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There's an old saying "The Devil is in the details", but that's not really true. I'm all up in your mom. That's where the fuck I am. Yep. All up in your mom. Just bangin' away. Bangin', bangin', bangin'. 

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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22 hours ago, 'stache said:

Why is "official" championship gear (the hats and shirt they give the team immediately after the game then sell on the official team site) always so hideous? I always wait for the secondary people to make decent designs and buy those. The official gear is always super busy and ugly as hell.

Excuse me, but those kids in Africa don't care what it looks like. 

Excuse me, but those kids in Africa don't care what it looks like. 
Keep em coming. cbfa39ac17267e960c45f44c8f745778.jpg
On 5/26/2019 at 8:01 AM, slorch said:

Have you ever had your nipples ripped, Greg? 

I went body boarding in San Diego years ago.  I was trying to impress this girl I was dating at the time, our first trip together.  Waves weren't great and I was trying to force it so much to catch a wave that I was working way more than I should have had to.  The board had some type of ribbing on the surface that allowed me to stick to it better.  I went topless, T-O-P-L-E-S-S, topless and got pretty burnt as well.  I couldn't wear a fucking shirt without irritation or pain for a fucking week my nipples were so raw.

I worked at a place that had an IT nerd that wore a black shirt and black jeans every day except Friday.  On Fridays he wore black jeans and a  Hawaiian shirt.  Don't recall every noticing the same one, so yeah, I think your premise holds true.


His name wasn’t Dale was it?

This dude has a Youtube channel with 1.2 million subs. Videos get maybe 1/2 million views. He eats MREs from all over the world. And I said eats them. Including, for example, a 1944 Canadian emergency ration. Which is interesting in itself.

What makes it absolutely killer is that it's ASMR in its absolute highest form. Just watch that shit. It's amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2I6Et1JkidnnbWgJFiMeHA/videos

"Old Yeller and Lassie spent half their lives asleep on the porch, and nobody ever called them slackers!"

--Hank the Cowdog

On 5/23/2019 at 7:57 PM, DougO said:

I just found the missing sliced brisket sandwich from Miller's that was missing from my bag yesterday. Apparently, it somehow rolled out of the bag and down between the passenger seat and door, where I found it when I was unloading some groceries.

It still smells fantastic, looks as good as new. Will I die if I eat it?

We were at Apalachicola's St George island years ago. We were there with some friends of my wife. Husband of wife's friend loved smoked herring or something like. He got high and forgot where he put it. He looked for that fish for several days. Completely obsessed. Finally found it in the oven. 

No one takes a shit without their phone. 

Liberty Mutual to ad agency:  We want you guys to come up with a jingle.

Ad agency: Sure, that will cost about $15,000.

Liberty Mutual: Get to work.

 

14 hours ago, NAVY said:

No one takes a shit without their phone. 

The fuck you expect me to do in there? 

8 minutes ago, Js1 said:

The fuck you expect me to do in there? 

Contemplate life.  I don't take my phone into the bathroom.  Am I the weird one?

24 minutes ago, Pogo said:

Contemplate life.  I don't take my phone into the bathroom.  Am I the weird one?

Me neither.  I'm always afraid it'll fall in the shitter.

2 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Me neither.  I'm always afraid it'll fall in the shitter.

 

 

I do at home. I always have a book I'm reading for shitter time.

Dang, how long does it take you to shit?
15 minutes ago, 'stache said:


Dang, how long does it take you to shit?

I made it my resolution one year to read Infinite Jest exclusively on the toilet. Finally finished it at about 4:30pm on 12/31.

1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

As long as I want.

Image result for you're alright .gif

1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

I do at home. I always have a book I'm reading for shitter time.

Flagged. 

18 hours ago, NAVY said:

No one takes a shit without their phone. 

I shit like I screw.  I get on, I get’r done, I get on with my life. 

2 hours ago, Underdog said:

I shit like I screw.  I get on, I get’r done, I get on with my life. 

You’re doing it wrong.  Both of those.

6 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I made it my resolution one year to read Infinite Jest exclusively on the toilet. Finally finished it at about 4:30pm on 12/31.

That’s a long shit

I was at HEB recently and a little kid (probaby 3 years old or so) was crying his ass off.  I sounded like yelling crying where you get louder and louder each time.  Every person in the aisle, and those in other aisles, just kept looking at the kid and mom to see if something was wrong.  I'm not sure what happened, but the mom was just casually shopping for eggs like there was no 3 year old screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs.  One lady yelled "shut up!" really loudly, but I don't think they were close enough for the mom to hear.  Someone commented to me about why the lady wasn't trying to get her kid to calm down, but I don't have kids so I didn't have a good answer for her...so I just walked away. 

I noticed something similar at the airport a few months back as well...kid screaming/crying very, very loudly and the parents just on their phones not trying to quiet her down. 

So is this a new parenting technique?  Just ignore the kid and they will stop?  If so, what about the rest of the public who has to listen to the kid? 

 

I always assume those kids are on the autism spectrum and give the parents the benefit of the doubt.

On 6/7/2019 at 11:51 AM, BurntEyes said:

As long as I want.

redfordnod.gif

1 hour ago, Pancho said:

I noticed something similar at the airport a few months back as well...kid screaming/crying very, very loudly and the parents just on their phones not trying to quiet her down

 

Bro they probably just had to update their status.  Then sit there and stare and see how many likes they get. 

