Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Fitlump fucking won a Austin City Council seat, Now on to Congress 2026!

Featured Replies

  • Popular Post

https://www.kvue.com/article/news/local/mackenzie-kelly-running-for-austin-city-council/269-b9e22fde-eaec-45e7-b81c-a6b7de4deb4b

https://www.facebook.com/mackenzieforaustin

Quote

Mackenzie Kelly, the president of Take Back Austin and a northwest Austin native, on Wednesday filed paperwork launching her campaign for Austin City Council, District 6.

“We could tell Councilman Flannigan to take a hike, but we don't have to – 'Downtown Jimmy' has been deeply embedded with his City Hall cronies ever since taking office,” Kelly said in a press release Thursday. “It's time for us to not just fix the city but take it back for all Austinites, starting with our many neighborhoods, and not just bureaucratic interests and the whims of urban planners.”

Quote

She says another focus of her time will be to support the law enforcement community, which is now facing an officer shortage. Kelly was recently elected the president of the 100th class of the Austin Police Department's Citizen Police Academy.

Quote

Additionally, Kelly served the Jollyville Fire Department from 2005 to 2013. She is now employed in the health care sector, working alongside frontline workers who care for the elderly.

 

spacer.png

 

Edited by atomheartbevo

  • Replies 5.8k
  • Views 465k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

Posted Images

Just now, atomheartbevo said:

working alongside frontline workers who care for the elderly.

Alongside - literally.  Not working with them, just alongside of them taking selfies while other people do real work in the background.

Edited by Reagan1k

I'm sure the people in her district need to see those pics of her tits she posted on Shaggy in order to cast an informed vote. 

Anyone got that gif of her working out in some park while she "trained" for that women's football league?

It kinda looks like a special Olympics kid who's been winged.

Citizen Police Academy President.  They have a list on their site. https://www.austintexas.gov/department/citizen-police-academy

  • Meet the Chief - More like Blow the Chief
  • Perspectives of Racial Profiling 
  • Recruiting
  • APD Cadet Training
  • Internal Affairs
  • Special Investigative Unit
  • District Representatives
  • Emergency Communications/PIO - Remember her radio 'career'
  • Response to Resistance
  • Crisis Intervention - Mailing panties to prisoners
  • Critical Incidents - Remember the broken wrist?  And her amazing healing powers
  • Family Violence - everything she has put her daughter through, even though she doesn't have custody
  • Sex Crimes  -  Cam Girl
  • Gang Unit - "gamer gate?".  She didn't even understand what it was and used the stolen rant to argue the wrong side.  
  • Human Trafficking - She had to kidnap those two goofy fuckers who hung out with her.  Quagmire and the other dude.
  • Bomb Squad
  • K-9
  • S.W.A.T
  • Air Operations
  • Burglary
  • Robbery
  • Homicide
  • Cold Case -  Maybe Romeo Rose can testify to this.  
  • ARIC
  • INTEL
  • Highway Enforcement
  • DWI - I'm betting several
  • Mounted Patrol - That ladders drill on the hill looked like a drunk Tennessee Walking horse
  • Animal Cruelty  -  Using some mutt as a 'service animal
  • APD Explorers/Police Activities League (PAL)

Harvard grads often find their way to Public service !!!!!

Edited by tx 3 putt

8 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Think Lance will support her candidacy?

Well, if he intends to do so, he needs to do it soon, because she's......on the clock.....

d76404bf2ae866e6c74343e014325a4ac2001634

Who has her cam girl pics?  Those can get posted on here.  Those other ones would need to go to another location.  

  • Author
14 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Cold Case -  Maybe Romeo Rose can testify to this.  

He really dropped off the face of the...oh, I see what you did there.

14 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Emergency Communications/PIO - Remember her radio 'career'

And social media.  And combining the two.

Quote

On Tuesday Feb. 26 2013, Social Media expert Mackenzie Ann Kelly (@MKelly007) brings the Travis County Amateur Radio Emergency Service up to speed on the critical role Social Media plays in Emergency Management and Response. Free and open to the public. 7:00 PM at the UT Applied Research Laboratories (ARL Labs http://goo.gl/maps/T00YB) at 10000 Burnet Rd at the corner of Rutland in Austin, Texas.

Edited by atomheartbevo

  • Author

I don't know what her end game is, but she's been playing a really long game.  She's certainly tenacious and willing to spend money on it.

35 minutes ago, Continental Op said:

I'm sure the people in her district need to see those pics of her tits she posted on Shaggy in order to cast an informed vote. 

 

26 minutes ago, Foosters said:

Anyone got that gif of her working out in some park while she "trained" for that women's football league?

It kinda looks like a special Olympics kid who's been winged.

