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I think the quality of an insurance provider is inversely proportional to the number of ads they run on TV. 

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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Maybe so, but I find a juvenile humor in those Brad Paisley/Peyton Manning commercials.  They're so dumb they're funny to me.  

if I ever meet cortana I am going to punch that bitch right in the face

3 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Undeniably insurance companies have created legendary iconic commercials.  Progressive, geico, State Farm all resonate.   The general needs to be bitten by limu emu.  Both horrible 

I have found that the Liberty Mutual commercials are marginally funnier if you pretend that the emu is named Doug. 

What is the goddamn deal with computer/desk chairs that look like they belong in a sports car?

 

They're typically sold as a "gaming" chair.  But pervasive everywhere. 

 

People at work were posting their WFH set up with these things, and it goes against all tastes and sensibilities.  Just nasty.

 

25c1b353-80b3-45d2-8f49-9929872bc44b_1.7

 

anyone ever thought that Quintana Roo was a place in australia?

Would wearing the wife's pantyhose across the face qualify as a mask to protect me from the Corona V?

18 minutes ago, Bevo&Pevo said:

Would wearing the wife's pantyhose across the face qualify as a mask to protect me from the Corona V?

You'll get something else.

What if instead of the world ending by an asteroid hitting it, the world hits an asteroid...?  Space lawyers would have a field day.

What if aliens contact us after they listen to the golden record sent on the voyager spacecrafts, but their response is just “COOL STOrY BRO”?

im not a health foods, kale smoothie person, but i found an awesome fucking juice.  more like a shot:

 

2/3rd part apple juice; 1/4 part ginger juice; 1/10 part lemon juice. 

 

different denominators got you all fucked up?  well its from the ingredients list thats 65%/25%/10%.

 

no sugars or fillers needed.  apple gives it sweetness.  ginger gives it a fucking kick - a nice sort of burn, and citrus brightens it up.  nice jolt in the morning or afternoon, as alternative to espresso.

im not a health foods, kale smoothie person, but i found an awesome fucking juice.  more like a shot:
 
2/3rd part apple juice; 1/4 part ginger juice; 1/10 part lemon juice. 
 
different denominators got you all fucked up?  well its from the ingredients list thats 65%/25%/10%.
 
no sugars or fillers needed.  apple gives it sweetness.  ginger gives it a fucking kick - a nice sort of burn, and citrus brightens it up.  nice jolt in the morning or afternoon, as alternative to espresso.

2/3 = 8/12
1/4 = 3/12

I’m not very good at math, but it seems to me if you add 1/10 to that you have more than 100%
35 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:


2/3 = 8/12
1/4 = 3/12

I’m not very good at math, but it seems to me if you add 1/10 to that you have more than 100%

10 and 25 are easy to turn into fraction

65 is neighbors to 2/3 (66.6).  which is close enough for the girls i go out with.

 

 

does anyone pay for premium porn sites?  honest question.  I feel like everything anyone could possible want to see available for free, and in HD, too.  so who is paying for pornhub premium?  what could it possibly offer that free pornhub does not?  I must know.

2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

im not a health foods, kale smoothie person, but i found an awesome fucking juice.  more like a shot:

 

2/3rd part apple juice; 1/4 part ginger juice; 1/10 part lemon juice. 

 

different denominators got you all fucked up?  well its from the ingredients list thats 65%/25%/10%.

 

no sugars or fillers needed.  apple gives it sweetness.  ginger gives it a fucking kick - a nice sort of burn, and citrus brightens it up.  nice jolt in the morning or afternoon, as alternative to espresso.

Circa 1998 or so, Central Market sold Apple-Lemon-Ginger, and it is the only reason I survived Mrs. Ponderer's pregnancy -- it was literally the only thing that kept her from throwing up, and it also seemed to calm her down when she got the hormone-driven screaming shrieky-freakies. I swear by that stuff.

4 hours ago, futureman said:

does anyone pay for premium porn sites?  honest question.  I feel like everything anyone could possible want to see available for free, and in HD, too.  so who is paying for pornhub premium?  what could it possibly offer that free pornhub does not?  I must know.

I'm sure there's plenty of middle aged dudes with lots of extra spending money who would rather just buy it. 

Circa 1998 or so, Central Market sold Apple-Lemon-Ginger, and it is the only reason I survived Mrs. Ponderer's pregnancy -- it was literally the only thing that kept her from throwing up, and it also seemed to calm her down when she got the hormone-driven screaming shrieky-freakies. I swear by that stuff.

