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Lady next to me on my morning flight asked if I could switch with her husband bc she has “extreme anxiety” and “I’m already shaking” (the plane doesn’t take off for 20 min)

My aisle seat for his middle?

Leave Me Alone No GIF by NETFLIX

Plan better. Or take a Xanax or 2

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  • Scheiss Meister
    Scheiss Meister

    The day I retired I set an auto reply that said something like "As of EOB today I will be retired.  If you expect me to reply to an email after 10:00 am today, you will be disappointed."  At the 3:00

  • Ghost of NMAS
    Ghost of NMAS

    I hate the people that ignore it when they have the right of way and try to wave me through first, it just fucks up the system and delays everyone

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One of my favorite things to say: Your lack of prior planning does not constitue an emergency for me.

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

One of my favorite things to say: Your lack of prior planning does not constitue an emergency for me.

I have to use this phrase way too often.

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

One of my favorite things to say: Your lack of prior planning does not constitue an emergency for me.

I phrase it a little differently:  Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Having a dietary-restricted person (=vegetarian) in your group destroying all reasonable possibilities for dinner. Dude, stay in your hotel room and order a salad. 

Why are you catering to them? Go eat what you want!

Why are you catering to them? Go eat what you want!

This. Bring a packet of apple slices, you picky fastidious little bitch. We’re going to eat food.
7 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Why are you catering to them? Go eat what you want!

Teamwork and networking and all that jazz. We’re in south france and seafood restaurants dont play that vegetable game bullshit

12 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Teamwork and networking and all that jazz. We’re in south france and seafood restaurants dont play that vegetable game bullshit

I believe it's The South of France.

On 5/14/2024 at 6:11 AM, ztejas said:

One of my favorite things to say: Your lack of prior planning does not constitue an emergency for me.

 

On 5/14/2024 at 9:09 AM, nnm said:

I phrase it a little differently:  Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

 

Or as they said at my first job. Piss poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

 

Yes, I work in construction.

Edited by Superhero

3 hours ago, InkaUtexas said:

Finding out my interpreter was killed by ISIS-K pisses me off.

Not trivial. I’m sorry for your loss. 

that's a tough one to follow, but...

 

... in movies and tv shows when someone is looking at himself in the mirror and i know he can't seem himself because they have to angle it to where i can see the person's face in the mirror.

People that stop in full parking lots (mostly HEB for me) waiting for someone to place groceries in their car, return their cart, and then back out and leave so they can pull in.  Meanwhile traffic gets backed up in the parking lot due to these assholes and it just makes things worse.  Also, people who insist on backing into parking spots.  Fuck all ya'll assholes.....

2 hours ago, cabowabo said:

Also, people who insist on backing into parking spots.  Fuck all ya'll assholes

fb9df5a4ad852aae4fdf43f4a0bdc84c.gif

19 hours ago, cabowabo said:

Also, people who insist on backing into parking spots.  Fuck all ya'll assholes.....

Good thing they backed in to protect their assholes from you...

24 minutes ago, PvilleStang said:

Good thing they backed in to protect their assholes from you...

If only we had a "prepare your anus" rep emoji... 

8 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

If only we had a "prepare your anus" rep emoji... 

I disappear for 1 week and that rep emoji disappears.  Not sure that's trivial...

Fast food places giving me or asking if I want jelly when I order a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.  Why the hell would I want to put jelly on my sausage, egg, or cheese biscuit?  If I order a biscuit that includes a protein product sandwiched between the two biscuit halves, then one should assume that jelly will not be involved in process of consuming this biscuit sangwich.   

Just now, cabowabo said:

Fast food places giving me or asking if I want jelly when I order a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.  Why the hell would I want to put jelly on my sausage, egg, or cheese biscuit?  If I order a biscuit that includes a protein product sandwiched between the two biscuit halves, then one should assume that jelly will not be involved in process of consuming this biscuit sangwich.   

Who among us doesn't like to be prepared for a little impromptu analingus? 

