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  • Scheiss Meister
    Scheiss Meister

    The day I retired I set an auto reply that said something like "As of EOB today I will be retired.  If you expect me to reply to an email after 10:00 am today, you will be disappointed."  At the 3:00

  • Ghost of NMAS
    Ghost of NMAS

    I hate the people that ignore it when they have the right of way and try to wave me through first, it just fucks up the system and delays everyone

Posted Images

#6702
6 minutes ago, TexArcher said:

I'm sure this has been mentioned multiple times by now, but people who talk on their cell phones in public restrooms.  You're not guiding a resident through an emergency surgery or anything else that couldn't have waited 90 seconds.

It also annoys me when I don't have a massive fart to rip at that moment and I have to settle for flushing the toilet several times in a row so the person on the other end knows what a low class degenerate their friend/boyfriend is.

I hope you drop your phone in the urinal.

This every time. 

  • Author
#6704

people who don't go with the others on their side at the stop sign.  anywhere from being a car length back to just not going.  everybody go at the same time.  not fucking hard.

#6705
4 hours ago, TexArcher said:

Also, when the classic rock station plays Pat Benatar, who is neither classic, nor rock.

Maybe it's their best shot...

#6706

mom texted me yesterday asking me to get her this am/fm radio from Amazon after her 30 year old one finally bit it. put the model she requested in the shopping cart aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i have to "save for later" the 127 items in the shopping cart my wife put there.

#6711
1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Unpoppable nutsack pimples. 

 

*feel free to use that name for your next ska/punk band name. 

Perhaps you should wash off the peanut butter that your dog doesn’t get to in order to prevent that. 

#6714
2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Unpoppable nutsack pimples. 

 

*feel free to use that name for your next ska/punk band name. 

Perfect opportunity to fake an orgasm should the need to presents itself. 

#6715
18 hours ago, immortal13 said:

The puddle of piss in front of every public urinal. 

 

18 hours ago, mdmost said:

I mean it's as if guys just piss right on the floor on purpose. I get you might be crooked but the lip on the urinal is pretty wide and you still find a way to miss it. 

Or the fucking guys who are so important as to having to be on the phone while pissing at the urinal in a public restroom.

 

See below as I just saw TexArcher's comment.

Edited by PittsburghTiger

#6716
14 hours ago, TexArcher said:

I'm sure this has been mentioned multiple times by now, but people who talk on their cell phones in public restrooms.  You're not guiding a resident through an emergency surgery or anything else that couldn't have waited 90 seconds.

It also annoys me when I don't have a massive fart to rip at that moment and I have to settle for flushing the toilet several times in a row so the person on the other end knows what a low class degenerate their friend/boyfriend is.

I hope you drop your phone in the urinal.

You are correct!

#6717
On 7/12/2019 at 5:09 PM, BrazilHorn said:

People that get on elevator for one flight of stairs. WTF Lazy Ass

Farting in the stairwell isn't nearly as satisfying as farting in the elevator.

#6718
12 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

mom texted me yesterday asking me to get her this am/fm radio from Amazon after her 30 year old one finally bit it. put the model she requested in the shopping cart aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i have to "save for later" the 127 items in the shopping cart my wife put there.

What kind of dumbass shares an Amazon account with his wife?

#6720
On 7/10/2019 at 9:48 PM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Should probably go in the getting old sucks thread, but ear hairs.  Not inside the ear, but I get this one that grows on the top, only it’s not like an actual hair, it’s more like 30lb monofilament line.  I can feel it up there but if I yank it out it’ll bleed.  Guess I should just tie a snap swivel on it.  

The inside the ears ones suck also.  When they stick out far enough that you can feel them and you start playing, "Froggy went a'courtin" on them.  Plus they are rooted somewhere in your brain when they finally get long enough to pluck.

#6721
On 7/11/2019 at 2:42 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

This was my father, except for the fact that he would use his dictaphone to record his replies.

If he saw something on the Internet that he wanted to share with someone, he would print it out, have his secretary scan it, email it to him, and then he would forward you the PDF.

It took years to convince him that there was an easier way. 

I remember trying to explain how fax machines work to my dad around early 1990s.  I remember his uncomprehending look at the data being reduced and sent over a phone line, and finally giving up and saying, "it's fucking magic, pop, it's magic."

#6722
Just now, baboso said:

I remember trying to explain how fax machines work to my dad around early 1990s.  I remember his uncomprehending look at the data being reduced and sent over a phone line, and finally giving up and saying, "it's fucking magic, pop, it's magic."

Did he watch TV ? Did he think it was a magic box ?

