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Blippi is a sign that God hates parents and wants us to suffer

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This is the dumbest motherfucking godawful children's tv show I've ever had the misfortune of having to suffer through. And I've lived through both Barney and the Teletubbies with my elder child.

I mean, at least Barney had songs, and some semblance of dignity preserved by hiding inside a purple dinosaur costume.

And Teletubbies had songs, too, and children thankfully outgrew it within moments.

This is just episode after episode of this orange and purple wearing asshole dancing like a fucking dipshit in playgrounds intended for kids a fraction of his age, as if he belongs there.

Seriously, folks. Where the fuck is Chris Hansens now that we fucking need him the most? Is he "social distancing" his ass away from Blippi?

Praise God that there aren't liquor shortages in the stores. But there isn't enough liquor in the entire British Isles to make this dumbfuck shittery tolerable.

Fuck. FUUUUUCK. IT'S FREE ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO. I should cancel my Prime account, just so my daughter can't ask to watch this fucking asshole any more. I can tell her, "Sorry, we had to cut back, can't see him any more. How about Peppa Pig?"

I fucking love Peppa Pig. At least Peppa Pig has some fantastic jokes in it just for the parents. Like the episode with the Wolf kid's birthday party, where the Wolves keep making subtle suggestions towards the sheep kid and her parents. Or the Halloween episode, where one of the kids dresses up as a vampire, the teacher says "That reminds me of the old country," and the Narrator helpfully points out that she isn't casting a reflection in the mirror. See, that's not much, but it's something.

Like we are now on our second episode of this fuckshitdickless dumbfuck playing around with toy trucks and making squeaky noises.

I can feel it, Dave. My mind is going.

OK, I've typed enough, time to see how much whiskey I have left. God.... 

  • Author

by the way, if any of you dumbfucks try to go look this up for yourselves and see just how awful it is, why don't you just go watch goatse.cx or tubgirl or something similar instead and spare your eyes the trouble

just say no

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oh thank God we're switching to PJ Masks instead

  • Author

not that pj masks is good, mind you

it's just not tv programming created by goddamned illithids.

Peppa is fucking savage 

 

1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

fucking love Peppa Pig. At least Peppa Pig has some fantastic jokes in it just for the parents. Like the episode with the Wolf kid's birthday party, where the Wolves keep making subtle suggestions towards the sheep kid and her parents. Or the Halloween episode, where one of the kids dresses up as a vampire, the teacher says "That reminds me of the old country," and the Narrator helpfully points out that she isn't casting a reflection in the mirror. See, that's not much, but it's something.

My favorite episode

 

1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

by the way, if any of you dumbfucks try to go look this up for yourselves and see just how awful it is, why don't you just go watch goatse.cx or tubgirl or something similar instead and spare your eyes the trouble

just say no

Yeah, about that

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/katienotopoulos/blippi-youtube-kids-star-harlem-shake-poop

Quote

In a hard R–rated twist, in a 2013 video that BuzzFeed News has viewed, Stevin "Blippi" John takes an explosive diarrhea shit on his nude friend’s ass in a truly shocking rendition of the “Harlem Shake” meme.

 

Quote

“Yes, I did make a gross-out comedy video when I was in my early twenties, long before I started Blippi,” John said in a statement to BuzzFeed News.

 

Edited by atomheartbevo

1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

oh thank God we're switching to PJ Masks instead

Try Ben and Holly.  There’s a season on Netflix, but a shitload on YouTube.   It’s from the people behind Peppa, same voices as well.   We actually like it.   

Apple and Onion is funny as shit. Some episodes are better than others, and it's one of those shows where you kind of need to know the characters to fully appreciate some of it, so don't bail right away if you aren't sold after one or two episodes. 

Big City Greens is also good, though I hate the little girl's hayseed accent. 

Teen Titans Go is also good. 

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We're talking about kindergarten level stuff here.

I don't know what this is but there's no way it's worse than Caillou

Edited by C-Man

  • Author
2 hours ago, Js1 said:

Peppa is fucking savage 

 

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. It's like you're wandering through the expected preschool-aged inanity, and then BAM. 

  • Author
2 minutes ago, C-Man said:

I don't know what this is but there's no way it's worse than Caillou

It's worse. WAY worse. I've survived Caillou. It's worse.

14 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

We're talking about kindergarten level stuff here.

Tumble Leaf on Amazon Prime is amazing.  It’s almost completely stop-motion, won a bunch of Emmys, and I find myself watching just to see how they constructed the sets.    It’s amazing that there are still folks able to do this.   
 

 

If you really want to hate him look up how much money he makes.

Also, When You Give a Mouse a Cookie series on Amazon Prime, based on the books, is great, but the song gets stuck in your head.   

My first grader and 4 year-old love Rugrats as well.   

The newer Thunderbirds Are Go series on Amazon Prime is also awesome, but maybe a tad older.  It’s a bunch of stop-motion mixed with CGI, and done by WETA (Lord of the Rings folks).  

