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Deshaun, thirty seconds after laying down on the massage table...

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  • Gatorubet
    Gatorubet

    Why do you hate the institution of marriage?

  • PilotsError
    PilotsError

    People have been fired for merely supporting Trump. Turnabout is fair play and should be encouraged.  Of course all the lib writers are upset.  They'd be rejoicing though if it was reversed.  

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Deshaun is paying these massage therapists to concoct this story, to add pressure to force Houston to trade or release him. When they do, he will have them all recant. 
 
Seems no more or less likely than the nfl owners cabal being behind it. 
Not gonna lie, this thought crossed my mind earlier today when I was trying to figure out how it all came together so quickly and easily... And all with Tony Buzbee...
That may not be true. It is quite possible Webster's has a new entry as a synonym to premature ejaculation: Like, don't Watson all over the vintage Playboys.

Wait a minute! I read somewhere... checks notes... a Watson is a unit of measurement, and equals 59 yards.

The fuck

 

Buzbee discrediting 20+ women single handedly 

tumblr_lnrqruwRL51qctxoxo1_500.gif?fit=5

1 hour ago, Js1 said:

The fuck

 

What I'm reading is: "I didn't realize what I was getting into"

5 hours ago, JMFP said:

He was probably edging before he went in... I read a post on Reddit a few years ago by a chick that worked in a waxing salon, she said a dude did this twice in their shop. First time they wrote it off but the second time he did they called the cops. She said he would work himself by hand in the parking lot until he was about to O then stop. Then would go inside and when  they went to put wax on he would blow all over. I seem to remember from the responses that it wasn't all that uncommon.

Hmm. My penis doesn't work like that. YMMV.

10 hours ago, JMFP said:

He was probably edging before he went in... I read a post on Reddit a few years ago by a chick that worked in a waxing salon, she said a dude did this twice in their shop. First time they wrote it off but the second time he did they called the cops. She said he would work himself by hand in the parking lot until he was about to O then stop. Then would go inside and when  they went to put wax on he would blow all over. I seem to remember from the responses that it wasn't all that uncommon.

Something right with the world today
And everybody knows it's wrong
But we can tell 'em no or we could let it go
But I would rather be a hanging on

.......

Livin' on the edge!

 

6 hours ago, B00M said:

Buzbee discrediting 20+ women single handedly 

tumblr_lnrqruwRL51qctxoxo1_500.gif?fit=5

Wait, 20+ sexual assault victims aren't supposed to feel inspired and validated about a crazy instagram post from their lawyer making their claims and cases about himself again?

Edited by Pam Cummings

8 hours ago, Js1 said:

The fuck

 

A lawyer penned that ?

44 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

A lawyer penned that ?

A lawyer who has substance abuse issues and is crazy.

4 minutes ago, kevwun said:

A lawyer who has substance abuse issues and is crazy.

It reads like adrenal fueled paranoia. 

This is a lawyer clearly not serving his clients well. What a lunatic. 

10 hours ago, Js1 said:

The fuck

 

The first reply in the twitter feed nails it!

 
"He’s an aggy, u expected something different"
The first reply in the twitter feed nails it!
  "He’s an aggy, u expected something different"

So who are the twelve poor souls that are going to get hurt when this case collapses?
2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

A lawyer penned that ?

Edit: beaten to the punch

Edited by Foosters

34 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

Gotdamn this is going to be entertaining AF

Going to be?!? 

Already is 

15 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Going to be?!? 

Already is 

This offseason has been far more entertaining than any "product" the Texans have ever put on the football field. As a former fan I am enjoying it immensely.

Well that and most customers don't spontaneously ejaculate on the help.

Tell that to my maid...
15 hours ago, JMFP said:

He was probably edging before he went in... I read a post on Reddit a few years ago by a chick that worked in a waxing salon, she said a dude did this twice in their shop. First time they wrote it off but the second time he did they called the cops. She said he would work himself by hand in the parking lot until he was about to O then stop. Then would go inside and when  they went to put wax on he would blow all over. I seem to remember from the responses that it wasn't all that uncommon.

Welp, that's weird as fuck so it fits this story perfectly. Tell me there's embarrassing parking lot security cam footage.

monophy.gif

1 hour ago, General Specific said:


So who are the twelve poor souls that are going to get hurt when this case collapses?

