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There is actually NOT a limit to the number of times Bijan can touch the ball in a game. 

Learn your zip code and quarterback's full name. You never know when you might need them.

Explain to your wife that airplane doors should always remained closed during flight.

If a player is shitty at football, it's okay not to play them, even if they're in the schematically appropriate position and seem nice and have tried really hard during practice and are older than their potential replacements.

Don’t piss down my back and tel me it’s raining. We all understand that you know more about football than we do, but if the product is shit, accept the blame and fix it.

No one cares who bled for the program.  Play the best players at every position.  If someone's feelings get hurt, they can leave.  This is not a welfare program, it's the god damned University of Texas.  Let's stop being pussies and run up the score on some MFers.

Also, no pee charts.

 

These 3 things.

Edited by dcbc

30 minutes ago, Assman said:

No one cares who bled for the program.  Play the best players at every position.  If someone's feelings get hurt, they can leave.  This is not a welfare program, it's the god damned University of Texas.  Let's stop being pussies and run up the score on some MFers.

Also, no pee charts.

 

Exactly.  Don't want to hear stories of piss color.  Don't want to hear about creating culture.  Don't want to hear how hard it is to win.  Just fucking win.  Nothing else matters.  

Also, know that we don't care about how great Sunday practice is if it doesn't translate to the field on Saturdays. Keep that shit to yourself.

14. No binders.
15. Winning is not hard.
16. Momentum is real.
17. No one cares if you are a member of Mensa.

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