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I realized tonight that my life is very boring compared how it was just five years ago. it's not even that I wish it was the same as it was. it's just that I realized that despite all the stuff that is better, it is definitely more boring. 

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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There's several places like that in the deep south (though not necessarily centered around higher education)---Athens, Charleston, Asheville, pockets of Eastern Tennessee, some areas of SE Kentucky, Ozark areas, et. al.  And then there's just the usual shitstains of society like College Station, Tuscaloosa, Columbia, Knoxville, Gainsville/Orlando.......Wait, I'm noticing a pattern here.  
Gainsville/Orlando?

Lolwut?

That's like saying
College Station/Austin.
Publix could rival HEB if they ever decided to come to Texas.
 
Nope. Not even close. Now the other way around HEB if it came to FL would kick Publix ass. I would kill for a Central Market in Orlando.
I think the scene in Die Hard where Ellis goes in to negotiate with Hans Gruber could have been improved with a few minor dialogue edits. 
McClane: Ellis, what have you told them?
Ellis: I told them we were old friends and I used to butt-fuck you
McClane: Ellis, you shouldn't be doing this.
McClane: Hans, this asshole is not my friend! I just met him tonight! I don't know him! Jesus Christ, Ellis! These people will kill you! Tell them you don't know me!
Ellis: John, How can you say that after all the times I butt-fucked you?
See the idea is that you leave it a little bit ambiguous, so that the viewer spends the rest of the movie wondering if Ellis' claim of butt-fucking John McClane was like, a cocaine induced hallucination, or if they were in truth gay men.
Fuck off aggy boy. Nobody wants to hear your aggy fap pron.
I would like there to be a panel discussion made of people who let their pants sag below their ass as well as people who put truck nuts in their trucks. I want to hear the genuine answers as to why they do such things and why they think it’s cool. Then I want the funniest comedians to roast the ever living fuck out of them for being so fucking stupid. It should be taped and shown in high schools.
What kind of a tard would put truck nuts IN their truck?
Saw this earlier...

The first person to hear a parrot talk probably wasn’t right for days.
'es fucking snuffed it!

After reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that Fleet Enema is best in life.

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2 hours ago, MrPhlegm said:

Gainsville/Orlando?

Lolwut?

That's like saying
College Station/Austin.

My bad, I remember them being closer the couple of times I made that drive.  How about this—-both Gainesville and Orlando do are shitholes that I would never raise a family in.  

My bad, I remember them being closer the couple of times I made that drive.  How about this—-both Gainesville and Orlando do are shitholes that I would never raise a family in.  
Yes indeed Orlando is a shithole, a horrible horrible shithole, as is Austin. Put the word out in Noo Yawk and Califuckedup.
The new Godzilla movie doesn't look very good
imgur>

...I'll still see it.
Is that our friend Hamm?

i randomly fantasize about just picking up and moving to somewhere like bozeman, montana.

is that crazy?

i like their housing stock too. 

On 3/3/2019 at 7:53 AM, Seasick Sailor said:

I realized tonight that my life is very boring compared how it was just five years ago. it's not even that I wish it was the same as it was. it's just that I realized that despite all the stuff that is better, it is definitely more boring. 

felt this way since i got married.  :ducks:

I wonder if Jags Fan still looks like that, or if he changed his look.  I would change my look.  He must have had hundreds of people coming up to him doing his WTF motion.

I wouldn’t, greatest gif of the internet.  If he plays it right, could be as lucrative as “LET’s GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUMMMMMBBBBLLLLEEEE!!! Dude. 

On ‎3‎/‎4‎/‎2019 at 4:15 AM, 52-80 said:

i randomly fantasize about just picking up and moving to somewhere like bozeman, montana.

is that crazy?

i like their housing stock too. 

Try fantasizing about the women in Bozeman, Montana.

1 hour ago, El Diablo said:

Try fantasizing about the women in Bozeman, Montana.

There was one?

 

So what I've done is mixed up my newsfeed so that I'm getting, all in the same feed:

  • Coindesk (CryptoCurrency news)
  • NY Times
  • The Economist
  • Cracked.com
  • The Onion

So the game I play is to figure out, without looking, which of the above the article I'm reading came from.

On 3/1/2019 at 8:12 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

And exactly why would anyone pay him to appear?

If you do pay him, does he give a speech or something or does he just “appear” at some point?

On 3/2/2019 at 8:18 AM, PilotsError said:

I know we had to grow, but I miss the old airport....Mueller or whatever.  I liked the feel of it.  It was cozy and comfortable.

Best time I had there was to watch the UT football team returning from the 1969 Arkansas game after defeating pig 15-14 to win the MNC. We had to park on a street a couple of blocks away by some cheesy motel. 10,000 Horn fans swarmed all through the terminal building and flooded outside to the outdoor covered concourse. Scores of fans climbed up on the roof, and drunks running around on the runway delayed some flights. No telling what the waiting passengers thought.

