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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Posted Images

14 hours ago, Superhero said:

We moved offices and the director level people now get their own offices (fuck you open offices).

This is my new office on day 1. I need to personalize it. The white walls and fluorescent lighting make me think a black leather couch would seem appropriate, but unfortunately it won’t fit.

IMG_3956.thumb.jpeg.22bf34df37b29bd54399bb5bfc0093d1.jpeg
 

Any of you want to play interior decorator?

Can you wallpaper it?  Peel & stick vinyl is pretty easy to put up or take down and is large enough to feel immersive.

shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcSulYAuNNfTfZf-7JKmo

 

8 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Loveseat, genius. 

Are you implying that I'm an Ohio couch fucker?

I got a give Texas suburban highs schools credit.   Specifically in dfw. It is hard to find high schools anywhere in the country with college level athletic facilities, restaurants and extracurricular programs.  Also school pride.  Out here, nobody cares about sports at least not on yalls level. 

23 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

I got a give Texas suburban highs schools credit.   Specifically in dfw. It is hard to find high schools anywhere in the country with college level athletic facilities, restaurants and extracurricular programs.  Also school pride.  Out here, nobody cares about sports at least not on yalls level. 

 

classes-are-pointless.png

There should be no speed swimming competition in the Olympics other than the freestyle, because the point is to determine who can swim the fastest.  It also eliminates a lot of the redundant medal stacking. 

200m sprint medley: you have to run 50m normally, 50m backwards, 50m sideways, and 50m with arms tied behind your back. 

18 hours ago, 52-80 said:

There should be no speed swimming competition in the Olympics other than the freestyle, because the point is to determine who can swim the fastest.  It also eliminates a lot of the redundant medal stacking. 

Swimming is what you do to avoid drowning. "Staying alive" is a worthy Olympic sport, but they should release some gators in the pool to up the difficulty

 

10 hours ago, 52-80 said:

200m sprint medley: you have to run 50m normally, 50m backwards, 50m sideways, and 50m with arms tied behind your back. 

We've already got precedent for the 'speed walking' events:

 

We need some new Olympics. I'm thinking maybe Medical Olympics. I'm tired of people running fast, throwing shit, and all this shit. I want to see who can perform an appendectomy the fastest, or diagnose an illness correctly from a set of unusual symptoms.

 

How many fucking Star Wars spinoffs have there been since the 1977 original? And not a one can hold a candle to the original.

Not even close.

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

How many fucking Star Wars spinoffs have there been since the 1977 original? And not a one can hold a candle to the original.

Not even close.

Andor says hello. 

On 8/2/2024 at 7:07 PM, Tex Long said:

We need some new Olympics. I'm thinking maybe Medical Olympics. I'm tired of people running fast, throwing shit, and all this shit. I want to see who can perform an appendectomy the fastest, or diagnose an illness correctly from a set of unusual symptoms.

Not what you’re thinking, but that reminds me of one of my favorite short stories:

Profession by Isaac Asimov

On 8/3/2024 at 7:33 PM, tbone_ said:

How many fucking Star Wars spinoffs have there been since the 1977 original? And not a one can hold a candle to the original.

Not even close.

image.thumb.png.eb4bbbb2f06b58e2919d8ee4f5f8ea62.png

The world needs to ban advertisements in any medium for any drug. Legal, illegal... don't care.

Stick those ads  up your possibly commonly potentially bleeding colon, along with your side effects of stuffy nose, hair loss, difficulty breathing, vertigo, blindness, heart attack, stroke and sudden death.

 

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Don’t forget anal leakage

 Only Unwanted Anal Leakage, though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still a great band name. Better than Sex Pistols, imo.

40 minutes ago, Tex Long said:

 Only Unwanted Anal Leakage, though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still a great band name. Better than Sex Pistols, imo.

The Worst Album Covers in the World — Part 25 | by Colin the Crypto Ocelot  | Medium

On 8/4/2024 at 7:03 AM, Superhero said:

Andor says hello. 

Too young to have watched the original SW movies in theater, so missing all the cultural and time context... but apples vs oranges, Andor the series is better than any SW movie/product.

Driving through Pasadena on my way back to Houston from Baytown. It does actually smell awful here like the jokes would imply. Who knew. 

1 minute ago, Etexhorn13 said:

Driving through Pasadena on my way back to Houston from Baytown. It does actually smell awful here like the jokes would imply. Who knew. 

Next time, you'll know better. Windows closed, fan full on. Coupla pinetree smellum sticks might help, too.

 

I love seeing stories about fat people who get their shit together and lose weight 

 

 

Was reading about this sculpture of the 2000 year old chinese terracotta army where the detailed musculature proved one of the earliest 'understanding' of anatomy.  you read similar things in art history where the perspective-correct paintings of the renaissance, compared to flat crude paintings of medieval period, proves the sudden understanding of geometry and such. 

