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Everyone makes fun of contrived corpospeak.  This is from the profile of a native-english speaker working in our marketing & communications department, if you can believe that:

Quote

Challenges, personal achievements and key skills in my current Job:
My current objective involves joining an ongoing communication strategy session and leveraging my expertise and experience to add value. I am proactive in my approach, constantly seeking more efficient and cost-effective practices for improvement. As a natural leader and a team player, I believe in sharing best practices and challenges, fostering collaboration instead of reinventing the wheel. I strongly advocate for a diverse, multi-skilled team as it leads to enhanced productivity and drives change and growth. My approach is to identify solutions before presenting problems, and I welcome feedback from the sales and business team to refine our practices and learn from mistakes. I am not afraid to challenge the status quo, asking the right questions and pushing the boundaries to achieve even greater results.

This is her description of her previous stint outside the company. Across her entire career her actual job is as a coordinator for trade show events...

Quote

Experience and Exposures: Marketing Communications
Strategic thought leader that translates leadership strategy into actionable processes and objectives. Promote a culture of customer-focused service, innovation, and continuous improvement, actively positioning the company for growth and success. Develop and drive effective systems to track scaling progress and regularly evaluate program components to measure successes that can be effectively communicated. Build collaborative cross-functional partnerships to develop and implement process improvements company-wide. Led the end-to-end portfolio of events to expand market reach while increasing brand and tech awareness. Develop and mentor staff through onboarding, open communication, training and development opportunities, and performance management processes; build and maintain employee morale and motivation; ensure the team is appropriately staffed with required competencies.

 

education ... graduated "Cum Laude" from.... *drumroll*........ DeVry University

Edited by 52-80

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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AI being genuinely useful.  I asked Microsoft Copilot to rephrase those paragraphs as a normal person would instead of a psychopath:

1. I want to join a strategy session and use my skills to help. I look for better, cheaper ways to improve. As a leader and team player, I share ideas and challenges to work together. I support having a diverse team for better results. I find solutions before presenting problems and welcome feedback to improve. I’m not afraid to challenge the norm and push for better outcomes.

2. I turn leadership strategies into clear actions and goals. I promote a customer-focused, innovative, and continuously improving culture to help the company grow. I create systems to track progress and measure success. I build partnerships across teams to improve processes. I lead events to expand market reach and increase brand awareness. I develop and mentor staff through onboarding, communication, training, and performance management, ensuring the team is motivated and has the right skills.

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

AI being genuinely useful.  I asked Microsoft Copilot to rephrase those paragraphs as a normal person would instead of a psychopath:

1. I want to join a strategy session and use my skills to help. I look for better, cheaper ways to improve. As a leader and team player, I share ideas and challenges to work together. I support having a diverse team for better results. I find solutions before presenting problems and welcome feedback to improve. I’m not afraid to challenge the norm and push for better outcomes.

2. I turn leadership strategies into clear actions and goals. I promote a customer-focused, innovative, and continuously improving culture to help the company grow. I create systems to track progress and measure success. I build partnerships across teams to improve processes. I lead events to expand market reach and increase brand awareness. I develop and mentor staff through onboarding, communication, training, and performance management, ensuring the team is motivated and has the right skills.

 
 

Great, except that only psychopaths start every sentence with “I.”

Scott Van Pelt may be piloting my flight to Dallas, such a multi-talented man. 

  • Popular Post
On 6/16/2023 at 2:17 PM, HRSchenker said:

Friend of mine got murdered in November of 2020. They caught the guy in January of 2021 but he's been locked up in the county jail since then. Haven't heard anything about a trial 

Finally got some news. Guilty of murder. 45 year prison sentence. 

Congrats!!?

Really not sure how to react in this in instance but I hope you and your friends family find peace

My Dr has me do a Cologuard test every couple of years. I’m fine with it, ounce of prevention, etc…. But damn it man, could Cologuard be a little more discrete with their packaging? Probably a 9 inch square box with an 8 inch Cologuard logo on almost every panel. Our town only has one UPS drop off at a busy little convenience store and it’s slightly off putting to walk in and wait in line behind some lady waiting to buy some scratch offs and a pack of Kools and hand the box to some clerk with everyone in the joint knowing you’re passing them off a box of your shit!

