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Featured Replies

On 2/13/2025 at 2:25 PM, Ten Bears said:

I didn't come here and I'm not leaving.

You have to go home but you can stay here. 

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46 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Once again my wife is wrong on the number of years.

Maybe she's just counting the reasonably good years.

48 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

ecd80bfc9de1cdf6e9152a4afdad33dd.jpg
Once again my wife is wrong on the number of years.

I know the year, 1993. The date is somewhere between August 3rd, and August 7th.

CHIEF

47 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

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Less exhausting than being subjected to her driviving half the trip. 

On 2/17/2025 at 9:49 AM, Jerry Callo said:

Maybe she's just counting the reasonably good years.

Yeah, she doesn't like it when I say "we've been married 42 years, 15 of them good."

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She woke up with a dry mouth, I told her she slept with her mouth open and was snoring..

Her: You think I need to get a sleepap machine?

 

27 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

She woke up with a dry mouth, I told her she slept with her mouth open and was snoring..

Her: You think I need to get a sleepap machine?

 

Oh Trixie.

Poco, you absolutely own this thread.

CHIEF

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Wife: What should I text to Daughter about [serious situation]?

Me: Tell her exactly this [Profound Fatherly Wisdom]

Wife: Ok, I just typed absolutely nothing you said. Is that ok?

 

27 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

What, she didn’t like the use of, “suck it up, buttercup” or other such wisdom?

"Beer before liquor - never drunk quicker. Liquor before beer - in the clear."

Wife: What should I text to Daughter about [serious situation]?
Me: Tell her exactly this [Profound Fatherly Wisdom]
Wife: Ok, I just typed absolutely nothing you said. Is that ok?
 

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5 hours ago, Sandman said:

Wife: What should I text to Daughter about [serious situation]?

Me: Tell her exactly this [Profound Fatherly Wisdom]

Wife: Ok, I just typed absolutely nothing you said. Is that ok?

 

Pay Me Wayne Brady GIF by Holly Logan

38 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

"jambourine"

Pretty sure that's when you have 5-8 people playing tambourine at the same time with no other musical instruments. More than 8 is a monster jambourine.

39 minutes ago, gernblansten said:

Pretty sure that's when you have 5-8 people playing tambourine at the same time with no other musical instruments. More than 8 is a monster jambourine.

Mmmmm no I think it's a clothing line for toddlers that also hosts activities in a shared space. 

On 2/25/2025 at 3:06 PM, gernblansten said:

Pretty sure that's when you have 5-8 people playing tambourine at the same time with no other musical instruments. More than 8 is a monster jambourine.

 Needs more cowbell. 

On 2/25/2025 at 3:26 PM, Pokoloco said:

"jambourine"

My wife speaks Trixie and I have to interpret for others often   I'm a little stumped on this one.  Did she mean tambourine?  Jamboree?  Jubilee?  How was it used in a sentence?

I dont understand the psychological basis behind the meme of women and murder mysteries … but yeah all my wife watches on streaming are swedish homicide thrillers and harlan coben style investigative shows

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Driving through the busy intersection near our house this morning. A voice from the backseat -

 

 

“We passed this light yesterday. The police did not come to get mommy because they were not here.”

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4 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Driving through the busy intersection near our house this morning. A voice from the backseat -

 

 

“We passed this light yesterday. The police did not come to get mommy because they were not here.”

Snitches get stitches, kid. 

On 2/20/2025 at 8:34 AM, Crapinon said:

Yeah, she doesn't like it when I say "we've been married 57 years, 6 or 7 of them were pretty good."

This is the line I have used several times in the past year. Mrs. Brat doesn’t like my humor.

Edited by Armybrat

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills sometimes…

After I’ve been busting my hump all weekend on shit around the house, wife asks me to clean the dishes.

No problem i say, if you clean up the ones from dinner on Friday (our agreement every time I cook, which is 95% of the time). I’d say she actually does them 50% of the time, if I’m generous, and they generally sit for days causing other dishes that she makes to pile up.

