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Featured Replies

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Lol.. I'd love to hear the convo between you and your better half after hearing that news.

" fucking a why can't people just be fucking normal. I know her hearts in the the right place but fuck"

This is me, discussing my side of the family with my wife.

Luckily, after a quarter century, she's used to it and our grown ass boys understand.

It's not just limited to gifts; but for some reason, my mom and brothers think a shit-ton of crap from the flea market or dollar store is better than a $25 gift card to Academy or Barnes & Noble or whatever. I've tried to casually hint through the years, "Mom, wouldn't you rather have one nice, smaller gift that you use almost every day that a bunch of stuff that sits in the closet? Her heart is absolutely in the right place and feels like she is getting people so much stuff.  They just won't use most of it...

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9 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

Let's back up there just a sec.

Just how many mother-in-laws do you have?

No joke.  "One of my mothers-in-law" = nightmare fuel

12 hours ago, EE2B said:

One of my mother-in-laws called my wife today and asked her if it was ok if she gave our youngest a peppa the pig and George toy for Christmas. Most people would assume there was no issue with this and ordinarily they would be correct. The problem with this particular gift is that these toys were purchased at an auction today in Waskom, Tx. The last thing she presented us from an auction was a blanket “for the baby” that had blood stains on them. She explained that she washed it “real good” before she gave it to us. I can’t wait to see what these mother fuckers look like.

I grew up about 8 miles south of Waskom, so this hits close to home. 

.

Edited by baboso
double post derp

I grew up about 8 miles south of Waskom, so this hits close to home. 

Bethany?
2 hours ago, EE2B said:


Bethany?

Panola.  Where Farm Road 9 and Hwy 79 intersect. 

  • 2 weeks later...

https://nypost.com/2019/12/18/alexas-new-feature-will-help-break-up-holiday-fights/amp/

Alexa’s new feature will help break up holiday fights

By Natalie O'Neill

December 18, 2019 | 3:17pm

Alexa, help prevent a Christmas blowout!

The Amazon virtual assistant has a new feature meant to help families quit bickering during the holidays —  by changing the subject that everyone is talking about, according to a report Wednesday.

Research by the firm found that relatives are most prone to arguments at 6:30 p.m. on Dec. 25, so it programed the gadget to jump in with questions that will spark less heated conversation, according to Yahoo.com.

When prompted, it will ask safe questions such as, “What would your superpower be and why?” and “Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?,” according to the report.

The robot peacemaker is also programmed to bring up inoffensive topics ranging from celebrity crushes to baked goods.

To prompt the so-called “distraction technique,” simply say, “Alexa, change the subject!”

Money is the number one issue families fight about over the holidays — followed closely by what to watch on television, and being a sore loser during a Christmas game, according to a survey conducted by Amazon.

The arguments are most likely to break out between siblings or with mothers, according to the research.

The subject-changing feature is available on any device that has the Alexa voice assistant including iPhone and Android.

 

They consider the Die Hard/Christmas question a "safe question"?  Way to go, Amazon.  Idiots.  

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

They consider the Die Hard/Christmas question a "safe question"?  Way to go, Amazon.  Idiots.  

Was about to post the same thing. 

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

They consider the Die Hard/Christmas question a "safe question"?  Way to go, Amazon.  Idiots.  

Obviously it's a Christmas movie.

  • Popular Post

Cross post from Christmas and NY Menu thread.

My MIL decided we needed something special added to the Christmas menu (which has yet to be determined) - pretzels.  Big, cook in the oven, pretzels.  WTF am I supposed to do with pretzels?  I could get some bratwurst, knackwurst, sauerkraut, mustard and other German things to serve with the fucking pretzels.  However, I've half decided to have a Concession Stand themed Christmas dinner - nachos with cheese from a large can, pickles, sausage wraps, frito pie, and, of course, pretzels.

10 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

  However, I've half decided to have a Concession Stand themed Christmas dinner - nachos with cheese from a large can, pickles, sausage wraps, frito pie, and, of course, pretzels.

@Steel Shank approved.

1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

Cross post from Christmas and NY Menu thread.

My MIL decided we needed something special added to the Christmas menu (which has yet to be determined) - pretzels.  Big, cook in the oven, pretzels.  WTF am I supposed to do with pretzels?  I could get some bratwurst, knackwurst, sauerkraut, mustard and other German things to serve with the fucking pretzels.  However, I've half decided to have a Concession Stand themed Christmas dinner - nachos with cheese from a large can, pickles, sausage wraps, frito pie, and, of course, pretzels.

Another direction would be fondue!  Also you need to add funnel cakes. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto

Also deep fried butter, wax paper cups, and a replay of Vince destroying the land thieves on the big screen. 

maybe an effigy of Big Tex on fire in the front yard.

Edited by MissingInAction

Obviously it's a Christmas movie.
It's an action movie set during Christmas.
2 minutes ago, Parliament said:
2 hours ago, workswithseed said:
Obviously it's a Christmas movie.

It's an action movie set during Christmas.

silent night deadly night part 2 trash GIF

3 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Cross post from Christmas and NY Menu thread.

My MIL decided we needed something special added to the Christmas menu (which has yet to be determined) - pretzels.  Big, cook in the oven, pretzels.  WTF am I supposed to do with pretzels?  I could get some bratwurst, knackwurst, sauerkraut, mustard and other German things to serve with the fucking pretzels.  However, I've half decided to have a Concession Stand themed Christmas dinner - nachos with cheese from a large can, pickles, sausage wraps, frito pie, and, of course, pretzels.

For some reason I'm cracking up at the, "What the fuck am I going to do with pretzels" line.

12 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Cross post from Christmas and NY Menu thread.

