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  • Many of you know my story. Lost a daughter to still birth at 8 months about 6 years ago. Well after 6 years of frustration, disappointment, hundreds of thousands of dollars in doctor bills for IUI, IV

  • closetojumping
    closetojumping

    My 8th grader got into St. John's! The counselor told me about it last night, early, because he was excited to get him. The boy has been diagnosed with autism and is enduring his third straight year i

  • scottsins
    scottsins

    Hi guys! Just posting from our hospital room. Not even sure what day it is, but I’m all up in this thread now, after the arrival of my first and last born spawn at the spry age of 49. Do I get an o

Posted Images

You talking labor time or time from stripping the membranes to labor starting? 
Kid #1: Water broke 8 days early at 11:30p. Got to hospital about 1am with no labor. Got half a pitocin pill about 4a. Full labor by 7a. Got the epidural. Baby born at 1:51p.

Kid #2: 6 days late despite 2cm dilation for about 2 weeks prior. Showed up at hospital at 7a for inducement. Doc popped the bag about 8a and gave her pitocin. Epidural went in about 9a. Baby born at 1:26p.
10 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Baby should be here before the weekend then!

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 

34 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 

With a newborn, eh?

PlainBackEquestrian.gif

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 
You'll be begging to go back to work by march
1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 

Sheet, son, I had 6-8 weeks paid vacation, was back in the office after 4.  

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 

Lol, You will miss the office in a week. 

Well I work with a bunch of millennials so I'll be trading 20 whiny babies for 1. 

On 2/4/2019 at 11:02 AM, mushroomface said:

My wife and I think push presents are ridiculous, and that the baby is reward enough.

It's a trap[........

7 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I work with a bunch of millennials so I'll be trading 20 whiny babies for 1. 

You realize you're not taking off time for the baby, you're taking off time to help out your wife / gf.  I spent 4 weeks keeping her sane while she took care of the baby.  All the baby wants is his / her titty, then to sleep, then to crap.  Mama needs to bitch at someone during this process, and you're it!

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Well I get 2 months paid paternity leave so FUCK YEAH VACATION 

I only had 2 weeks but I remembered thinking this.  Looking forward to all the shows I was going to catch up on, etc.   LOL.   Now this time with a 2 year old I'm trying to fully prepare myself for the shitshow of parenting with no sleep.

I took 4 days off. Going to work was a reprieve.

I got a fun letter in the mail yesterday.  Harris County Toll Road Authority sent me four separate invoices for 16 toll violations.  With fees, they want ~$200.  Apparently my 18yo hit the toll roads a few times while driving to BFE to see a girl ("his" car is still registered/titled to me).  Good thing he recently got hired and is gainfully employed again.

I got a fun letter in the mail yesterday.  Harris County Toll Road Authority sent me four separate invoices for 16 toll violations.  With fees, they want ~$200.  Apparently my 18yo hit the toll roads a few times while driving to BFE to see a girl ("his" car is still registered/titled to me).  Good thing he recently got hired and is gainfully employed again.


They will drop the fees if paid quickly, sometimes.

Yes, thankfully it was a painless process through their website. Total bill ended up being $32.50.  

This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace.

My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.

I took 4 days off. Going to work was a reprieve.


I’d go to work, book a conference room for an hour and sleep by myself with my head on a table.
This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace.

My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.

That’s all kids.
This story is as old as time but why do I have to pry my kids out of bed with a crowbar at 545a during the week but on the weekends the 2 and 5yo are up wide eyed at 0630...my wife is downtown this weekend with her cousin so I’m flying solo and just wanted one cup of coffee in peace.

My wife’s stepmother once bragged how she’d keep the kids up late to avoid this...we shared a look because that never fuckin works.
Nothing's guaranteed in life. Also think the earth's axis to the sun has something to do with being heavy sleepers during the work week just to fuck you over on saturday

Based on the Andy Griffith Show thread, I started watching the series on Netflix. My five year old sees this and asks:
Why is this in gray?


That’s all kids.


Hence the ‘old as time’ quip
On 2/11/2019 at 1:03 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Pro tip: you can buy $1 Richard Nixon commemorative coins from the U.S. Mint. 

https://www.usmint.gov/coins/coin-medal-programs/presidential-dollar-coin/richard-nixon

My dad used to hand them out as tips to predictably entertaining results. I plan for our Tooth Fairy to traffic in these as well. 

Our tooth fairy leaves $2 bills.  I like the Nixon coin.  Maybe she will leave those for molars which will start coming out soon.

Nixon coins are for when they lose the crooked teeth.

Funny how you forget the basics as the kids enter new phases. Wife and I just spent half an hour trying to calm down our 10 month old, turns out the little guy just wanted a bottle. Was always the very first thing we tried at the beginning.

The 3 yo projectile vomited right after he was done with his bath, pjs, teeth brushing routine. So I have that going for me, which is nice. 

I bet you dollars to donuts I'm fine tomorrow and go to work, and then catch whatever he has that made him puke and feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer on Saturday and Sunday and don't get to enjoy my weekend. And then feel fine to go into work on Monday. 