Didn't your parents ever tell you, "don't look a gift jelly in the asshole"?!

People that stop in full parking lots (mostly HEB for me) waiting for someone to place groceries in their car, return their cart, and then back out and leave so they can pull in.  Meanwhile traffic gets backed up in the parking lot due to these assholes and it just makes things worse.  Also, people who insist on backing into parking spots.  Fuck all ya'll assholes.....
Not trivial at all. These people can fuck off. Go drive a little bit and walk you lazy fuck. I always prefer to park as far back from the store as possible. Easier exit and not having to deal with all the traffic up front.
1 hour ago, cabowabo said:

Fast food places giving me or asking if I want jelly when I order a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.  Why the hell would I want to put jelly on my sausage, egg, or cheese biscuit?  If I order a biscuit that includes a protein product sandwiched between the two biscuit halves, then one should assume that jelly will not be involved in process of consuming this biscuit sangwich.   

I won’t eat a sausage/bacon, egg and cheese biscuit without jelly.  Well, I will but I won’t enjoy it as much.

1 hour ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

I won’t eat a sausage/bacon, egg and cheese biscuit without jelly.  Well, I will but I won’t enjoy it as much.

Sad Jim Carrey GIF

Grape jelly on a sausage biscuit from mcd's is delicious but I find mcgriddles disgusting.  

Is anyone actually surprised by that? That's why your clubs are in a shipping bag. You think anyone treats them differently?

The baggage handler -- sorry, Airline Ramp Agent -- making $15/hour doesn't give a shit about golf clubs and just wants to clock out and get drunk?

I'm frankly shocked and appalled.

Narrator: He also doesn't give a shit about every other bag he's grabbing off the belt on the 35 to 110+ degree tarmac that reeks of jet fuel and exhaust.

6 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Is anyone actually surprised by that? That's why your clubs are in a shipping bag. You think anyone treats them differently?

This is how I expect they handle all bags.  My only surprise is that someone thinks this is out of line.

I will say if they moved the cart/luggage car closer they could throw directly from the ramp to the cart and save effort.

Is anyone actually surprised by that? That's why your clubs are in a shipping bag. You think anyone treats them differently?
Yep. And show the USPS, UPS, FedEx unloaders/loaders and how they handle packages. They don't give a shit either.

a golf club is a rigid stick you thwack a ball with at 100mph ... it aint exactly fine china. ETSU are concerned about the wrong thing

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When I make an effort to either park away from people or leave plenty of space and still come out to a nice deep door ding and gouge in my paint. Somehow in almost 40 years of life I've managed to never give any other car a door ding yet I see other dumbfucks doing it regularly with zero fucks given. It makes no difference if it's a 35 year old beater or a one of a kind vintage whatever the fuck...it's not mine so I'm not going to touch it.

In summary, fuck people. They suck.

3 hours ago, Okie State said:

When I make an effort to either park away from people or leave plenty of space and still come out to a nice deep door ding and gouge in my paint. Somehow in almost 40 years of life I've managed to never give any other car a door ding yet I see other dumbfucks doing it regularly with zero fucks given. It makes no difference if it's a 35 year old beater or a one of a kind vintage whatever the fuck...it's not mine so I'm not going to touch it.

In summary, fuck people. They suck.

I'm not a scientist but in my Tesla owners group I've noticed that the folks who do their best to park away from others or hug the curb on those one-sided spots tend to report door dings more than the rest of us who park randomly and without a care in the world. It's a strange phenomenon. 

21 hours ago, nnm said:

 

Doesn't really sound any different than two real women talking to each other.

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

I'm not a scientist but in my Tesla owners group I've noticed that the folks who do their best to park away from others or hug the curb on those one-sided spots tend to report door dings more than the rest of us who park randomly and without a care in the world. It's a strange phenomenon. 

The only time I've ever got a door ding was when I thought I'll be normal this time and park in a normal spot and it will be fine. Sure enough I was wrong.

I have a car that I plan to sell imminently, after my visitor here completes a road trip with it.