My MIL decided we needed something special added to the Christmas menu (which has yet to be determined) - pretzels.  Big, cook in the oven, pretzels.  WTF am I supposed to do with pretzels?  I could get some bratwurst, knackwurst, sauerkraut, mustard and other German things to serve with the fucking pretzels.  However, I've half decided to have a Concession Stand themed Christmas dinner - nachos with cheese from a large can, pickles, sausage wraps, frito pie, and, of course, pretzels.

I’ll bring the bucket of popcorn

For some reason I'm cracking up at the, "What the fuck am I going to do with pretzels" line.

It’s a legit question

don't under estimate the pretzel. i fresh, hot pretzel is pretty damn good 

Now you’ve got an excuse to drink copious amounts of beer, “These pretzels are making me thirsty!!!”

Edited by Lobo

20 hours ago, Steel Shank said:

I'll bring a case of beer.

Keeping with the theme, serve them cowboy cold and charge $11 a can.

Last work day until the holiday week. I have this thread stickied for the ensuing lulz.

On 11/7/2019 at 2:44 PM, chesthair said:

Good news for me, bad news for you assholes.  My 80+ year old inlaws finally decided to give up driving long distance.  Hot Springs is about 5 hours from me so my house qualifies as "long distance".  There is a high likely hood they will never be at my house again.  So my stories of locking myself outside with cases of beer will cease.  Gone are the days of my wife hiding 50+ bottles of booze and cases of beer before her church of christ parents arrive.  

Well, motherfucker....hillbilly sister in law offered to drive them (and her hillbilly kids/husband) down to our house.  Wasnt that sweet of her?

 

Buckle up boys.

We had a death in the family. Someone I had seen maybe 5 times since I left home at 18, and was generally considered an asshole. 

This event will be used by the other assholes of the fam to manipulate others into doing their bidding. Its just how they are. Total trash.

Ill be hiding until the funeral.

1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

We had a death in the family. Someone I had seen maybe 5 times since I left home at 18, and was generally considered an asshole. 

This event will be used by the other assholes of the fam to manipulate others into doing their bidding. Its just how they are. Total trash.

Ill be hiding until the funeral.

user name checks out.

3 hours ago, chesthair said:

Well, motherfucker....hillbilly sister in law offered to drive them (and her hillbilly kids/husband) down to our house.  Wasnt that sweet of her?

 

Buckle up boys.

giphy.gif

We had a death in the family. Someone I had seen maybe 5 times since I left home at 18, and was generally considered an asshole. 
This event will be used by the other assholes of the fam to manipulate others into doing their bidding. Its just how they are. Total trash.
Ill be hiding until the funeral.
Sorry for your loss, congratulations on getting lost.
On 12/6/2019 at 3:59 AM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

fucking a why can't people just be fucking normal.

Preach!

17 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Preach!

 

And where would that leave surly then ?

Just now, Onboard 2.0 said:

 

And where would that leave surly then ?

Meaty part of the curve.

Well shit,  just heard my oldest grandson totaled his car last night and was banged up a bit.

 

2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Well shit,  just heard my oldest grandson totaled his car last night and was banged up a bit.

 

 

 

But seriously, hope he's alright for the most part.

Edited by workswithseed

Not really specific to the holidays, but my wife is currently going through her usual routine of waiting until the last second to get her part of the house cleaning complete.  We have friends coming in from Georgia tonight and a Christmas party tomorrow.  Usually goes something like this:

1) Talk about these grandiose cleaning plans for weeks... "I'm going to do this, and then tomorrow this, and then Saturday this..."

2) Wait until the final day.

3) Find some reason to go shopping.

4) Frantically run around and scream at the kids for 4 hours while trying to get everything done.

4 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Well shit,  just heard my oldest grandson totaled his car last night and was banged up a bit.

 

Hope he gets better soon 'Brat. 

7 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Well shit,  just heard my oldest grandson totaled his car last night and was banged up a bit.

 

Hoping he's OK-

Your oldest grandson? So he's eligible for Medicare now, right?

  • Popular Post
Hoping he's OK-
Your oldest grandson? So he's eligible for Medicare now, right?
That's code for "my grandson is way too old to be driving but no one has the balls to take his keys away."

My in-laws hand out checks every year to their kids and grandchildren. About 5 minutes after they open the envelopes my MIL goes around and collects the cards and envelopes so they can be reused the following year. Without fail one of the grandchildren will tear one of the envelopes which causes a bunch of passive aggressive comments by the MIL.

Just now, luke duke said:

My in-laws hand out checks every year to their kids and grandchildren. About 5 minutes after they open the envelopes my MIL goes around and collects the cards and envelopes so they can be reused the following year. Without fail one of the grandchildren will tear one of the envelopes which causes a bunch of passive aggressive comments by the MIL.

People suck at life..... a lot.  Did that woman grow up in depression era America ?

4 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

People suck at life..... a lot.  Did that woman grow up in depression era America ?

It’s a power move as she resents giving them the money.  People truly do suck.

11 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

It’s a power move as she resents giving them the money.  People truly do suck.

That's the best part of Christmas (besides the egg nog of course), giving gifts to your loved ones, and friends.

Edited by Onboard 2.0

In laws, BIL, and gf are in town

I made breakfast, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher so it is now empty...

Come back to the sink after eating and...
31120bc0943ff61832e272188f046a25.jpg

They were told dishwasher was empty. Seems common manners, no?

Also, MIL just knocked her whole glass of water on wife's laptop. Good stuff

So the wife is wet? Better get right on that.

54 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

They were told dishwasher was empty. Seems common manners, no?

Also, MIL just knocked her whole glass of water on wife's laptop. Good stuff

Ehh, the last thing I'd do as a guest is start loading appliances. Some folks have a certain way they like things to be loaded. If they rinsed their dishes and put them in the sink, that's a win in my book.

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