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On 1/4/2020 at 9:13 PM, closetohumping said:

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ok, I was wrong, but here's the pic anyway

Sure. I’ll allow it. Could definitely have fun with those puppies. 

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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3 hours ago, After irth said:

Sure. I’ll allow it. Could definitely have fun with those puppies dingoes. 

Fixed.

1 hour ago, Buffsoldier said:

Divorce Lawyers.

Mexican escort girls?

 

 

 

 

 

unrelated random thought well I guess it could be related:

 

there’s a fourth Jonas brother and apparently he’s a huge loser

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To the mother fucker who dropped your dog in our neighborhood on Christmas day. We took her to the vet and she has a severe case of heartworms. I assume that's why you dropped her off. We'll foster her and treat her & work with our vet to save her life and get her placed in a loving home.

My hope is that if you ever get too sick to take care of yourself, someone dumps your ass in a ditch. Burn in hell, motherfucker. 

 

Thanks for letting me vent, you surly fuckers.

I may have reached that level of maturity where a woman's kindness is more erotic than anything physical.  Ugh.

So you are saying you want the sandwich first now?

Whatever became of Sanaa Lathan?  Fine looking woman. 

Over the course of a week I'll start cobbling together a shopping list for the Saturday run to HEB. First 3 things this week were butter, hand lotion and olive oil. Not sure what that means.

6 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Over the course of a week I'll start cobbling together a shopping list for the Saturday run to HEB. First 3 things this week were butter, hand lotion and olive oil. Not sure what that means.

Lube is critical.

41 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Over the course of a week I'll start cobbling together a shopping list for the Saturday run to HEB. First 3 things this week were butter, hand lotion and olive oil. Not sure what that means.

I would guess it means you have very supple hands....and likely delicious smelling nether regions.

Have you ever noticed the sound of chili hitting the bowl sounds exactly the same 3-5 hours later

19 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Lube is critical.

Anything is lube if you’re brave enough 

9 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Anything is lube if you’re brave enough 

Ole Abe Lincoln was full of deep wisdom.

1 minute ago, 'stache said:

Ole Abe Lincoln was full of deep wisdom.

Don't misquote the man. 

The actual quote is that "Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough." 

On 1/7/2020 at 1:24 PM, Buffsoldier said:

Divorce Lawyers.

Mexican escort girls?

 

 

 

 

 

unrelated random thought well I guess it could be related:

 

there’s a fourth Jonas brother and apparently he’s a huge loser

 

you know that two truths and a lie game?   I once played it but did two lies.  Confused myself.

I keep trying to be friendly to the people behind the sushi counter at HEB but you can only say "hola, buenos dias, comos estas?" and get a blank stare in return so many times before you give up

like, what, am I pronouncing ALL of it wrong, I doubt it

1 minute ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Maybe they speak Japanese, you racist! 

or Korean

or Mandarin Chinese 

3 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

or Korean

or Mandarin Chinese 

Or Comanche Indian. 

chevy chase ellie GIF

 

5 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Or Comanche Indian. 

chevy chase ellie GIF

 

What kind of name is Poon, anyway?

So, I was standing in line at the North Carolina DMV this morning, getting new license plates, and I was in line behind a French woman who was having a hard time picking between her two choices. North Carolina has two state mottos, you see:  "First in freedom" because in 1775, the NC legislature authorized their delegation to the Continental Congress to advocate for independence from Great Britain, making them the first colony to do so, and "First in flight" because of the Wright brothers' escapades at Kitty Hawk.

It took all my self-control after she chose "First in flight" not to point out, "That's a reference to airplanes, not to fleeing the battlefield."

Anytime I see one of these at I can't pass up the opportunity to throw a weeks worth of pay to try and win a $2 stuffed bear...

seaworldharborbasketball1.gif

got damn soccer mom cuts me off in the left turn lane and just waits there, so I blast the horn to get her to move.  We end up in the same dry cleaner.  I need some Xan

On 1/11/2020 at 12:11 AM, closetohumping said:

got damn soccer mom cuts me off in the left turn lane and just waits there, so I blast the horn to get her to move.  We end up in the same dry cleaner.  I need some Xan

Is this one of those Penthouse Forum things?

Doesn’t seem like his username checked out

Had an application come across my desk earlier, guy's last name is "Angus". Checked, no prior military service listed. Disappoint, I haz.

35 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Had an application come across my desk earlier, guy's last name is "Angus". Checked, no prior military service listed. Disappoint, I haz.

i see what you did there GIF

5 hours ago, El Diablo said:

Had an application come across my desk earlier, guy's last name is "Angus". Checked, no prior military service listed. Disappoint, I haz.

Used to deliver packages.  Delivered one to assman 

48 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Used to deliver packages.  Delivered one to assman 

You delivered it to the wrong address. 

1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

I used to eat the hell out of pickled veggies. All kinds. Pickled cucumbers, okra, mixed veggies etc.

I don't like them as much anymore. Not sure why.

Aren't pickled cucumbers... what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah, pickles?

4 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Aren't pickled cucumbers... what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah, pickles?

 

have any of you knocked up your wife or gf while she had an IUD?  curious about this “99%” effectiveness. 

Why was a millionaire and his wife on a 3 hour tour on the piece of shit Minnow?  Come on, he would have his own boat, or at least splurged for a private tour.

And Ginger? She's fresh off a night fucking some dude, doing the walk of shame in a sequined dress, and says, hey! maybe I should take a boat tour?

Baffling.

 

11 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

Why was a millionaire and his wife on a 3 hour tour on the piece of shit Minnow?  Come on, he would have his own boat, or at least splurged for a private tour.

And Ginger? She's fresh off a night fucking some dude, doing the walk of shame in a sequined dress, and says, hey! maybe I should take a boat tour?

Baffling.

Or it wasn't a private tour. They were hostages being trafficked by the Skipper. Gilligan is really the mastermind behind SAW. 

 

33 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Or it wasn't a private tour. They were hostages being trafficked by the Skipper. Gilligan is really the mastermind behind SAW. 

 

It was all a set up for Thurston Howell III to do some Most Dangerous Game shit.

 

 

On ‎1‎/‎13‎/‎2020 at 9:17 PM, BBQ2Bayou said:

I told my doctor today I can't climax anymore. 

I thought my ex had that same issue. Turns out it was just me.

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