#6725
15 hours ago, baboso said:

Pretty much.  He could grasp the airwaves but after that...

Heh heh. When we got our first Tahoe, it had Onstar. The kids accidentally locked the doors with the keys inside at the wifes grandmothers house (in her late 80's at the time).

We called Onstar to get them to unlock it. We explained they were sending a signal to a satellite to open the doors remotely.   She was freaking out that we were calling a satellite to come over her house, and that it might crash thru her roof.

Edited by Onboard 2.0

#6727

People that send work emails over the weekend that can easily wait until Monday morning.  No one is impressed that you’re working over the weekend writing a work email.

And if it’s something that you need to write, set it to send Monday AM.

#6728
5 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:




 

 


Why would you pay for 2 prime accounts

 

#supportjeffsalimony

#6729
1 hour ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

People that send work emails over the weekend that can easily wait until Monday morning.  No one is impressed that you’re working over the weekend writing a work email.

And if it’s something that you need to write, set it to send Monday AM.

My company enforces mandatory PTO during one holiday week a year-- it was Thanksgiving last year, the Fourth of July this year. The company is essentially "closed", although mission critical departments like tech support stay open. It's extremely fashionable among those who think splashing in the water is the same as swimming to send emails throughout the dormant week, in case you don't already think they're super important.

I gotta "work", through the night and through the weekend and through national holidays, because if I don't...  that work I'm inventing for myself won't get "done", and what will happen to our 2,000-person publicly-traded company if the mission I've invented for myself fails??? Don't you see what I'm sacrificing? How important this all is? So, please, when YOU finally get back in the office after the holiday I'm too important to take, let me know what you think about changing the banner color on the website from goldenrod to canary.

#6730
The easier way I was referring to was simply copying and forwarding the URL - I would never have attempted to explain printing to a PDF to my dad. 
That's next, next, next level shit from where he maxxed out his technological give-a-shit meter. 
He passed away about two years ago, and he was still using Ask Jeeves right up until the end. 
Helped my grandpa setup a computer in the late 90s. I was using it a few weeks later and he had a post it off to the side for a link. He had handwritten the entire url, something along the lines of www.yahoo.mail/hkpshebaeer3345427dus.com
#6731
5 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

My company enforces mandatory PTO during one holiday week a year-- it was Thanksgiving last year, the Fourth of July this year. The company is essentially "closed", although mission critical departments like tech support stay open. It's extremely fashionable among those who think splashing in the water is the same as swimming to send emails throughout the dormant week, in case you don't already think they're super important.

I gotta "work", through the night and through the weekend and through national holidays, because if I don't...  that work I'm inventing for myself won't get "done", and what will happen to our 2,000-person publicly-traded company if the mission I've invented for myself fails??? Don't you see what I'm sacrificing? How important this all is? So, please, when YOU finally get back in the office after the holiday I'm too important to take, let me know what you think about changing the banner color on the website from goldenrod to canary.

If you're under 40 and one of the people that doesn't work over a weekend or holiday, you'll get labeled as a lazy millenial by several old people who are in charge of your future. Because that's 'murica 2019.

#6733
17 minutes ago, 'stache said:

If you're under 40 and one of the people that doesn't work over a weekend or holiday, you'll get labeled as a lazy millenial by several old people who are in charge of your future. Because that's 'murica 2019.

 Is that the new corporate reality ? I'm over 40, and routinely work weekends. How you work is your bidnezz. If you can handle your shit in 20 hours good for you. If you wanna work the weekend go for it. Just get it done on time, and correctly.  Oh, and get me a bag of weed while yer out for lunch...

#6738

One good thing about millennials is that they've gotten the two generations before them to accept that this bullshit notion of how many hours you're in the office is just that, complete bullshit.  For years, people bragged about how many hours they put in at the office.  I had to live at a few officers over the years to appease superiors.  Maybe it's the smart phone, maybe it's millennials, maybe I'm just older and give less of a shit nowadays but yeah, that one of the top 3 benchmarks for success was "putting in the hours."  I've employed so many people over the years that worked 70 hours a week for me and accomplished so little, it was frightening.  And I've employed people that worked maybe 30 hours a week and done extraordinary work that I felt fortunate to have them on my team.  But "hard work" and "putting the hours" in are such bullshit.  You're moving cells around an excel spreadsheet, that's not hard work.  It's hard on your brain, and it is technically work.  But it's not "Hard Work."  Hard work is an off-shore oil rig worker, or an EMT, or a submariner.  

