Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

People over the age of sixteen that post anything about video games.

Seriously grow the fuck up.

  • Replies 21.1k
  • Views 1.4m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Scheiss Meister
    Scheiss Meister

    The day I retired I set an auto reply that said something like "As of EOB today I will be retired.  If you expect me to reply to an email after 10:00 am today, you will be disappointed."  At the 3:00

  • Ghost of NMAS
    Ghost of NMAS

    I hate the people that ignore it when they have the right of way and try to wave me through first, it just fucks up the system and delays everyone

Posted Images

On 12/25/2018 at 9:09 PM, Okie State said:
On 12/25/2018 at 9:06 PM, RollLeft said:
Since when did Mariah Carey's All i want for Christmas is You make the rotation of Christmas classics?  That song sucks ass.  

Asked this exact same question yesterday. I have no clue.

Saw a news crawl that said it broke the Spotify request for play with 10.8 million requests. Apparently, somebody not named me likes it. 

What is it with Austin drivers and wanting to sit in your blind spot? Made a trip down to Austin today. Driving down MoPac, not too crowded, need to change lanes. Look back, guy in my blind spot. Speed up to create some space so I don't cut him off. He speeds up. Okay, asshole, you don't want me in front of you. Slow down to slide in behind him. He slows down and stays on my quarter panel. What the hell, dude? I've varied speed by 20 mph to get you off my quarter panel and you're still hanging on there like I'm your lead blocker on a sweep. Finally, floorboard and get enough space before he can react, and change lanes. Yes, I used the turn signal.

MoPac has to have the goofiest drivers anywhere. So many people texting, eating something, and drinking coffee while they drive down the road. 


 
People who take the middle seat next to your aisle seat when the window seat is wide open.

I’ve never seen this. This happens often with you?
53 minutes ago, Steamboat1874 said:

People over the age of sixteen that post anything about video games.

Seriously grow the fuck up.

Next you’re going to tell me I can’t take a glove to baseball games anymore, even if I’m in the Uecker seats. 

Or wear a jersey to a sporting event.

when youre looking at houses for sale on zillow and the main TV in the living room is about  a 32 incher mounted on a huge wall

What pisses me off are the people too cheap/stupid to put an outlet behind the TV and instead have the power cord stretched to reach a plug.

Christmas commercials that are still shown after Christmas Day.

21 minutes ago, GoPokes83 said:

Christmas commercials that are still shown after Christmas Day.

Or played on the radio. There's one from a local auto dealer that is so obnoxious and preachy that I either change the channel or turn off the radio. I just heard it again today. I would never buy a car from that asshole. 

Edited by WhatTheBuck

My new otherwise comfy slippers have the most irritating scratchy tags implanted inside, jabbing the sensitive inner part of my arches in front of the heel. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

8 hours ago, Richard Kimball said:

What is it with Austin drivers and wanting to sit in your blind spot? Made a trip down to Austin today. Driving down MoPac, not too crowded, need to change lanes. Look back, guy in my blind spot. Speed up to create some space so I don't cut him off. He speeds up. Okay, asshole, you don't want me in front of you. Slow down to slide in behind him. He slows down and stays on my quarter panel. What the hell, dude? I've varied speed by 20 mph to get you off my quarter panel and you're still hanging on there like I'm your lead blocker on a sweep. Finally, floorboard and get enough space before he can react, and change lanes. Yes, I used the turn signal.

MoPac has to have the goofiest drivers anywhere. So many people texting, eating something, and drinking coffee while they drive down the road. 

Austin driving is a reflection of the demographic...we have a mix of bad driving habits from all over.

 

People over the age of sixteen twelve that post anything about video games.
Seriously grow the fuck up.


fify
15 hours ago, mdmost said:

Or wear a jersey to a sporting event.

I wear one to the OU game because my crew has been doing it for about 30 years.  I feel like an idoit when I'm putting it on, but a few wax cup beers disables my "give a shitter" pretty soon after that.

Ha. I was mirroring the old Shaggy lore that you can’t wear a jersey if you’re older than the people playing the sport. Wear what you want to wear.

13 minutes ago, mdmost said:

Ha. I was mirroring the old Shaggy lore that you can’t wear a jersey if you’re older than the people playing the sport. Wear what you want to wear.

You can wear them.  And get laughed at for being a grown man wearing another man’s name on your back.  

1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

You can wear them.  And get laughed at for being a grown man wearing another man’s name on your back.  

"but what if it's custom tailored with your name on it?" says icono

If I find a Pirates tri-striped Stargell jersey in extra-fat, I’m buying and wearing the fuck out of it!