That turns into a giant dust up about things needing to be “equal” and me somehow discounting the things that she does. Such confrontations would be deftly avoided if there was pussy on the line, but since there’s not I just call a spade a spade these days. My own dumb fault for seeking to maintain established agreements, I suppose…

2 hours ago, Party_Taco said:

... if there was pussy on the line, but since there’s not ...

Just curious, but - is there no pussy, or is it just not an issue? Well, or both, I guess.

5 minutes ago, Tex Long said:

Just curious, but - is there no pussy, or is it just not an issue? Well, or both, I guess.

Well, see, he’s married. So....

2 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Well, see, he’s married. So....

Yebbut... "party" and "taco". Lotsa room there.

11 hours ago, 52-80 said:

I dont understand the psychological basis behind the meme of women and murder mysteries … but yeah all my wife watches on streaming are swedish homicide thrillers and harlan coben style investigative shows

Any Swedish homicide thrillers you’d recommend?

My wife has been telling the kids to "turn off the TV and do something else" for the past hour...  as she's sat next to them for the last hour watching with them.

We used to have a housecleaner come once a week, and my wife always freaks out before her visits because she feels compelled to "preclean" for the cleaner.

Anyway, wife often asks me to clean up or rephrase her work memos so they sound perfect. I told her GPT/LLMs can do that task very well, all she has to do is just copy and paste the text to them.. So now instead of dumping the text to AI and letting it handle the hard work....  she's actually spending 5 minutes trying to clean up the QUESTION to GPT, so what she's asking it sounds perfect.  🥴

20 hours ago, Armybrat said:

This is the line I have used several times in the past year. Mrs. Brat doesn’t like my humor.

When you've been married for 87 years, and you tell people 57, I can see why Mrs. Brat is angry.

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We go to the chick fil a drive thru which is always a mess, give our order, name, pull around etc.. We get the food, she starts digging in, notices the sticky tag they put on the bag with our name and car description.

"they do this every time, the car is a Lexus, it's not a sedan!"

On 3/1/2025 at 8:16 PM, PhillyD said:

My wife speaks Trixie and I have to interpret for others often   I'm a little stumped on this one.  Did she mean tambourine?  Jamboree?  Jubilee?  How was it used in a sentence?

Ah yes, for clarification...My brother and I play music every now and then, she had an idea we could form a family band like the Partridge Family (we're old) and she could play the Jambourine. 

40 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

We go to the chick fil a drive thru which is always a mess, give our order, name, pull around etc.. We get the food, she starts digging in, notices the sticky tag they put on the bag with our name and car description.

"they do this every time, the car is a Lexus, it's not a sedan!"

Oh Trixie.

I thought the Chick-Fil-A drive thru is one of the more well organized operations I've seen in fast food.

 

7 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I thought the Chick-Fil-A drive thru is one of the more well organized operations I've seen in fast food.

 

Yep, forget Elon. Coulda just fired everyone and replaced all of the bureaucracy with ten Chick-Fil-a employees. 
 

CHIEF

Sunday my wife called me and said, "This afternoon Oldest Son has a baseball game at the same time as his Scouts meeting so you don't need to take him to Scouts."  Me:  "Ok."

She called to tell me about something I didn't need to do. Plus, I already knew this because, you know, the whole "can't be two places" at once problem. 

As I age, my inner dialogue is populated with the phrase, "Why are you bothering me, bitch?" more and more.

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25 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

As I age, my inner dialogue is populated with the phrase, "Why are you bothering me, bitch?" more and more.


Your pain, I feel it.


Last night I was barraged by the wife bitching about how she is less inclined lately to go outside on break because she has to constantly listen to one of her work friends constantly bitch about one thing or another. She says it’s such a beating. 
 

 

Huh. No idea what that must be like  🙄

 

43 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:


Your pain, I feel it.


Last night I was barraged by the wife bitching about how she is less inclined lately to go outside on break because she has to constantly listen to one of her work friends constantly bitch about one thing or another. She says it’s such a beating. 
 

 

Huh. No idea what that must be like  🙄

 

I stare at my phone or computer screen as she drones on, I say nothing. After she's done, she'll say "Thanks for letting me vent" and usually I get laid that night. It's tough work but necessary for my well-being.