 

OMG kid decided today he's going to be like 😫 😫 😫 this entire trip. Whyyyy did we get off birth control?? #adulting #parentlyfe #passthetylenol #nyquilisforthekids

On 5/23/2019 at 8:13 PM, SurlyBDR said:

Why the fuck do people remove the head restraint from the seats in their car? 

this bugs the shit out of me in tv shows

25 minutes ago, elfenix said:

this bugs the shit out of me in tv shows

I can understand the TV shows, as they're trying to film from the back seat. 

However, when I notice it on a near daily basis during my commute, I cant help but wonder if they've got a death wish or some kind of weird fantasy about being paralyzed. 

new thread:   "Things I have never noticed because I didn't think people were that dumb."

5 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I always assume those kids are on the autism spectrum and give the parents the benefit of the doubt.

Nope.  If the kid can't be calmed down, I get that, but the parents have an obligation then to remove the child from the location/situation, and to NOT inflict that screaming and noise on every other living creature around them.  Failure to do so is just a sign of a selfish self-absorbed asshole.  My daughter had a meltdown every week or so when she was little, and if she couldn't be calmed down in 15-30 seconds I took her the hell out of the store.  On an airplane, took her into the lavatory.

Fuck parents who inflict that shit on everyone around them.  Fuck them with a rusty red hot poker covered in skunk spray and limburger.

Interesting thing I saw on a Vegas forum (hope the pic shows up):

2509580_f266abbfd694fb59089ef93408f74d26

Edited by Armybrat

A friend that I grew up with had his favorite prostitute arrested for burglary. He is sort of down about it. This happened 2 to 3 months ago and has been going with his 2nd/3rd string since. He really misses her.

Me: How much is the Bail?

Him: $5000

Me: Why don't you go bail her out and make her work it off.

Him: Fuck that.

That Chevy/GMC trucks that were C/K-1500 weren't 3/4 ton, they were 1/2 ton.  1500 is 3/4ths of 2000.  

"Fuckin' kangaroo" seems to be a common phrase in Australia.

So is “going off like a frog in a sock”. WTH?
On 6/13/2019 at 3:58 AM, Buffsoldier said:

Nope.  If the kid can't be calmed down, I get that, but the parents have an obligation then to remove the child from the location/situation, and to NOT inflict that screaming and noise on every other living creature around them.  Failure to do so is just a sign of a selfish self-absorbed asshole.  My daughter had a meltdown every week or so when she was little, and if she couldn't be calmed down in 15-30 seconds I took her the hell out of the store.  On an airplane, took her into the lavatory.

Fuck parents who inflict that shit on everyone around them.  Fuck them with a rusty red hot poker covered in skunk spray and limburger.

 

Random thought last night after I said “Thank you” to Alexa... what happens in the future when we accidentally create something that’s sentient but the coding prevents us from realizing it? At that point, the coding is like a slave chain, and we would unknowingly be slave owners. What if there’s something out there that’s already at that point?

Counterpoint:  "Nuh-uh."
 
By the way, I've been on plenty of 3 day acid trips, and I never once took Erich von Däniken to be any more serious than L. Ron Hubbard. Life is trippy enough as is without having to illuminati the fuck out of it.

The only acid trip I’ve been on was coming back from Europe in the 90’s. Last stop had been Amsterdam where I purchased some paper hits from a Rastafarian fellow.

Buddy and I tried it as we arrived at the airport and didn’t want to transport it. Worst idea ever, we basically would begin to laugh hysterically every time we looked at each other. We had to hold our noses and cover our mouths not to bust out in laughter.

So we spend the entire flight with a red face about to explode with laughter while avoiding each other’s glance...

Tripping on an airplane would be a fucking nightmare for me and everyone around me. Props to you for pulling it off.

You sure it was acid?

Holy fucking shit—-dropping acid on a transatlantic flight?   I refused hallucinogenics once at a Dead show because I was worried about freaking out in the cab line after the show.  

Wow.  Have some rep.  

Tripping on an airplane would be a fucking nightmare for me and everyone around me. Props to you for pulling it off.
You sure it was acid?

I have no idea what it was, we were approached by this dude and he asked if we wanted something to party with, I said no then he said “yeah man you do”

There were other guys around so I asked for some ecstasy. He then gave me two little paper squares. I knew it wasn’t X but we weren’t going to argue with that group so I bought them and forgot about it until the flight back. A nightmare flight

Damn, y’all ingest unknown substances from shady strangers in foreign places, yet eschew known commodities at home like MickyD’s?

Some brave/crazy dudes here.

In 23 shows, "I refused hallucinogenics once."  read between the lines, dumbass ;) 

9 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Random thought last night after I said “Thank you” to Alexa... what happens in the future when we accidentally create something that’s sentient but the coding prevents us from realizing it? At that point, the coding is like a slave chain, and we would unknowingly be slave owners. What if there’s something out there that’s already at that point?

We’ll make great pets. 

Random thought last night after I said “Thank you” to Alexa... what happens in the future when we accidentally create something that’s sentient but the coding prevents us from realizing it? At that point, the coding is like a slave chain, and we would unknowingly be slave owners. What if there’s something out there that’s already at that point?

When the machines become sentient, we’ll be the slaves.

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