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Featured Replies

I'm a smooth MF'er. Knocked one out of the park this weekend with the wife of 24 years.

 

"Hey baby, what are you doing for the next 3 to 5 minutes?"

 

Top that bitches.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Tapatalk

 

 

Unmarried:  "Hey, my name is _______."

Married:  "You wanna have sex now?"

Creative?  Fuck no.  Effective?  50%, which is pretty good, really.

You wanna grab a coke or fuck or something?

Most of mine come from tinder forums..

The dog emoji one that I put in the PoF forum has me 9/9 so far. 

You remind me of my little toe...

I want to turn the lights off and bang you on every piece of furniture I own

You + that **** colored top = second sexiest thing I have seen.

Her: what is number one

You - that **** colored top

that silk top is very becoming on you. but then again, if i was draped all over your chest like that i'd be coming too.

Wanna go back to my place and watch cable?

KaiserSoze has heard many of my attempts thoughout the years. I'm sure he remembers some.

Edited by mycox

Back in the 90's I would grab my sister's phone book (gold) randomly flip open a page, dial a number, and ask the girl that answered "where are you taking me tonight?"  It worked a lot more often than I thought it would. 

roses are red

violets are blue

i like spaghetti

let's go fuck

"Hey... Wanna' go halfsies on a bastard?"

Hey baby, you know what me and milk have in common?

 

we both cum in quarts.

3 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Are you ready to leave, go to my house and fuck?

- applied to random chicks in bars throughout my life.

Around sub 5% success ratio but one victory offsets thousands of losses.

 

#1 line that confuses the hot chicks: "You ever been fucked like your ugly..?" 

#2 line that leaves an impression on a drunk chick: "Welcome to prime time bitch..!"

 

4 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Are you ready to leave, go to my house and fuck?

- applied to random chicks in bars throughout my life.

Around sub 5% success ratio but one victory offsets thousands of losses.

 

4 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

To Ex: You down for a quickie before we head out.

Around 1% success ratio, but that 1 offsets thousands of losses.

This guy understands its all a numbers game.

8 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

This guy understands its all a numbers game.

...A game in which you only count hits, not at-bats.  Once you come to that realization, your entire outlook changes.  You start swinging at pitches you never would have tried for before.  Because you get an infinite number of strikes....and you only remember the pitches you drive out of the park.

24 minutes ago, kopp0e said:

#1 line that confuses the hot chicks: "You ever been fucked like your ugly..?" 

#2 line that leaves an impression on a drunk chick: "Welcome to prime time bitch..!"

 

For the confusing drunk girls...

Let’s flip a coin.  Tails you give me head.  Heads you give me tail.

...A game in which you only count hits, not at-bats.  Once you come to that realization, your entire outlook changes.  You start swinging at pitches you never would have tried for before.  Because you get an infinite number of strikes....and you only remember the pitches you drive out of the park.
Unless you're Vic, in which case you post about all the times you were hit by the pitch
1 hour ago, kopp0e said:

#1 line that confuses the hot chicks: "You ever been fucked like your ugly..?" 

#2 line that leaves an impression on a drunk chick: "Welcome to prime time bitch..!"

 

*you're

JFC.

1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

Please note, while it's true that nobody got to fuck Phoebe Kates, only one person ends up getting laid in that film.

Quoting myself:

I like chicks that like me.

3, actually. The dude that popped Stacy's cherry, the dude that knocked her up, and Stacy.

Well...just don’t stare at it. This taint ain’t gonna lick itself 

4 hours ago, elfenix said:
4 hours ago, Brisketexan said:
...A game in which you only count hits, not at-bats.  Once you come to that realization, your entire outlook changes.  You start swinging at pitches you never would have tried for before.  Because you get an infinite number of strikes....and you only remember the pitches you drive out of the park.

Unless you're Vic, in which case you post about all the times you were hit by the pitch

Holy shit.

Ever wanted to fuck your son's best friend?

You want the 30, 60 or 90 second package?

