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#3501
4 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Could this be a story on the new site as well?  I haven't heard it.

We did a stint in Massachusetts a few years ago. Lived in the suburbs outside of Boston and my wife commuted to her legal job at MIT on the train. The train only ran every 20-30 minutes, so being on time to the station was a big deal for her each morning. 

(I was a stay at home dad and ran my business in Houston from our house in Mass and did a lot of commuting back and forth on Continental Airlines back in those days)

One day for whatever reason I was digging around in my wife's car looking for something and found a note in the glovebox that said, "You ran off and got on the train and left your car running. I turned it off and locked it and took the keys to the police station."

Showed it to my wife and it turned out it had happened more than two months earlier. She pulled into the station one day as the train was loading and in her haste she just jumped out of the car and ran to the train so she wouldn't be late to work. She was too embarrassed (or lazy) to go to the police station and claim her keys and had just been driving her car with the valet key. 

I doubt she would have ever gone and picked them up if I hadn't made her do it once I found that note. 

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  • Popular Post
#3505

Watching the end of The Martian with Matt Damon being stranded on Mars and wife asks “is this a true story?”

#3506
42 minutes ago, HouTex said:

Watching the end of The Martian with Matt Damon being stranded on Mars and wife asks “is this a true story?”

got dayum. she must hump like a rabbit, tho.

#3507
1 hour ago, HouTex said:

Watching the end of The Martian with Matt Damon being stranded on Mars and wife asks “is this a true story?”

Of course it is.  Just wish they'd shown the part where they recovered Clooney floating around in space on the return trip.  

#3508
3 hours ago, G650 said:

Buy a stove you fucking neanderthals.

Because the Neanderthals were known for cooking with microwaves and not direct heat like, say, over a fire. 

#3509
1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Because the Neanderthals were known for cooking with microwaves and not direct heat like, say, over a fire. 

Fine, buy a stove you middle class shitheads.

#3512

You gonna bring something into our house that's gonna take all the nutrition out of our food then light our house on fire.  Thank God for me.  Fuck your science oven.

Edited by PatrickMcHorn

#3513
1 hour ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

You gonna bring something into our house that's gonna take all the nutrition out of our food then light our house on fire.  Thank God for me.  Fuck your science oven.

Wait, is this the new anti-vaxx, flat-earth thing? 

#3514
7 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait, is this the new anti-vaxx, flat-earth thing? 

Apparently at least some people think that “waves” make it dangerous.  Like it’s radiation that’s doing the heating. 

#3515
22 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait, is this the new anti-vaxx, flat-earth thing? 

 

13 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Apparently at least some people think that “waves” make it dangerous.  Like it’s radiation that’s doing the heating. 

 

#3516
39 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait, is this the new anti-vaxx, flat-earth thing? 

 

30 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Apparently at least some people think that “waves” make it dangerous.  Like it’s radiation that’s doing the heating. 

 

It's because they make the food taste like shit.

 

#3518
29 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

G650 had the same stupid spaz attack on the last site about microwaves where nobody sided with him and we all think hes weird. Nothings changed here

Pretty much.

#3519
59 minutes ago, G650 said:

It's because they make the food taste like shit

Is there a chance you don't own a microwave and don't know how they work?

#3521
5 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Is there a chance you don't own a microwave and don't know how they work?

 

Dude, we dont need to derail this thread for 10 pages again. Just go look at the the other site. 

 

5 minutes ago, miguelito said:

Hoooooot pocket!

Let's see a stove cook one of them sumbitches.

Yeah, precisely. 

#3522
10 minutes ago, miguelito said:

Hoooooot pocket!

Let's see a stove cook one of them sumbitches.

Truth. How else would you get the perfect mixture of Lava/Iceberg. 

#3523

Fuel pump finally failed (or is failing) in my wife's car. For the last 3 years I've been telling her to stop driving the car to the point where mileage until empty is in the single digits. I want to feel vindicated but now I have to fix it. I should just get a Tesla. 

#3525
8 hours ago, G650 said:

Dude, we dont need to derail this thread for 10 pages again. Just go look at the the other site. 

Got it. You don't own a microwave, don't know how they work, and think there are actually people who own only a microwave and not a regular oven/stove. 

#3527
11 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm unsure how that post relates to microwaves

Teslas do the same thing as a microwave if you put a foil pan in them.

#3528
5 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Got it. You don't own a microwave, don't know how they work, and think there are actually people who own only a microwave and not a regular oven/stove. 

Nailed it.

#3530
On 11/13/2018 at 9:48 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

my wife likes to reheat coffee in the microwave and then walk away and forget about it. After it got cold because she walked away and forgot about it after drinking half a cup. 

Same here, but put it on repeat.  

#3532
15 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm unsure how that post relates to microwaves

Microwaves and the stupid shit they don't/can't cook.