That strikes us as weird, no? 2000, 3000, 4000 years ago, we all understand anatomic and geometric realism... because it literally is there in real life observable with our own eyes. Maybe you didnt make sculptures or paintings that reflected that because you didnt have the time, skill, or that style of work  wasnt in demand or in fashion.  But its not possible that an adult at that time can look at a Venus of Willendorf type sculpture and think 'this truly mimic the human body in an anatomical sense'.  Obviously not.

1024px-Qin_Terracotta_Acrobat_(989790749

 

You want to know how I know you've never been to Willendorf? 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

6 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

You want to know how I know you've never been to Willendorf? 

😂

ive ridden my bike there! all the way towards melk!

I have this weird dream where I’m very important.  I’m in a helicopter in an emergency landing with either Aidy Bryant or Lane Bryant.  We survived though.  Dunno what y means 

I had a vendor stop by the office this afternoon to follow up on some things we have been working on. He said he had just left the home office and said he met with the new owner. I told him I knew our boss was looking at selling the company, and I knew who he wanted to sell it to but no one had given a date. No one bothered to tell us that they had inked the deal earlier today. Still haven't. 

sorry this competition is dumb

 

Flipping through channels and come across a movie called Piranha 3DD... too funny. 

5 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Flipping through channels and come across a movie called Piranha 3DD... too funny. 

Brief partial synopsis from Wikipedia:

Maddy, a marine biology student, returns home for the summer to the water park she co-owns and is annoyed to find that the other owner, her stepfather Chet, plans to add an adult-themed section to the water park that allows nudity. Later that night, Maddy's friend Shelby and her boyfriend Josh go skinny-dipping in the lake, where a piranha fry enters Shelby's vagina. Their friends Ashley and Travis begin to have sex in their van, but Ashley accidentally releases the parking brake, causing the van to roll into the lake. Handcuffed to the van during foreplay and unable to escape, Travis is devoured by piranhas while Ashley, on the roof, calls for help. No one is around to rescue her. The van sinks into the lake and the piranhas eat her.

Maddy consoles Shelby about their friends, and then a school of piranhas attacks them. They manage to kill one, and Maddy, Kyle, and Barry[clarification needed] take it to marine expert Carl Goodman to examine. He informs them that the piranhas may be moving between lakes and could evolve to travel over land. The trio returns to the lake, where they establish that the piranhas cannot enter the pipes connecting the lake and the water park. While Shelby and Josh are having sex, the piranha in Shelby's vagina bites Josh's penis, forcing him to chop it off. Both are hospitalized but survive. Kyle is revealed to be corrupt and taking bribes from Chet, who is pumping water from an underground river into the water park. Chet orders Kyle to keep Maddy from finding out about his plans.

Edited by nnm

Brief partial synopsis from Wikipedia:
Maddy, a marine biology student, returns home for the summer to the water park she co-owns and is annoyed to find that the other owner, her stepfather Chet, plans to add an adult-themed section to the water park that allows nudity. Later that night, Maddy's friend Shelby and her boyfriend Josh go skinny-dipping in the lake, where a piranha fry enters Shelby's vagina. Their friends Ashley and Travis begin to have sex in their van, but Ashley accidentally releases the parking brake, causing the van to roll into the lake. Handcuffed to the van during foreplay and unable to escape, Travis is devoured by piranhas while Ashley, on the roof, calls for help. No one is around to rescue her. The van sinks into the lake and the piranhas eat her.
Maddy consoles Shelby about their friends, and then a school of piranhas attacks them. They manage to kill one, and Maddy, Kyle, and Barry[clarification needed] take it to marine expert Carl Goodman to examine. He informs them that the piranhas may be moving between lakes and could evolve to travel over land. The trio returns to the lake, where they establish that the piranhas cannot enter the pipes connecting the lake and the water park. While Shelby and Josh are having sex, the piranha in Shelby's vagina bites Josh's penis, forcing him to chop it off. Both are hospitalized but survive. Kyle is revealed to be corrupt and taking bribes from Chet, who is pumping water from an underground river into the water park. Chet orders Kyle to keep Maddy from finding out about his plans.

Holy shit this sounds like the greatest movie ever made.

Screenwriter coming up with the story:

 

image.jpeg.2b938938862646eb57cff86d3939b88f.jpeg

Please tell me the DD in the film title is Maddy, Shelby, and Ashley's cup size.

The general accumulation of stuff that leads to nearly everyone parking in their driveway or along the street.

Growing up I don't recall my parents, my friend's parents or anyone in our neighborhood who permanently parked in the driveway.

In our neighborhood, we are in the tiny minority of people who use the garage for our cars.

14 minutes ago, gofuckyourself said:

In our neighborhood, we are in the tiny minority of people who use the garage for our cars.


Same here. Have had people look at me funny when it comes up. 
 

Well, that’s what happens when you don’t buy a house with any storage. 

The plot and cast seems excellent, but the name lacks incisiveness.

I'm leaning toward Fryed Vagina, but there could be wokeness problems, so maybe Fryed Organs? Naaah... I'm stumped (or would be on the wrong part of the set)  - y'all can do better, I know.

Garage was a stipulation when renting then buying here in NY but there’s a lot of single car garages for these older homes and even then most park their cars in driveway. 

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