Yesterday at 2AM my phone rings: "i need your insurance info for towing/roadside assistance.  the rear tire blew". All the tires are at 50% treadlife. Local shop says the tire is not repairable (I think they're just lazy to work on a tire with sound-deadening foam liner). AND they replace it with a budget'ish Nankang, which are now mismatched on the car.

Later at 6PM my phone rings: "im so sorry, the front tire just blew up". Tow truck guy also confirms this time it's a pretty big gash on the sidewall, so for sure irreparable. This new shop has a matching Michelin, but now we're paying a premium for a car that will be sold to a dealer next week anyway.

In all about $700 is going to be completely blown, because that expenditure can't be recouped when the car has a bunch of rubbers that are mismatched in age and brands. Kinda wish we had access to a Mexican shop who would throw on some used hoops for $20.

 

2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

I have a car that I plan to sell imminently, after my visitor here completes a road trip with it.

Yesterday at 2AM my phone rings: "i need your insurance info for towing/roadside assistance.  the rear tire blew". All the tires are at 50% treadlife. Local shop says the tire is not repairable (I think they're just lazy to work on a tire with sound-deadening foam liner). AND they replace it with a budget'ish Nankang, which are now mismatched on the car.

Later at 6PM my phone rings: "im so sorry, the front tire just blew up". Tow truck guy also confirms this time it's a pretty big gash on the sidewall, so for sure irreparable. This new shop has a matching Michelin, but now we're paying a premium for a car that will be sold to a dealer next week anyway.

In all about $700 is going to be completely blown, because that expenditure can't be recouped when the car has a bunch of rubbers that are mismatched in age and brands. Kinda wish we had access to a Mexican shop who would throw on some used hoops for $20.

 

Pics of female visitor?

54 minutes ago, Native Horn said:

Pics of female visitor?

Yep, let's see pics of the curves and curbs.

1 hour ago, Native Horn said:

Pics of female visitor?

this is her husband with my dog

 

IMG_6427.JPEG

On 5/30/2024 at 8:57 AM, 52-80 said:

this is her husband with my dog

 

IMG_6427.JPEG

Grab dog, push into water. Fucking sandals with socks makes me Surly.

4 hours ago, InkaUtexas said:

Fucking sandals with socks makes me Surly.

Hush. 

On 11/1/2023 at 9:11 PM, Sandman said:

People that list things for sale and say "This won't last long!!!". If you're selling it and you know it will sell quick, why do you have to tell us? Just post it and let it sell. This goes double for douchebags on facebook and car dealerships. 

Whataburger has been offering the Patty Melt as available for “a limited time” since 2004. 

1 hour ago, Bender Bending Rodriguez said:

Whataburger has been offering the Patty Melt as available for “a limited time” since 2004. 

Eventually, the entire planet will be consumed by the sun, so in that sense, they're not wrong. 

Give coins first before bills when you hand someone change. The boomers training this generation of retail employees should be launched into the sun.

The topic of people tossing bags of dog shit in random trash cans has been mentioned many times. Someone actually walked up to my trash can that was by my garage to deposit their baggie of dog shit. Haven't seen that one before.

15 hours ago, InkaUtexas said:

Grab dog, push into water. Fucking sandals with socks makes me Surly.

Why are you fucking a sandal?????

The name of the small shopping center on Burnet Road: “Casa Plaza.” It’s from the 60s, I’m sure, but clearly they just took two Spanish words and said “there, that’s a name.”

46 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

The name of the small shopping center on Burnet Road: “Casa Plaza.” It’s from the 60s, I’m sure, but clearly they just took two Spanish words and said “there, that’s a name.”

 A couple of times I’ve come across bars named “Pinche’s.”  There used to be one in Webster. I know it’s an extremely versatile word, but basically a bar named that is called “F’ers.”  The English-speaking clerks at the business license obviously DGAF.  

Here’s a good one for Spanish-speakers (my first language), particularly for Mexican Spanish speakers (accent):

 

Edited by nnm

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