When the Longhorn charter,  a 727, taxied up to its spot on the parking apron, several thousand of us surrounded the plane cheering. When the rear air stair door dropped down from the tail and a startled DKR came halfway down, a huge roar erupted from the boisterous mob. Royal ran back up the stairs, but then reappeared with some staff & players and gave a brief thanks for the homecoming welcome.

Good times, and nobody got arrested or killed.

On 3/13/2019 at 7:26 PM, Armybrat said:

Best time I had there was to watch the UT football team returning from the 1969 Arkansas game after defeating pig 15-14 to win the MNC. We had to park on a street a couple of blocks away by some cheesy motel. 10,000 Horn fans swarmed all through the terminal building and flooded outside to the outdoor covered concourse. Scores of fans climbed up on the roof, and drunks running around on the runway delayed some flights. No telling what the waiting passengers thought.

When the Longhorn charter,  a 727, taxied up to its spot on the parking apron, several thousand of us surrounded the plane cheering. When the rear air stair door dropped down from the tail and a startled DKR came halfway down, a huge roar erupted from the boisterous mob. Royal ran back up the stairs, but then reappeared with some staff & players and gave a brief thanks for the homecoming welcome.

Good times, and nobody got arrested or killed.

Man I too was there that night .

Unreal as was the Drag.

On 3/3/2019 at 10:41 AM, kopp0e said:

A classic throwback to a great little rascally film:

 

 

Worked with the kid in the very front with the sideways blue cap. He is now an accountant in Dallas.

1 hour ago, Underdog said:

No Spill Jill...

 

 

I'd like to spill all over her cans.

I bought 4 and wasn’t even in the market for a gas can. 

Is it a thing for kids to watch YouTube videos of somebody playing video games?

I couldn't imagine watching a video of somebody playing asteroids or bill Walsh college football back in the day.

I had no idea what the name of the song Incense and Peppermints by Strawberry Alarm Clock was until about three days ago.  I also didn’t know any of the lyrics.  That didn’t stop me from singing along.

On 3/15/2019 at 9:38 PM, markstanco said:

Is it a thing for kids to watch YouTube videos of somebody playing video games?

I couldn't imagine watching a video of somebody playing asteroids or bill Walsh college football back in the day.

Not only is it a thing, but there is an entire platform/app dedicated to it (Twitch)

Watching people opening toys is a thing, so I'd imagine watching people clip toenails is probably also a thing. Pretty much anything is a thing. There's 7 billion people in the world, most of whom are of questionable taste, so yeah, watching people playing video games is a thing.

On 3/13/2019 at 1:45 PM, Rimbo said:

So what I've done is mixed up my newsfeed so that I'm getting, all in the same feed:

  • Coindesk (CryptoCurrency news)
  • NY Times
  • The Economist
  • Cracked.com
  • The Onion

So the game I play is to figure out, without looking, which of the above the article I'm reading came from.

I lost the game today with this article:

Devin Nunes sues Twitter for allowing accounts to insult him

not the onion

I got sucked down a rabbit hole once of watching videos of people pop massive blackheads once.  It goes from interesting to relieving to fucking gross pretty quick.  But yeah, I watched several.  

I think about things I want to put in this thread but I always forget them.

32 minutes ago, mushroomface said:

Fuck pollen.

What was your face like before pollen?

1 hour ago, mushroomface said:

Fuck pollen.

When you reflect that allergies are really just our bodies' adverse reaction to other entities having sex, it certainly gives you pause to think.

ClosedAllAfricanharrierhawk-size_restric

I was walking from the train station to my office in downtown Chicago this morning, and it was raining enough that many people were using umbrellas. 

While standing in the crowd at a crosswalk waiting for a light to change, I noticed a guy with what appeared to be an unusually well-engineered umbrella that was small enough for use in tight city spaces (incidentally, fuck you, golf umbrella in the city guy - get some spatial awareness) so I made a note of the brand and figured I'd buy one. 

https://bluntumbrellas.com/products/metro?variant=48176192904

Motherfucker is $60 plus shipping! 

For a small umbrella! 

I can buy a dozen or more cheap shitty ones to lose, break in the wind, shove up Iconoclast's ass, or give away for that kind of money. 

At least those clowns realize the absurdity of a $70 umbrella, because for a cool $20 more, you can add on a Tile location tracker for when you inevitably lose it. 

Sheer lunacy. 

Stop being poor. Or keep being poor and take the payment option.
776b6ff7428869b44c499f6c0002b337.jpg

Sometimes the guys who act poor are the rich ones and the ones who act rich are the poor ones. 

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