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Sometimes when my wife heats up chicken nuggets for the kids, I steal a bite or two from the kids. I’m not sorry.

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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9 minutes ago, Patricio Swayze said:

Sometimes when my wife heats up chicken nuggets for the kids, I steal a bite or two from the kids. I’m not sorry.

Dude that's called the dad tax

4 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

Dude that's called the dad tax

We call it "Tribute" in my house, only because my wife wouldn't let me explain "the vig" to our children.

Bababooey don't get the big piece of chicken because he's a cuck.

All different colors of peppers, onions, lettuce, etc. all taste fairly similar, all pretty good.

Black and green olives, could there be any bigger disparity between two like vegetables?  Black olives are fantastic, greens are horrid.

Edited by mulletpelini
fuck you green olives

I would gladly pop my 70-something cherry with Martha Stewart.

You should get your dick wet once before dying. We are rooting for you.

I'm not a NARC or an Eco warrior but if your diesel car is puff puff puffing smoke like it's a goddamn steam train, or especially if you "roll coal", your car should be immediately impounded and you should be tossed in prison

6 hours ago, 52-80 said:

I'm not a NARC or an Eco warrior but if your diesel car is puff puff puffing smoke like it's a goddamn steam train, or especially if you "roll coal", your car should be immediately impounded and you should be tossed in prison

I don’t have one (just to be clear) but I’ve been told that all that black diesel soot is better for the environment because it’s heavier and falls to the ground unlike other exhaust.  Not sure if true or bs but I’ve heard it multiple time from multiple people.

35 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

I don’t have one (just to be clear) but I’ve been told that all that black diesel soot is better for the environment because it’s heavier and falls to the ground unlike other exhaust.  Not sure if true or bs but I’ve heard it multiple time from multiple people.

Does it seem at all probable to you that every obstinate braying jackass who defiantly "rolls coal" is doing it because they are responsible and proactive stewards of the environment? 

On 8/7/2020 at 9:14 AM, HRSchenker said:

Friend from undergrad brought up this argument I had 10 years ago that I refuse to back down from: Weezer's song "Beverly Hills" is a rip off of Steve Miller Band's "The Joker". Same style, same cadence, and even the little moments in The Joker are featured in Beverly Hills. 

The verses in Folsom Prison Blues and Pinball Wizard have exactly the same meter; lyrics are interchangeable with the other song’s music...

 

EDIT - I may not know what ‘meter’ is in musical terms, but they are interchangeable. There was a band that used to play at the Hole In The Wall 30 years ago that had a whole set of pairs of songs they would do like this. I think they called themselves Double Vision....

Edited by Ignatius

While they are both duple meter songs, Folsom Prison Blues sticks closer to the 6-bar multiple whereas Pinball Wizard to a 4-bar.  But yes, many similarities.  

Plus the live incarnations of Daltrey/Townshend further blur the line.  Definitely hear what you're saying though. 

The verses in Folsom Prison Blues and Pinball Wizard have exactly the same meter; lyrics are interchangeable with the other song’s music...
 
EDIT - I may not know what ‘meter’ is in musical terms, but they are interchangeable. There was a band that used to play at the Hole In The Wall 30 years ago that had a whole set of pairs of songs they would do like this. I think they called themselves Double Vision....

There’s several YouTube channels that specialize on mashing up songs that match musically. Like this...

If you eat an Altoid, put on your anti-plague mask, and burp...

your eyes will water.

Made that mistake today...

13 minutes ago, slorch said:

If you eat an Altoid, put on your anti-plague mask, and burp...

your eyes will water.

Made that mistake today...

Well yeah, a proper fellatio performer will burp first, then affix mask, them discreetly slide in breath mint.  I know it’s Your first Covid-19 rodeo, but it’s just rudimentary physics and polite hygiene at this point. 
 

 

15 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Well yeah, a proper fellatio performer will burp first, then affix mask, them discreetly slide in breath mint.  I know it’s Your first Covid-19 rodeo, but it’s just rudimentary physics and polite hygiene at this point. 
 

 

Pretty sure we’re talkin 2 different rides, for lack of a better term, in life’s theme park.


Hitting the rack. Beat down.

So, I am not a sugar guy but just decided to mix 3 spoonfuls of almond butter with one scoop of chocolate ice cream.

Oh hell the the yea on this.

Batman takes HGH and Meth to keep up with the Meta Humans. Which makes him a hypocrite.

Haven’t eaten it in years, but Taco Bell is looking pretty damn edible in these recent commercials. Must resist. 

Haven’t eaten it in years, but Taco Bell is looking pretty damn edible in these recent commercials. Must resist. 

My kids wanted crispy tacos the other day so I hit up the bell. The 12-taco pack is like $12 so I got that. Not ashamed I ate 8 of them.
  • 2 weeks later...

My dad has been a beekeeper for about 35 years. He told me that pretty much every year over that time the bees that he gets have been more docile (like less aggressive) and that the ones he has this year are such big pussies that he "can work with them bare handed and they are lazy as hell, too. "   So on top of everything else, in 2020 the bees upon which all of life depends are just apparently saying "screw this."

