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as a lawyer, i'm in...fuck it.

Kansas man requests 'trial by combat' with swords to settle custody battle with ex-wife

HARLAN, Iowa (AP) -

A Kansas man has asked an Iowa judge to let him engage in a sword fight with his ex-wife and her attorney so that he can “rend their souls” from their bodies.

David Ostrom, 40, of Paola, Kansas, said in a Jan. 3 court filing that his former wife, Bridgette Ostrom, 38, of Harlan, Iowa, and her attorney, Matthew Hudson, had “destroyed (him) legally.” The Ostroms have been embroiled in disputes over custody and visitation issues and property tax payments.

The judge had the power to let the parties “resolve our disputes on the field of battle, legally," David Ostrom said, adding in his filing that trial by combat "has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States."

He also asked the judge for 12 weeks' time so he could secure Japanese samurai swords.

I'd prefer maces or war hammers myself, but whatever floats his boat.

If he uses a lance, don’t get close enough to get his head squished if he has his opponent down.

How much money does it take to get a divorce?  All of it.  

Similar to boat ownership.

I was hoping for an old school pistol duel at 20 paces, but was more pleased when it turned out to be swords.  Lets make it happen.

On 1/15/2020 at 1:02 PM, Scheiss Meister said:

I'd prefer maces or war hammers myself, but whatever floats his boat.

 

Maces and war hammers are better only if your opponent is wearing plate armor. Otherwise, go with a sword.

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