9 hours ago, hornian said:

The 3 yo projectile vomited right after he was done with his bath, pjs, teeth brushing routine. So I have that going for me, which is nice. 

I bet you dollars to donuts I'm fine tomorrow and go to work, and then catch whatever he has that made him puke and feel like I was hit with a sledgehammer on Saturday and Sunday and don't get to enjoy my weekend. And then feel fine to go into work on Monday. 

I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. 

Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. 

I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. 
Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. 


That sucks man, hope you recovered quick for the weekend.

My 18 month old has been driving us nuts with his sleep regression. It’s been about a week now, hope he can go back to normal soon so we (mostly my wife) can all get better sleep. Fun times.

Doomlet put us through the ringer with a much unappreciated sleep regression from about 9 months to about 10-11 months and we (well, Mrs. Doom - I can sleep through anything) got desperate enough that we paid some lady on the internet to create us a sleep plan for him. 

Sounds absurd, but it seemed to work out well. Basically just amounted to establishing a schedule (totally absent before) and sticking to it (we did for about a year) and it worked like a charm. 

I would have lost that bet. Woke up at 3 am and puked my guts out. 
Still have to go to work - I have a mediation I can’t reachedule. Good times. 

My 1 year old caused the entire family and nanny to come down with the projectile vomit bug. It was short lived but put the wife in the hospital for IV fluids. She is pregnant so extra caution was taken.

At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.

Godspeed!

 

And enjoy your....*snicker*...vacation.

Edited by Buffsoldier
Because snicker....

Our condolences, NL, you're officially fucked.  Surprised no one told you before now.  Oh, and don't look down when the baby's on the way out!

At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.
Sheesh... you stripped a week ago didnt you?

7lbs. 14oz. 

Wife started pushing around 11:30 and he was out by noon. Everybody's doing great. 

5 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
9 hours ago, NorthLoop said:
At the hospital. Doc broke her water and now we wait. Should have a baby boy NorthLoop here today.

Sheesh... you stripped a week ago didnt you?

Yeah. We had a couple false labors in the middle of the night last week but he wasn't ready. Wife went ahead and got induced today. 

We had the our third (all boys under 5) Monday. God help us. 

Congrats NL !!!  you're going to be a great dad 

 

congrats CBT. if you have another, i need a tax write off. thanks 

So you guys seem to be on the early side of things... a window into things to come 

On Valentines day, on the way into school,  my 15 yr old son asked if we could stop at the grocery store so that he could get some candy for a girl he likes.  

Latter that evening...

Me:  Hey how'd school go today?  Did Jane like the candy you bought her?

Son:  I don't know, she didn't have any of it

Me:  Oh, well was it awkward when you gave her the candy?

Son: No

Me: Good, I know you asked Jane out before, and she wasn't interested, just make sure not to be the creepy guy that can't take a hint, ok?

Son: Yeah, it's not like that.  We decided not to date, but just to be friends with benefits...

Me: Uuuuh Do you know what that means?

Narrator: He knows what that means

/scene

 

In our next episode...  buy condoms for your son or make him buy them?

If he's got the balls to tell dad that he's got a fwb, then there's plenty of good stuff he ain't telling him. 

 

ie: he already knows about anal. 

Another possibility is that at 15 he’s still too dumb to know he shouldn’t tell dad he has a fwb

 

Regardless, having an acknowledged fwb is still probably better than the age old tell em you love em and then dump them method.

Congratulations to all you lucky fathers.

 

My 8 yr old woke me up this morning at about 5 am with blood smeared all over her face, hands, hair, pajamas, bed, bathroom sink, and toilet. She had a nosebleed in the night, slept through it, then woke up to go the bathroom and hadn't realized until she looked in the bathroom mirror. Wife is of course out of town on business. So 5 am bath, including hair washing, and laundry on top of the normal morning routine.

 

So, you poor bastards have things like that to look forward to.

5 hours ago, Loco said:

So you guys seem to be on the early side of things... a window into things to come 

On Valentines day, on the way into school,  my 15 yr old son asked if we could stop at the grocery store so that he could get some candy for a girl he likes.  

Latter that evening...

Me:  Hey how'd school go today?  Did Jane like the candy you bought her?

Son:  I don't know, she didn't have any of it

Me:  Oh, well was it awkward when you gave her the candy?

Son: No

Me: Good, I know you asked Jane out before, and she wasn't interested, just make sure not to be the creepy guy that can't take a hint, ok?

Son: Yeah, it's not like that.  We decided not to date, but just to be friends with benefits...

Me: Uuuuh Do you know what that means?

Narrator: He knows what that means

/scene

 

In our next episode...  buy condoms for your son or make him buy them?

 

Go buy them with him.

Just now, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Go buy them with him.

Should I dress like a priest?

Yeah I am leaning towards giving him advice, but make him go in and buy them...

  1. I don't need him to be asking me every week to go buy him condoms
  2. I want to be sure he is not too shy to go get them when he needs them

For other Dad's out there...  just know you need to have "the talk" before middle school.  Yes, middle school. Kids will see and hear EVERYTHING before the end of 6th grade.   We have always been open about the biological facts of life and don't stigmatize the subject at all.  Still though, it's weird. 

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