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Featured Replies

On 12/21/2022 at 8:03 PM, thunderlounge said:

IWB, crossbreed supertuck. 
 

 

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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Got a job with a start up.  This is a rite of passage that every software sales guy needs to go through.  Was going to quit drinking, at least I won't have to do that.

Did you know if you spell Oklahoma backwards it still says cocksucker?  And while I'm here, do manhole covers ever wear out?

Seriously though, are there any grocery stores open today?  We need some shit and everything says closed on google but I know they're partially lying. 

We got to my cousin's at Dripping Springs last night after church.  Hugs and greetings and I hear this, "Fucking dammit all anyway!" from the hall bathroom.  He's in there trying to fix the toilet.  Fill valve and assembly all beat to hell, just old.  make my requisite, "Shitter's full Clark!" comment and we google Breed & Co. near Belterra.  Says they are open until 7:00p, which I find real hard to believe from google.  We get there at 5:59pm and guy literally says, "We're closing.  Get whatever shit you need and go."  Got the new parts and he's locking the auto doors behind us.  Fixed toilet by 6:20pm and onto tamales and bowel movements shortly thereafter.  Point of the story, I don't trust holiday hours online, especially since Covid.  

^^Good thing it all came out OK.  But we do have a shart thread just in case.

I love Christmas, it’s pretty humbling to share it with my kid and watch her grow every year. Feliz Navidad, good will towards men and all that! But as of around 7:30am on the 26th fuck Christmas right in the face! I don’t want to see Christmas movies still on TV, don’t give a shit about the lights, and absolutely don’t wanna hear any Christmas music!!! I’m moving on!

10 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

I love Christmas, it’s pretty humbling to share it with my kid and watch her grow every year. Feliz Navidad, good will towards men and all that! But as of around 7:30am on the 26th fuck Christmas right in the face! I don’t want to see Christmas movies still on TV, don’t give a shit about the lights, and absolutely don’t wanna hear any Christmas music!!! I’m moving on!

This is when I buy all of my wrapping paper and shit for next year. 

14 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

I love Christmas, it’s pretty humbling to share it with my kid and watch her grow every year. Feliz Navidad, good will towards men and all that! But as of around 7:30am on the 26th fuck Christmas right in the face! I don’t want to see Christmas movies still on TV, don’t give a shit about the lights, and absolutely don’t wanna hear any Christmas music!!! I’m moving on!

 

^

is that Louis C.K.?  

I saw a tree on the curb today on the way to work, kinda stood out to me because I'm used to seeing them much later on.  But I kinda respected the move.  Because it was craft bag/green compost bin/tree pickup on Tuesday in our area.  May as well get it over with.  Wife doesn't like to take it down until after the Epiphany because that's also her grandfather's birthday and that was always a big day for them growing up.  No booze, no gifts, they just had turkey in the frozen January garages of Western Kansas.  But I get tradition.  

But it got me thinking again.  The shopping and gift-giving in her family starts before Thanksgiving.  Which is cool by me because my two girls (the lone grandkids get more stuff).  And we keep the decor and facetime calls and celebrations and church attendance at full throttle until the weekend after the epiphany.  So that's 7 full weeks of Christmas-related stuff.  Travel, money, cooking, dialing-in, setting up decorations, taking stuff down, buying gifts, returning gifts, etc.  Depending on the Gregorian calendar, we would get off school the weekend directly before Christmas.  My dad and I would go pick out the tree and decorate it that night with the whole family and we'd hang lights outside.  Maybe, at most, 10 days before the holiday proper.  Mom would take us shopping downtown one of the weekdays before during the day and treat us to lunch.  We couldn't afford much but this was a big treat to shop 'n eat in downtown Chicago with the fancy white people.  A few holiday parties with dad's work and mom's family the week leading up to Christmas Even, then church and prime rib and open up gifts.  Christmas Day, we'd make the rounds to other family and friends.  That was it, maybe 10 total days of Christmas related shit (again, depending on when it fell during the workweek---dad worked up until Christmas Eve lunch).  And we took everything down and threw it out/packed it up the night before school started back up.   

Seven fucking goddamn weeks.  And these people can never shut the fuck up about the "War on Christmas!"  I can name a dozen wars that didn't last seven fucking weeks.  I asked if I could start taking shit down tonight after work.  She said no, but we apparently also have to attend mass on both Saturday AND Sunday.  What the fuck?  