 

10 minutes ago, Leeroy Jenkins said:

Who has her cam girl pics?  Those can get posted on here.  Those other ones would need to go to another location.  

Go on

27 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Citizen Police Academy President.  They have a list on their site. https://www.austintexas.gov/department/citizen-police-academy

  • Meet the Chief - More like Blow the Chief
  • Perspectives of Racial Profiling 
  • Recruiting
  • APD Cadet Training
  • Internal Affairs
  • Special Investigative Unit
  • District Representatives
  • Emergency Communications/PIO - Remember her radio 'career'
  • Response to Resistance
  • Crisis Intervention - Mailing panties to prisoners
  • Critical Incidents - Remember the broken wrist?  And her amazing healing powers
  • Family Violence - everything she has put her daughter through, even though she doesn't have custody
  • Sex Crimes  -  Cam Girl
  • Gang Unit - "gamer gate?".  She didn't even understand what it was and used the stolen rant to argue the wrong side.  
  • Human Trafficking - She had to kidnap those two goofy fuckers who hung out with her.  Quagmire and the other dude.
  • Bomb Squad
  • K-9
  • S.W.A.T
  • Air Operations
  • Burglary
  • Robbery
  • Homicide
  • Cold Case -  Maybe Romeo Rose can testify to this.  
  • ARIC
  • INTEL
  • Highway Enforcement
  • DWI - I'm betting several
  • Mounted Patrol - That ladders drill on the hill looked like a drunk Tennessee Walking horse
  • Animal Cruelty  -  Using some mutt as a 'service animal
  • APD Explorers/Police Activities League (PAL)

I was at her graduation ceremony late last year.  My GF and I went to support one of her coworkers who was in the same class, and guess who’s there...

ECAA5264-1133-4-F2-F-97-C6-A7790129-E2-D

37 minutes ago, Foosters said:

Anyone got that gif of her working out in some park while she "trained" for that women's football league?

It kinda looks like a special Olympics kid who's been winged.

Someone please find and post that, it is hilarious.  Some poster on TOS had a sped up version of it as their avatar and I laughed every time I saw it.  

Someone (not me! sweatergawd) archived the highlights of the NSFW thread from TOS and posted them online. Ya know, for posterity.  Includes her cam girl profile, the bolt-ons etc. 

Is this the right thread to post that in?  Asking first cuz it includes posts that weren’t public on TOS. 

54 minutes ago, Foggy Notion said:

I was at her graduation ceremony late last year.  My GF and I went to support one of her coworkers who was in the same class, and guess who’s there...

ECAA5264-1133-4-F2-F-97-C6-A7790129-E2-D

Foggy, How in the fuck have you kept this to yourself all of this time?  

From the website:  https://takebackaustin.org/

I'm going to need an interpreter for this sentence from Ms. Kelly

In recent years, the current state of our City has built increasing concern in me more each day.

She apparently didn't have even one person proof the text: 

This growing concern has made it so that I could no longer sit back and watch the downfall of our once great home, it has forced me to take action.

 I believe and stand for transparency, accountability and leadership.

 

Edited by hullabelew

  • Popular Post
2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Foggy, How in the fuck have you kept this to yourself all of this time?  

I had Surly in mind when I took the photo, but honestly, it just didn’t seem “newsworthy” enough to post.  Just felt like I’d be giving the horse the attention she so desperately craves.  When it got mentioned up thread, I went back in my phone and still had the pic.

This conversation happened in hush tones in the house of the Lord.  (The graduation took place in a church.)

GF: Who’s that?  Why are you taking her picture?

FN: That’s FitLump. From Shaggy. 

GF: Who?

FN: FitLump. Remember I told you about her a few years ago?  That’s the batshit crazy bitch that showed her tits on Shaggy and then ran for City Council.

GF: Oh yeah.  Didn’t she bang someone kinda famous or something?

FN: Yeah, Lance Armstrong.  And Romeo Rose.

GF: Romeo who?
 

She may just horn her way into office. 

5 hours ago, Continental Op said:

I'm sure the people in her district need to see those pics of her tits she posted on Shaggy in order to cast an informed vote. 

Wait - wut???

3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

From the website:  https://takebackaustin.org/

WTF is going on in her pic there?  Her fivehead...has a fivehead.  I don't hunt much, how many points does that count for?

And holy shit, I don't think I've seen anyone this side of Gary Busey look crazier in a pic.  You all need to do your civic duty...elect this nutjob. 

I'm sure the people in her district need to see those pics of her tits she posted on Shaggy in order to cast an informed vote. 

When she posted the pics, didn’t she say “it’s not like I’m running for office or anything “ in literally the same post? Lol that’s how I remember it at least.
14 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

Wait - wut???