Ginger is the key. My wife ate ginger snaps any time she was nauseous when she was pregnant.

1. rocket salad is an incredibly poor name for a salad

 

2.  free-throw line dunks are the most overrated, least impressive dunks.  forgetting the fact that most of them aren't even at or behind the free-throw line.

"The Raven" is really just about a passive-aggressive bird telling a whiny bitch to shut the fuck up in his own home.

On 4/3/2020 at 10:44 AM, futureman said:

does anyone pay for premium porn sites?  honest question.  I feel like everything anyone could possible want to see available for free, and in HD, too.  so who is paying for pornhub premium?  what could it possibly offer that free pornhub does not?  I must know.

You're in luck, pornhub premium is currently free thanks to the coronavirus.

5 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

"The Raven" is really just about a passive-aggressive bird telling a whiny bitch to shut the fuck up in his own home.

 

DSC_6710_00001.jpg

Do you think there are television broadcasts all over Africa showing how we have poor dying people here and asking them to donate 10 dollars a month?

8 minutes ago, Bevo&Pevo said:

Do you think there are television broadcasts all over Africa showing how we have poor dying people here and asking them to donate 10 dollars a month?

No, probably just the ones asking for donations to support the poor Jews in the former Soviet Union. 

12 hours ago, Bevo&Pevo said:

Do you think there are television broadcasts all over Africa showing how we have poor dying people here and asking them to donate 10 dollars a month?

Do they have their own Sally Struthers?

Are people that went all in on tiny houses hating life right now?

I really need a haircut. Debating using my manscaping clippers.

On 4/3/2020 at 10:44 AM, futureman said:

does anyone pay for premium porn sites?  honest question.  I feel like everything anyone could possible want to see available for free, and in HD, too.  so who is paying for pornhub premium?  what could it possibly offer that free pornhub does not?  I must know.

I think my ex-wife and I paid for Tommy Lee and Pam online when it came out.  That was when video came thru at about 1 frame per second.  I think she wanted to see it more than I did.  Slut.

 

I've noticed after I shave my nose hairs, it actually "feels" like there is more shit up inside there when I stick my finger up it.

even if they're contemporaneous, it kind of sounds wrong to say "I haven't been interested in sex since my Mom died". 

I really need a haircut. Debating using my manscaping clippers.
Bootleg haircuts are a thing. Same girl cutting my hair for 12 years. She will come to my house, single mom.
I think my ex-wife and I paid for Tommy Lee and Pam online when it came out.  That was when video came thru at about 1 frame per second.  I think she wanted to see it more than I did.  Slut.
 
I've noticed after I shave my nose hairs, it actually "feels" like there is more shit up inside there when I stick my finger up it.
Yea thats weird paying for porn in 2020. Maybe in 2000 that would be a thing though.
Bootleg haircuts are a thing. Same girl cutting my hair for 12 years. She will come to my house, single mom.

And you didn’t have any money to pay her right? I’ve seen that video.
On 4/8/2020 at 5:39 AM, mulletpelini said:

 

I've noticed after I shave my nose hairs, it actually "feels" like there is more shit up inside there when I stick my finger up it.

Ugh, this shit is the worst. 

I was playing Uno with my son (15) and daughter (6), and my son is being merciless. Mind you, my daughter still plays with her cards laid out before her, face up, so we can coach her in how to play; he takes advantage of this to play cards that'll trap her.

Well, in one hand, she was finally about to win, to win it all, despite his unchivalrous malice. When she dropped her second-to-last card and forgot to immediately say "Uno," ... this is where I normally give her a "aren't you forgetting something?" look. My son? No no no, no such look, he goes right for the jugular: "AHHHH YOU DIDN'T SAY 'UNO!'" DRAW TWO CARDS! And so we hand them to her, face-up as it were...

It was a Wild and a Draw Four Wild.

His malice backfired more amazingly than I've ever seen. It was beautiful. (She won, of course. Played the D4 last, too.)

 

It's unclear from your post whether you are already doing this or if only your six year old is, but try having everyone play open-handed to have equal opportunity plotting and scheming. 

It's a lot more fun - at least with a smaller group. 

10 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

It's unclear from your post whether you are already doing this or if only your six year old is, but try having everyone play open-handed to have equal opportunity plotting and scheming. 

It's a lot more fun - at least with a smaller group. 

No, no no... how is she going to learn to be a proper brutal, scheming, villainous bastard without the expert tutelage of her big brother?

Gotta think about the long game here.

Edited by Rimbo

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