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3 minutes ago, Post Oak said:

If you really want to hate him look up how much money he makes.

you shaddap

19 minutes ago, C-Man said:

I don't know what this is but there's no way it's worse than Caillou

Caillou works when you imagine that he passed away, hence the baldness and the cloudy outline around the scenes showing that it’s a past memory, and his grandma is actually narrating the stories, because she’s telling his little sister about him.  

But that’s also a horrific take and I feel bad when I mention it.  

  • Author
1 hour ago, atomheartbevo said:

Also, When You Give a Mouse a Cookie series on Amazon Prime, based on the books, is great, but the song gets stuck in your head.   

 

Yeah, those are better than the books, I think.

Solid rant. Unfortunately I knew exactly what you were talking about and was laughing my ass off reading it.

12 hours ago, Okie State said:

Solid rant. Unfortunately I knew exactly what you were talking about and was laughing my ass off reading it.

Same. Dude started by making videos for his nephew while he was in the air force

 

then he got out, the videos were doing so well on youtube, so he made more. Then amazon took notice, and now he makes a couple of million dollars a year doing the easiest thing imaginable. Props to him

Coincidentally, I've heard of Blippi (from my 1st grade class), but my own 7 year-old has no idea who he is.  Blippi sucks.  He's like a wannabe PeeWee Herman w/ pseudo educational value and no humor.

Now, if you really want to punch someone in the face, try FGTV.

  • Author
22 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

Tumble Leaf on Amazon Prime is amazing.  It’s almost completely stop-motion, won a bunch of Emmys, and I find myself watching just to see how they constructed the sets.    It’s amazing that there are still folks able to do this.   
 

 

Watching our first-ever Tumble Leaf episode together now. You're right. It's fantastic. My daughter even agrees it's better than Blippi. We're saved!

8 hours ago, GreenspointTexas said:

Same. Dude started by making videos for his nephew while he was in the air force

 

then he got out, the videos were doing so well on youtube, so he made more. Then amazon took notice, and now he makes a couple of million dollars a year doing the easiest thing imaginable. Props to him

Awww... now I feel bad for making the OP and trashing him. :(  Edit: Except for the millions of dollars thing. Fuck that.

Edited by Rimbo

Excavatooooooooooor excavatoooooooor hey dirt see ya later!



One thing about blippi vs other YouTube kid show “stars”.... he doesn’t have a 7 year old screaming into the camera

43 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

Watching our first-ever Tumble Leaf episode together now. You're right. It's fantastic. My daughter even agrees it's better than Blippi. We're saved!

Yeah, it’s mesmerizing for little kids.   Like I said, having grown up watching a bunch of stop-motion movies, I’m in awe of the technical expertise behind it.   And it does not annoy me one bit.   And my wife as well.  It’s one of the few shows we will let the kids binge.  

Yeah, I couldn't watch that guy for more than a nanosecond.

My kids are teenagers now, but whenever they fuck up I still use "You have caused confusion and delay!" from Thomas the Train.

I had a thing for Nina on The Goodnight Show.  She still around?

buPZTu--oVF3pHFyIJTVbi8e1BWAjjS6YZSYOJF7n8Y.thumb.jpg.b929c0c375ae706b16625c4cd62a8624.jpg

1 hour ago, Mach 1 said:

Yeah, I couldn't watch that guy for more than a nanosecond.

My kids are teenagers now, but whenever they fuck up I still use "You have caused confusion and delay!" from Thomas the Train.

I had a thing for Nina on The Goodnight Show.  She still around?

buPZTu--oVF3pHFyIJTVbi8e1BWAjjS6YZSYOJF7n8Y.thumb.jpg.b929c0c375ae706b16625c4cd62a8624.jpg

Had?   I still do.  She’s around.  https://michelelepe.com

  • 3 months later...
  • Author

Help. She's watching it again.

"Please. Anything. Anything but Blippi."

"Blippiiiiiii!"

She was into Phineas and Ferb for a bit. THAT is fucking awesome. Pretty sure that Blippi is one of Doofenshmirtz's plots to rot our minds.

halp

  • Author
On 3/29/2020 at 4:58 PM, atomheartbevo said:

Yeah, it’s mesmerizing for little kids.   Like I said, having grown up watching a bunch of stop-motion movies, I’m in awe of the technical expertise behind it.   And it does not annoy me one bit.   And my wife as well.  It’s one of the few shows we will let the kids binge.  

The show itself is dumb. But the animation is incredible. And the crab in the intro of every episode cracks me up. LOVE Tumble Leaf. But no. Not today. Today, we have to watch Future To Catch A Predator Guest Star Blippi.

Stickman, room on the broom, are all good as well.
But seriously, suck it up. One day she won’t want you to watch with her.

2 hours ago, Rimbo said:

She was into Phineas and Ferb for a bit. THAT is fucking awesome.

I could watch Phineas and Ferb all the time with my kids.

Get her on Rugrats.   The adults crack me up and hit a little too close to home.

Or get Disney+ and run through the Disney Junior stuff and the Toy Story movies, but not 3.  Skip 3 for now.

3 hours ago, Rimbo said:

Help. She's watching it again.

