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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Posted Images

1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

For the record, this is a thoroughly sufficient rain protection device:

636353906068981490-071117-PlasticBagFee-

Not in Austin

I'm sitting in the lobby at my doctor's office, looking out the window at a strip mall where Pancho's used to be. It's now the Brazos County Family Court Annex. That sucks.

even if the topic sounds interesting, sometimes I can look at whose name is in the Last Post By and already know I don't want to read the discussion

like these people aren't bad enough to be on literal Ignore, but they're just so dumb/tendentious/unfunny that it's a beating reading around them

Edited by SwanderedTalent

This would be a good seat to place in a large window, for specters to see the ass end...

imgur

I wish it were Domino's or a better pizza place that came came up with the queso sauce pizza or the bacon wrapped crust deep dish, not Little Cesar's.

On 3/18/2019 at 1:59 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

Watching people opening toys is a thing, so I'd imagine watching people clip toenails is probably also a thing. Pretty much anything is a thing. There's 7 billion people in the world, most of whom are of questionable taste, so yeah, watching people playing video games is a thing.

What about all those pimple popping videos? It’s a world wide curse.

Edited by Armybrat
Somebody beat me to it

On 3/20/2019 at 6:52 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

I was walking from the train station to my office in downtown Chicago this morning, and it was raining enough that many people were using umbrellas. 

While standing in the crowd at a crosswalk waiting for a light to change, I noticed a guy with what appeared to be an unusually well-engineered umbrella that was small enough for use in tight city spaces (incidentally, fuck you, golf umbrella in the city guy - get some spatial awareness) so I made a note of the brand and figured I'd buy one. 

https://bluntumbrellas.com/products/metro?variant=48176192904

Motherfucker is $60 plus shipping! 

For a small umbrella! 

I can buy a dozen or more cheap shitty ones to lose, break in the wind, shove up Iconoclast's ass, or give away for that kind of money. 

At least those clowns realize the absurdity of a $70 umbrella, because for a cool $20 more, you can add on a Tile location tracker for when you inevitably lose it. 

Sheer lunacy. 

Mrs. Brat buys a bunch of $1 umbrellas at Dollar Tree.

On 3/20/2019 at 7:41 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

It made the list of the Top 10 Umbrellas for those who make such lists.

You can get another one of the top 10 (in compact size) for in the $20s.

Mrs. Brat bought a compact umbrella  that folds up to 6” length for $10.

 

On 3/20/2019 at 11:16 PM, NorthLoop said:

Not in Austin

Legislature says you are incorrect.

This thread reminds me I need an umbrella. I don't think I've owned one for at least 5 years.

1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Mrs. Brat buys a bunch of $1 umbrellas at Dollar Tree.

Or she could just buy one $20 umbrella that would last her the rest of her life.

15 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

This thread reminds me I need an umbrella. I don't think I've owned one for at least 5 years.

I just wear a hat when it rains.

19 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Or she could just buy one $20 umbrella that would last her the rest of her life.

Or lose it the next day.

33 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

This thread reminds me I need an umbrella. I don't think I've owned one for at least 5 years.

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever owned one.  Doesn't rain much here.

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever owned one.  Doesn't rain much here.

Don’t need rubbers either?

If you break the toilet at church, while informing none of the problem, is that a un-holy shit..?

imgur

Umbrellas: go to the coat check of a museum or restaurant that has one. Tell them you left an umbrella there a few months ago. They'll show you the ones people have left and forgot about. Pick one you like and take it. They'll be glad to get rid of it.

 

These 2 hotties are women’s basketball coaches...

Molly Miller @ Drury

Miller.jpg.ashx?preset=large.rosterdetai

 

Kelsi Musick @ SW Okla. St. 

bond-kelsi.jpg?width=300

 

11 hours ago, Underdog said:

These 2 hotties are women’s basketball coaches...

Molly Miller @ Drury

Miller.jpg.ashx?preset=large.rosterdetai

 

Kelsi Musick @ SW Okla. St. 

bond-kelsi.jpg?width=300

 

Sorry to inform you horndogs but blondie up top lost, so there’ll be no scissoring at halftime with blondie below.  

