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Lincoln Riley clubs puppies, hates America, and says the SEC is underrated

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Lincoln Riley thinks Whataburger being sold to Midwesterners was a great move and will really breathe new life into the franchise.

Lincoln Riley prematurely ejaculates to pics of himself.



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Lincoln Riley wears an apron while washing dishes at his kitchen sink.

When Lincoln Riley’s wife leaves to go to book club meetings, he gets naked in front of a mirror and tucks his dick in so he can take selfies in her lingerie to update his Grindr profile.

Lincoln Riley and his wife sleep in bunk beds. He made her take the top bunk so he can sneak into the closet to jerk off undetected.

 

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Lincoln Riley got friendzoned by South Austin’s mom.

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Lincoln Riley thinks we need more trigger warnings.

Lincoln Riley PAYS for internet porn.




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Lincoln Riley sucks dick for pocket change behind the Pepsi machine in the Greyhound station.

Lincoln Riley uses single ply 40 grit toilet paper and likes it when his fingers break through.

Lincoln Riley puts plastic silverware in paper-only recycling bins, and laughs about it all night long...

Lincoln Riley thinks Bill Miller's BBQ is the best. 

Lincoln Riley wants to be best friends with Governor Hot Wheels and Dan Patrick.

Lincoln Riley borrows your good tools and doesn't return them.

Lincoln Riley's favorite show is Barney & Friends.

Lincoln Riley blurs out the good bits in Japanese porn.

Lincoln Riley thinks Country needs to be getting back to old, legendary acts like Florida-Georgia Line.

Lincoln Riley likes autotune.

 

Lincoln Riley thinks Taco Bell is the best Mexican food he's ever had.

Lincoln Riley thinks Hank Scorpio isn’t funny.

Lincoln Riley loves to cock-block someone else’s cock-block move.


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Lincoln Riley thinks joe mixon should'a given that chick another right hook. 

Lincoln Riley favors Garfunkel, Oates, and Andrew Ridgeley over Simon, Hall, and George Michael.

Lincoln Riley adopts dogs from the animal shelter and then dumps them on the side of the road.

7 hours ago, El Squared said:

Lincoln Riley gets out of a shower to piss.

And stays in to shit.

Lincoln Riley schedules baby showers on Saturdays during football season.

Lincoln Riley would rather drink a White Claw.

Lincoln Riley sleeps between a Switzer and Stoops blow up dolls.

21 hours ago, Girdwood said:

Lincoln Riley has a stomach tat

anigif_enhanced-buzz-12479-1367380516-4.

Lincoln Riley cooks his brisket in the oven

Edited by 54_Strat

Lincoln Riley thinks Police Officers are heroes. 

Lincoln Riley can't see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch 

Lincoln Riley loves Kirk Herbstreit's opinions.

 

 

3 hours ago, Tailgate said:

Lincoln lobbied hard to get Rick Astley to play Super Bowl halftime.

 

This would be badass.  

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