Just where in the hell did dirtdaubbers build their nests before man came along?  I've spent many a day in the woods and along the creek banks, yet I never remember seeing a daubber nest in or on a tree or other.   And just how good is their eyesight?  I mean you know they are flying along and see a hole the size of pencil to us and to them it must look like a freakin' bomb crater.

thumbnail.jpg.2384d8aeffcfcd8a3ea4060a0e8cbe1d.jpg    This was done by a daubber which built it's nest over an air                                                                                                                                                                                                            relief vent hole.

Edited by Bevo&Pevo

5 minutes ago, GhostofDanJones said:

If poison expires, is it more poisonous or no longer poisonous?

*Venomous. 

58 minutes ago, Hornius Emeritus said:

My dad has been a beekeeper for about 35 years. He told me that pretty much every year over that time the bees that he gets have been more docile (like less aggressive) and that the ones he has this year are such big pussies that he "can work with them bare handed and they are lazy as hell, too. "   So on top of everything else, in 2020 the bees upon which all of life depends are just apparently saying "screw this."

Doomlet (5m) got stung by a bee for the first time the other day, and he wasn't nearly as worked up about it as I expected, with the whole thing being totally forgotten after an hour or two. 

I was initially surprised by how stoic he was about it (because he's normally kind of a wimp) but then I got stung in the temple a few days later, and while it obviously hurt, it paled in comparison to every other bee sting that I've had. So based on this anecdotal experience, I suspect that Chicago-area bees are exceptionally impotent this year. 

Korra the cartoon character is kinda good looking. 

I have a samsung TV that has some strange Samsung app section that when I turn it on every time it starts with the Bob Ross channel. I had no idea there even was a Bob Ross channel. I have no idea why I find it so peaceful that he’s on my my tv every time I turn it on. But I do.

 

d4b426ca4e78ebac1213548bccb2a921.jpg

 

On 8/7/2020 at 8:14 AM, HRSchenker said:

Friend from undergrad brought up this argument I had 10 years ago that I refuse to back down from: Weezer's song "Beverly Hills" is a rip off of Steve Miller Band's "The Joker". Same style, same cadence, and even the little moments in The Joker are featured in Beverly Hills. 

There are so many songs that are even less forgivable than this. 

Dani California and Mary Jane's Last Dance

It's Been Awhile (Staind) and Simple Man

Just off the top of my head. Not that either of the songs doing the ripping there are bad, but sometimes I will be listening to something and think "son of a bitch it's the exact same song as x"

I should start writing them down. There's a ton that I've noticed over the years that people look at me quizzically when I make the connection. 

32 minutes ago, ztejas said:

There are so many songs that are even less forgivable than this. 

Dani California and Mary Jane's Last Dance

It's Been Awhile (Staind) and Simple Man

Just off the top of my head. Not that either of the songs doing the ripping there are bad, but sometimes I will be listening to something and think "son of a bitch it's the exact same song as x"

I should start writing them down. There's a ton that I've noticed over the years that people look at me quizzically when I make the connection. 

Fellers- Allow me to make your day much less productive (if possible)-

http://soundsjustlike.com/

Oh it’s damn good. Check the one they did right in front of zeppelin.

 

Why do people freak out over seeing a hair in their food?  Sure you'd rather not have any foreign particles in there at all...but OMG a small eyelash or piece of hair...it ain't gonna kill ya

8 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Mars is really bright and right next to the moon right now. 

Jupiter and Saturn have been bright as shit lately, too. 

Can't say the same about Uranus though. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

Uh, that’s not Mazzy Star.

 

Edited by Foggy Notion
Not sure if serious or is my meter broken?

3 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Jupiter and Saturn have been bright as shit lately, too. 

Can't say the same about Uranus though. 

Uranus is pretty dark and smelly

OK. So if you're attacked by somebody who wants to kill you, and you defend yourself and kill them back, you're most of the time not called a murderer.

So suppose a cannibal kidnaps you and takes you to a remote location, and when they go to kill you, you kill them first. But then you're trapped there, with absolutely nothing to eat until help arrives, in say, 2 months. If you chop up the cannibal, and eat him, are you also considered a cannibal?

15 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Yeah, but how are you keeping the carcass fresh for two months? 

I can it in the same vinegar he was gonna use on me.

Maybe smoked cannibal.

Anyway, like I was saying, cannibal is the fruit of the unsuccessful kidnapping. You can barbecue him, boil him, broil him, bake him, saute him. There's uh, cannibal-kabobs, cannibal creole, cannibal gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple cannibal, lemon cannibal, coconut cannibal, pepper cannibal, cannibal soup, cannibal stew, cannibal salad, cannibal and potatoes, cannibal burger, cannibal sandwich. That- that's about it.

On 9/6/2020 at 10:52 AM, BurntEyes said:

I always liked Mazzy Star's cover of Wild Horses better than the original.

Blink 182 Reaction GIF

6 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Have you ever listened to it? Maybe you should.

Yeah, I've heard it. It sucks ass. It's Muzak with tremelo on 11. 

Just now, BurntEyes said:

Welp, others disagree with your opinion including me. 

Others like chili with beans.

On 9/6/2020 at 3:23 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Yeah, but how are you keeping the carcass fresh for two months? 

Worst charcuterie evah!

Oddibe McDowell was drafted 6 times by 5 different teams before ever playing one inning for a Minor League team.  Da fuh? 

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