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Featured Replies

Still shart free in 2020! Its a game of inches tho, my ass just exploded inches above the toilet seat, seconds from disaster.

3 hours ago, Born to Run said:

Still shart free in 2020! Its a game of inches tho, my ass just exploded inches above the toilet seat, seconds from disaster.

This isn't horseshoes.    Being close doesn't matter.  You won the day, my friend.   Celebrate!

  • Author
5 hours ago, Born to Run said:

Still shart free in 2020! Its a game of inches tho, my ass just exploded inches above the toilet seat, seconds from disaster.

Username checks out, and almost checked out twice. 

Spent a week in the hospital with a bowel obstruction. I was finally able to get some sleep on about day 3 but I was awoken by a fart that had a little something extra. Had to call my wife to deliver some back-up underwear. And I thought I would make it through the year unscathed....

This one seems easily forgivable. Medical issues

4 hours ago, Sandman said:

Spent a week in the hospital with a bowel obstruction. 

Did your hamster survive?

Good morning fellas.  The dreaded two-day hangover when you’re in your 30s is a real bitch.  

2 hours ago, Chet Steadman said:

Good morning fellas.  The dreaded two-day hangover when you’re in your 30s is a real bitch.  

30's

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  • Author

Cross posted from the Classic Cars thread, but in cleaning out the trunk of the 1971 Buick Skylark I inherited, I came across what I suspect was my dad's emergency Shart Kit. A duffel bag containing a nearly full set of clothes and some asswipes. 

I say "nearly full" because it had no underwear, and only one sock in the kit. 

Perhaps he had used it and forgot to reload?

20201017_140059.jpg

21 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Cross posted from the Classic Cars thread, but in cleaning out the trunk of the 1971 Buick Skylark I inherited, I came across what I suspect was my dad's emergency Shart Kit. A duffel bag containing a nearly full set of clothes and some asswipes. 

I say "nearly full" because it had no underwear, and only one sock in the kit. 

Perhaps he had used it and forgot to reload?

20201017_140059.jpg

Nothing classier than a Forbes bag for the emergency turd cleanup kit 

I’ll bet Steve Forbes had a couple of those in his trunk.

  • 2 weeks later...

most of the replies are people wishing they could say the same

Arizona State player made a sack and ran straight to the locker room.  We almost got a live shart on the TVs.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

As 2020 comes to an end I found myself in a situation today that I felt was worth mentioning here.  
 

For context:  I’ve been looking to hire on some sales directors at my company.  This is an individual contributed role despite the director title and part of my interview process is a mock sales pitch.  I send the finalists a template and prompt that they put together and deliver to me and the team.  Basically we want to see them put in some effort and sell to us - not just read.  I say this because these candidates usually put in time practicing and rehearsing - so not the type of interview we want to reschedule at the last second.  Total dick move if that happens.  This interview lasts 45 min - 60 min.  
 

Today, I had a guy going through the interview.  My wife and I had come down with a cold over the weekend so I was already approaching every sneeze with caution going into today.  Well - we got this interview kicked off and about 5 min into meeting I realize I’m going to need to run to the bathroom once we finish.  The candidate then asks me a series of questions as a potential customer - RIGHT as I answer I cough.  Not a big cough, but enough.  I shit my pants.  Sharted.  The kind where your pants immediately feel wet.  And we still have 45 min to go in this interview.  My facial expression evidently told the candidate that something was wrong with my cough because he said “I’d offer you a glass of water if I could”.   
 

I manned up - did my best to answer any questions but that was the worst 45 min of my life.  Finished the interview, cancelled my next meeting, and threw out my underwear/pants.  There’s no saving them and tomorrow is trash day.  The office chair might need to go too.  Happy Monday.   

As a side note the individual I interviewed got his undergrad at Texas.....would be funny as hell if they are in here.  
 

 

4 hours ago, Parliament said:

So...did I get the job?

I’ve got some shitty news for you...

Welp, I had a good run. I truly thought I had a fart just now at work. It was so wet, and I'm in the portajohn, and thank God that there is sanitizer.

6 hours ago, workswithseed said:

Welp, I had a good run. I truly thought I had a fart just now at work. It was so wet, and I'm in the portajohn, and thank God that there is sanitizer.

Thank god for job site shitters.....but what are you doing about the oil slick showing on the back of your pants?

Edited by Longhornstampede

16 minutes ago, Longhornstampede said:

Thank god for job site shitters.....but what are you doing about the oil slick showing on the back of your pants?

Black carhartt pants. I'm good.

Covid got me. During the middle of the night. Woke up and had to fart. Next morning I was washing the sheets. 

you waited until the next morning?  You slept on shart sheets dude?

Hey, we don't judge here.

You're definitely being judged here.

Though I didn’t know I had shit myself, not my finest moment. It wasn’t a full release where i was rolling around in my shit. To maybe lessen my shame, i was in the ER two hours after I woke up with Covid and pneumonia, and it took about an hour to put new sheets on. 

So you literally shit the bed. Didn't know that happened to people. Prayers sent and make sure you flip the mattess.

  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/14/2020 at 11:01 AM, Parliament said:

...make sure you flip the mattess.

Do you not rubber sheet, bro?

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