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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • 58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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#8709

one of my dear colleagues, a brilliant man with phd in physics and french dess (equivalent of professional-masters) in computer engineering, who works in software... CCs himself on every single email.

ive never asked him his logic.  im not sure he knows such a thing as the Sent Items folder exist.

#8712
On 2/6/2024 at 4:49 PM, mchookem said:

what in the hell is this douchemobile 😂

https://www.rezvanimotors.com/rezvani-models

we saw one driving in Denver last night and were like 'wtf is that??' then i googled it and we were absolutely cracking up... 

"Rezvani. When a Humvee doesn't compensate enough." 😆

“When you have too much money, and too little penis…REZVANI!”   

#8717
23 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Bag O‘ Glass

image.jpeg.f9ddd47bf22245ddb9337de53ffa0e75.jpeg

 

We're just taking what the addicted kids want...and packaging it.

"Well, don't you worry about the health risks of such a product?"

Hey, ever bag of meth has a warning label.  "Hey kid, watch out...99% pure methamphetamine!"  

#8718
3 hours ago, Born to Run said:

It's nearly sold out, so yes.

It’s not. There are lots of bags on other pegs. I just chose that one to take the pic. 

#8719

Posting this for an argument between a friend. Not say what I think.

Is the San Marcos river pronounced Mar-cuss or Mar-kose?

(Prepare to lose Mike)

#8721
19 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Was this really a good idea?

IMG_1151.thumb.jpeg.f2eeba0dd71f7a9556c2608b2a4c9a96.jpeg

In the Albuquerque airport? 

Absolutely. 

#8722

How come people talk about the lucky sperm but never the lucky egg. Only a few of a million eggs will ever be fertilized, the rest have as their destination a cotton sponge. Theres lots of luck in that context too, no?

#8723

Wait, I may be misreading this---do you think each woman has a million eggs?  I get that only a few, at most, will be fertilized.  But you do know how women's bodies work, or is that like sinful talk to you?  

#8724
1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

Wait, I may be misreading this---do you think each woman has a million eggs?  I get that only a few, at most, will be fertilized.  But you do know how women's bodies work, or is that like sinful talk to you?  

Look, one egg per month for a woman’s reproductive lifecycle.   I think the math works.

#8725

Congrats to 52-80 on his 2,000 year old child-bride, I guess?  

But I guess you live long enough, you learn how to invent "a Cotton Sponge"...what the fuck that is?  There's an 80% chance he makes her live outside in a tent, regardless of the weather, during her "unclean" time.

Edited by YGIFS

#8727

image.png.6baa1fe8e40f5631ebbfe0b558a6d9ff.png

You know, Jimmy Buffett and promoting his former "lifestyle" seems to make a lot of sense. Who doesn't want to hang out in a hammock with a drink on the beach?

Promoting Tiger Woods and his lifestyle? I'll pass. Yeah, there is money and golf. All the rest seems pretty crummy tbh.

#8728
2 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

image.png.6baa1fe8e40f5631ebbfe0b558a6d9ff.png

You know, Jimmy Buffett and promoting his former "lifestyle" seems to make a lot of sense. Who doesn't want to hang out in a hammock with a drink on the beach?

Promoting Tiger Woods and his lifestyle? I'll pass. Yeah, there is money and golf. All the rest seems pretty crummy tbh.

image.thumb.png.666b6650cce06ea9f93f20c6a055a74f.png

#8730
On 2/13/2024 at 10:56 AM, FirstTimeCaller said:

image.png.6baa1fe8e40f5631ebbfe0b558a6d9ff.png

You know, Jimmy Buffett and promoting his former "lifestyle" seems to make a lot of sense. Who doesn't want to hang out in a hammock with a drink on the beach?

Promoting Tiger Woods and his lifestyle? I'll pass. Yeah, there is money and golf. All the rest seems pretty crummy tbh.

You got something against hookers and blow?

#8731

The Hot Ones guy was dating a porn star.

Congrats Sean her pussy is fire 🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/utz6ZUca4g

Less than 24 hours later they broke up.

Dude could date any number of hot fame whores and he chose a porn star.

 

#8732
18 hours ago, nnm said:

You got something against cocktail waitresses and vicodin?

FIFY

#8733

Theres a dude at work who, based on how he stands and how he walks, you’d never guess he was missing a fucking leg 🦵. Other than that fact, he looks lean and wiry in a rockclimber kind of way. 
 

