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#9551
On 8/11/2020 at 1:22 PM, freyguy said:

Assholes who knock on the door wanting to tell me about Jesus Christ.  Has this ever worked?

I got a handwritten letter from fucking Hawaii the other day at my apartment in Dallas. It was a Jehova's witness trying to spread the word. 

You can't make it up sometimes.

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#9552
2 hours ago, ztejas said:

I got a handwritten letter from fucking Hawaii the other day at my apartment in Dallas. It was a Jehova's witness trying to spread the word. 

You can't make it up sometimes.

Fart in a Ziploc and mail it to him in return. 

#9555
9 hours ago, Bullneck said:

I hate monkeys.

ying to the yang of monkey fuckers, I suppose.   Could be one in the same, however, as well.

#9557
14 hours ago, Ignatius said:

Has probably been mentioned a dozen times on this thread, but the phrase “Good morning!”....

Fuck you is generally frowned upon, but some people have it coming...

#9558

There was a death in our family, and my house is the hub for everyone in town.  Woke up this morning and there were six boxes from the donut store and I went to get a donut and every box had either kolaches or pigs in a blanket or those those breakfast ham sandwiches.  Not a damn donut in any of the six boxes.

#9559
1 minute ago, PilotsError said:

There was a death in our family, and my house is the hub for everyone in town.  Woke up this morning and there were six boxes from the donut store and I went to get a donut and every box had either kolaches or pigs in a blanket or those those breakfast ham sandwiches.  Not a damn donut in any of the six boxes.

That's some seriously fucked up shit...  ain't shit trivial about that.

#9560
26 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

There was a death in our family, and my house is the hub for everyone in town.  Woke up this morning and there were six boxes from the donut store and I went to get a donut and every box had either kolaches or pigs in a blanket or those those breakfast ham sandwiches.  Not a damn donut in any of the six boxes.

Donuts should be gotten with Kolaches in a 2 to 1 ratio. Never more, never less. 

#9561
40 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

There was a death in our family, and my house is the hub for everyone in town.  Woke up this morning and there were six boxes from the donut store and I went to get a donut and every box had either kolaches or pigs in a blanket or those those breakfast ham sandwiches.  Not a damn donut in any of the six boxes.

I would have made sure there was a second death in the family after that atrocity. 

Anywho, thoughts and prayers. 

#9562
46 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

There was a death in our family, and my house is the hub for everyone in town.  Woke up this morning and there were six boxes from the donut store and I went to get a donut and every box had either kolaches or pigs in a blanket or those those breakfast ham sandwiches.  Not a damn donut in any of the six boxes.

That's a pretty widespread fuckup - is everyone in your family a pilot or something? 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

#9563

Sorry for your loss.  And for your lack of donuts, especially after such a promising teaser of 6 boxes.  

If it's any consolation, the picking over of those kolaches/pigs in a blanket in order to get at the donuts virtually guarantees someone in your family now has Covid-19.  

#9564
3 hours ago, PilotsError said:

There was a death in our family, and my house is the hub for everyone in town.  Woke up this morning and there were six boxes from the donut store and I went to get a donut and every box had either kolaches or pigs in a blanket or those those breakfast ham sandwiches.  Not a damn donut in any of the six boxes.

Do you live in West?

#9565

Having to watch two 15 second ads on YouTube at random, annoying points during a 9 minute video. 

#9567
On 8/14/2020 at 1:04 PM, ztejas said:

Donuts should be gotten with Kolaches in a 2 to 1 ratio. Never more, never less. 

 

I don't get eating donuts in the morning.  Whose idea was it that when people wake up, the first thing they need to start their day is cake?

#9568
6 minutes ago, Tom said:

 

I don't get eating donuts in the morning.  Whose idea was it that when people wake up, the first thing they need to start their day is cake?

The French...

#9570
42 minutes ago, Tom said:

 

Whose idea was it that when people wake up, the first thing they need to start their day is cake?

Bill Cosby. 

#9571
3 hours ago, Tom said:

 

I don't get eating donuts in the morning.  Whose idea was it that when people wake up, the first thing they need to start their day is cake?

May I suggest you try a yeast donut. 

#9572
4 hours ago, Tom said:

 

I don't get eating donuts in the morning.  Whose idea was it that when people wake up, the first thing they need to start their day is cake?

Well, if you don’t have pie then go for cake.

#9574
4 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Or a croissant donut.  Unreal good 

Nobody needs to make excuses for eating donuts EVER!! and fuck you for even trying to say otherwise.  krispy Kreme for the win....

#9575
23 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

May I suggest you try a yeast donut. 

sounds like an euphemism

#9576

Two-factor authentication SMS messages that don't show the number in the notification preview, and when opened, are too long to fit on the full screen, requiring me to scroll up to find the number.

With a message like "123456 This is your auth number blah blah blah", I can just glance at the screen and type in the number.

With a message like "This is some company and your auth number is 123456. If you didn't request this blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" I need to open the message and scroll.

#9578
6 hours ago, unoriginal said:

Two-factor authentication SMS messages that don't show the number in the notification preview, and when opened, are too long to fit on the full screen, requiring me to scroll up to find the number.

With a message like "123456 This is your auth number blah blah blah", I can just glance at the screen and type in the number.

With a message like "This is some company and your auth number is 123456. If you didn't request this blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" I need to open the message and scroll.

This is actually intentional in many cases, as having the 2fa show in the preview means a person can steal your phone and use it to 2fa without you unlocking it (unless you have secure previews turned on, which is a tiny minority of users). It's a basic security precaution.

#9580
On 8/12/2020 at 7:26 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:


Maybe the Jesus he wanted to tell you about was the roofer

Bullshit, everyone knows Jesus was a carpenter and could knock the hell out of a curve ball...