Edited by YGIFS

6 hours ago, YGIFS said:

^

is that Louis C.K.?  

I saw a tree on the curb today on the way to work, kinda stood out to me because I'm used to seeing them much later on.  But I kinda respected the move.  Because it was craft bag/green compost bin/tree pickup on Tuesday in our area.  May as well get it over with.  Wife doesn't like to take it down until after the Epiphany because that's also her grandfather's birthday and that was always a big day for them growing up.  No booze, no gifts, they just had turkey in the frozen January garages of Western Kansas.  But I get tradition.  

But it got me thinking again.  The shopping and gift-giving in her family starts before Thanksgiving.  Which is cool by me because my two girls (the lone grandkids get more stuff).  And we keep the decor and facetime calls and celebrations and church attendance at full throttle until the weekend after the epiphany.  So that's 7 full weeks of Christmas-related stuff.  Travel, money, cooking, dialing-in, setting up decorations, taking stuff down, buying gifts, returning gifts, etc.  Depending on the Gregorian calendar, we would get off school the weekend directly before Christmas.  My dad and I would go pick out the tree and decorate it that night with the whole family and we'd hang lights outside.  Maybe, at most, 10 days before the holiday proper.  Mom would take us shopping downtown one of the weekdays before during the day and treat us to lunch.  We couldn't afford much but this was a big treat to shop 'n eat in downtown Chicago with the fancy white people.  A few holiday parties with dad's work and mom's family the week leading up to Christmas Even, then church and prime rib and open up gifts.  Christmas Day, we'd make the rounds to other family and friends.  That was it, maybe 10 total days of Christmas related shit (again, depending on when it fell during the workweek---dad worked up until Christmas Eve lunch).  And we took everything down and threw it out/packed it up the night before school started back up.   

Seven fucking goddamn weeks.  And these people can never shut the fuck up about the "War on Christmas!"  I can name a dozen wars that didn't last seven fucking weeks.  I asked if I could start taking shit down tonight after work.  She said no, but we apparently also have to attend mass on both Saturday AND Sunday.  What the fuck?  

Have you ever had an unexpressed thought?

All the time.  I don't talk in real life.  That's where this website comes in.  You don't like it...immamac put in these cool features like scrolling past my posts, ignore, etc.  All kinda great shit.  

On 12/14/2022 at 11:27 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

At my age crop dusting is pretty dangerous.

No shit....or, maybe shit?

This morning I learned that the Huk brand of fishing apparel is pronounced “hook”. 

This morning I learned that the Huk brand of fishing apparel is pronounced “hook”. 

Legit holy shit, I did not know that.

We’re just 2 wins up on OU on the all time CFB wins list. So if they pass us up we’ll fall into 6th place. We were in 3rd place basically my entire life until recent years. Michigan & Ohio state are currently 1 & 2.

Is there some sort of malevolent sprite that determines household machinery should break around the holidays regardless of whether one has company or family houseguests? With the new year beginning I'm making an attempt to cover all the bases with statuary, lucky colors, intercessory prayer, and incense but will consider any and all suggestions beyond chicken sacrifices. Poultry got too expensive. We do have an opossum under the shed, however.

This morning I learned that the Huk brand of fishing apparel is pronounced “hook”. 

How were you pronouncing it, like Huck Finn?
20 hours ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

Is there some sort of malevolent sprite 

Sounds more like a coke problem 

 

actually I sympathize. My dishwasher and disposal is kaputz 

 

 

 

changing subjects. Anyone else wonder if sometimes mechanics say they changed your oil but didn’t?  My car was making a noise so I brought it into a different place and they said “well yea you’re very low on oil “no leak

Edited by closetohumping

43 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Sounds more like a coke problem 

 

actually I sympathize. My dishwasher and disposal is kaputz 

 

 

 

changing subjects. Anyone else wonder if sometimes mechanics say they changed your oil but didn’t?  My car was making a noise so I brought it into a different place and they said “well yea you’re very low on oil “no leak

I've known two people who got new engines because the oil change place either forgot to put oil in them or they didn't tighten the filter and the oil leaked out while they drove away. 

Been there, done that. Didn’t tighten the filter properly, oil leaked out over a few hours drive, boom.

