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Tells people we will meet them around 5pm. Doesn't know how far away meeting spot is or what time we will leave. It's 175-200 miles, depending on routing. And of course departure time is wholly dependent on when she will be ready.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Car has dual-zone climate control.

Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 

And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.

 

 

bitch you got your own temperature dial!

Told her I was going to take off work Friday, get up really early, and watch the ryder cup. I explained what the ryder cup is. Reminded her again yesterday. Again we talked about the rider cup, and how it's the US vs. Europe.

She walks in the living room this morning as I'm telling Fleetwood to go fuck himself.

She says "Is he the one from England? I like his accent."

I say something about him needing to shove his stupid ass English accent up his stupid ass.

She says "Why do you only root for US golfers. Its not like there's a team of US golfers out there."

I just stare at her, she looks up as the screen is changing to show the graphic with the US and EU flags, then it hits her. "You're going to put this on that angry bevo thing aren't you?"

God damn right.

Is an Angry Bevo like an angry dolphin, except much more painful because of the horns?

2 hours ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

Told her I was going to take off work Friday, get up really early, and watch the ryder cup. I explained what the ryder cup is. Reminded her again yesterday. Again we talked about the rider cup, and how it's the US vs. Europe.

She walks in the living room this morning as I'm telling Fleetwood to go fuck himself.

She says "Is he the one from England? I like his accent."

I say something about him needing to shove his stupid ass English accent up his stupid ass.

She says "Why do you only root for US golfers. Its not like there's a team of US golfers out there."

I just stare at her, she looks up as the screen is changing to show the graphic with the US and EU flags, then it hits her. "You're going to put this on that angry bevo thing aren't you?"

God damn right.

You could try extracting a price for your internet silence on the incident.

Car has dual-zone climate control.
Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 
And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.
 
 
bitch you got your own temperature dial!
Dont call my wife a bitch you asshole
17 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

yall guys want to talk about addresses some more?

I'd rather talk about dishwashers being wired up to a switch. 

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Car has dual-zone climate control.

Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 

And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.

 

 

bitch you got your own temperature dial!

Dude, they don't actually set the temp, they just turn the fan up and down and whatever happens happens.

17 hours ago, Texaus said:

Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

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This is in my refrigerator. The seal is broken and I have no idea what it could have been used for. 22551f96e98464d6d3b3f01e57564b0c.jpg

8 minutes ago, DaysOff said:

This is in my refrigerator. The seal is broken and I have no idea what it could have been used for. 22551f96e98464d6d3b3f01e57564b0c.jpg

Gonna have some awesome brisket made in your Instapot.  

22 minutes ago, DaysOff said:

This is in my refrigerator. The seal is broken and I have no idea what it could have been used for. 22551f96e98464d6d3b3f01e57564b0c.jpg

Maybe she took up vaping but doesn’t understand it yet

27 minutes ago, G650 said:

Dude, they don't actually set the temp, they just turn the fan up and down and whatever happens happens.

My mom also does that at home with the thermostat.  No concept of range control.  Just manually setting the system off and on, and then clicking on the temperature until she hears central air kicks in.

 

So I bought her an ecobee , 2 Christmas ago.   She called me last week and asked "that temperature thing you got us is still in the box...do you want it back?"

Better hope it aint one of these....
41pGhvY3y-L._SR600,315_PIWhiteStrip,BottomLeft,0,35_PIAmznPrime,BottomLeft,0,-5_PIStarRatingTHREEANDHALF,BottomLeft,360,-6_SR600,315_ZA(77%20Reviews),445,291,400,400,arial,12,4,0,0,5_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
Broke a key off in one of these before, bolt cutters made short work of it.
Lulz, angle grinder with a cutoff wheel take care of thos in 30 seconds.
Car has dual-zone climate control.
Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 
And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.
 
 
bitch you got your own temperature dial!

tumblr_mfejdlMxRK1qejlczo1_500.gif
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So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

38 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

and after those concerts, fairs and stuff those pee infested hands touched your weiner

49 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

This can't be real. Holy shit.

