January 15, 20205 yr 6 hours ago, flatdawgs said: That's fucked up purple. The difference between pink and purple is just the grip.
January 15, 20205 yr 20 hours ago, abuelo gringo said: Little pitchers have big ears. I always thought it was PICTURES, kinda like a fly on the wall. I worked with an ol' boy once who was commenting on the attractiveness of a woman at work. Someone else said she was a bit on the hefty side. His replay: Cowboys like fat calves.
January 15, 20205 yr 1 hour ago, ImissWallyPryor said: I always thought it was PICTURES, kinda like a fly on the wall. I worked with an ol' boy once who was commenting on the attractiveness of a woman at work. Someone else said she was a bit on the hefty side. His replay: Cowboys like fat calves. Nope. Water jugs, called pitchers, have large ear shaped handles. Thus little pitchers have big ears. You have to be careful what you say around kids. Edited January 15, 20205 yr by abuelo gringo
January 16, 20205 yr 6 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said: His replay: Cowboys like fat calves. Edited January 16, 20205 yr by Buffsoldier
January 16, 20205 yr 51 minutes ago, Buffsoldier said: That fucker stole it from Smokey and the Bandit?
January 16, 20205 yr My dad was an ol' country boy, used to hit us with stuff from this thread all the time. I haven't heard a lot of people use this one, but anytime I'd say "Hey" to him he'd always respond: "Straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm you'll have all three." Also, if I ever asked him to repeat himself, he'd respond with the ol' "I don't chew my cabbage twice." One of the more popular ones: "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped." MIL used to always use "Tough titty, said the kitty."
January 16, 20205 yr 5 hours ago, ulukinatme said: My dad was an ol' country boy, used to hit us with stuff from this thread all the time. I haven't heard a lot of people use this one, but anytime I'd say "Hey" to him he'd always respond: "Straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm you'll have all three." Also, if I ever asked him to repeat himself, he'd respond with the ol' "I don't chew my cabbage twice." One of the more popular ones: "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped." MIL used to always use "Tough titty, said the kitty." When we would say "hey!", my mom would always say "Hay's cheaper than corn." Never really understood what it meant, other than hay is really cheaper than corn. Oh - and if we asked "Why" about something, she would say "Cat fur, want a pair of kitten britches?" Doesn't make a lot of sense either. It was when we asked "What for?" (said what fur?) that she would answer about the kitten britches, which makes more sense. Edited January 16, 20205 yr by abuelo gringo
January 17, 20205 yr If we screwed something up, my grandfather would say....."You boys could tear up an anvil."
January 17, 20205 yr 13 hours ago, Reagan1k said: If we screwed something up, my grandfather would say....."You boys could tear up an anvil." "Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."
January 17, 20205 yr Not quite a countryism, but the difference between a countryism and an Armyism is pretty slim: One 100+ degree day on my first tour in Iraq, and on a convoy one of my peers said, "Buffsoldier, you're good at making shit up. How would you describe this heat?" "I'm sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a choir boys convention. The PFC driving the Humvee almost drove into a ditch.
January 17, 20205 yr "Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer." My old boss about a company I worked for previously: “Those retards could fuck up a wet dream”.
January 18, 20205 yr 16 hours ago, Buffsoldier said: "Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer." My Dad always went with "You could fuck up a sand pile with a ball peen hammer."
January 18, 20205 yr My dad would always tell us "only brush the teeth that you would like to keep" he would also say for a small distance was a "cunt-hair" his momma would make me wash my "flunkies" for hands probably not a Countryisms but my beer store in college in galveston was huggy bear's on broadway and owner would greet you with "sup puppy"
January 19, 20205 yr Uglier than a stump full of owls dumb as a red brick When something was crooked or out of line it was “wonky jawed”
January 19, 20205 yr "Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope."
January 21, 20205 yr Like a chicken on a June bugIf worms carried guns, birds wouldn’t mess with themIf a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bust it’s ass when it landsUseful as tits on a boar hogLike a cow pissing on a flat rockHas a burr in his saddleLooks like a bulldog eating mayonnaise
January 21, 20205 yr On 1/18/2020 at 10:34 AM, Longboard Horn said: He/she’s pitchin a fit She’s meaner than a wet panther. My mom always used "madder than a wet hen" And Wilder than a March hare
January 22, 20205 yr If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. or Beggars can't be choosers. ...I was often the unstated beggar in question.
