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Featured Replies

I'm stunned.  I'm pissed.  It's Boebert.

  • Replies 4.8k
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Seats next to Boebert here in Austin are available "69DAYO" is the presale code.  Oh wait, just "6DAYO"  But you get the idea.  

I loved the movie but I don't go in for musicals.  But yeah, I probably am going to this.  With my wife.  And some lotion.

  • Popular Post

 

Ah, the old "AR=assault rifle" angle.  Just another gotcha in a long list of gotchas that rarely take place.

I say we start calling them Asshole Rifles.

4 hours ago, elfenix said:

 

And BJ doesn’t stand for “beetle juice”

13 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

I say we start calling them Asshole Rifles.

Suspicious. 

2 hours ago, Born to Run said:

Magazine NoT ClipS!

I have a collection of (stripper) clips so this hits close to home when talking about Boebert. Also, it’s fun to troll the shit out of somebody over the magazine/clip thing and then show them that you in fact have clips.

55 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

I say we start calling them Asshole Rifles.

it's funny because it's true.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
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Boebert: “You are allowing delinquent employees to sit on their sofas at home instead of actually getting to work and doing their jobs”

SS Official: “Our employees are working whether they’re in the office or at home.”

Boebert: “Are you monitoring the work that they are doing from home on a regular basis?”

SS official: “Yes we are.”

Boebert: “Every employee? Do you have the numbers?

SS official: “We have systems in place to schedule, assign and track workloads…Real time understanding of what actions are being processed at any given time. Additionally, our employees are required to be accessible to their supervisors, clients, colleagues and external parties during work hours via a variety of different means”

Boebert: “Then why has the backlog for social security backlogs increased?”

SS official: “Because we’ve been historically underfunded.”

20 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

Boebert: “You are allowing delinquent employees to sit on their sofas at home instead of actually getting to work and doing their jobs”

SS Official: “Our employees are working whether they’re in the office or at home.”

Boebert: “Are you monitoring the work that they are doing from home on a regular basis?”

SS official: “Yes we are.”

Boebert: “Every employee? Do you have the numbers?

SS official: “We have systems in place to schedule, assign and track workloads…Real time understanding of what actions are being processed at any given time. Additionally, our employees are required to be accessible to their supervisors, clients, colleagues and external parties during work hours via a variety of different means”

Boebert: “Then why has the backlog for social security backlogs increased?”

SS official: “Because we’ve been historically underfunded.”

Joke's on him.  She doesn't know what that last word even means.

It was really kind of him to dumb it down closer to her level.  He called it a math problem instead of using fancy words like ratio, fraction, and denominator.

Well, you see Lauren, handjobs will only solve certain problems.  

Boebert: “You are allowing delinquent employees to sit on their sofas at home instead of actually getting to work and doing their jobs”
SS Official: “Our employees are working whether they’re in the office or at home.”
Boebert: “Are you monitoring the work that they are doing from home on a regular basis?”
SS official: “Yes we are.”
Boebert: “Every employee? Do you have the numbers?
SS official: “We have systems in place to schedule, assign and track workloads…Real time understanding of what actions are being processed at any given time. Additionally, our employees are required to be accessible to their supervisors, clients, colleagues and external parties during work hours via a variety of different means”
Boebert: “Then why has the backlog for social security backlogs increased?”
SS official: “Because we’ve been historically underfunded.”

All questions she could’ve got the answers to from SSA very easily on her own but that wouldn’t have set up a (non) gotcha moment for the show.

Dumber than a fucking rock.
  • Popular Post
Well, you see Lauren, handjobs will only solve certain problems.  

This denigration of hand jobs will not stand!
6 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:


This denigration of hand jobs will not stand!

Seriously. Tell me one problem that a handjob wouldn't solve. I'll wait.

13 minutes ago, aggie08 said:

Seriously. Tell me one problem that a handjob wouldn't solve. I'll wait.

What do Donald Trump's setbacks mean for his 2024 campaign? | Reuters

34 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:

Dumber than a fucking rock.

is she dumber than her supporters?

 

28 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

is she dumber than her supporters?

 

a9356fbfe7c590080c655f72edd5fc41.gif

I wonder who is feeding her this line of questioning to somehow try to pants the SSA. She has no idea what the issues being discussed really mean much less being able to come up with those questions on her own. 

1 hour ago, aggie08 said:

Seriously. Tell me one problem that a handjob wouldn't solve. I'll wait.

Social Security

We now go live to Boebert's two head political consultants screening her latest campaign ad:

 

Well, Representative, let me frame it in this way.  If you’re at a theatre, and your date wants a handjob, then you’re over resourced.  You can use one hand to yank his crank, and another hand to vape, or to shush people who ask you to stop stroking pole at a community musical.

