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Featured Replies

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Sounds like you are wiping your ass with a roll of paper towels. 

That would be lengthwise. Sideways means a diameter too large to fit on his spool/dispenser. I'm assuming. 

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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4 hours ago, Noah Fence said:

The guy who invented the large sideways roll of toilet paper can go fuck himself.

You know who else?

 

The fucker who sets the tension on those big rolls so you can only get one square off at a time.  

Just now, HornsOverIthaca said:

I got a raise today.  I’m buying a new ladder to celebrate.

Symbolic of how your climbing your way to the top! 

3 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:
On 8/25/2018 at 5:20 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:
What's the purpose of any thread?

What is the purpose of life?

youtube-monty-python-find-the-fish-e1526

On 9/5/2018 at 10:57 AM, Gardner Barnes said:

Motherfucking Cargo shorts on the mother fucking plane

677e835bbd6061c393c62defd3f6c44b.jpg

I would say you took a pic of me on the plane, but that is clearly not first class.

#teamcargo

#teamflipflops

18 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:
On 8/25/2018 at 3:20 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:
What's the purpose of any thread?

What is the purpose of life?

 

Wish I had gone with Egon instead of Ray in my avatar.  Dan Akroyd is funny, but he’s a total whack job.

Posting Warrant in a thread that doesn't warrant Warrant. 

warrant-cover-photo.jpg

 

 

I walk past a cube farm office every day, twice a day, and on one of the tables, in plain sight of God and everybody, is a stack of paper plates and forks. I know they must have had a pot luck or something at some point, but shouldn't somebody have picked that stuff up and put it away some time in the last three months? Don't they have a break room or something?

2 hours ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

Wish I had gone with Egon instead of Ray in my avatar.  Dan Akroyd is funny, but he’s a total whack job.

You can change it you know

My son eats spaghetti at a glacial pace. If we were Italian, he would have starved to death a long time ago.

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

If you wear flip flops on a plane and sit next to me I'm going to stomp on your toes every chance I get.

You sound like a huge pussy


If he was in TXK, you most likely don’t want Picts.
This.

Hooters in txk had some hot chicks a year ago, now they are ugly and trashy.
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16 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

My dog smells like fritos, even after a fresh bath

You own a corn dog. 

Called to order pizza for delivery using card for payment. Doofus - "Expiration date?" - Diablo "March of 2022". Doofus - "Uh, March is 3, right?". FUCK.

He's punching it in on a keypad. The software interface is expecting a numeric value. If it says "3/22" on your card, just say "three, twenty-two." You're complicating things unnecessarily. 

On 9/7/2018 at 6:00 PM, Dolemite said:

 

I catch myself watching those late-night Johnny Carson sales commercials all the time.  

Every single one of those people in the Carson vids are dead except Burt
You son of a bitch.
On 9/8/2018 at 10:47 AM, NorthLoop said:

My dog smells like fritos, even after a fresh bath

I used to have a retired greyhound whose feet smelled like Fritos and whose head smelled like sweetgrass. Had another retired greyhound who smelled like maple syrup for the first month or so that we had her. 

10 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I used to have a retired greyhound whose feet smelled like Fritos and whose head smelled like sweetgrass. Had another retired greyhound who smelled like maple syrup for the first month or so that we had her. 

What's more, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. 

22 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

He's punching it in on a keypad. The software interface is expecting a numeric value. If it says "3/22" on your card, just say "three, twenty-two." You're complicating things unnecessarily. 

I'm complicating things unnecessarily? By having the man who is preparing my pizza convert "March" to a numerical equivalent? The man makes pizza gdammit, I think he can handle this "problem". 

23 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

I'm complicating things unnecessarily? By having the man who is preparing my pizza convert "March" to a numerical equivalent? The man makes pizza gdammit, I think he can handle this "problem". 

Does it say "March" on your card? You're the one introducing a conversion and expecting the other person to convert it back. Try just reading it the way it's imprinted on your card next time and see how much more smoothly it goes. 

9 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Does it say "March" on your card? You're the one introducing a conversion and expecting the other person to convert it back. Try just reading it the way it's imprinted on your card next time and see how much more smoothly it goes. 

It's a symbol that represents March. Do you even context, bro? The man asked for the expiration date, not what was stamped on my card.

Edited by El Diablo

1 minute ago, El Diablo said:

It's a symbol that represents March. Do you even context, bro?

Lol. Context? 'Duh, yeah, well it says "3" but I know that means March on the calendar so I'll say "March" and assume he'll understand the context and enter "3" into the customer service interface.' Apparently you don't value efficiency. 

Try putting yourself in the shoes of the person on the other end of the phone. What level of expertise are you expecting from him? Try thinking in terms of making life for the person who is trying to help you as easy as possible. 

 

Lol. Context? 'Duh, yeah, well it says "3" but I know that means March on the calendar so I'll say "March" and assume he'll understand the context and enter "3" into the customer service interface.' Apparently you don't value efficiency. 

Try putting yourself in the shoes of the person on the other end of the phone. What level of expertise are you expecting from him? Try thinking in terms of making life for the person who is trying to help you as easy as possible. 

I guess I don't understand how long it takes for someone else to make the conversion. I'm pretty quick at it myself. How long did you work on it? :) 

3 hours ago, El Diablo said:

I guess I don't understand how long it takes for someone else to make the conversion. I'm pretty quick at it myself. How long did you work on it? :) 

It's a 300 level class at Ohio State. 

1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

It's a 300 level class at Ohio State. 

He took the class in March of 2000?

I'm not sure how it works, but if I was heading to the electric chair, my last meal would consist of steaming me 15 artichokes with some drawn butter with a dash of lemon. Take the leaves off and leave the hearts for me to eat. Chase it down with a good IPA or ice tea.