#3534

My wife is painting the kitchen today in advance of us hosting family Thanksgiving, which in and of itself is stupid enough, but please stand by for future entries.

Edited by UTEX90

#3535
4 minutes ago, UTEX90 said:

My wife is painting the kitchen today in advance of us hosting family Thanksgiving, which in and of itself is stupid enough, but please stand by for future entries.

This gonna be good!

#3537

Wife (yeah now I'm a bona fide contributor) and I are honeymooning in a few weeks.

Few months ago she begged me to book a parasailing trip for while we are in Key West.

Last night we are watching parasailing footage on YouTube and she gets this terrified look and asks "wait, we have to go up in the air???"

She's afraid of heights. Won't drive over ship channel bridges and has to take xanax to get on a plane.

Had to remind her that even if the tow boat engine stops the worst that could happen is that we gently land in the water.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

#3541
10 minutes ago, RoundRobin said:

Or be eaten by sharks. 

 

9 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

and don't mention the sharks.

Laminate one of these just in case. She can keep it on her person.

image.png

 

#3542
Wife (yeah now I'm a bona fide contributor) and I are honeymooning in a few weeks.

Few months ago she begged me to book a parasailing trip for while we are in Key West.

Last night we are watching parasailing footage on YouTube and she gets this terrified look and asks "wait, we have to go up in the air???"

She's afraid of heights. Won't drive over ship channel bridges and has to take xanax to get on a plane.

Had to remind her that even if the tow boat engine stops the worst that could happen is that we gently land in the water.




Does she also have a thunder blanket when it storms?
#3543
My wife is painting the kitchen today in advance of us hosting family Thanksgiving, which in and of itself is stupid enough, but please stand by for future entries.
Good god.
#3544
1 hour ago, Telegraph_it said:

 

Laminate one of these just in case. She can keep it on her person.

image.png

 

"Yeah, you're fucked" fin:

A+NORTHERN+JEFF+FRIEDMAN.jpg

#3545
3 hours ago, UTEX90 said:

My wife is painting the kitchen today in advance of us hosting family Thanksgiving, which in and of itself is stupid enough, but please stand by for future entries.

tenor.gif

#3546
4 hours ago, UTEX90 said:

My wife is painting the kitchen today in advance of us hosting family Thanksgiving, which in and of itself is stupid enough, but please stand by for future entries.

congratulations on your new appliances

#3547
3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Wife (yeah now I'm a bona fide contributor) and I are honeymooning in a few weeks.

Few months ago she begged me to book a parasailing trip for while we are in Key West.

Last night we are watching parasailing footage on YouTube and she gets this terrified look and asks "wait, we have to go up in the air???"

She's afraid of heights. Won't drive over ship channel bridges and has to take xanax to get on a plane.

Had to remind her that even if the tow boat engine stops the worst that could happen is that we gently land in the water.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 

need her to rewatch the 3rd (?) Jurasic Park movie with the parasailing scene at the beginning.

#3548

Friday morning wife is headed to Austin from Houston area to visit a friend. She was leaving at 8am. She took her mom’s car (newer and more reliable than mine and I need her’s because of car seats).

I get a call at 8:24 that goes like this:

Her: I’ve done a bad thing. Don’t get mad.
Me: What?
Her: (getting upset, but obviously driving) I don’t know how it happened and I think it’s really bad.
Me: What is it?
Her: I got in a wreck. In my mom’s car. I hit our neighbor’s new mailbox.
Me: (long pause) That’s it? Where are you? Her: (said wherever on her way, seemed a lot farther than she should have been) [she went on how only daughter was home and left msg with neighbors wife and I would have to deal with this over the weekend]
Me: What happened?
Her: Don’t get mad I’m already upset.
Me: I’m not mad, I’m asking what happened.


Somehow she’s in the car in front of our house and starts entering her cousin’s new address into Waze. The car is rolling and she doesn’t realize it. When she does, car is either hitting the curb or hitting the mailbox. I couldn’t tell if the car was really in park or not. It’s an Acura MDX.

My BIL who is very detailed was driving that car once and got out (also in front of my house). The car started rolling away and almost ran him over. He swore up and down it was in park. He hates the car. And I’m pretty sure it’s rolled after FIL has claimed to put it in park.

So we discussed it, I got her to calm down before she continued her drive and she made it.

Mailbox wasn’t that bad. I bent it back in place. Neighbor will probably want to replace it, and that’s fine.

MIL laughed when wife called to tell her.

#3549
On 11/15/2018 at 8:26 AM, HouTex said:

Watching the end of The Martian with Matt Damon being stranded on Mars and wife asks “is this a true story?”

Torbush.  Man, well done.

#3550

Could be 25% technologie's fault but... heading to Austin for the game.  Traffic jam in Waco.  Alt route suggested on phone.  Wife is all "turn here, no left, straight".  We ended up - literally - in the middle of Baylor's campus during a game.

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