Anyway, turns out he’s a para-olympian with 6 medals across 4 events, including 2 gold. The motherfucker.  

#8734
12 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Theres a dude at work who, based on how he stands and how he walks, you’d never guess he was missing a fucking leg 🦵. Other than that fact, he looks lean and wiry in a rockclimber kind of way. 
 

Anyway, turns out he’s a para-olympian with 6 medals across 4 events, including 2 gold. The motherfucker.  

Yeah!  Lucky bastard!

#8735
13 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Yeah!  Lucky bastard!

The only pass I threw in intramural football at UT was an INT returned for a touchdown, so I gotta recognize the athleticism

#8737
1 hour ago, Underdog said:

Lent fish fry season is upon us, currently in line to pick up my order. 

Mom is in town this weekend.  Took the girls to HEB to buy something to grill.  My oldest, following in my wife's Catholic footsteps, tells her they can't buy any meat to eat...only fish.  My mom smiles and says she'll eat whatever the munchkins want tonight.  Other daughter suggests a porkloin.  Wife says that's not okay because it's meat.  Oldest chimes in "Jesus can't eat pork so we can."  I've never been so damn proud.  My mom asks, "Wait, why?"  I never get tired of seeing people learn in real-time that the guy was a Jew.  And what do you fucking people eat to commemorate the resurrection of the most famous Jew in history?  The one food he despised.............SMOKED HAM!

See you at the fish fry in hell, fuckers!  

#8738
Mom is in town this weekend.  Took the girls to HEB to buy something to grill.  My oldest, following in my wife's Catholic footsteps, tells her they can't buy any meat to eat...only fish.  My mom smiles and says she'll eat whatever the munchkins want tonight.  Other daughter suggests a porkloin.  Wife says that's not okay because it's meat.  Oldest chimes in "Jesus can't eat pork so we can."  I've never been so damn proud.  My mom asks, "Wait, why?"  I never get tired of seeing people learn in real-time that the guy was a Jew.  And what do you fucking people eat to commemorate the resurrection of the most famous Jew in history?  The one food he despised.............SMOKED HAM!
See you at the fish fry in hell, fuckers!  
I prefer to reflect on the sacrifices that the Lamb of God made for us, by roasting a delicious leg of lamb.
#8741
On 2/5/2024 at 3:26 PM, Superhero said:

Peak Sharon Stone. Basic Instinct or Casino?

Unsatisfying Sharon stone

IMG_2714.gif

#8742

All the things want you to get their apps, so they offer discounts. Turns out you can get some pretty good deals that way.

Del Taco gave me 2 large "The Del" tacos for free.

Got 3 doubles (2 McDoubles, 1 Double Cheese) at McDonald's for $4.

#8743
4 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

how high wtf GIF

is it crazier than fake eyebrows or eyelashes?

Edited by Rimbo

#8745
30 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

All the things want you to get their apps, so they offer discounts. Turns out you can get some pretty good deals that way.

Del Taco gave me 2 large "The Del" tacos for free.

Got 3 doubles (2 McDoubles, 1 Double Cheese) at McDonald's for $4.

Did they throw in the diarrhea for free?

#8746
On 2/11/2024 at 1:03 PM, YGIFS said:

Congrats to 52-80 on his 2,000 year old child-bride, I guess?  

But I guess you live long enough, you learn how to invent "a Cotton Sponge"...what the fuck that is?  There's an 80% chance he makes her live outside in a tent, regardless of the weather, during her "unclean" time.

Cotton sponge had me rolling...

#8748
On 2/16/2024 at 3:44 PM, 52-80 said:

Theres a dude at work who, based on how he stands and how he walks, you’d never guess he was missing a fucking leg 🦵. Other than that fact, he looks lean and wiry in a rockclimber kind of way. 
 

Anyway, turns out he’s a para-olympian with 6 medals across 4 events, including 2 gold. The motherfucker.  

I don't work with you...do i?

#8749
2 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Yes. No contest. 

 

I mean... well, yeah.

 

2 hours ago, Js1 said:

Did they throw in the diarrhea for free?

 

I have the stomach of a goat.

#8750

Gave my first no tip today ever.

Got done eating lunch and asked the waitress (I was eating at the bar) for my check. She said sure. She then went to 2 tables, came back to the bar and poured 2 beers, took them to the tables, then proceeded to go to a table of 8 and took their order. All in all it took about 7-10 minutes. For her to cash me out it took 15 seconds tops.

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