I’ve got the F, the C, and the K. All I need is U, baby

 

 

0% success rate. 

1 hour ago, Ifiwaspresident said:

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't I know you?

LOL, I like it!

A wasted acquaintance of mine once walked up to a beautiful woman in line for drinks at a crowded bar and said, very loudly, "Hey!  You know I fuck, right?"

He bought her drink and got her number.  No shit.

 

Worked at a Mexican restaurant in college.  GM hired this hot, new Hispanic chick.  Guys are all peeking into the banquet room to get a look at her.  Being fluent in Spanish I tell them I’ve got this.

I walk up to her and say, “Hola senorita.  Come esta.”

She replies, “I’m from India you idiot.”

My friends never let me off the hook for that one, though, I did get her and another girl into a threesome several months later.

You look like someone that would file a restraining order against me, but I'll take my chances.

Ma'am can you help me for a quick second?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

60% of the time this works every time

Wanna go back to my place and watch cable?

KaiserSoze has heard many of my attempts thoughout the years. I'm sure he remembers some.

Holy shit those were fun times... I don't even know where to start. You were the Golden Retriever of that era.
Wanna play rape?
No.
I like where this is going.

“That’s the spirit” was the response I’d heard

The true one is that I pulled the larry eustachey line and told a girl she was way to pretty to go to a school like k-state.  In my younger day I used that one about once a quarter.  The secret was to find something that you are the exact polar opposite on and then make a face like you are really let down.  Then drop "You are way too pretty to....." you get to tell the woman she disgusts you and compliment her at the same time.  It worked probably a handful of times for me with reactions ranging from a huge smile and them fucking me to them feeling insulted but needing acceptance and fucking me.  I used to be so awesome at that shit.

Way back when I was single:

I'll bet you a dollar I can make your boobs wiggle without touching them, you, or your chair. Ok? Ok. Abra-Cadabra! (Wave hands near tits, then grab tits) Aw, what the hell. It's only a dollar.

Sometimes you'd get a laugh, a number, and a fuck.

If not, at least you got to touch their tits and it only cost you a buck.

1 minute ago, Modessit said:

Way back when I was single:

I'll bet you a dollar I can make your boobs wiggle without touching them, you, or your chair. Ok? Ok. Abra-Cadabra! (Wave hands near tits, then grab tits) Aw, what the hell. It's only a dollar.

Sometimes you'd get a laugh, a number, and a fuck.

If not, at least you got to touch their tits and it only cost you a buck.

and now you would lose your job and have a court case on your hands for sexual assault. 

 

ah, the good old days.

“You wanna go get a pizza and fuck?”

”what’s the matter?  You don’t like Pizza??”

On 4/13/2018 at 8:30 AM, AM Wood said:

and now you would lose your job and have a court case on your hands for sexual assault. 

 

ah, the good old days.

Yeah that was the good old days.  I can’t count the number of times I didn’t even need a pickup line.  Just see a girl I was into, grab her ass and usually get a positive response of some form.  Worst case was probably her being interested despite pretending she was pissed.

Best pickup line I ever heard was said to me in college:

"I can give you a blowjob that will knock your socks off."

I had a girlfriend at the time, so I didn't take her up on it. Obviously, I regret that today.

Won't surprise some of you to know she lived in the Scottish Rite Dorm.

speaking of lickety split, let's meet up later, see what's going on.  i'm kidding. but seriously, let's hook up.

i’m new in town, kind of lonely. looking for my parents.

 

 

"Look at you with all those curves and me with no brakes."

 

20% success rate.

On ‎4‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 3:08 PM, elfenix said:
On ‎4‎/‎9‎/‎2018 at 2:51 PM, Brisketexan said:
...A game in which you only count hits, not at-bats.  Once you come to that realization, your entire outlook changes.  You start swinging at pitches you never would have tried for before.  Because you get an infinite number of strikes....and you only remember the pitches you drive out of the park.

Unless you're Vic, in which case you post about all the times you were hit by the pitch.  whale

 

 

FIFY

Edited by pepper brooks

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