9 inches? how does the colon take that length?

A Few Good Men Demi Moore is peak Demi Moore.

My good she is so hot in that uni 

IMG_3257.jpeg

Edited by NAVY

Username checks out.

There is another thread where you could post other pictures ya know.

8 hours ago, NAVY said:

A Few Good Men Demi Moore is peak Demi Moore.

My good she is so hot in that uni 

IMG_3257.jpeg

About Last Night. Pre-silicone.

Edited by nnm

I don't understand how so many people drown on lakes every boating holiday. Like 5 yesterday in Oklahoma. At least the oceans have currents and riptides, but fucking man made lakes. I think it's Darwinism in action. 

2 hours ago, 'stache said:

I don't understand how so many people drown on lakes every boating holiday. Like 5 yesterday in Oklahoma. At least the oceans have currents and riptides, but fucking man made lakes. I think it's Darwinism in action. 

puedo-beber-alcohol-higado-graso-1.jpg

 

Every single bird hatched from an egg in a nest. That thought hit me as I sat in the HEB pickup lot earlier, watching a grackle take a shit.

Every single grackle was born to shit on cars in H-E-B parking lots

I came here today to do two things:  Crack eggs and take shits.  And it looks like we're all outta eggs! /'Rowdy' Roddy SandPiper 

On 6/23/2024 at 8:47 AM, closetohumping said:

In college,Ever have a girl that asked you to study together that actually wanted to?  I have. I was mislead.  Girl asked me if I wanted to study together.  said my place was free.  Boy was she surprised when I answered the door dressed lie Chris Evans in varsity blues.  

I'd be confused, too since Chris Evans was not in Varsity Blues.

Alvin and the chipmunks is undisputably the worst cartoon gimmick/concept/idea ever. 
 

how the hell did it ever get greenlit

I finally beat minesweeper on expert level.
image.thumb.png.89e2d7e3b995fb2a379cc90bce219316.png

post…username…post….username


giphy.gif
On 7/5/2024 at 9:27 AM, 'stache said:

I don't understand how so many people drown on lakes every boating holiday. Like 5 yesterday in Oklahoma. At least the oceans have currents and riptides, but fucking man made lakes. I think it's Darwinism in action. 

Oklahoma 

46 minutes ago, ruitxn said:

Oklahoma 

where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain… 

Song lyrics… 

There's a stranger in my house
Somebody here that I can't see

Songwriter… 

image.jpeg.0dd9080e3d2e8d5ab7f080738e94f8ce.jpeg
 

When surly went down the other day. My first thought. Oh shit I hope I have a copy of that Dude in Waco's bus ride to look at Christmas lights Montage!!!

 

After all the Thanksgiving stuff is done and the kids are in bed, I pour a whiskey and read that story again. And each time I wind up crying laughing so hard that my wife makes me read it to her. While I'm still laughing and while she is staring at me like i've lost my damned mind

On 7/11/2024 at 6:14 PM, Underdog said:

Song lyrics… 

There's a stranger in my house
Somebody here that I can't see

Songwriter… 

image.jpeg.0dd9080e3d2e8d5ab7f080738e94f8ce.jpeg
 

That looks like Matt Gaetz, in 10 years, after he quit blow.  NTTAWWT

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

When surly went down the other day. My first thought. Oh shit I hope I have a copy of that Dude in Waco's bus ride to look at Christmas lights Montage!!!

 

After all the Thanksgiving stuff is done and the kids are in bed, I pour a whiskey and read that story again. And each time I wind up crying laughing so hard that my wife makes me read it to her. While I'm still laughing and while she is staring at me like i've lost my damned mind

is that the "I put his fat fucking ass on the roof myself" story?

On 7/11/2024 at 4:16 PM, 52-80 said:

Alvin and the chipmunks is undisputably the worst cartoon gimmick/concept/idea ever. 
 

how the hell did it ever get greenlit

The success following the green light suggests you are wrong.

