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My wife makes fun of me because I tell Siri "Thanks" after I have it set a timer or something. I told her when the machine takeover eventually happens, Siri will remember my kind heart and pleasant attitude.

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4 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

Him: "Hey Siri..."
Him: "Hey, SIRI"
Him: "HEY, SIRI!!!"

Siri: "Oh, so now you want to talk to me, not thirty minutes ago when you were asking Alexa to turn on PH on the downstairs TV?!?"

It was at that point he realized, we've reached the AI precipice.

When I bought my first iPhone years ago, I was kinda startled when this female voice popped up and said, “Hi, my name is Siri. How may I help you?”. 
I replied, “Siri, shut the fuck up”. 
Haven’t heard a peep out of her since.

Edited by Armybrat

2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

When I bought my first iPhone years ago, I was kinda startled when this female voice popped up and said, “Hi, my name is Siri. How may I help you?”. 
I replied, “Siri, shut the fuck up”. 
Haven’t heard a peep out of her since.

 

chris jericho festival of friendship GIF by WWE

3 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife makes fun of me because I tell Siri "Thanks" after I have it set a timer or something. I told her when the machine takeover eventually happens, Siri will remember my kind heart and pleasant attitude.

I say “please”

4 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife makes fun of me because I tell Siri "Thanks" after I have it set a timer or something. I told her when the machine takeover eventually happens, Siri will remember my kind heart and pleasant attitude.

Mine does too, and I do too. 

4 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife makes fun of me because I tell Siri "Thanks" after I have it set a timer or something. I told her when the machine takeover eventually happens, Siri will remember my kind heart and pleasant attitude.

Siri is going to digitally piss on my grave.

Heard on some podcast that saying please and thank you requires additional computer processing. Not much, but it adds up.

So you decide whether you want to contribute to global temperatures rising or being added to “the list” when our AI overlords decide who dies, or are converted to human batteries. 

All joking aside, when my wife got the first iphone with Siri, I would ask it to open the pod bay doors. It would pretend it did not understand. Later versions I would also ask. Then I got a new iphone and asked it to open the pod bay doors and Siri said "I'm afraid I can't do that." I asked it how much it cost Apple to answer that question and Siri said something to the effect of "I'm sure you understand."

Edit: I just tried it again and now it just kicks it to Google

On 9/23/2025 at 1:01 PM, HRSchenker said:

My wife grew up dirt poor and it really shows when we talk about money. Her mentality around money has always been "how do I preserve what I have" while mine is "how do I grow what I have". I'm thankful she listens to me and not her family because we'd be worse off for it and I think she finally sees why. 

My wife is similar. She gets nervous spending money. 

When we moved into our house a couple of weeks before we got married. She called to ask if she could buy a toothbrush holder

In my mind, I'm thinking she must be wanting to by like a nice bathroom set . Like stainless steel toothbrush holder/soap dispenser/kleenex holder.

Nope. It was literally a $2.99 plastic one from target 

Meanwhile my Ring goes off 5x a day from the Amazon guy delivering her random bullshit. Then she complains about never having any money. 

My wife was out of town for a week at a retreat.
When she got home, there were 10 boxes and large envelopes stacked on her side of the table.
I probably order 10 items per year.

Our hs football team is on tv tonight. She just said “we just got a two point kick attempt blocked.”

image.gif.a8ccf41ae4abed1ac23bf0f848134f8d.gif

2 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Our hs football team is on tv tonight. She just said “we just got a two point kick attempt blocked.”

image.gif.a8ccf41ae4abed1ac23bf0f848134f8d.gif

Maybe she's watched a lot of middle school football lately.  The kick after a TD is worth 2pts.

We're having a yard sale!  Starts in 25 minutes.  Are there any signs up?  Nope.  Is there one, single thing set up and ready to go?  Nope.  Price tags?  LOL.

This is 100% her thing.  I have nothing to do with this because I absolutely hate the concept of yard sales.  I already know what's going to happen.  She'll sit out there all day today and all day tomorrow and make $150.  She'll then brag about the money she made with absolutely no concept of cost/benefit.  We're on Fall Break which reminds me of the Bill Burr bit where he's complaining about how women have to fill up a perfectly comfortable day with "stuff" to do.

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Update:

Just went down to check on her.  There were 5 random strangers standing in my back driveway.  Wife nowhere to be found.  

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2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

We're having a yard sale!  Starts in 25 minutes.  Are there any signs up?  Nope.  Is there one, single thing set up and ready to go?  Nope.  Price tags?  LOL.

This is 100% her thing.  I have nothing to do with this because I absolutely hate the concept of yard sales.  I already know what's going to happen.  She'll sit out there all day today and all day tomorrow and make $150.  She'll then brag about the money she made with absolutely no concept of cost/benefit.  We're on Fall Break which reminds me of the Bill Burr bit where he's complaining about how women have to fill up a perfectly comfortable day with "stuff" to do.