I've enjoyed Harry's razor blades.  Not the best in the world, but good value for the quality.  And right to your door, usually with a little extra bonus like shave balm or extra handle or whatever.  

But what the fuck with that plastic connector piece?  I tap the thing a bit in the shower or sink to get some of the hairs/shave balm out from between the razors.  I don't slam it or shove it.  But a anything more than a whisper tap and the fucking blade goes flying across the bathroom or shower.  What the fuck?  I've brought it up to them many times.  They send out a few extra blades as an apology.  But they claim, "our blades are so precision, just a quick rinse will get everything out."  Well, it doesn't.  Unless I'm using a pressure washer.  A man should be able to tap his razor a couple of times lightly to get out the debris before the next beard pass.  But those things just fly off and end up across the way.  Quite dissapointing.  I think they know it's an issue though, so hopefully a solution is in the works. 

When you get a notification, click on bar to see reaction/quote but still see red ball up top afterwards. 

My new otherwise comfy slippers have the most irritating scratchy tags implanted inside, jabbing the sensitive inner part of my arches in front of the heel. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

Grandpa, is that you?
3 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

You can wear them.  And get laughed at for being a grown man wearing another man’s name on your back.  

Joke's on you. He's wearing a women's softball jersey.

20 hours ago, mdmost said:

Or wear a jersey to a sporting event.

Even if it’s tailored?  I thought it was ok as long as you didn’t suck any dicks for it.

Disney has an interesting policy at their live events.  Nobody over 14 can wear a princess/character costume.  It's intended to be a safeguard so the children don't get confused, Disney gets to maintain creative control, and the little ones can still dress up and have a fun time.  I used to think this policy should be extended to sporting events.  Then I see the men who wear these jerseys.  Nobody is going to confuse them for a human being with dignity, let alone a professional athlete.  

You assholes made me self conscious so I didn't live up to my name when I went to dkr.

I have three....

 

1.  On interstates when semis get in the left lane AT ALL.   They should never be allowed over there.   I dont care if Aunt Ethel is doing 42 in her 87 Caprice or Trucker Bob hauling a load in his Peterbilt is only doing 64.   Fuck those guys for ever being in the left lane.  

2.  Traffic lights in DC.   I spent like 5 minutes trying to get around DuPont Circle because every light goes red once you're actually in the roundabout. 

3.  What the fuck is up with traffic going back into the DC area in the afternoon?   I left Norfolk at 11:30 on Thursday.   finally got to my hotel in Old Towne Alexandria just before 4.   WTF?

 

 

On 12/28/2018 at 1:43 AM, DougO said:

My new otherwise comfy slippers have the most irritating scratchy tags implanted inside, jabbing the sensitive inner part of my arches in front of the heel. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

A 6-year-old Chinese boy.

28 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

I have three....

 

1.  On interstates when semis get in the left lane AT ALL.   They should never be allowed over there.   I dont care if Aunt Ethel is doing 42 in her 87 Caprice or Trucker Bob hauling a load in his Peterbilt is only doing 64.   Fuck those guys for ever being in the left lane.  

2.  Traffic lights in DC.   I spent like 5 minutes trying to get around DuPont Circle because every light goes red once you're actually in the roundabout. 

3.  What the fuck is up with traffic going back into the DC area in the afternoon?   I left Norfolk at 11:30 on Thursday.   finally got to my hotel in Old Towne Alexandria just before 4.   WTF?

 

 

DC traffic lights are purposely timed to STOP traffic.  Fuck the environmental benefits of keeping traffic moving, fuck the frustration everyone who has to use a car here has, and fuck you for going against the wishes of the gestapo jackass bitch who came up with the system to try to push people into using the completely unrelaible Metro system.  They are about to ban right on red citywide as well.  They purposely do everything they can to fuck over drivers here.  Be sure to check your mailbox when you get home to see how many photo speeding violations you received in places where you can easily go 45 but the speed limit is 25.

 

29 minutes ago, PhillyD said:

DC traffic lights are purposely timed to STOP traffic.  Fuck the environmental benefits of keeping traffic moving, fuck the frustration everyone who has to use a car here has, and fuck you for going against the wishes of the gestapo jackass bitch who came up with the system to try to push people into using the completely unrelaible Metro system.  They are about to ban right on red citywide as well.  They purposely do everything they can to fuck over drivers here.  Be sure to check your mailbox when you get home to see how many photo speeding violations you received in places where you can easily go 45 but the speed limit is 25.

 

Agree on how many "No right on Red" there are.  and those all say "When pedestrians are present.   yeah.    But there's no way I did anything over 20 the whole time I was on the DC side of the Potomac. 