14 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

is that the "I put his fat fucking ass on the roof myself" story?

Yes! That one!

On 7/2/2024 at 3:44 AM, 52-80 said:

As a natural leader and a team player, I believe in sharing best practices and challenges, fostering collaboration instead of reinventing the wheel.

This is such a retarded sentence it makes my brain hurt.

Edited by ztejas

On 7/11/2024 at 3:16 PM, 52-80 said:

Alvin and the chipmunks is undisputably the worst cartoon gimmick/concept/idea ever. 
 

how the hell did it ever get greenlit

 

On 7/12/2024 at 10:59 PM, TrashMaster G said:

The success following the green light suggests you are wrong.

Alvin, Theodore and Simon were named after the record company peeps who said it wouldn't work.  

Good gawd!

On a whim I just googled up my old Sears Silvertone guitar from 1962 and was astounded what people are asking for them. 
It was a cheap $50 POS that sounded tinny and the cheapass speaker vibrated like a budget “wand” from Adam & Eve adult products.

 

 

IMG_3496.jpeg

IMG_3497.webp

Edited by Armybrat

Is it wrong of me to wish the Trump shooting thread could be in DT and not CR.  After reading all that I need a shower.

Help me out here. Why does the whole internet hate these girls? They seem harmless.

And the spastic girl in the glasses and trench coat is giving me a weird boner. She seems like she'd be fun in the sack, in a bipolar way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/29/2024 at 8:24 AM, nnm said:

Very good tutorial on how to change your brake pads. 

 

Sure she's cute but do you have what it takes? She may be wearing heels but hayden christensen is 6 feet tall.

Screenshot_20240714_093921_Instagram.thumb.jpg.7b39235d8a3786a4a6ec4041a4751e00.jpg

2 hours ago, Bevo&Pevo said:

 

Alvin, Theodore and Simon were named after the record company peeps who said it wouldn't work.  

I love this kind of pettiness 

Scary thought……

Quote

Did you know that 25% of women are currently being treated for mental health issues?

 
That means that 75% of women are walking around unmedicated

 

Good gawd!
On a whim I just googled up my old Sears Silvertone guitar from 1962 and was astounded what people are asking for them. 
It was a cheap $50 POS that sounded tinny and the cheapass speaker vibrated like a budget “wand” from Adam & Eve adult products.
 
 
IMG_3496.thumb.jpeg.ac983fe6215efceaa638acc888e7e327.jpeg
IMG_3497.thumb.webp.5f67ee947bf54bc8d53140c932985a42.webp

What’s that worth these days?

My pops had a 62 Strat that I routinely chastised him for selling.
1 hour ago, tbone_ said:


What’s that worth these days?

My pops had a 62 Strat that I routinely chastised him for selling.

Saw asking prices online for $900 up to $1,800. 
Crazy for the cheapest electric guitar from that era.

8 hours ago, ajax said:

Sure she's cute but do you have what it takes? She may be wearing heels but hayden christensen is 6 feet tall.

Screenshot_20240714_093921_Instagram.thumb.jpg.7b39235d8a3786a4a6ec4041a4751e00.jpg

With those narrow hips she’s only going to be able to have 6 kids

On 7/14/2024 at 10:42 AM, ajax said:

Sure she's cute but do you have what it takes? She may be wearing heels but hayden christensen is 6 feet tall.

Screenshot_20240714_093921_Instagram.thumb.jpg.7b39235d8a3786a4a6ec4041a4751e00.jpg

 

Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about the new NCAA FB game? I played all the others, along with Madden, NCAA hoops, NHL, etc. over the past 35 years. I still play games now, just not sports games. I just can't escape seeing clips and stories about this new game. And I know I'm not the target audience, I'm 50 years old. 

State Farm phone customer service is teh suck.

 

& NO, this cannot be handled via their site or through email.  It is for a 5 year old claim.

3 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

State Farm phone customer service is teh suck.

And she sounds hideous....

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