February 13, 20196 yr You talking labor time or time from stripping the membranes to labor starting? Kid #1: Water broke 8 days early at 11:30p. Got to hospital about 1am with no labor. Got half a pitocin pill about 4a. Full labor by 7a. Got the epidural. Baby born at 1:51p.Kid #2: 6 days late despite 2cm dilation for about 2 weeks prior. Showed up at hospital at 7a for inducement. Doc popped the bag about 8a and gave her pitocin. Epidural went in about 9a. Baby born at 1:26p.
February 13, 20196 yr 10 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said: Baby should be here before the weekend then! Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION
February 13, 20196 yr 34 minutes ago, NorthLoop said: Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION With a newborn, eh?
February 13, 20196 yr Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION You'll be begging to go back to work by march
February 13, 20196 yr 1 hour ago, NorthLoop said: Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION Sheet, son, I had 6-8 weeks paid vacation, was back in the office after 4.
February 13, 20196 yr 1 hour ago, NorthLoop said: Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION Lol, You will miss the office in a week.
February 13, 20196 yr Well I work with a bunch of millennials so I'll be trading 20 whiny babies for 1.
February 13, 20196 yr On 2/4/2019 at 11:02 AM, mushroomface said: My wife and I think push presents are ridiculous, and that the baby is reward enough. It's a trap[........
February 13, 20196 yr 7 minutes ago, NorthLoop said: Well I work with a bunch of millennials so I'll be trading 20 whiny babies for 1. You realize you're not taking off time for the baby, you're taking off time to help out your wife / gf. I spent 4 weeks keeping her sane while she took care of the baby. All the baby wants is his / her titty, then to sleep, then to crap. Mama needs to bitch at someone during this process, and you're it!
February 13, 20196 yr 1 hour ago, NorthLoop said: Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION I only had 2 weeks but I remembered thinking this. Looking forward to all the shows I was going to catch up on, etc. LOL. Now this time with a 2 year old I'm trying to fully prepare myself for the shitshow of parenting with no sleep.
February 13, 20196 yr 7 hours ago, NorthLoop said: Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION Avatar will be appropriate in about a month.
February 14, 20196 yr I got a fun letter in the mail yesterday. Harris County Toll Road Authority sent me four separate invoices for 16 toll violations. With fees, they want ~$200. Apparently my 18yo hit the toll roads a few times while driving to BFE to see a girl ("his" car is still registered/titled to me). Good thing he recently got hired and is gainfully employed again.
February 14, 20196 yr I got a fun letter in the mail yesterday. Harris County Toll Road Authority sent me four separate invoices for 16 toll violations. With fees, they want ~$200. Apparently my 18yo hit the toll roads a few times while driving to BFE to see a girl ("his" car is still registered/titled to me). Good thing he recently got hired and is gainfully employed again.They will drop the fees if paid quickly, sometimes.
February 15, 20196 yr Yes, thankfully it was a painless process through their website. Total bill ended up being $32.50.
February 16, 20196 yr This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace. My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.
February 16, 20196 yr I took 4 days off. Going to work was a reprieve. I’d go to work, book a conference room for an hour and sleep by myself with my head on a table.
February 16, 20196 yr This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace. My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works. That’s all kids.
February 16, 20196 yr This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace. My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works. Nothing's guaranteed in life. Also think the earth's axis to the sun has something to do with being heavy sleepers during the work week just to fuck you over on saturday
February 16, 20196 yr Based on the Andy Griffith Show thread, I started watching the series on Netflix. My five year old sees this and asks:Why is this in gray?
February 16, 20196 yr On 2/11/2019 at 1:03 PM, Prepuce of Doom said: Pro tip: you can buy $1 Richard Nixon commemorative coins from the U.S. Mint. https://www.usmint.gov/coins/coin-medal-programs/presidential-dollar-coin/richard-nixon My dad used to hand them out as tips to predictably entertaining results. I plan for our Tooth Fairy to traffic in these as well. Our tooth fairy leaves $2 bills. I like the Nixon coin. Maybe she will leave those for molars which will start coming out soon.
February 16, 20196 yr Funny how you forget the basics as the kids enter new phases. Wife and I just spent half an hour trying to calm down our 10 month old, turns out the little guy just wanted a bottle. Was always the very first thing we tried at the beginning.
February 22, 20196 yr The 3 yo projectile vomited right after he was done with his bath, pjs, teeth brushing routine. So I have that going for me, which is nice. I bet you dollars to donuts I'm fine tomorrow and go to work, and then catch whatever he has that made him puke and feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer on Saturday and Sunday and don't get to enjoy my weekend. And then feel fine to go into work on Monday.
February 22, 20196 yr 9 hours ago, hornian said: The 3 yo projectile vomited right after he was done with his bath, pjs, teeth brushing routine. So I have that going for me, which is nice. I bet you dollars to donuts I'm fine tomorrow and go to work, and then catch whatever he has that made him puke and feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer on Saturday and Sunday and don't get to enjoy my weekend. And then feel fine to go into work on Monday. I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times.