Sex and the city reruns. My wife severely sprained her ankle on Christmas night and has been laid up in bed binge watching that show for 4 days.

This morning I snapped. Told her that the blonde bas a billowy vagina and belongs in sex addiction treatment, that horseface needs a good throat punch, and that the redhead is just a bitch and that the only almost normal character is the brunette.

I haven't been watching the show, but it's hard not to overhear bits and pieces. I just now told my wife that she should consider herself lucky I've even entered the bedroom at all to check on her, that my love for her just barely exceeds my contempt for that show.

Fuck it. I'm just being a bitch because I had to cancel our vacation due to injury.

Sex and the city reruns. My wife severely sprained her ankle on Christmas night and has been laid up in bed binge watching that show for 4 days.

This morning I snapped. Told her that the blonde bas a billowy vagina and belongs in sex addiction treatment, that horseface needs a good throat punch, and that the redhead is just a bitch and that the only almost normal character is the brunette.

I haven't been watching the show, but it's hard not to overhear bits and pieces. I just now told my wife that she should consider herself lucky I've even entered the bedroom at all to check on her, that my love for her just barely exceeds my contempt for that show.

Fuck it. I'm just being a bitch because I had to cancel our vacation due to injury.

Get her to watch the one where the brunette gets addicted to her vibrator. That’ll get gimpy’s motor running.
21 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

Kick-off teams that swing their arms back and forth just before the kick.

No fucking kidding. That's not just bush league, it's rage inducing and stupid.

People who set their hotel clock 10-15 minutes ahead. Get your ass up on time like an adult or fix the fucking thing before you check out. 

22 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

No fucking kidding. That's not just bush league, it's rage inducing and stupid.

They were doing that at TTech. I couldn't decide if they were trying to saw Varsity's horns off or if it was emblematic of Kliff swinging both ways.

I see this mostly at church and kid's school - people (women) who stop in the middle of the doorway to chit-chat. I also see this phenomenon at Target - people (women) block the entrance to the aisle chit-chatting. Move to the side folks.

Christmas commercials that are still shown after Christmas Day.
I noticed this sunday listening to a cowboys game on the radio. An ad from I guess a local church wanting to get people to go to their 12/23 Sunday Christmas service. Played numerous times.
You can wear them.  And get laughed at for being a grown man wearing another man’s name on your back.  
I think it's okay if you are a yankee and a hockey fan.

People who drive 75-80 with no lane discipline when it’s raining

Same people who change lanes from the fast lane to the right lane right in front of you and spray water all over your windshield when you’re trying to maintain a speed that’s comfortable and safe (55-65).

Elevator buttons that just have a little light shining around the rim. Motherfucker light that shit up like a Griswold Christmas so I don't have to squint to tell if it registered my floor!

Elevator buttons that just have a little light shining around the rim. Motherfucker light that shit up like a Griswold Christmas so I don't have to squint to tell if it registered my floor!
Or you should get your eyes checked.

Picking up a bag from the carousel, and hearing that ragged sound of your electric toothbrush gasping its last dying battery moments.  Thanks Obama!

You aren't fooling anyone when you call it your "electric toothbrush."

Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo"

Edited by Incredulity

8 hours ago, troph said:

People who drive 75-80 with no lane discipline when it’s raining

Same people who change lanes from the fast lane to the right lane right in front of you and spray water all over your windshield when you’re trying to maintain a speed that’s comfortable and safe (55-65).

Well, turn on your headlights in your Prius, and you won't get cut off.

 

And on that note, people who don't turn on their headlights in the rain, or when it's dusk and they drive a car that blends in with the surroundings.  

5 hours ago, NBMisha said:

Picking up a bag from the carousel, and hearing that ragged sound of your electric toothbrush gasping its last dying battery moments.  Thanks Obama!

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience." 

--Mitch Hedberg
 

Works for electric toothbrushes, too.

Stopped in at 7/11 for a coffee this morning, guy in front of me is paying for gas with change.  Counts out five dollars in change, gives it to the clerk, and throws the remaining 25 or 30 cents in the 'leave a penny' tray.  Dude, put that shit in your tank.  You're clearly broke.  You may need those extra few drops of gas in the future.

Well, turn on your headlights in your Prius, and you won't get cut off.

 

And on that note, people who don't turn on their headlights in the rain, or when it's dusk and they drive a car that blends in with the surroundings.  

Or the drunk guy at 11pm with his lights off - although not so trivial

7 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:
9 hours ago, Llogg said:
Elevator buttons that just have a little light shining around the rim. Motherfucker light that shit up like a Griswold Christmas so I don't have to squint to tell if it registered my floor!

Or you should get your eyes checked.

or you should go fuck yourself, bitch.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.