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Calls me at work, 11:20 AM.

Me: I'm trying to get some things out before lunch.

Her: Why don't you want new carpets in the house?

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1 hour ago, miguelito said:

Calls me at work, 11:20 AM.

Me: I'm trying to get some things out before lunch.

Her: Why don't you want new carpets in the house?

Yikes. 4 day weekend coming up, right? LET'S MAKE A DECISION RIGHT NOW WHILE I'M AT WORK.

I thought he'd be getting the BJ's from her mom now that she'll be able to take out her teeth.

Calls me at work, 11:20 AM.
Me: I'm trying to get some things out before lunch.
Her: Why don't you want new carpets in the house?
So... why don't you? Your carpet is disgusting btw
And it gives her carpet burns..
That's what she told me, too.
  • Popular Post

So close. 1051eb73805245f95cbc58c142ba82ae.jpg

8 hours ago, miguelito said:

Calls me at work, 11:20 AM.

Me: I'm trying to get some things out before lunch.

Her: Why don't you want new carpets in the house?

You insensitive bastard.

What's the third tiny trash can in the middle? Is there something beyond just trash and recycling?

17 minutes ago, BearMace said:

What's the third tiny trash can in the middle? Is there something beyond just trash and recycling?

Grass clippings/brush 

6 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Grass clippings/brush 

I'm ashamed that somehow escaped me as a possibility. Carry on.

5 minutes ago, LebongJames said:

^ That might be The whitest thing on the internet 

I’d tell her it was recalled with all the other ground turkey. 

689f62f1650d11b35890050cf1790cbf.jpg

Damn. This could belong in at least 8 other threads...

 

Pics that make you lol

Pics that make you say holy shit

Vics food thread

Divorce thread

This one

Bitch about family holidays

Thats just wrong nsfw

Things that make you surly

2010 texas longhorn season predictions

 

The tiny one is the trash, green is yard clippings, blue recycling.

What's the third tiny trash can in the middle? Is there something beyond just trash and recycling?
10 minutes ago, Nuge said:

The tiny one is the trash, green is yard clippings, blue recycling.

In my hood the morons who decide these things made recycling gray, trash green, and yard blue. As if colors don't have any meaning.

26 minutes ago, Llogg said:

In my hood the morons who decide these things made recycling gray, trash green, and yard blue. As if colors don't have any meaning.

I work in O&G; colors on graphs and presentations are always: oil-green, gas-red, water-blue. I get ragey when someone is too lazy to change the Excel/PPT default colors and ruins the ability to quickly look at a graph and know what is going on. 

 

This might belong in the Trivial thread

I built a bench for the kitchen that she's been wanting, even though we HAD to have a tall table and chairs 4 years ago, even though she knew she wanted this long ago.  Anyway, I digress

I hate painting, so I told her I'd build it over vacation time if she would paint it.  We went to the store because she "doesn't know what kind of paint or nail filler to get", cool

Me:  I'll go get the filler, you choose the colors you want
Her:  Okay, what color should I get
Me:  I don't care, I'm color blind, just make it match the kitchen

She goes off to get paint colors

I put the filler in the basket

Her:  Did you get the right stuff?
Me (trying to laugh and make light through an idiotic question):  No, I got the wrong stuff.  
Her:  Why do you have to be like that?
Me:  I'm going to look at some stuff up front...

Seriously, what the fuck other answer does that deserve?  A simple yes?  Why on earth would that question be asked.  I mean, it's not like she has any clue what is the right stuff or the wrong stuff.

Funnier story:
We got back home, I bought it in a tube to be easy to apply and since we didn't need a full canister.  She tried to put the small tube in a caulk gun, it was freaking hilarious when she called me downstairs because it wouldn't work.

Edited by uoftorange

At least she knows what a caulk gun is

4 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

At least she knows what a caulk gun is

Doesn't sound like it actually 

16 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

very telling she was familiar with small caulk

Technically she wasn't used to small caulk...

You know what? I better check because I wasn’t thinking that maybe I could grab the wrong stuff.  They probably have the right stuff and the wrong stuff right next to each other.