#6739
1 minute ago, Lobo said:

One good thing about millennials is that they've gotten the two generations before them to accept that this bullshit notion of how many hours you're in the office is just that, complete bullshit.  For years, people bragged about how many hours they put in at the office.  I had to live at a few officers over the years to appease superiors.  Maybe it's the smart phone, maybe it's millennials, maybe I'm just older and give less of a shit nowadays but yeah, that one of the top 3 benchmarks for success was "putting in the hours."  I've employed so many people over the years that worked 70 hours a week for me and accomplished so little, it was frightening.  And I've employed people that worked maybe 30 hours a week and done extraordinary work that I felt fortunate to have them on my team.  But "hard work" and "putting the hours" in are such bullshit.  You're moving cells around an excel spreadsheet, that's not hard work.  It's hard on your brain, and it is technically work.  But it's not "Hard Work."  Hard work is an off-shore oil rig worker, or an EMT, or a submariner.  

You saying hookers don't work hard ?

#6740
2 hours ago, Lobo said:

One good thing about millennials is that they've gotten the two generations before them to accept that this bullshit notion of how many hours you're in the office is just that, complete bullshit.  For years, people bragged about how many hours they put in at the office.  I had to live at a few officers over the years to appease superiors.  Maybe it's the smart phone, maybe it's millennials, maybe I'm just older and give less of a shit nowadays but yeah, that one of the top 3 benchmarks for success was "putting in the hours."  I've employed so many people over the years that worked 70 hours a week for me and accomplished so little, it was frightening.  And I've employed people that worked maybe 30 hours a week and done extraordinary work that I felt fortunate to have them on my team.  But "hard work" and "putting the hours" in are such bullshit.  You're moving cells around an excel spreadsheet, that's not hard work.  It's hard on your brain, and it is technically work.  But it's not "Hard Work."  Hard work is an off-shore oil rig worker, or an EMT, or a submariner.  

You just described The Village People.

#6741

Yep, the "Hardest Working" band in showbiz...

#6742

Indian Chief has got to be just brutal. Pow-wows, squaws, setting up and tearing down teepees. Not to mention the white men and their ways. Sheesh.

#6744

Watching The Thomas Crown Affair (the remake) and Brosnan is stealing a Monet. He folds said Monet in half in a brief case.  Folds ..............a Monet ............  in half  !!

I get surly every time I see that scene.  I do get to see Rene Rouseau semi naked so there is that.

#6745

When ESPN and other sports outlets start reporting on Madden video game ratings. Let the nerd gamer blogs cover that shit. It's meaningless to me.

#6746
On ‎7‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 8:33 AM, Lobo said:

One good thing about millennials is that they've gotten the two generations before them to accept that this bullshit notion of how many hours you're in the office is just that, complete bullshit.  For years, people bragged about how many hours they put in at the office.  I had to live at a few officers over the years to appease superiors.  Maybe it's the smart phone, maybe it's millennials, maybe I'm just older and give less of a shit nowadays but yeah, that one of the top 3 benchmarks for success was "putting in the hours."  I've employed so many people over the years that worked 70 hours a week for me and accomplished so little, it was frightening.  And I've employed people that worked maybe 30 hours a week and done extraordinary work that I felt fortunate to have them on my team.  But "hard work" and "putting the hours" in are such bullshit.  You're moving cells around an excel spreadsheet, that's not hard work.  It's hard on your brain, and it is technically work.  But it's not "Hard Work."  Hard work is an off-shore oil rig worker, or an EMT, or a submariner.  

The people in my company who work the longest hours have typically been the ones who waste the most time during the workday. And yes they never fail to let the world know how many hours they're "working". I have no interest in people like that.

 

 

#6747

I had a guy that was taking an awkward stand in telling me that they (as LP's) prefer managers that are available, in the office at 7:00a.  And keep in mind, no timezone difference, they're in Dallas.  I told him, I make my daughter breakfast and drive her to school 3-4 days a week and I don't take calls while I'm doing that unless it's a serious, safety emergency.  I'm at your service though at 9:00a until 11:00p, Monday thru Saturday.  I'm not necessarily in the office obviously, but I'm available, but leave me the fuck alone before 9:00a.  That's my time with my family.  I'm also available every holiday except MLK and Memorial.  Call a meeting on Labor Day or Christmas Eve, I'll be there.  But he couldn't fucking get it, he wanted everybody at his beck and call before sunrise to just show off how in control he was a check-writer.  If you can't get family, you won't get my operational process.  So we parted ways.  I imagined him when I saw that Onion article, "Head of local corporation totally cool with employees working from home after 8:00pm."  

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