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24 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Next time take the keys with you, go out the side door of the store, call an Uber, go to a bar, come back a couple of hours later and say you couldn’t find what you were looking for.

 

He's gonna come home to his bunny in a boiling pot of water.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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3 hours ago, Jack said:

That's not too unusual but you are going to have to address it before both of you become miserable.  You've got to get her a fucking hobby and/or some friends.  Does she have any family nearby?  She needs a social outlet by the sounds of it.

phrasing

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"
You can't get road head if she doesn't go with you.
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Whenever we're going somewhere and I'm backing out of the garage/driveway, she immediately leans forward and starts digging through her purse, blocking the side mirror.  I just stop and stare at her waiting for her to lean back.  She does this every single fucking time.  One time after starting the car I waited, fiddled with the radio and the A/C, and she just sat there.  As soon as I put the car in reverse, there she went.  It's like some automatic reflex with her that she cannot control.

 

On 8/9/2018 at 8:25 AM, crimsonlonghorn said:

I grew up in a single parent household in very modest circumstances and my mom HATED getting those types of letter every year. One year her second cousin in Fort Worth, a wealthy widow, included a picture with her letter of she and her daughter sitting in a hot tub with raised champagne glasses and mountains in the background. To my mom's credit, she sent back a picture of the four of us sitting around a picnic table in a city park surrounded by red West Texas dirt and mowed weeds.  

We never got one of those letters again. LOL

We got a letter like this every Christmas for a decade.

Joke is it was to the family who lived there previously. I sometimes wonder if Jenna and Michael made it through their rough patch.

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Wife dropped her phone in the flamingo exhibit at the Dallas aquarium today.

36 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

Wife dropped her phone in the flamingo exhibit at the Dallas aquarium today.

Yada, yada ... your fault.

Wife dropped her phone in the flamingo exhibit at the Dallas aquarium today.
Extremely amateur. Sucks it wasn't the shark tank

"Did you know there is no filter on the return air vent by the boys rooms? No wonder they have allergies"

That was 3 minutes ago.

13 hours ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

I cannot impress enough the importance of setting precedents early in a relationship. This shit should have never been allowed to fester during the dating period, much less anywhere near the post marriage experience. This is on you my man.  

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

"Did you know there is no filter on the return air vent by the boys rooms? No wonder they have allergies"

That was 3 minutes ago.

You fucked up her jeep on a dude's weekend and she stayed with you.....you are not allowed to bitch about her  ever again. Shaggy Bevo out front should have told you.

5 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

You fucked up her jeep on a dude's weekend and she stayed with you.....you are not allowed to bitch about her  ever again. Shaggy Bevo out front should have told you.

A Jeep looks a lot like a boat. 

20 hours ago, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

Start letting epic farts out in the car, make the stench so eye watering, nose hair burning bad she doesn't want to be near you. That'll make it stop.

You fucked up her jeep on a dude's weekend and she stayed with you.....you are not allowed to bitch about her  ever again. Shaggy Bevo out front should have told you.


I’m willing to bet he’s fucked up a lot more stuff than that. [emoji2]
58 minutes ago, EE2B said:

 


I’m willing to bet he’s fucked up a lot more stuff than that. emoji2.png

 

Yea, speaking of boat(s)....

9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

I cannot impress enough the importance of setting precedents early in a relationship. This shit should have never been allowed to fester during the dating period, much less anywhere near the post marriage experience. This is on you my man.  

There's been a couple of responses like this and yes, it's on me for having not addressed it earlier on but in my defense, it wasn't really a problem then. Still not that big of a deal to me tho. Just amazes me how much time she wants to spend with me. 

This weekend we're kidless and she's been wanting to binge watch harry potter but knows I'm far from into that shit. So we worked out a deal, I get head for every movie we watch and there's 8 of them, two from last night. 

Looking like a good weekend. 

41 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

There's been a couple of responses like this and yes, it's on me for having not addressed it earlier on but in my defense, it wasn't really a problem then. Still not that big of a deal to me tho. Just amazes me how much time she wants to spend with me. 

This weekend we're kidless and she's been wanting to binge watch harry potter but knows I'm far from into that shit. So we worked out a deal, I get head for every movie we watch and there's 8 of them, two from last night. 

Looking like a good weekend. 

So, she played with your magic wand huh??

Bad news is you have to watch a kids movie. Good news is around movie # six Harmione is of legal age. (I think)

Extremely amateur. Sucks it wasn't the shark tank

I’m glad it wasn’t the shark tank because I would have been the one having to get it out. It amazes me the amount of shit that gets dropped into exhibits.
On ‎8‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 10:46 AM, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

You've got a Stage 5 Clinger.

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On 8/10/2018 at 10:46 AM, BigHorn'13 said:

Also to those that are fortunate to get time away by offering to do something for her like fill up on gas... How long before I can start doing that? We're 2 years deep and she insists on going EVERYWHERE with me. Even when she was sick, she insisted she'd come to the store with me but just stay in the car because she doesn't feel like she could handle walking through the store. I ask what the point of that would be and I just get that look and a "but I want to be with you!"

Does your wife destroy the couch if you leave her at home by herself? 

