January 12, 20205 yr I spent my youth on a production farm in the middle of nowhere, and as such worked with some very country folk. They had a lot of interesting sayings. One common one during a thunderstorm was “It’s raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.” Another more obscure one was “She fucks like a tied fighter” which is apparently some sort of dog reference. Whatcha got?
January 12, 20205 yr S/he don't know up from shootem. A (fill in your race/ethnicity/person) would steal the horns off a billygoat.
January 12, 20205 yr He’s about as worthless as tits on a boar hog.Colder than a witches tit out here.Shines like a diamond in a goats ass.Poor girl would make a train take a dirt road.My wife and I both come from the sticks, and our fathers are full of these sayings. We were just laughing about it last night at dinner.
January 12, 20205 yr Fucked like a tied up goat. Vaccinated with a phonograph needle. You'd argue with a fence post. ( I heard that one a lot from my father)
January 12, 20205 yr Darker than a well digger's ass. Somebody beat her with the ugly stick. I'm just here to eat fried chicken and help out with the fuckin'.
January 12, 20205 yr That boy's dumber'n a stump. She's purtier than a speckled pup. They're too poor to have a pot to piss in. He's meaner than rock soup. He's too dumb to pour piss out of a boot, even with instructions on the heel. Edited January 12, 20205 yr by Scheiss Meister
January 12, 20205 yr Madder than a centipede on a hot rock. Happier than a puppy with two peters. Uglier than homemade sin. Sweatin’ like a whore in church.
January 12, 20205 yr Harder than chinese arithmatic Harder than a whore's heart Harder than a preacher's dick Fuller than a tick at a dog show.
January 12, 20205 yr Had a roommate from Gilmer and when hung over it was "I feel like I got ate by a bear and shit off a cliff " RIP JLG, and fuck cancer
January 12, 20205 yr Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stickI have to piss like a three dicked mule
January 12, 20205 yr Aunt Sally's in the kitchen. (I've never found out the origin of this one, but it's used to describe a situation in which it's raining even though the sun is shining visibly.)
January 12, 20205 yr Popular Post 4 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said: Aunt Sally's in the kitchen. (I've never found out the origin of this one, but it's used to describe a situation in which it's raining even though the sun is shining visibly.) That situation is when the devil’s beating his wife.
January 12, 20205 yr 3 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said: That situation is when the devil’s beating his wife. That's got its origins among Germanic people. One of my favorite variations is "The Devil is making pancakes." ??? In some North African cultures, it's "The wolf is getting married." Long story short, people are weird. Anyway, the "Aunt Sally" version is probably British, because "Aunt Sally" figures prominently in stories where someone is getting fooled. Aunt Sally doesn't know what's up, and most of the "Aunt Sally" idioms relate to her husband stealing money for booze, or cheating on her, or tossing her cooking to the dogs when she's not looking, because in addition to being gullible, she's also apparently a bad cook.
January 12, 20205 yr He ain't worth killin'. High'r than a cat's back. I thought you was for true. Let's go eat dinner*. Piss on the fear and call in the dogs. My tireds is hangin'. *lunch
January 12, 20205 yr When something’s expensive....“Higher than giraffe pussy” Confirmations.....”Is a pigs pussy pork?”
January 12, 20205 yr My grandpa (farmer) always said, “If you don’t go to bed, you’ll never get up.” My dad grew up on that farm, and he would say, “Tighter’n a nun’s pussy.” Edited January 12, 20205 yr by ImissWallyPryor
January 12, 20205 yr Don’t know if any of these are country, but ass over teakettle shit from shinola ass from your elbow
January 12, 20205 yr 5 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said: Slicker 'n snot on a doorknob. Slicker 'n whale shit in an ice flow Colder 'n a witch's tit in a brass bra Dumb as a box of hammers Hit by an ugly stick Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch Lower than a snake's ass in a wagon rut
January 12, 20205 yr It's colder than a sack full of assholes out there. It's hotter than a sack full of assholes out there.
January 12, 20205 yr Hotter than lil sister. yeah, I don’t want to know the details. Colder than a coal miner’s asshole.
January 12, 20205 yr Damn, that boy is kinda squirrelly That (insert whatever looks fucked up) is Whopper Jawed
January 12, 20205 yr Coolest thing since sliced bread Breath so bad that it would knock a buzzard off a shitwagon. Happier than a sissy with a dick in his mouth
January 12, 20205 yr Author One of my favorites that I'll told all my buddies an then used throughout college: "I ain't gettin in no bar fight. He might know dat shit." (Referring to karate or whatever) Another from the same farmhand: "You eat pussy?" "Sure." "Not me. I ain't eaten nothing that'll make a dick puke." I spent a summer re-roofing a barn with a true country relic, and he was a world class cusser. Unfortunately that was 35 years ago so I don't remember too much of it, but he had one that he uttered daily and it was very racist. Very. Racist. Here goes: "Do you work with vim and vigor lest ye be taken for a n*****." He would walk past me and my hs best friend who I got a job on the farm with me so we could hang out, and if we weren't giving it our all he'd say "Vim and vigor vim and vigor."
January 12, 20205 yr You look like you were shot at and missed, shit at and hit. Darker than a sack of assholes. He's crooked as a boar's prick. Go to bed with the chickens, remember to wake up the rooster doing chores. So ugly they buried the baby and raised the afterbirth.
January 12, 20205 yr Kid is so dumb I bought him books for school and a mule to get there and what does he do? He stands on the books and screws the mule. He’d screw anything from a bullet hole to the crack of dawn. Happy as a peach orchard boar. Tighter than Dick’s hatband. Country as a chicken coop.
January 12, 20205 yr 2 hours ago, Beau Vine said: Did he say, “In Kansas City, it’s hotter than tourrets in a fucking wool sock?”
January 12, 20205 yr Dumber than a sack of hammers. and that looks like hammered shit crazy as a shit house rat tighter than a frog’s asshole She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet Colder than a well diggers ass Edited January 12, 20205 yr by The Dude
January 13, 20205 yr Worthless as a rented mule. Cold enough enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Any horse can fart in morning, but it takes a stout mule to fart at the end of the day. Worthless bastard could break an anvil in a sand box. He works as slow as molasses in the winter. Ran over a snake on the road going uphill. It is going to rain.
January 13, 20205 yr You are just fucked up like a football bat. You woke up this morning and took a whole bottle of dumbass pills. That one there's my pet window licker. (Used to describe the dumbest soldier in the unit)
January 13, 20205 yr Hotter than a toad frog on the fourth of July. (or a firecracker) Quicker than grain through a goose. Mean as a junk yard dog. Poor as a church mouse. Longer than there's been fishes in the ocean. Higher than any bird ever flew. Longer than there's been stars up in the heavens-sorry, wrong thread.
January 13, 20205 yr All these posts are unpossible. none of them begin with “you might be a red neck if...”
January 13, 20205 yr 2 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said: Did he say, “In Kansas City, it’s hotter than tourrets in a fucking wool sock?” He meant to say “In Kansas City, it’s hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock”
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.