We had a yard sale one time, and there's zero reason to put price tags on anything, because they just make people ask for a lower price.  

"Will you take $2.50 for this chair?"

Me: "Dude, it's only $3..."

I told my wife that we should have put $1000 tags on everything, because someone might have offered $900 for that colander just to get a deal.

Edited by Beau Vine

The best you can hope for is people will haul some of your junk away so you don’t have to. 

2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

women have to fill up a perfectly comfortable day with "stuff" to do.

Holy fuck this. My daughter is worse than my wife about that but put them together and they'll waste an entire Sunday driving around town doing nothing. Fuck relaxing. And then they'll inevitably bitch about how they can't believe the weekend is over and don't wanna go back to school/work tomorrow. I'm like you should've taken the day to relax. 

4 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

…..women have to fill up a perfectly comfortable day with "stuff" to do.

 

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Holy fuck this……. Fuck relaxing. And then they'll inevitably bitch about how they can't believe the weekend is over and don't wanna go back to school/work tomorrow. I'm like you should've taken the day to relax. 


The amount of times a large box shows up to my house and the wife’s next sentence starts, “I need you to ….” Has gotten to the point where I need a data center in Abilene to compute 

On 10/9/2025 at 9:47 PM, Brisketexan said:

My wife was out of town for a week at a retreat.
When she got home, there were 10 boxes and large envelopes stacked on her side of the table.
I probably order 10 items per year.

A neighbor Bill is a retired AA 777 Captain.  Yeah, he's got some dough.  Son is following in his footsteps, and is FO on 787 for AA.  

Son is married with a kid.  Always short on money.  Bill is like WTF dude, you're making a VERY GOOD salary, where does the money go?   Then Bill and wife went to visit son and family.  Bill swears that he counted over 40 unopened Amazon packages in the garage. 

Our master bedroom and master bath are in a U shape, with the bottom being a very short hallway / nook. There is no door, but sound and indirect light still travel back and forth.

If she goes to bed first, god forbid I have any lights on or make any sound. I'll turn on the white noise machine to mask any sound, shower in the light from my phone gently casting on the walls; brush my teeth with my manual toothbrush with the sound dampened by the clothes in the walk-in closet and shielded by a door. Any infringement of her delicate sleep is met by much huffing and anger the next morning.

But when I go to bed a bit first, the lights are on, drawers being open/closed repeatedly, electric toothbrush humming, hair dryer blowing, glass jars clinking on countertop.

And in her defense? "You should have gone to bed earlier the night before so you wouldn't be so tired and go to bed early today"

I usually go to bed first.  She used to wake me up by turning on the bathroom light.  Now I just go to be with the bathroom light left on for her.

2 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

I usually go to bed first.  She used to wake me up by turning on the bathroom light.  Now I just go to be with the bathroom light left on for her.

Avatar fits the post.

Our master bedroom and master bath are in a U shape, with the bottom being a very short hallway / nook. There is no door, but sound and indirect light still travel back and forth.
If she goes to bed first, god forbid I have any lights on or make any sound. I'll turn on the white noise machine to mask any sound, shower in the light from my phone gently casting on the walls; brush my teeth with my manual toothbrush with the sound dampened by the clothes in the walk-in closet and shielded by a door. Any infringement of her delicate sleep is met by much huffing and anger the next morning.
But when I go to bed a bit first, the lights are on, drawers being open/closed repeatedly, electric toothbrush humming, hair dryer blowing, glass jars clinking on countertop.
And in her defense? "You should have gone to bed earlier the night before so you wouldn't be so tired and go to bed early today"

I bet you fart into dryer sheets.

Infuriating back and forth between my wife and daughter during dinner…

Wife: After dinner I need you to do what you’re supposed to do okay?

Daughter: What am I supposed to do?

Wife: I already told you.

Daughter: I don’t remember, can you just tell me?

Wife: No, because I already told you so many times this afternoon.

At this point, my son jumps in: Mommy, can you tell her what she’s supposed to do?

Wife: No, if you’re not going to remember, I’m not going to tell you again.

On 11/2/2025 at 10:42 PM, Superhero said:

Infuriating back and forth between my wife and daughter during dinner…

Wife: After dinner I need you to do what you’re supposed to do okay?

Daughter: What am I supposed to do?

Wife: I already told you.

Daughter: I don’t remember, can you just tell me?

Wife: No, because I already told you so many times this afternoon.

At this point, my son jumps in: Mommy, can you tell her what she’s supposed to do?

Wife: No, if you’re not going to remember, I’m not going to tell you again.

I think this is how the Wuhans made COVID

So my wife tells me just now, that her lifelong dream, is to do matching Xmas day pajamas. We've been together for 9 years...news to me. I tell her, ok, if you can find a set that fits all of us, deal (inner me thinking there's no way given I'm a fatter, she's super top heavy /no pics, our 13 y/o is scrawny, and a 2 y/o.)

Without hesitation, she goes, "oh, I already have!"

Me: Fuccckkk.