 

let me check... (squeezes own tits)... nope. No tits. It must be the right stuff.

On 11/21/2018 at 7:19 PM, Nuge said:

So close. 1051eb73805245f95cbc58c142ba82ae.jpg

Mine just puts it by the front door for the next time I walk by so I can take it the rest of the way. 

19 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Mine just puts it by the front door for the next time I walk by so I can take it the rest of the way. 

Mine just keeps shoving everything deeper into the can like a trash compactor and she stacks recycling items on the floor next to that can once it's full of every possible plastic or paper product in the house, regardless of whether it's actually recyclable.

3 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Mine just keeps shoving everything deeper into the can like a trash compactor and she stacks recycling items on the floor next to that can once it's full of every possible plastic or paper product in the house, regardless of whether it's actually recyclable.

This is our system as well.

On 11/24/2018 at 11:23 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Mine just puts it by the front door for the next time I walk by so I can take it the rest of the way. 

Mitch, my +rep is for Mrs. Cumsteen.  That made me laugh out loud.

My wife takes the trash out to the trash can and wheels it to the curb once a week.

10 hours ago, luke duke said:

My wife takes the trash out to the trash can and wheels it to the curb once a week.

She's banging the garbage man.

9 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

She's banging the garbage man.

kinda worth it though. She can fuck the lawn crew too if I don't ever have to mow the fucking yard again

On 11/17/2018 at 8:17 AM, kmac30 said:

My BIL who is very detailed was driving that car once and got out (also in front of my house). The car started rolling away and almost ran him over. He swore up and down it was in park. He hates the car. And I’m pretty sure it’s rolled after FIL has claimed to put it in park.

I have a buddy that’s got a BMW X6 and is also kindof a drunk. I’ve driven that thing 4 or 5 times and still don’t know how to put it in park.

 



Mine just puts it by the front door for the next time I walk by so I can take it the rest of the way.  hangs it on the walls


ftfy

Wife asked me the other day if we could put our Christmas tree up/decorate over the weekend.  We still had family in town from Thanksgiving so I told her we would do it Monday.  The reason for this is we have to move the loveseat from the living room to the office in order to fit the tree in said living room.  We needed every couch we had to seat everyone.  Didn't make sense to move the loveseat with guests still staying with us.  My wife probably asked me 4-5 times if we could even with that logic. 

*side note - accomplishing all of this is very easily done.  I had no issue with doing it but we wouldn't have enough places for everyone to sit and watch football*

Fast forward to Saturday night - everyone is relaxing by the tv in the living room.  I run out to pick up food.  I come back to see the loveseat in the office, the tree out in the living room (still in 4 pieces), and FOLDING CHAIRS set up BEHIND the main couch (because there isn't room with the tree).  She had decided to put the 2 taller guests in the folding chairs so they could see the tv over everyone on the couch.  Movie theater style seating except for, you know, the incline and the fact that our TV isn't that high on the wall.  The whole living room looked like a mess so I started drinking.  

 

6 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife asked me the other day if we could put our Christmas tree up/decorate over the weekend.  We still had family in town from Thanksgiving so I told her we would do it Monday.  The reason for this is we have to move the loveseat from the living room to the office in order to fit the tree in said living room.  We needed every couch we had to seat everyone.  Didn't make sense to move the loveseat with guests still staying with us.  My wife probably asked me 4-5 times if we could even with that logic. 

*side note - accomplishing all of this is very easily done.  I had no issue with doing it but we wouldn't have enough places for everyone to sit and watch football*

Fast forward to Saturday night - everyone is relaxing by the tv in the living room.  I run out to pick up food.  I come back to see the loveseat in the office, the tree out in the living room (still in 4 pieces), and FOLDING CHAIRS set up BEHIND the main couch (because there isn't room with the tree).  She had decided to put the 2 taller guests in the folding chairs so they could see the tv over everyone on the couch.  Movie theater style seating except for, you know, the incline and the fact that our TV isn't that high on the wall.  The whole living room looked like a mess so I started drinking.  