February 24, 20196 yr I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. That sucks man, hope you recovered quick for the weekend.My 18 month old has been driving us nuts with his sleep regression. It’s been about a week now, hope he can go back to normal soon so we (mostly my wife) can all get better sleep. Fun times.
February 24, 20196 yr Doomlet put us through the ringer with a much unappreciated sleep regression from about 9 months to about 10-11 months and we (well, Mrs. Doom - I can sleep through anything) got desperate enough that we paid some lady on the internet to create us a sleep plan for him. Sounds absurd, but it seemed to work out well. Basically just amounted to establishing a schedule (totally absent before) and sticking to it (we did for about a year) and it worked like a charm.
February 24, 20196 yr I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. My 1 year old caused the entire family and nanny to come down with the projectile vomit bug. It was short lived but put the wife in the hospital for IV fluids. She is pregnant so extra caution was taken.
February 28, 20196 yr At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.
February 28, 20196 yr 1 hour ago, NorthLoop said: At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today. Godspeed! And enjoy your....*snicker*...vacation. Edited February 28, 20196 yr by Buffsoldier Because snicker....
February 28, 20196 yr Our condolences, NL, you're officially fucked. Surprised no one told you before now. Oh, and don't look down when the baby's on the way out!
February 28, 20196 yr At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.Sheesh... you stripped a week ago didnt you?
February 28, 20196 yr 7lbs. 14oz. Wife started pushing around 11:30 and he was out by noon. Everybody's doing great.
February 28, 20196 yr 5 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said: 9 hours ago, NorthLoop said: At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today. Sheesh... you stripped a week ago didnt you? Yeah. We had a couple false labors in the middle of the night last week but he wasn't ready. Wife went ahead and got induced today.
March 1, 20196 yr Congrats NL !!! you're going to be a great dad congrats CBT. if you have another, i need a tax write off. thanks
March 1, 20196 yr So you guys seem to be on the early side of things... a window into things to come On Valentines day, on the way into school, my 15 yr old son asked if we could stop at the grocery store so that he could get some candy for a girl he likes. Latter that evening... Me: Hey how'd school go today? Did Jane like the candy you bought her? Son: I don't know, she didn't have any of it Me: Oh, well was it awkward when you gave her the candy? Son: No Me: Good, I know you asked Jane out before, and she wasn't interested, just make sure not to be the creepy guy that can't take a hint, ok? Son: Yeah, it's not like that. We decided not to date, but just to be friends with benefits... Me: Uuuuh Do you know what that means? Narrator: He knows what that means /scene In our next episode... buy condoms for your son or make him buy them?
March 1, 20196 yr If he's got the balls to tell dad that he's got a fwb, then there's plenty of good stuff he ain't telling him. ie: he already knows about anal.
March 1, 20196 yr Another possibility is that at 15 he’s still too dumb to know he shouldn’t tell dad he has a fwb Regardless, having an acknowledged fwb is still probably better than the age old tell em you love em and then dump them method.
March 1, 20196 yr Congratulations to all you lucky fathers. My 8 yr old woke me up this morning at about 5 am with blood smeared all over her face, hands, hair, pajamas, bed, bathroom sink, and toilet. She had a nosebleed in the night, slept through it, then woke up to go the bathroom and hadn't realized until she looked in the bathroom mirror. Wife is of course out of town on business. So 5 am bath, including hair washing, and laundry on top of the normal morning routine. So, you poor bastards have things like that to look forward to.
March 1, 20196 yr 5 hours ago, Loco said: So you guys seem to be on the early side of things... a window into things to come On Valentines day, on the way into school, my 15 yr old son asked if we could stop at the grocery store so that he could get some candy for a girl he likes. Latter that evening... Me: Hey how'd school go today? Did Jane like the candy you bought her? Son: I don't know, she didn't have any of it Me: Oh, well was it awkward when you gave her the candy? Son: No Me: Good, I know you asked Jane out before, and she wasn't interested, just make sure not to be the creepy guy that can't take a hint, ok? Son: Yeah, it's not like that. We decided not to date, but just to be friends with benefits... Me: Uuuuh Do you know what that means? Narrator: He knows what that means /scene In our next episode... buy condoms for your son or make him buy them? Go buy them with him.
March 1, 20196 yr Just now, High Plains Drifter said: Go buy them with him. Should I dress like a priest? Yeah I am leaning towards giving him advice, but make him go in and buy them... I don't need him to be asking me every week to go buy him condoms I want to be sure he is not too shy to go get them when he needs them For other Dad's out there... just know you need to have "the talk" before middle school. Yes, middle school. Kids will see and hear EVERYTHING before the end of 6th grade. We have always been open about the biological facts of life and don't stigmatize the subject at all. Still though, it's weird.
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