#9581

when you watch some sort of pursuit in a movie, and the pursuer falls down, gets temporarily incapacitated or whatever... and what does the other party do?  keeps screaming and runs on, only to be inevitably captured.

 

pfffft.  you kick that person in the head.  fucking beat them with a flower vase or something.

#9582
9 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Bullshit, everyone knows Jesus was a carpenter and could knock the hell out of a curve ball...

A Galilean carpenter (basically grew up at the modern day Syrian/Golan border) with the slugging proclivities of a Dominican third baseman, and yet every Catholic portrays him as a man as white as Edgar Winter.  Makes me surly.  Has apparently also caused a great deal of war.  

#9583
On 8/15/2020 at 3:14 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Yeah, first a blow job then cake

Married guys:

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#9584

voice only telephone menus

I do like that Citi's phone help line tells you that your voice responses are recorded so they can automatically recognize it in the future. Because that means they have recordings of me saying NO FUCK YOU and YOU MOTHERFUCKER  about fifty times.

#9586
3 hours ago, Lobo said:

A Galilean carpenter (basically grew up at the modern day Syrian/Golan border) with the slugging proclivities of a Dominican third baseman, and yet every Catholic portrays him as a man as white as Edgar Winter.  Makes me surly.  .  

Yeah, that never made sense to me.

#9587
3 minutes ago, lateshow said:

Yeah, that never made sense to me.

Why wouldn't it?  White Europeans sure as shit weren't gonna depict him as anything but white.

#9588
12 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Why wouldn't it?  White Europeans sure as shit weren't gonna depict him as anything but white.

I mean, I know why the depict him that way. What I don't get is the people that buy him being a white guy. 

#9589

But he’s damn near Syrian by nationality.  Jewish by heritage.  The darkest Europeans embrace his church, the Italians and Greeks.  And the lightest colored Europeans, the Germans and the English are the ones who actually disavow the Catholic Church. The whole thing is backwards if you think about it.  The very dark people whose church is usurped by the white people and have all the great artists, just throw up their hands and say “yeah, you guys handle the paintings from now on”

 

makes so little sense.  But then, so does Catholicism.  

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#9590

the complete and utter randomness that is wifi signal strength.  none of the antennas have moved.  yet the signal goes from garbage to kinda ok. 

#9591
14 hours ago, lateshow said:

I mean, I know why the depict him that way. What I don't get is the people that buy him being a white guy. 

It's simple, really. 

#9592

Jesus has been depicted as white, black, Asian and Latino.  From way back when to modern times.   
 

This is not as big a deal as you make it out to be.  But you do Lobo like nobody else can. 
 

Of course Jesus wasn’t a blonde haired, blue eyed Scandinavian-looking man.  He was a Jew from Galilee.  

#9593

Nobody said it was a big deal.  That's why we mentioned it on "trivial things" on the LULZ forum.  If we had started a thread on Daily Texan or CR, and not made so many wise-cracks about him hitting a curveball, then yeah...that would be us making a big deal.  You're lecturing us on the wrong forum.  Now then, back to this Asiatic Brazilian Jesus you mentioned...I smell Netflix series!  

#9594
35 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Nobody said it was a big deal.  That's why we mentioned it on "trivial things" on the LULZ forum.  If we had started a thread on Daily Texan or CR, and not made so many wise-cracks about him hitting a curveball, then yeah...that would be us making a big deal.  You're lecturing us on the wrong forum.  Now then, back to this Asiatic Brazilian Jesus you mentioned...I smell Netflix series!  

I’m not lecturing.  I’m the keynote speaker at a Surly convention on outrages and trivial crap.  
 

 

#9595
Fuck Saran Wrap in the goatass. 
It's a handy material for sure, but every goddamn time you use it is such a goddamn beating that "eh, good enough" is a huge relief to eventually achieve. 

You need to make the switch to Press and Seal. Same concept but much easier execution.
#9596
1 minute ago, deadshank said:

I’m not lecturing.  I’m the keynote speaker at a Surly convention on outrages and trivial crap.  
 

 

Yes, I have you down as my plenary session before the hosted bar reception.  This is the longest I've gone without registering for a conference/convention, I actually kinda miss the shitty appetizers and crap sauvignon blanc.  

Speaking of Jesus, here's the surly exchange:

Catholic Artist:  "I'm going to paint Jesus as a man who was born to a married virgin, who found out early on he was the son of Yahweh while growing up in Galilee, as a man who somehow made 12 best friends in his 30's, who cured the sick, who gave sight to the blind, who made water into wine, who turned one serving of food into a feast for the hungry, who challenged an Empire, who walked on water, who brought Lazarus back from the dead, who remained celibate despite his fame, who performed exorcisms, who talked directly with God, and who eventually himself rose from the dead and walked the Earth for 40 days before leaving a legacy that disrupted the course of human history for two millennia.  

Surly:  "Yeah, that all makes perfect sense.  Totally plausible."  

Catholic Artist:  "Also, I'll be painting him with blue eyes and blonde hair." 

Surly:  "You sleep on a bed of fairy tale lies!"  

#9600
1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Nobody gives a shit about your views on religion. JFC STFU about it.

You seem like a hoot.  dude, it was a levity-filled exchange going back a few pages.  If you mistook this for an exchange of our actual and formal views on religion, I have a Dawkins book I'd like to sell you.  Somebody, not me...brought up how Jesus is portrayed and we all had some laughs along the way.  We were all laughing at how Surly behaves sometimes.  Whoever sits next to you at Thanksgiving in 2019 and 2021 must be praising God for the 2020 Pandemic.  Have some pos rep., none of this is real anyways.

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