There was a thread on TOS called "8 days to new boobs" or somesuch where she posted pics of her old tits and her new tits.  

21 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

Wait - wut???

Heheh... Even I saw that train wreck soap opera. Classic Shaggy it was.

Even though I don’t live in Austin I might mail in some ballots. She would be a hoot(er).

Edited by Armybrat

3 minutes ago, Continental Op said:

There was a thread on TOS called "8 days to new boobs" or somesuch where she posted pics of her old tits and her new tits.  

I've been brought up to speed via pvt message.  I don't know what to say but I'll try to string a sentence or two together.  You really could not make this shit up.  And the nickname fitlump.  Holy shit this place just nails everything...including fitlump.  Literally?

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

From the website:  https://takebackaustin.org/

I'm going to need an interpreter for this sentence from Ms. Kelly

In recent years, the current state of our City has built increasing concern in me more each day.

She apparently didn't have even one person proof the text: 

This growing concern has made it so that I could no longer sit back and watch the downfall of our once great home, it has forced me to take action.

 I believe and stand for transparency, accountability and leadership.

 

 

 

 

Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me I'm hot. What? Taxes they'll be lower son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.

5 hours ago, Leeroy Jenkins said:

Who has her cam girl pics?  Those can get posted on here.  Those other ones would need to go to another location.  

She is a great source of laughs and guffaws.

nsfw

 

spacer.png

spacer.png

spacer.png

spacer.png

spacer.png

Edited by pacman

Holy shit "It's not like I'm running for office" has to be one of the best long game self owns of all time.

  • Author
1 hour ago, ChiTownDoc said:

You all need to do your civic duty...elect this nutjob. 

 

1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Even though I don’t live in Austin I might mail in some ballots. She would be a hoot(er).

I would love for her to get a seat on the city council.  It's exactly what this city deserves, and her social media would be off the rails.

23 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

V5Xwqw9.gif

<can’t stop staring>
 

I almost felt bad for laughing then saw her in the post above making fun of someone else.  The lack of self awareness is mind bottling.  

And NorthLoop doing God’s work...who would have ever guessed?

Edited by ChiTownDoc

2 hours ago, ChiTownDoc said:

WTF is going on in her pic there?  Her fivehead...has a fivehead.  I don't hunt much, how many points does that count for?

And holy shit, I don't think I've seen anyone this side of Gary Busey look crazier in a pic.  You all need to do your civic duty...elect this nutjob. 

Well it's Austin so... there's a pretty damn good chance it will happen.

 

And I for one welcome... nope, can't say it.

Well in her last city council election, I believe she got dead last out of 5 candidates. 

9 hours ago, ChiTownDoc said:

<can’t stop staring>
 

I almost felt bad for laughing then saw her in the post above making fun of someone else.  The lack of self awareness is mind bottling.  

And NorthLoop doing God’s work...who would have ever guessed?

ChiTown we watched that debate livestreamed. Her responses were very Miss South Carolina esque. Basically babbling incoherent and never actually answering the questions at hand. There were some great reaction shots of the other candidates while she was speaking as well. I'll see if I can dig them up. 

She left lingerie football off her resume.

And don't forget--she announced her presence on that "My friend ricky post wayyy too many mussel pics on FB!!" thread.  I think she worked at ShowPalace and said she would never show the nudes (LOLOLOL).  Ricky was a messed up dude.  Horn and Ricky were buds.  I bet Ricky can tell plenty of good stories about her past.  There could be one about Horn getting Eiffel Towered. Who knows.  Is Ricky still locked up?

Edited by Shaggy3.0

Jimmy is the most rational  and analytical member of the city council. It would be a big hit to the city if he lost.

  • Author
16 hours ago, hullabelew said:

In recent years, the current state of our City has built increasing concern in me more each day.

She apparently didn't have even one person proof the text: 

This growing concern has made it so that I could no longer sit back and watch the downfall of our once great home, it has forced me to take action.

“In recent years, the current state of our Football Program has built increasing concern in me more each day.   This growing concern has made it so that I could no longer sit back and watch the downfall of our once great team, it has forced me to take action and fly a banner.”

- Drunk Surly

23 minutes ago, Shaggy3.0 said:

And don't forget--she announced her presence on that "My friend ricky post wayyy too many mussel pics on FB!!" thread.  I think she worked at ShowPalace and said she would never show the nudes (LOLOLOL).  Ricky was a messed up dude.  Horn and Ricky were buds.  I bet Ricky can tell plenty of good stories about her past.  There could be one about Horn getting Eiffel Towered. Who knows.  Is Ricky still locked up?

page 17 has this, which should be the entirety of her campaign. 

1126-james-hong-4.jpg

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.