But now what if the guy on the other side wants an old-fashioned? Now, you’re properly resourced. Two hands to fulfill your core function of distributing rub and tugs in aisle 5. But secondary duties like cradling balls—-those go away. 
 

But now what if you’re presented with a third dong to stimulate during Act III?  Now you’re under resourced for the task at hand. At least one shaft will have to go unmassaged as you try to keep up with the demand to manually get those members to climax before the house lights come on, or before a volunteer usher has to ask you to leave while you drunkenly ask if everyone knows who you are.

And so even though you’re still resourced with two hands—at 2023 Beetlejuice levels—- you’re going to end up with a backlog of seminal fluid and an unhappy nightclub owner with serious case of blue balls.  And he might even write a letter of complaint to his representative. 
 

It’s a simple math problem, Madam Representative.

1 hour ago, BamaATL said:

Social Security

What if older people got paid to give handjobs?

2 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

What if older people got paid to give handjobs?

Quote

You can get Social Security retirement benefits and work at the same time. However, if you are younger than full retirement age and make more than the yearly earnings limit, we will reduce your benefit. Starting with the month you reach full retirement age, we will not reduce your benefits no matter how much you earn.

 

6 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

What if older people got paid to give handjobs?

I wonder what percentage of men on Social Security would drop dead from a heart attack while getting a tits out handjob from Boobert. Maybe throw in a little dirty talk for good measure. She could single handedly save social security. 

Pescado, I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

1 minute ago, Red Five said:

Pescado, I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

I didn't know you were on social security

58 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

What if older people got paid to give handjobs?

I think that already exists but its a 501c3 sort of thing.  

Define old, I mean, if Helen Mirren is charging for HJs, then brother let me get in line!  

On 10/8/2023 at 7:36 PM, jimmyjazz said:

50 milliion pesos, maybe.

Mexican? I still take dah.

  • Popular Post
1 hour ago, Macanudo said:

What if older people got paid to give handjobs?

87ssxh.jpg

1 hour ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

I wonder what percentage of men on Social Security would drop dead from a heart attack while getting a tits out handjob from Boobert. Maybe throw in a little dirty talk for good measure. She could single handedly save social security. 

My Doc told me to avoid salt. He didn't say shit about whores.

7 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

My Doc told me to avoid salt. He didn't say shit about whores.

what about salty whores? 

5 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

what about salty whores? 

Where’s the Maddens of Rifle, Co? 

1 hour ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

I wonder what percentage of men on Social Security would drop dead from a heart attack while getting a tits out handjob from Boobert. Maybe throw in a little dirty talk for good measure. She could single handedly save social security. 

Yeah but best to use two hands to get the job done quicker.

I can't imagine what it's like to get a handjob in public from a woman who was born the same year the movie from which the musical we're watching was based on, was released in theaters.  

But I sure woudl like to.

15 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

Yeah but best to use two hands to get the job done quicker.

Two hands?  Do they call you tri-pod ? 

2 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Well, Representative, let me frame it in this way.  If you’re at a theatre, and your date wants a handjob, then you’re over resourced.  You can use one hand to yank his crank, and another hand to vape, or to shush people who ask you to stop stroking pole at a community musical.

But now what if the guy on the other side wants an old-fashioned? Now, you’re properly resourced. Two hands to fulfill your core function of distributing rub and tugs in aisle 5. But secondary duties like cradling balls—-those go away. 
 

But now what if you’re presented with a third dong to stimulate during Act III?  Now you’re under resourced for the task at hand. At least one shaft will have to go unmassaged as you try to keep up with the demand to manually get those members to climax before the house lights come on, or before a volunteer usher has to ask you to leave while you drunkenly ask if everyone knows who you are.

And so even though you’re still resourced with two hands—at 2023 Beetlejuice levels—- you’re going to end up with a backlog of seminal fluid and an unhappy nightclub owner with serious case of blue balls.  And he might even write a letter of complaint to his representative. 
 

It’s a simple math problem, Madam Representative.

 

 

X4VWgaE.gif

Edited by Kel Varnsen

I don't know what I'd like more from Boebert...a handjob or the look on her face while she tries to make sense of what they wrote up on that whiteboard (which according to Mike Judge, actually ended up being 100% technically correct)?

11 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Two hands?  Do they call you tri-pod ? 

 

8 minutes ago, Kel Varnsen said:

 

 

X4VWgaE.gif

 

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7 hours ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

I wonder what percentage of men on Social Security would drop dead from a heart attack while getting a tits out handjob from Boobert. Maybe throw in a little dirty talk for good measure. She could single handedly save social security. 

I would sign up for this, but I've heard there is quite a backlog.

Spoiler

 

 

 

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