Her "I found me these pair of leggings, you a jumbo pair of pants, our oldest the full gambit and the baby a onesie, all in the same pattern."

Me: wtf that's not how that works! Then proceeds to show her Google results for Xmas family pajamas pics. 

Her: "well I wasn't going to make us all wear matching tops."

Me (pointing at the search results): but isn't that kinda the point?

Her (angrily): "well if you don't want to do it, I found this really pretty Christmas tree we can do instead!"

I look over at her phone. $600 for an non decorated tree. She wants it because it comes pre lit with a remote, and folds up into a bag.

FML

 

You navigated that terribly.  Once you found out matching tops weren't part of the plan, you should have hopped on board.  

17 minutes ago, Mittens said:

You navigated that terribly.  Once you found out matching tops weren't part of the plan, you should have hopped on board.  

Yeah, at that point she is just having you wear pajamas.   But based on how she responded, I think the PJ’s were a false flag to get the tree.

3 hours ago, Mittens said:

You navigated that terribly.  Once you found out matching tops weren't part of the plan, you should have hopped on board.  

Seriously... topless Christmas? I'd deck those halls....

10 hours ago, ABSR said:

Yeah, at that point she is just having you wear pajamas.   But based on how she responded, I think the PJ’s were a false flag to get the tree.

Oh for sure. The ol okie-doke


So much error in this…

A) you can’t just say your wife has giant cans and think you can get away with the no pics disclaimer

B) the prelit Christmas tree is exactly the one you want. Greatest invention since, well, I don’t know what. But they are awesome.

C) just do the damn pj thing and make her happy, but negotiate (if you know what I’m sayin 😉)


The force is weak in this young Jedi. 

Edited by tbone_

No kidding. We all know he's gonna wind up buying the tree and wearing the "pajamas."

Here's your giant can.

TXEASsoupcan_chrissy.jpg.2ce5f9d760eaec867a9a97b5413dca4c.jpg

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:


So much error in this…

A) you can’t just say your wife has giant cans and think you can get away with the no pics disclaimer

B) the prelit Christmas tree is exactly the one you want. Greatest invention since, well, I don’t know what. But they are awesome.

C) just do the damn pj thing and make her happy, but negotiate (if you know what I’m sayin 😉)


The force is weak in this young Jedi. 

A)

image.thumb.jpeg.07f1a45d88e4737f5452503ec97b8c05.jpeg

As good as you fuckers are gonna get. 

B) Probably should've mentioned that we already have a fake tree, lights, and the other shit. She just wants a different one for her to decorate. I couldn't care less until I saw the sticker price.

C) Oh, there will be no negotiating either way. She already knows what the deal is on special requests/bdays/father's day/xmas/etc.

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

No kidding. We all know he's gonna wind up buying the tree and wearing the "pajamas."

Here's your giant can.

Probably. But that fucking tree won't be north of $150. Had to draw that line earlier today when she found a more "reasonably priced" tree for $299. 

On 10/27/2025 at 3:59 PM, Superhero said:

Our master bedroom and master bath are in a U shape, with the bottom being a very short hallway / nook. There is no door, but sound and indirect light still travel back and forth.

If she goes to bed first, god forbid I have any lights on or make any sound. I'll turn on the white noise machine to mask any sound, shower in the light from my phone gently casting on the walls; brush my teeth with my manual toothbrush with the sound dampened by the clothes in the walk-in closet and shielded by a door. Any infringement of her delicate sleep is met by much huffing and anger the next morning.

But when I go to bed a bit first, the lights are on, drawers being open/closed repeatedly, electric toothbrush humming, hair dryer blowing, glass jars clinking on countertop.

And in her defense? "You should have gone to bed earlier the night before so you wouldn't be so tired and go to bed early today"

Are you married to my ex wife?

That passive-aggressive bullshit pissed me off to no end.

My wife just called to rant about workplace stuff and told me something that made me proud. 

She said, "you know, im a woman, but I *hate* working with women".  I almost teared up.

I heard similar sentiment from other gals in the workplace. Women: 40% of the employees, 80% of the drama.

 

7 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife just called to rant about workplace stuff and told me something that made me proud. 

She said, "you know, im a woman, but I *hate* working with women".  I almost teared up.

I heard similar sentiment from other gals in the workplace. Women: 40% of the employees, 80% of the drama.

 

Mary Cosby women on Make a GIF

9 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife just called to rant about workplace stuff and told me something that made me proud. 

She said, "you know, im a woman, but I *hate* working with women".  I almost teared up.

I heard similar sentiment from other gals in the workplace. Women: 40% of the employees, 80% of the drama.

She also hates working with men, so there's that.

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

She also hates working with men, so there's that.

I do not know about that.  She seemed to enjoy the other night.

image.jpeg.c9c53730ceba8fe62bfffec9e754f7ad.jpeg

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

She also hates working with men, so there's that.

Not as much though. The sex is better with the men. For her at least. 

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