I'd rather have that than a steak, sushi, etc which I love.

On 9/10/2018 at 7:39 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

Try thinking in terms of making life for the person who is trying to help you as easy as possible. 

This. I'm not looking for any trouble.

As a kid I guffawed when people say "they don't make em like they used to"....I thought it was just something crotchety old fucks repeat just for the sake of it. 

Or when they judge a product based on toughness and weight.

 

I thought it was crude, and antiquated method of evaluation. 

 

New = light = tech = modern, ye gimpy old fucks.

 

One time I needed a new vacuum cleaner, a gimpy, crotchety old fuck at work said "government recently passed regulation limiting the power of new vacuum cleaners; go to xxx and find the old models of yyy"

 

I did as instructed and sure enough...got a machine as tough as a tank and sucks like a seasoned whore.

 

Now with a bit more wisdom on general manufacturing, business, material science, etc etc .... when looking for power tools, floor fans, speakers, etc, give me the old, heavy-as-rocks copy each and every time.

 

 

 

 

Just hit the enter/return key once when starting a new paragraph. Once looks like this:

See? Double spacing. Twice looks like this:

 

Quadruple spacing. The last icon on the right in the row of icons above the text editor, the one that looks like a document with a folded or "dog-eared" corner, lets you preview your post. 

And yes, planned obsolescence sucks. Imagine owning a TV that works for more than 20-30 years. The TV my family owned when I was born was still working just fine after I went to college and moved away from home. Where's the profit in that? Quality doesn't pay. The Sony Trinitron I bought in 1998 started to break down in three years and was dead in six. (Fuck Sony, btw.)

As a kid I guffawed when people say "they don't make em like they used to"....I thought it was just something crotchety old fucks repeat just for the sake of it. 
Or when they judge a product based on toughness and weight.
 
I thought it was crude, and antiquated method of evaluation. 
 
New = light = tech = modern, ye gimpy old fucks.
 
One time I needed a new vacuum cleaner, a gimpy, crotchety old fuck at work said "government recently passed regulation limiting the power of new vacuum cleaners; go to xxx and find the old models of yyy"
 
I did as instructed and sure enough...got a machine as tough as a tank and sucks like a seasoned whore.
 
Now with a bit more wisdom on general manufacturing, business, material science, etc etc .... when looking for power tools, floor fans, speakers, etc, give me the old, heavy-as-rocks copy each and every time.
 
 
 
 
Appliances definitely don't last like they used to. Seems washers and dryers have a 8 to 10 year life span.
17 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:
17 hours ago, 52-80 said:
As a kid I guffawed when people say "they don't make em like they used to"....I thought it was just something crotchety old fucks repeat just for the sake of it. 
Or when they judge a product based on toughness and weight.
 
I thought it was crude, and antiquated method of evaluation. 
 
New = light = tech = modern, ye gimpy old fucks.
 
One time I needed a new vacuum cleaner, a gimpy, crotchety old fuck at work said "government recently passed regulation limiting the power of new vacuum cleaners; go to xxx and find the old models of yyy"
 
I did as instructed and sure enough...got a machine as tough as a tank and sucks like a seasoned whore.
 
Now with a bit more wisdom on general manufacturing, business, material science, etc etc .... when looking for power tools, floor fans, speakers, etc, give me the old, heavy-as-rocks copy each and every time.
 
 
 
 

Read more  

Appliances definitely don't last like they used to. Seems washers and dryers have a 8 to 10 year life span.

You have to remember there was a whole industry dedicated to repairing the good old stuff.

Now when a part on an $800 washer goes out it doesn't make much fiscal sense to put $50 worth of parts and $600 worth of labor into fixing it.

1 hour ago, Vic Mackey said:

Appliances definitely don't last like they used to. Seems washers and dryers have a 8 to 10 year life span.

Yeah, but you can download porn on your fridge now.

 

Hits close to home because I got roped into a new French door fridge via no interest and great Labor Day savings recently and it was almost $3k. I imagine it will last a decade, which is what our last French door fridge did before the color on it went obsolete (my wife is redoing our kitchen away from black and into matte stainless fingerprint free steel)

1 hour ago, Vic Mackey said:
19 hours ago, 52-80 said:
As a kid I guffawed when people say "they don't make em like they used to"....I thought it was just something crotchety old fucks repeat just for the sake of it. 
Or when they judge a product based on toughness and weight.
 
I thought it was crude, and antiquated method of evaluation. 
 
New = light = tech = modern, ye gimpy old fucks.
 
One time I needed a new vacuum cleaner, a gimpy, crotchety old fuck at work said "government recently passed regulation limiting the power of new vacuum cleaners; go to xxx and find the old models of yyy"
 
I did as instructed and sure enough...got a machine as tough as a tank and sucks like a seasoned whore.
 
Now with a bit more wisdom on general manufacturing, business, material science, etc etc .... when looking for power tools, floor fans, speakers, etc, give me the old, heavy-as-rocks copy each and every time.
 
 
 
 

Read more  

Appliances definitely don't last like they used to. Seems washers and dryers have a 8 to 10 year life span.

Considering your "heavier is better" approach to the women I am not surprised by your stance on appliances.

42 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Considering your "heavier is better" approach to the women I am not surprised by your stance on appliances.

Winter is coming tho

Just noticed that when my ex came back with movers to get all of her shit out of our apartment she took half the silverware.... half the knives, all of the full size spoons, all of the full size forks.  That's some petty ass shit.

Just noticed that when my ex came back with movers to get all of her shit out of our apartment she took half the silverware.... half the knives, all of the full size spoons, all of the full size forks.  That's some petty ass shit.
Apparently you were told there would be no math

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