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

Leader in the clubhouse for Surly
and after those concerts, fairs and stuff those pee infested hands touched your weiner

No, no they don't. this is still the wives thread.

 

Yeah, I'm not sure if that would be an ideal situation or a less than ideal one. But this is the wives thread, so it's not like I have much to worry about.

2 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

76bfd07285f472588eab7fb97ecc68cc--baseba

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...


efb823b9b07d7a457010cc470a3d5923.gif
Is an Angry Bevo like an angry dolphin, except much more painful because of the horns?
It's the same, only you shit on the Nebraska logo after taking it in the ass for 3.5 hours.

I guess she thought the urinal cakes were wireless phone chargers?

I find half my brain having a hard time believing its possible someone could do that.

The other half is screaming WIVES thread.  

Amazing, scary, hilarious, maddening all in one short paragraph.

Urine is sterile and according to South Park you should actually wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.

We have a 10 and 7 year old, both boys. Mrs stanco invited 3 other 9/10 year olds and 2 more 7s.

That is 7 boys running around in my house.

I'm not a lawyer, but I believe you're legally allow to kill one of them, but no more than one.

28 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I'm not a lawyer, but I believe you're legally allow to kill one of them, but no more than one.

There are also precedents for cases being dismissed under circumstances where appliances, vehicles or hardwood floors are damaged.

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.

On 9/28/2018 at 7:21 PM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

Between this and Pedo State just losing I don't think I've laughed this hard in 5 years.

  • Author

Is anyone else's wife just fucking terrible at picking up food to-go?  Either she gets it from a drive-thru then never checks the damn bag, but then never checks that the order is right (stupid teens always getting it wrong).  OR she goes in to pick it up (Hutchins BBQ) and never asks for things that we always get (delicious pickles and BBQ sauce).

7 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

Is anyone else's wife just fucking terrible at picking up food to-go?  Either she gets it from a drive-thru then never checks the damn bag, but then never checks that the order is right (stupid teens always getting it wrong).  OR she goes in to pick it up (Hutchins BBQ) and never asks for things that we always get (delicious pickles and BBQ sauce).

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

  • Author
23 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

Edited by Spur08

22 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

Agreed. This is on you.

12 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you.

I assume based on your post this is very regular fuckup by her,   so its happened more than twice..... hence  you KNOW shes gonna fuck it up, yet you continue to send her to pickup food with either bad instructions or no instructions at all.... and you get pissed when she continues to prove she's incapable of being a reliable food runner.  

  • Author
1 minute ago, AUS-97HORN said:

fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you.

I assume based on your post this is very regular fuckup by her,   so its happened more than twice..... hence  you KNOW shes gonna fuck it up, yet you continue to send her to pickup food with either bad instructions or no instructions at all.... and you get pissed when she continues to prove she's incapable of being a reliable food runner.  

What can I say?  I would figure BBQ sauce and pickles are understood.  And, God forbid, I choose to spend time with the baby the hr before she goes to bed.  Life choices suck...but I can still bitch.....for now.

The trick to marriage is learning how to not waste energy being frustrated that things aren’t different than they actually are, but rather in learning how to deal with what is.

 

[emoji41]

 

What can I say?  I would figure BBQ sauce and pickles are understood.  And, God forbid, I choose to spend time with the baby the hr before she goes to bed.  Life choices suck...but I can still bitch.....for now.


Not only a wife but with new mom brain? Haha haha haha.
  • Author


Not only a wife but with new mom brain? Haha haha haha.
15 months. That period has passed
Where do I send my $9.95?

Username checks out.
17 hours ago, Kyle said:

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.

Anal or regular?

Yeah, I get the thread title ... But don't want to start a new thread. Last night she asked me to slip it in the back yard.
She's been asking us that for years.
3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Anal or regular?

Ford Fairlane Booty Time GIF - FordFairlane BootyTime Ass GIFs

On 9/28/2018 at 2:54 PM, MrPhlegm said:

Lulz, angle grinder with a cutoff wheel take care of thos in 30 seconds.

tenor.gif?itemid=5012096

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