding it was a bad FV sensor. I’m searching on my phone to try and find the sensor that can get here in a day or two. Or bypass it somehow.

Wife: Is it fixed yet

Me: [Kind of pissed at the question] No. I would have told you.

Her: I only asked a question. What’s wrong?

Me: The FV sensor is out.

Her: How do you know.

Me: it says it on the display and I checked its resistance. It’s the sensor.

Her: what’s the sensor for?

Me: It senses combustible gases and vapors.

Her: Did you check it with a gas monitor?

Me: I can smell that’s there no gas. 

Her: So you didn’t check it with a gas monitor?

Me, reaching my limit: No. no I didn’t. I don’t have a 4 gas monitor 1. and 2 I know it’s the sensor. And how TF am I supposed to manifest a fucking 4 gas monitor? Have you ever seen me with a gas monitor? Where would I bump test said monitor to maintain it?

Her: why do you talk to me like that? I’m just asking questions. I live here too. I can ask questions.

Me: But that’s all you do. I’m trying to fix this shit and all you’re doing is second guessing me and distracting me from finding the part to fix this.

Her: Slams door to bedroom. 

And thanks to YouTube I was able to temp bypass that shit so she’s now enjoying a hot shower. Crazy. 
FYI: the sensor has a resistance between 7 to 25 k Olms. so it was showing  350 k olms. There’s a silicone with carbon dialectic coating on it or something. So I cleaned it off and used a pencil while hooked up to a multimeter to get it back to 9 k Olms. Then put it back in. Reset the fault.  Bam! Worked. YouTube is amazing when it isn’t brainwashing my kids.

If you dodged the incessant questioning about installing tankless water heater(s) - consider yourself lucky.

Probably.
But considering this is literally every time my wife asks me to fix something…. And then asks me a million questions…. Or then if I take longer than she likes asks ‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ … I had reached my limit. 

My wife does this while driving.
I’ve considered hitting walls at 80 just so it will be quiet.
11 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

Background: Hot water heater goes out

Why are you heating your hot water?  

2 hours ago, idigTexas said:

Why are you heating your hot water?  

To get it hotter.

🤷🏼‍♂️

I feel your pain brother.
Wife's car won't start, her: "could it be the tire pressure is low?"

Sounds like she at least did a little troubleshooting, and checked the blinker fluid first!

Are there wives who don't baby-talk to their sweety-pie little doggies?

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