"Please. Anything. Anything but Blippi."

"Blippiiiiiii!"

She was into Phineas and Ferb for a bit. THAT is fucking awesome. Pretty sure that Blippi is one of Doofenshmirtz's plots to rot our minds.

halp

Just start her captain marvel and work your way through endgame. Thanks throwing his only love his daughter off a cliff is something tall fathers/daughters should watch together at a young age to help establish how things are going to work

My 5 YO loved Peppa and Dinosaur Train at age 3+ (I really enjoyed watching both with her).  At age 4, somebody turned her on to "The Paw Patrol."  I love dogs, but if I could send those fuckers to North Korea to be made into stew, I would.  She's just now weening off of Paw Patrol.  I fucking hate them.  The show sucks, the toys are expensive and shitty, and I fucking hate the show.  T

There was an episode where Chase, the German Shepherd Police dog, had a cold.  So in real life, her Chase stuffed animal had a cold.  For three goddamn months.  Little did I know this was a precursor to Covid-19.  Every day before work/school, we try to have some daddy-daughter play time.  For three months, that consisted of us tucking Chase in on the sofa and her just making coughing sounds for 90 minutes and us bringing him pretend soup.  She wouldn't talk to me or play anything else or let me play music while we played.  We just had to sit there and "listen" to Chase coughing and pat his head.  Three months of quality, interactive, and educational play just gone from because of that stupid fucking episode.  Who makes a cartoon about a dog with a cough?  People on acid?  Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.  

Any other cool show recommendations for a 5 year old that at least try to have some semblance of moral or educational uplift?  

Wife and I couldn't take blippy so we stopped letting our 2 year old watch it and tried a bunch of other stuff. He liked Steve and Maggie even better. It's pretty annoying, it's a British guy and a bird puppet that's just him in falsetto. But it's educational and Steve isn't a pedophile who shits on his friends so there's that.

 

Blippy is not just annoying but he's creepy and doesn't provide any sort of education potential.

This reminds me a lot of this.  Worth the six minutes.  If you can't afford six minutes, start about 2:00 in.  
 

 

Edited by phdhorn

2 hours ago, Lobo said:

Any other cool show recommendations for a 5 year old that at least try to have some semblance of moral or educational uplift?  

Ben and Holly is from the same group that did Peppa Pig, could try and get them on that - the same voices might interest them.   Like I said, Rugrats is very tolerable as a parent. Tumbleleaf is fascinating from a technical point of view.

There's a bunch of stuff that's fairly new to Netflix, that's.....better than Blippi.

Or there's around 30 years of Simpsons...

I've watched that Groove Tube sketch probably 50 times and I still lose my shit when he opens up the first book "Fanny Hill" and lights his cigarette.  35 years since I first watched it and I crack the fuck up.  Have some rep.

Edited by Lobo

@lobo have you tried wild Kratts or Molly of Denali?  Thanks to WK, our kids have been dropping random animal facts since they were 4. They definitely have a better shot at IDing some random animal outside of the SE TX region than I do at this point

Edited by UT_OB1

7 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Settle a dispute for me. Archer is cool for an 8 year old right?  Sister totally overreacting 

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2 minutes ago, UT_OB1 said:

@lobo have you tried wild Kratts or Molly of Denali?  Thanks to WK, our kids have been dropping random animal facts since they were 4. 

Molly has a solid (and free) app for iPads/Androids.

Also Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum is really cool for little kids who might develop an interest in history.

Edited by atomheartbevo

34 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

Molly has a solid (and free) app for iPads/Androids.

Also Xavier Riddle and the Secret Museum is really cool for little kids who might develop an interest in history.

Holy shit. Thanks for the recs. Didn’t know those were there. So much crap in the store I just gave up looking a long time ago. Only thing I got was Starfall

I used to hate Blippy, but then I realized anybody who has a song about excavators and skid steers is alright. There was also one where he was looking at a charger police car or something and he said something about the cool being under the hood. So the guy clearly likes cars and construction equipment and wants to teach little kids about it. At least when my kid is watching Blippy I don't have to worry about it being some random YouTube video that might not be appropriate. 

1 minute ago, UT_OB1 said:

Holy shit. Thanks for the recs. Didn’t know those were there. So much crap in the store I just gave up looking a long time ago. Only thing I got was Starfall

PBS apps are actually pretty good.  Cat in the House.  Ready Jet Go is a good one as well - bunch of STEM stuff in the app and on the show.

  • Author

Just about anything on PBS Kids is great. Love Curious George. And there's a reason Sesame Street is still on today... They always leave the best jokes for the parents.

Damn straight.  We still watch Sesame street every now and again.  My youngest (15 months) will be old enough to start engaging and enjoying it in another few months, I'm excited for that.  

The movie parodies they do on HBO are great.  I forget their clever title, but it was based on "Boardwalk Empire."   My wife and I cracked up and watched it a half dozen times while our oldest just stared at us in confusion.  

My 2 year old just started watching Blippi. Hes incredibly annoying. My wife was very depressed when she read Blippi is making several million a year.

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