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9 hours ago, Helobious said:

I’d punch my mother in the gut just for the chance to lick neosporin off Anna Kendrick’s kneecaps.

AggressiveBoringFunnelweaverspider-max-1

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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25 minutes ago, Js1 said:

AggressiveBoringFunnelweaverspider-max-1

I don’t even want to know what I’d do for the chance to do something actually sexual with her. I like what I like, could not give less of a shit if anyone on the surl “approves”.

His voice was amazing. Do a george michael station on pandora, you will dig every song. 


No.

I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 

McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.

McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?

See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.

25 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 

McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.

McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?

See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.

Fan Fiction Rating: 0.0

On 1/18/2019 at 8:08 PM, Lone Star Horn said:

first time with TSA Pre-Check?

I when through JFK this past weekend and TSA shut down pre and forced everyone into regular.  I felt like it was an everyone's gonna feel our pain move.

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

Am I the only one who thinks that all of the different forced head movements in the various El Chapo arrest footage clips are kind of weird?

It's like those cops are more concerned that he observe certain aspects and minor details of his surroundings at the time of capture than they are of just stuffing him into the car or whatever. 

I realize that they're probably making sure that his face is captured by the different cameras, but it looks more like they want him to see Officer Jimenez's new shoes, that tree over there, the lightbar on the cop car, etc. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

20 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 

McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.

McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?

See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.

Having an internal struggle?

For some reason we I see pictures or video of an old ass Billy corgan, I can't help but think of the end of return of the Jedi when Vader takes off his helmet.

Having an internal struggle?


Once you figure out if your a top or bottom the struggle ends and it’s amazing. I recommend the soul searching, it’s totally worth it.

Glorious Friday lunch dump while reading aggy tears over bru and rankings.

Door opens. Heavy breathing (first floor bathroom). Feet landing heavily with each step. Only one stall left, he opens the door to that stall.

 

Stay in your zone, reading and giving your colon time to formulate one last good push?

 

Get the fuck out of dodge?

 

I left...

nothing beats a good work dump when you get that whole 15 minutes to yourself

On 1/20/2019 at 10:49 PM, TwiceHorn said:

Dallas anoles still change colors.

So do the SMU co-eds

2nd amendment shagsters just see a gun.

50872946_2115842088508257_13082679806221

Ugh, home sick today with crud.  Fuck this weather.

On ‎1‎/‎25‎/‎2019 at 7:06 PM, Doze said:

2nd amendment shagsters just see a gun.

50872946_2115842088508257_13082679806221

Weapon of mass distraction.

if your life is a movie, and you're the star of it, I would like to think I'm someone cool like Han Solo or John McClane but really... I think I'm more like MacGruber

It weirds me out that people think society is modern or advanced. 50 years ago we didn’t have computers. 30 years ago we didn’t have cell phones. I always wonder what people will look back in 50 years and think about today. Like damn those Neanderthals still had hand held devices. 

On 1/25/2019 at 8:06 PM, Doze said:

2nd amendment shagsters just see a gun.

50872946_2115842088508257_13082679806221

 

Axshully, it's the opposite - it's the Second Amendment Haters that only see the gun.

The gun guys just see dat azz.

 

Edited to add: See, it "triggers" them. 😉

Edited by DoobieWah

4 minutes ago, DoobieWah said:

Who will make Surly's 1,000,000th post?

Now at 999,000 +.

I'll wager 10 internets that it's Hugo. 

11 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

50 years ago we didn’t have computers. 30 years ago we didn’t have cell phones.

speak for yourself, new money

I'll wager 10 internets that it's Hugo. 


I’ll wager 20 more that the post by Hugo will be about the Russians and still suck.
13 hours ago, DoobieWah said:

Who will make Surly's 1,000,000th post?

Now at 999,000 +.

No idea who did it, but it's at 1,000,069 as I write this.

Congrats Surly.

Edited by DoobieWah
Thai po.

17 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

It weirds me out that people think society is modern or advanced. 50 years ago we didn’t have computers. 30 years ago we didn’t have cell phones. I always wonder what people will look back in 50 years and think about today. Like damn those Neanderthals still had hand held devices. 