Pin for Later: 24 Zoolander Quotes You're Still Using Every Day When It's a  Walk-Off | Zoolander, Zoolander quotes, Justin bieber and selena

12 hours ago, Js1 said:

The fuck

 

1259600352_waitwhat.gif.b9f92efb88d8535e2f92849973fa711f.gif

Is this dude high as fuck when he wrote that?

I got to admit I didn’t think this case could get any more fucked up....

1350628884_yesitis.gif.7b492d0e1b3fb501eb8770553b41f657.gif

On 3/28/2021 at 7:26 PM, staboner said:

that shit reads hilarious. touched her hand with his penis. 

does his fucking dick have thumbs and a means of transport?

 

Sounds like a pretty good defense.  "I cannot control this damn penis.  It just goes around touching women's hands and ejaculating all over the place.  I'm as much a victim as these poor women. I'm sort of like Seymour Krelborn and my penis is Audrey II. It's just out of control and I can't do anything about it." 

7 minutes ago, Machinator said:

 

Look at all the ones I didn't harass...see?  

But seriously, why so many?  When you add the accusers and this group, that's like 38 massage therapists.

 

Edited by J.R. Juniors Junior Jr.

23 minutes ago, J.R. Juniors Junior Jr. said:

Look at all the ones I didn't harass...see?  

But seriously, why so many?  When you add the accusers and this group, that's like 38 massage therapists.

 

This for real. When you can pay for the best and it's part of maintaining your career, you try a handful of the best, pick your favorite and pay her indefinitely. 

It's going to be hilarious when these 40+ women are all in a room together, looking at each other, realizing they're all attractive and it had nothing to do with the therapy.

1 minute ago, B00M said:

This for real. When you can pay for the best and it's part of maintaining your career, you try a handful of the best, pick your favorite and pay her indefinitely. 

It's going to be hilarious when these 40+ women are all in a room together, looking at each other, realizing they're all attractive and it had nothing to do with the therapy.

Some people like collecting shoes, some like collecting massage therapist. 

4 minutes ago, B00M said:

This for real. When you can pay for the best and it's part of maintaining your career, you try a handful of the best, pick your favorite and pay her indefinitely. 

It's going to be hilarious when these 40+ women are all in a room together, looking at each other, realizing they're all attractive and it had nothing to do with the therapy.

Slightly less hilarious when the ones speaking to Hardin realize they are the less attractive ones...

1 minute ago, Chuckie Finster said:

Slightly less hilarious when the ones speaking to Hardin realize they are the less attractive ones...

Ha! In hindsight, hilarious was a really poor word choice. My bad. It's just amusing to consider how the defense will try to ignore that elephant in the room. 

"Your honor, we would like to submit into evidence the 17,865,000 people in the New York City metropolitan area that my client did not murder."

- Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's lawyer at trial, probably

So does just this (stunning amount of) allegation(s) trigger the morals clause of his contract? Inquiring minds and what not. Rapelisberger got suspended without a conviction and it was just one allegation (with a hefty settlement). He's untradeable now.

1 hour ago, BurntOrange&White said:

Some people like collecting shoes, some like collecting massage therapist. 

To paraphrase Clerks, "Try not to harass any massage therapists on the way to the parking lot."

2 hours ago, Machinator said:

 

If these 18 plus the 19 in the lawsuits are the ONLY masseuses Watson has seen....he’s had a different masseuse every 5 weeks or so since getting to Houston.

 

This whole shitshow is weird AF.

A lawyer penned that ?

aggy lawyer

So I guess the lawyers are having a masseuse off..who can get the most statements on record.

2 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

So I guess the lawyers are having a masseuse off..who can get the most statements on record.

If this was only happening at strip joints.... Anyway, Houstonians should be compiling a pretty solid Instagram list.

Apparently this constitutes trial prep for the buzbee firm. 

 

90964316-rolled-hundred-dollars-banknote-two-lines-and-pile-of-cocaine-on-black-background-closeup.jpg

3 hours ago, B00M said:

This for real. When you can pay for the best and it's part of maintaining your career, you try a handful of the best, pick your favorite and pay her indefinitely. 

It's going to be hilarious when these 40+ women are all in a room together, looking at each other, realizing they're all attractive and it had nothing to do with the therapy.

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