2 hours ago, thunderlounge said:


Your pain, I feel it.


Last night I was barraged by the wife bitching about how she is less inclined lately to go outside on break because she has to constantly listen to one of her work friends constantly bitch about one thing or another. She says it’s such a beating. 
 

 

Huh. No idea what that must be like  🙄

 

Wife and life related, but as we get older I think we just have less tolerance for wasting time. Maybe we hear the death clock, maybe it's something else, but I see it professionally, in the dating world and in marriages of close friends and family. Maybe not everyone but most rational, nice people I know cut right to the chase and call the situation what it is pretty quickly. I think, by necessity marriage is addressed differently verbally, but the feelings are no less present. 

Last night ABC’s Dallas affiliate chose to pre-empt “The Bachelor” with the Mavericks pre-game and game. The Bachelor ran at 1 am.

It was a significant event in the NNM household. I can’t imagine I was alone in hearing the wrath of a wife whose show got bumped for the NBA. I can’t blame her. I have never seen a single episode of The Bachelor, but it has to be a million times better than any NBA game. That league is unwatchable. 

I’d be very interested to see what the average rating for Bachelor vs. regular season NBA is in the DFW market. I can’t imagine that NBA draws better than ladies tuning into Bachelor.

My wife just announced: "I wanted to use the breadmaker this afternoon, but I can't get my laptop to open."

Then she repeated it verbatim after I said, "WHAT?" as if I couldn't hear, rather than that sentence making zero sense.  

So I followed this up with "deep research" on ChatGPT.  Pre-Luka, Mavs viewership in the DFW area drew a .7-1.3 rating, translating to between 22,000 and 41,000 households in DFW.  That peaked during the Luka years with average regular-season ratings around 2.6 (around 82,000 households).  

In case anyone is living under a rock, Luka is no longer playing for Dallas, and they had three starters out last night.

In contrast, for The Bachelor in the DFW market, the season’s average household rating (approximately 3–4 in DFW) corresponds to roughly 95,000–125,000 homes watching per episode locally.  Mrs. NNM tells me that last night's episode was "hometown" episode, when they take the bachelor to his hometown for whatever shenanigans are appropriate.  Apparently, this year's bachelor is a Dallas guy, so there's even higher interest in DFW.  

So for some absolutely insane reason, some exec at WFAA decided that they would piss off 95,000 to 125,000 women (plus all their girlfriends who were coming over for a watch party) in the DFW market, and instead put out a putrid product with a pathetic team that, at best, 41,000 households tuned into.

Someone should be fired.  

9 minutes ago, nnm said:

Someone should be fired.  

Yes, Nico Harrison.

6 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Wife and life related, but as we get older I think we just have less tolerance for wasting time. Maybe we hear the death clock, maybe it's something else, but I see it professionally, in the dating world and in marriages of close friends and family. Maybe not everyone but most rational, nice people I know cut right to the chase and call the situation what it is pretty quickly. I think, by necessity marriage is addressed differently verbally, but the feelings are no less present. 

Same.  For me it's also the realization that only very few things actually matter and that I have so much fucking shit going on at all times that the irrelevant and pointless gets filtered out way fast.  I'm sure I come off sometimes as a dismissive, rude prick, but that doesn't matter, so I don't care.

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Driving through the busy intersection near our house this morning. A voice from the backseat -
 
 
“We passed this light yesterday. The police did not come to get mommy because they were not here.”
I think I told this story in the Dad's thread:

When my son was about 4 (he's 11 now), I took him with me to pick up some BBQ. He was big into Paw Patrol at the time ("Chase is on the case!") so was excited to see some county sheriff's vehicles parked outside. We went inside and saw they were all seated at a table against the wall. As I went to order, I told him to go say "Hi". He eagerly went that direction as I placed my order. Suddenly, I heard them all laughing loudly. After I paid, I went over to see what was going on. They told me that, instead of saying "Hi", the first thing he said was, "The other day, my mom drove through a yellow light without slowing down and stopping."

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