Why do school bus brakes always squeal?  Are they just that bad?

Had a weird dream last night: I stole a boat from my neighbor, the smallest of 3 boats that he had. Neighbor turned out to be Mike Pence. He sent me a letter saying he had footage of me on several security cameras stealing the boat, and asked that I return it. So I did.

I don't even want to know what it means.

Edited by Bat Guano

24 minutes ago, Bat Guano said:

Had a weird dream last night: I stole a boat from my neighbor, the smallest of 3 boats that he had. Neighbor turned out to be Mike Pence. He sent me a letter saying he had footage of me on several security cameras stealing the boat, and asked that I return it. So I did.

I don't even want to know what it means.

It means you should be more aware of who's lurking in your rose bushes at night when you fall asleep.

giphy.gif

50 minutes ago, Bat Guano said:

Had a weird dream last night: I stole a boat from my neighbor, the smallest of 3 boats that he had. Neighbor turned out to be Mike Pence. He sent me a letter saying he had footage of me on several security cameras stealing the boat, and asked that I return it. So I did.

I don't even want to know what it means.

freud GIF

19 hours ago, Bat Guano said:

Had a weird dream last night: I stole a boat from my neighbor, the smallest of 3 boats that he had. Neighbor turned out to be Mike Pence. He sent me a letter saying he had footage of me on several security cameras stealing the boat, and asked that I return it. So I did.

I don't even want to know what it means.

You took Mike Pence's dinghy. You know damn well what it means. 

4 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

You took Mike Pence's dinghy. You know damn well what it means. 

tenor.gif?itemid=8352668

20 hours ago, Bat Guano said:

Had a weird dream last night: I stole a boat from my neighbor, the smallest of 3 boats that he had. Neighbor turned out to be Mike Pence. He sent me a letter saying he had footage of me on several security cameras stealing the boat, and asked that I return it. So I did.

I don't even want to know what it means.

He has been scratching your wife's anchor.

To the man that is fucking either one or both of the 20somethings that just drove by me in a $200k Lamborghini - how do you do it?

38 minutes ago, ztejas said:

To the man that is fucking either one or both of the 20somethings that just drove by me in a $200k Lamborghini - how do you do it?

How do you fuck two 20 somethings?

Own a 200k Lamborghini, duh.

2 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

How do you fuck two 20 somethings?

Own a 200k Lamborghini, duh.

What came first, the two 20 somethings or the Lambo? Or the Lambo owner while fucking the two girls?

I'm going to be up all night now...

The Lambo reeled in the 20 somethings. Money defeats pussy. Or at least gives it an equal chance.

 

Cave drawings that appear to depict aliens were merely early attempts at Photoshop.

I made a thread on this a couple mins ago called Sausage McGriddle but it probably belongs in here.

What y’all boys think about the “lost city” or lost knowledge in general? I had to do a research paper on the culture of ancient civilizations a couple days ago. I came away pretty intrigued by the similarities & connections between these lost civilizations. I studied quite a few ancient civilizations & their origins. People from all over the globe. The Mayans, The Egyptians, The Gauls from France, Tribes from the Canary, Basques from Spain, Frisians from the Netherlands, Aztecs, Armenians tribes etc. All these people separated by time and distance, and yet they all talk of their origins from a submerged region of the Atlantic Ocean. I didn’t mention it in my paper but I thought I’d toss it out on surly full on off-season style

54 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I have liked all of Umberto Eco’s other books, but have never been able to finish Foucault’s Pendulum for some reason.

It's as if your interest swings from one side to the other.

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I have liked all of Umberto Eco’s other books, but have never been able to finish Foucault’s Pendulum for some reason.

Blame it on the Rosicrucians.

46 minutes ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

There should be a wombat preserve around here somewhere.

Do you mean that you're expecting to encounter a wombat preserve soon or that it would be a great idea to have one?

It’s taken me a couple years to realize it, but working an 8-5 job is really archaic & fucking stupid. I’m starting to hate it.

But then again I also don’t usually work weekends, and my workday really is done once I leave the office... are those things worth the trade off? 

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