I just want to post about the opposite of shit wives do. My wife just rode my ass for not putting the PGA on this afternoon. I’ve never been more in love.

I just want to post about the opposite of shit wives do. My wife just rode my ass for not putting the PGA on this afternoon. I’ve never been more in love.
I thought Dustin Johnson only banged other players' wives. He's doing fans' wives now?

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

Every.
Single.
Time.

Wtf? How hard is it to seal a ziplock? And if you don’t, what’s the fucking point of having them?

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

23 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

also, an  open concept floor plan suitable for entertaining, also a his and hers closet and a soak in tub with jets for relaxing. 

 

your budget is $950,000 and willing to spend more if its the right house

Edited by MNLonghornFUKM

25 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

Been there.  Schedule a meeting with a local realtor and let her explain her vision...and record it.

31 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

also, an  open concept floor plan suitable for entertaining, also a his and hers closet and a soak in tub with jets for relaxing. 

 

your budget is $950,000 and willing to spend more if its the right house

My wife was watching this episode.  He is a part time watch repair man and she volunteers at the local animal shelter.

2 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

I bet the dept chair in charge of molecular biology was a happy man when your wife was in school.

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.
She's culturing the samples, asshole
My wife was watching this episode.  He is a part time watch repair man and she volunteers at the local animal shelter.
That's every episode.
4 hours ago, elfenix said:
7 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:
File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

Read more  

She's culturing the samples, asshole

And he gets to sample the cultures. 

8 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

File under annoying shit your wife does:

If you come over to my house and want to make a sandwich, chances are you will find the ziplock deli meat and cheese bags are not sealed.

How fucking hard is it to close them correctly? For fuck’s sake you have a masters in molecular biology.

Absent mindedness at its finest (worst).  

You fucked up her jeep on a dude's weekend and she stayed with you.....you are not allowed to bitch about her  ever again. Shaggy Bevo out front should have told you.
Yea we are passed that. One fuck up.
2 hours ago, markstanco said:
On August 11, 2018 at 1:34 AM, burntorangebongos said:
 

Yea we are passed that. One fuck up.

Was that before or after the $1,000 dog purchase?

Edited by WhatTheBuck

18 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So we will be moving to a new state soon. Her must haves in a house are:

On some land, like an acre or two. 

Not have to drive much/no traffic. 

So way out of town but close in.

and she’s looking around as if she expects to find something. 

Sounds like my house. You should buy it from me.

9 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Was that before or after the $1,000 dog purchase?

ha! Before.  And took that dog back the week after we bought it, had some rare disease. 

Cotex "This ribeye roast is going to be excellent.  It's in the oven broiling.  When the timer goes off, roll it over and broil it on the other side for 10.  Then switch over to bake at 450.  After 30 minutes take its temperature.  135-140 it comes out.  Set it in the lower oven and let it rest.  I'll be home after soccer practice and we'll have dinner together."

Mrs. Cotex "Got it."  "Should I move it to a lower rack?"

Cotex "No, when you switch to bake you'll want it on a top rack."

...

Cotex at soccer practice "run you slackers, we're never going to win anything this way, I've got steak waiting for me at home."

...

Cotex entering his garage with daughter "Wow, I can smell it all the way out here.  It smells awesome."

Cotex daughter "it smells good."

...

Mrs. Cotex "I forgot to turn off the broiler, but I think I saved it.  It's 165."  "My mom says we can make au jus so it won't be so dry."

Mrs. Cotex "it's like those burnt ends we like so much."

Just another day living the dream.

You started her off with some horrible instructions and you expected her to improve them?

I’m not sure what you expected to happen here, but this outcome seems pretty damn predictable. 

You all can fuck right off.

my ribeye roasts are tip top when my instructions are followed.  Right between rare and medium rare.

when they get broiled for 50 minutes they fuckup.

19 minutes ago, CoTex said:

You all can fuck right off.

my ribeye roasts are tip top when my instructions are followed.  Right between rare and medium rare.

when they get broiled for 50 minutes they fuckup.

Husbands and the stupid shit they think their wives can do.

Sorry, that's on you for leaving her with that hunk of meat and expecting her to follow multi-step direction.  

I would never, ever, ever, ever leave my wife with cooking directions more complicated than, "Stir occasionally."

1 hour ago, CoTex said:

You all can fuck right off.

my ribeye roasts are tip top when my instructions are followed.  Right between rare and medium rare.

when they get broiled for 50 minutes they fuckup.

lol_idi_amin.gif

 

Yeah.  You did the equivalent of leaving a three year old alone in a room with plain white walls and a bucket full of markers, with the instruction of "don't color anything."

WTF did you think was gonna happen?

As soon as any of us read the first two lines of your post, we knew EXACTLY what the ending was gonna be.  You should have known that, too.

Anytime I'm doing anything like that, I text my daughter when the oven needs to be turned off, roast needs to be rotated, etc., and tell her to do it right then.  That works so much better than leaving instructions with my wife.

As soon as I saw "Okay do such and such with this while I'm gone" I knew you done goofed. 

I do something like that every now and then just so I can get a blowjob later after she fucks it up. Totally worth the price of a roast.

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