But the Boeing 737 remains basically unchanged since 1967.....did the aliens leave in 1967?

2nd amendment shagsters just see a gun.
50872946_2115842088508257_1308267980622135296_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-dfw5-1.xx&oh=b9155b42088858387427957d02d0a599&oe=5D0101EF

It has to be the closeness of the camera because that's a perfect ass, but a humongous thigh.

So the one time in my professional life when I got scammed by a phone caller, she'd pretended to be one of our contractors, when really she was one of their customers. Caused no small headache a year or so ago, but I lived and learned.

Never heard from the woman again, of course. Until today, when she left me a very innocuous sounding voice mail, hoping I could work out better pricing for her on a job (through a different contractor, even).

I don't remember every person I've ever done business with, but I sure as hell remember the ones who pulled a fast one on me. (And yes, she's an aggy, if anyone is wondering.)

15 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

So the one time in my professional life when I got scammed by a phone caller, she'd pretended to be one of our contractors, when really she was one of their customers. Caused no small headache a year or so ago, but I lived and learned.

Never heard from the woman again, of course. Until today, when she left me a very innocuous sounding voice mail, hoping I could work out better pricing for her on a job (through a different contractor, even).

I don't remember every person I've ever done business with, but I sure as hell remember the ones who pulled a fast one on me. (And yes, she's an aggy, if anyone is wondering.)

So, did you play along?

9 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

So, did you play along?

I quoted her a higher price than the one she started with. It's going to take her a while to realize it, but I'm pretty sure she'll go back to bothering someone else for a while now.

So when our Spanish speaking friends sing Kool and the Gang, do they say "Jo-Ann-uh" or "Yo-ahn-uh"?

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

7 hours ago, clapclapclap said:

So when our Spanish speaking friends sing Kool and the Gang, do they say "Jo-Ann-uh" or "Yo-ahn-uh"?

If you had any Spanish-speaking friends, you'd know. 

5 hours ago, Bat Guano said:

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

More than one time I have set my phone in the crotch of my pants instead of back in my pocket before I pulled them back up and then had the phone slide down my pant leg. Don't ask me why I do this, because I don't know. 

it's times like this I am reminded of what my Grandma used to tell me, "Girl, let me get in them doo doo walls"

So when our Spanish speaking friends sing Kool and the Gang, do they say "Jo-Ann-uh" or "Yo-ahn-uh"?


Depends on where they are from.

For example, Argentinians pronounce Ys as Js. Yo is pronounced Jo there.

It also depends on if they are stupid.
On 2/6/2019 at 4:09 PM, Bat Guano said:

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

My concern level is higher for this when removing the phone from my pocket during the approach-n-spin maneuver.  The urgency of the situation increases the likelihood that an error is made.

Apparently my buddy's daughter is the source of a famous meme that's been around for a few years. Her name is Luna Enriquez. 

argosy-university-college-of-psychology-

I can't get this song out of my head.
 

Storybots are awesome
On 2/6/2019 at 9:02 PM, NorthLoop said:

More than one time I have set my phone in the crotch of my pants instead of back in my pocket before I pulled them back up and then had the phone slide down my pant leg. Don't ask me why I do this, because I don't know. 

Brother? Had to take a boot off to fish my phone out once

Edited by bluto

On 2/6/2019 at 1:02 PM, clapclapclap said:

So when our Spanish speaking friends sing Kool and the Gang, do they say "Jo-Ann-uh" or "Yo-ahn-uh"?

Yungle Boogey...

On 2/6/2019 at 3:09 PM, Bat Guano said:

After I take a shit at work, and I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, I have an inordinate fear of dropping the phone in the toilet.

rain grates in parking lots...

My concern is that they are going to tractor beam, ala Death Star to Millenium Falcon; my car keys in there before I can get them in my pocket.

I would like there to be a panel discussion made of people who let their pants sag below their ass as well as people who put truck nuts in their trucks. I want to hear the genuine answers as to why they do such things and why they think it’s cool. Then I want the funniest comedians to roast the ever living fuck out of them for being so fucking stupid. It should be taped and shown in high schools.

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