 

tenor.gif

1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

Wife asked me the other day if we could put our Christmas tree up/decorate over the weekend.  We still had family in town from Thanksgiving so I told her we would do it Monday.  The reason for this is we have to move the loveseat from the living room to the office in order to fit the tree in said living room.  We needed every couch we had to seat everyone.  Didn't make sense to move the loveseat with guests still staying with us.  My wife probably asked me 4-5 times if we could even with that logic. 

*side note - accomplishing all of this is very easily done.  I had no issue with doing it but we wouldn't have enough places for everyone to sit and watch football*

Fast forward to Saturday night - everyone is relaxing by the tv in the living room.  I run out to pick up food.  I come back to see the loveseat in the office, the tree out in the living room (still in 4 pieces), and FOLDING CHAIRS set up BEHIND the main couch (because there isn't room with the tree).  She had decided to put the 2 taller guests in the folding chairs so they could see the tv over everyone on the couch.  Movie theater style seating except for, you know, the incline and the fact that our TV isn't that high on the wall.  The whole living room looked like a mess so I started drinking.  

 

Woman gets it in her head that something needs to be done and then plans start running roughshod over logic to get there.

Nope, never seen that happen before.

Well, it's been nice knowing y'all. Woke up this morning and the rice maker bowl was soaking in the sink.

In her defense, the owner's manual for my new tractor says that the most efficient way to de-fog the windows is to turn on both the heater and the air conditioner simultaneously.  Maybe she's ahead of the game...

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Woman gets it in her head that something needs to be done and then plans start running roughshod over logic to get there.

Nope, never seen that happen before.

Truth. Conversation that happens every 2-3 weeks at HOTB Jr's soccer game:

"We need one of those wagons to carry all the stuff we need for the game."
"Why? All we have is three folding chairs and I always carry them."
"I know, but we also have a water bottle and my purse."
"Right. You carry your purse and HOTB III carries the water."
"I just think we need one."
"I'm the one carrying the chairs. I would rather put them across my shoulder than lug a wagon through the gravel in the parking lot, the dirt track around the field, and the grass to get to our spots."
"Still, I think we need one."

Wanna take a guess what was waiting for me when I got back from a work trip to Philadelphia?

7 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Truth. Conversation that happens every 2-3 weeks at HOTB Jr's soccer game:

"We need one of those wagons to carry all the stuff we need for the game."
"Why? All we have is three folding chairs and I always carry them."
"I know, but we also have a water bottle and my purse."
"Right. You carry your purse and HOTB III carries the water."
"I just think we need one."
"I'm the one carrying the chairs. I would rather put them across my shoulder than lug a wagon through the gravel in the parking lot, the dirt track around the field, and the grass to get to our spots."
"Still, I think we need one."

Wanna take a guess what was waiting for me when I got back from a work trip to Philadelphia?

There’s no practical reason to want or need a Michael Kors purse or a pair of those fucking ugly hunter boots either, but Gina has them and so will I!

18 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Truth. Conversation that happens every 2-3 weeks at HOTB Jr's soccer game:

"We need one of those wagons to carry all the stuff we need for the game."
"Why? All we have is three folding chairs and I always carry them."
"I know, but we also have a water bottle and my purse."
"Right. You carry your purse and HOTB III carries the water."
"I just think we need one."
"I'm the one carrying the chairs. I would rather put them across my shoulder than lug a wagon through the gravel in the parking lot, the dirt track around the field, and the grass to get to our spots."
"Still, I think we need one."

Wanna take a guess what was waiting for me when I got back from a work trip to Philadelphia?

Perfect example. Love it.

30 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Truth. Conversation that happens every 2-3 weeks at HOTB Jr's soccer game:

"We need one of those wagons to carry all the stuff we need for the game."
"Why? All we have is three folding chairs and I always carry them."
"I know, but we also have a water bottle and my purse."
"Right. You carry your purse and HOTB III carries the water."
"I just think we need one."
"I'm the one carrying the chairs. I would rather put them across my shoulder than lug a wagon through the gravel in the parking lot, the dirt track around the field, and the grass to get to our spots."
"Still, I think we need one."

Wanna take a guess what was waiting for me when I got back from a work trip to Philadelphia?

Guessing it wasn't a beej ?

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