Never been back to that place, but they paid for a new motor and didn’t even really flinch. Tells me it happens way too frequently. 

1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

Been there, done that. Didn’t tighten the filter properly, oil leaked out over a few hours drive, boom.

Never been back to that place, but they paid for a new motor and didn’t even really flinch. Tells me it happens way too frequently. 

Oh they actually owned up to it?  Happened to a guy I knew and they basically told him “you got no proof.  How do you know you didn’t do it after we left?”

Won't the pressure gauge let you know? 

4 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Oh they actually owned up to it?  Happened to a guy I knew and they basically told him “you got no proof.  How do you know you didn’t do it after we left?”

Yep. Quite surprising overall, but I guess they had that happen to a few that day that the same person worked on.

 

21 hours ago, markstanco said:

I find it amazing how many burger kings there are in texas.

And they will all give you the runs.

On 12/26/2021 at 4:15 PM, mchookem said:

Leonardo DiCaprio's upcoming films include him playing:

Ernest Burkhart 

Theodore Roosevelt 

Joe Petrosino

HH Holmes

Jim Jones

Leonardo Davinci 

Ulysses S Grant

i bet he has another Oscar within 5 years.

 

A girl born when Titanic was released has already aged out for Leo if he still has his nobody over 25 rule

On 1/1/2023 at 10:31 AM, Crapinon said:

I've known two people who got new engines because the oil change place either forgot to put oil in them or they didn't tighten the filter and the oil leaked out while they drove away. 

This has happened to me. 

A girl born when Titanic was released has already aged out for Leo if he still has his nobody over 25 rule

Kurt Cobain has been dead longer that he was alive. (Saw it on a meme, too lazy to look it up)

Saw this earlier:

A T-Rex is closer in time to an iPhone (67M years) that it is to a Stegosaurus (85M years).

58 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Saw this earlier:

A T-Rex is closer in time to an iPhone (67M years) that it is to a Stegosaurus (85M years).

False:

 

Jesus+hugging+a+little+dino.jpg

1 hour ago, Steel Shank said:

I just cut a greaser in my own closet. Brilliant move on my part, right?

Why do you have an Italian in your closet and why did you cut this Italian?

13 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Saw this earlier:

A T-Rex is closer in time to an iPhone (67M years) that it is to a Stegosaurus (85M years).

With those short arms and goofy digits, why the fuck would a T-REX need an iPhone?  He can’t just use Siri all the time, he can’t talk! 
 

Think your science through next time, smart guy 

Edited by YGIFS

Woke up at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep until I searched to see if Barbara and Catherine Bach were related. They are not.

17 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Saw this earlier:

A T-Rex is closer in time to an iPhone (67M years) that it is to a Stegosaurus (85M years).

In 7 years, the 80s will have been 5 decades away

3 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Woke up at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep until I searched to see if Barbara and Catherine Bach were related. They are not.

I am sure the familial connections were not the end of your googling of the two Bach ladies. Hopefully that helped you go back to sleep. 

I am sure the familial connections were not the end of your googling of the two Bach ladies. Hopefully that helped you go back to sleep. 

Nah…. Daisy Duke never did it for me even back in the day, and I only know Mrs Ringo from one Bond film, Force 10 from Navarone and the underrated Ringo Star comedy, Caveman. But I will say she looks fabulous for 75!6a30b3ef3924670a73dcf1c94f5235a5.jpg
And Fabuloso smells like a telenovela.

Fabuloso is for when you want to prove to guests that you clean your house. You can cut that shit 12 times and the fragrance will still be strong as hell.
1 hour ago, Patricio Swayze said:


Fabuloso is for when you want to prove to guests that you clean your house. You can cut that shit 12 times and the fragrance will still be strong as hell.

cut it 12 times?  We still talking about home fragrance, right?  


Fabuloso is for when you want to prove to guests that you clean your house. You can cut that shit 12 times and the fragrance will still be strong as hell.

I love it when I’m in a Mexican restaurant and they start to mop the floors with it!
16 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Woke up at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep until I searched to see if Barbara and Catherine Bach were related. They are not.

Ah, Bach.

Are monkey bars considered racist now? Are we supposed to call them something else?

1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

Are monkey bars considered racist now? Are we supposed to call them something else?

Monkey taverns. 

Edited by Richard Kimball

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