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So he says, “Do you love me?” And she says, “No, but that’s a real nice ski mask!”

Slippy, Slappy, Simmon, Sommen, Swensen, Swanson?

The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her

I usually don't pick up strangers, but this time I'm gonna go with my instincts. Saddle up, Partner!

1 hour ago, TommyGufano said:

The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her

that’s a special feeling, Lloyd. 

I'll tell ya where. Some place warm. A place where the beer flows like wine and beautiful women instinctively flock that salmon of capastrano! I'm talking about a place called ASPEN!

I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes.

I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little rockier
That John Denver's full of shit, man.
  • Author

Why would she have you meet her at a bar at 10 in the morning?

pull over

no, it's a cardigan but thanks for noticing.

KILLER BOOTS MAN

Skis, huh?  They yours?  Both of them?

3 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Why would she have you meet her at a bar at 10 in the morning?

I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Edited by WBT

17 hours ago, Hunt Stevenson said:

I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little rockier

My wife quotes this every year on the way to Colorado.  We get on the road by 430am, and she wakes up around 730-8.  Yawns, stretches, and says this line.  Makes me laugh every time.

What did you sell him Lloyd?  What kind of stuff?

A few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, <cough> Petey

What did you sell him Lloyd?  What kind of stuff?
A few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, Petey
You sold a dead bird to the blind kid?!
Harry, your hands are freezing! 
Definitely one of the under appreciated lines.

How was your day, Lloyd?

Ok. Fell off the jet bridge again.

You sold a dead bird to the blind kid?!

I took care of it!
  • Author

You know why I like you Harry? Cause you’re a regular guy, and I want you to stay regular.

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her, or something, I don’t know I wasn’t really paying attention

Some little filly break your heart?

No.  It was a girl.

3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her, or something, I don’t know I wasn’t really paying attention

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Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

It's still my go-to line when a fight breaks out on the field.

  • Author
4 minutes ago, futureman said:

felcher? from cranston?

Yeah, you know her?

Traded the van for it straight up.   I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.

Kick his ass, Sea Bass!
It's still my go-to line when a fight breaks out on the field.

Make it four boilermakers

What's the soup de jour?

It's the soup of the day.

Mmm...sounds good, I'll have that.

9 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Traded the van for it straight up.   I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.

Just when I thought you couldn't do anything dumber, you do this...

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