January 22, 20205 yr Forgot this one whenever dealing with a tough situation or struggling with a task...... " It'd be easier of you plowed around that stump instead of over it." We had a lot of "cattywampus" references around my grandfather's house. "Shit's all cattywampus since you messed with my tools" Also had a lot of "boondoggles" - Interestingly I was the subject of most of these. Go figure. Edited January 22, 20205 yr by Reagan1k
January 22, 20205 yr On 1/21/2020 at 2:45 PM, General Specific said: Like a chicken on a June bug Lady today said she was on it like stink on a june bug. I guess she couldn't say like stink on shit in an auto dealers conference.
January 23, 20205 yr My grandpa used the term “post turtle”. I.e. that fella is in way over his head; he shouldn’t have gotten that job; he’s a post turtle. 10 yr Cknight asked what a post turtle was and it was explained this way: a post turtle is a turtle that is put on top of a fence post in the middle of the country. He doesn’t know how he got there, what he’s going to do and how he’s going to get off. That’s a post turtle
January 23, 20205 yr She was built when meat was cheap She’s as dumb as cotton He was as angry as a midget with a yo-yo. He could fuck up an anvil with a rubber hammer.
January 23, 20205 yr I always liked the line from Good Morning Vietnam: "You dont know whether you're shot, fucked, powder burnt, or snake bit."
January 23, 20205 yr I've been to 2 goat ropings and a rodeo and ain't seen no shit like this If tits were brains that girl would be a genius
January 23, 20205 yr Who's fuckin' this chicken? - a response to receiving unsolicited advice while trying to accomplish some task.
January 23, 20205 yr 1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said: Who's fuckin' this chicken? - a response to receiving unsolicited advice while trying to accomplish some task. Related: you’re the one fucking this chicken, I’m just holding it’s wings.
January 23, 20205 yr I don't think I've seen these, but I've been glossing. Always a big of fan of "Sweating like a whore in the front row of church". "Nervous as a dog shitting razor blades" "By a cunt hair" (unit of measurement) "Not my pig, not my farm" (not my problem) "Sweatin' like a German butcher" "Every horse rolls over some time" (explanation for doing something out of character) "Drunker than 10 Indians" (racist) "Happier'n a pig in shit" "Pert near" (pretty close) "If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle" (response to a stupid hypothetical) Words for drunk: creamed, greased, sauced, smoked, tore up Edited January 23, 20205 yr by Al_4_ISU
January 23, 20205 yr 1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said: Who's fuckin' this chicken? - a response to receiving unsolicited advice while trying to accomplish some task. Similar - who's gonna fuck this pig? - who's going to tackle this task
January 24, 20205 yr Damn that girl could suck-start a Harley You boys should put your heads together and make an ass of yourselves (Disparaging a baseball player). He couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a banjo
January 24, 20205 yr Honey, don't shoot all of the dogs because one of 'em had fleas. Edited January 24, 20205 yr by RPM
January 24, 20205 yr So I'm in need of a good countryism. My son's are 10 and 6 and I coach and scout them, so I'm around a lot of kids. I've got most of them saying yes sir and yes coach, but my pet peeve is when I address them, and they instinctively look up and say "what?" without thinking. I've been telling them "listen here, I'll never ask you a question that the answer is: what." Sometimes I'll follow up with "unless I ask you to name a unit of power". (Watt). Help me make these knuckleheads feel stupid.
January 24, 20205 yr 2 hours ago, Elvis said: So I'm in need of a good countryism. My son's are 10 and 6 and I coach and scout them, so I'm around a lot of kids. I've got most of them saying yes sir and yes coach, but my pet peeve is when I address them, and they instinctively look up and say "what?" without thinking. I've been telling them "listen here, I'll never ask you a question that the answer is: what." Sometimes I'll follow up with "unless I ask you to name a unit of power". (Watt). Help me make these knuckleheads feel stupid. "Y'all just woke up this morning and took a whole bottle of stupid pills, didn't you?" ETA: (would be "dumbass pills", but little kids and all....) Edited January 24, 20205 yr by Buffsoldier
January 24, 20205 yr In reference to a fat woman in too tight of pants: "Looks like two hogs fightin' in a gunny sack. "
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