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Wer, sudsy bar of soap popped out of my left hand in the shower and I snatched it out of the air with my right hand before it could fall to the floor.  I’m very impressed with myself right now.

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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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On 11/8/2020 at 12:53 AM, markstanco said:

My wife had some girlfriends over tonight. I shut down the house, and got damn i literally (counted) turned of 12 lamps. Why in TF do we need 12 lamps turned on.

pics not loading for me

3 hours ago, markstanco said:

My 12 yr old kiddo is 5'4 and 120 and just turned 12. I do not endorse fighting or retaliation unless the other won't stop, and he knows this. Then, all bets are off. Other bully kid who is 4'10" got a broke nose today in front of others after a hard shove to minime. Not even mad, and he didn't get ISS because of witnesses.

Can you really blame a kid for bullying yours because his dad has 34D's?

Intergluteal Cleft

Band name for plumbers

On 11/13/2020 at 12:02 AM, markstanco said:

Why do guys who ride road bikes feel the need to wear costumes? At lunch today and a few guys came in wearing the normal: sleeveless jean jackets with patches, do-rag, mirror glasses.

I have a truck. Should I wear a cowboy hat and a bolo tie when I drive it?

Did you lock the door and tell them; "Youz guys can't leave now"? 

9 hours ago, RollLeft said:

pics not loading for me

You love lamp? 

7 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Did you lock the door and tell them; "Youz guys can't leave now"? 

Read it in Chaz's voice.  Pos rep.

Why do guys who ride road bikes feel the need to wear costumes? At lunch today and a few guys came in wearing the normal: sleeveless jean jackets with patches, do-rag, mirror glasses.

I have a truck. Should I wear a cowboy hat and a bolo tie when I drive it?

/s Yes, truck = cowboy hat, bolo, and don’t forget the Luchese boots. Otherwise, you’re not doing it right!

As well as a change into the ole suit and tie (2020 not included) before entering into your place of work, on the top floor, overlooking the downtown park (with a “Surly 10” administrative assistant of course).

Then rush off to don the golf apparel (another change of clothes at the country club). Followed up by evening casual attire with flip flops while drinking Blantons on the back porch, shooting skeet of course!

All to be Topped off by sleeping naked (last change of clothes) next to a “Surly 11” (of course just after doing the dirty deed). Then waking up with the aforementioned Surly 11 starting the day off right!

Setting the example on how to fit into a social group is hard work! /s
7 minutes ago, General Specific said:


/s Yes, truck = cowboy hat, bolo, and don’t forget the Luchese boots. Otherwise, you’re not doing it right!

As well as a change into the ole suit and tie (2020 not included) before entering into your place of work, on the top floor, overlooking the downtown park (with a “Surly 10” administrative assistant of course).

Then rush off to don the golf apparel (another change of clothes at the country club). Followed up by evening casual attire with flip flops while drinking Blantons on the back porch, shooting skeet of course!

All to be Topped off by sleeping naked (last change of clothes) next to a “Surly 11” (of course just after doing the dirty deed). Then waking up with the aforementioned Surly 11 starting the day off right!

Setting the example on how to fit into a social group is hard work! /s

Found the biker

5 hours ago, General Specific said:


/s Yes, truck = cowboy hat, bolo, and don’t forget the Luchese boots. Otherwise, you’re not doing it right!

As well as a change into the ole suit and tie (2020 not included) before entering into your place of work, on the top floor, overlooking the downtown park (with a “Surly 10” administrative assistant of course).

Then rush off to don the golf apparel (another change of clothes at the country club). Followed up by evening casual attire with flip flops while drinking Blantons on the back porch, shooting skeet of course!

All to be Topped off by sleeping naked (last change of clothes) next to a “Surly 11” (of course just after doing the dirty deed). Then waking up with the aforementioned Surly 11 starting the day off right!

Setting the example on how to fit into a social group is hard work! /s

toy story fashion GIF by Disney Pixar

I just took a shit that changed my center of gravity.

On 11/21/2020 at 1:17 PM, RPM said:

I just took a shit that changed my center of gravity.

pic?

I would like to hear Anthony Hopkins and Jody Foster sing Baby It's Cold Outside together.  Take the creepiness of the song to 11.

26 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I would like to hear Anthony Hopkins and Jody Foster sing Baby It's Cold Outside together.  Take the creepiness of the song to 11.

Thanks for the fucking yuletide nightmare fuel, asshole.  Let me guess, during the bridge instrumental he whispers to her, "of course he's cold outside Clarice...I removed his skin and hung him in effigy." 

Edited by Lobo

1 minute ago, Lobo said:

Thanks for the fucking yuletide nightmare fuel, asshole.  Let me guess, during the bridge instrumental he whispers to her, "of course he's cold outside...I removed his skin and hung him in effigy." 

This brings up another random thought that I have had: where is effigy?  I hear about folks being hung there, but I don't know where it is, nor why they hang so many people there.

Effigy is gone now, it faded into Bolivia.  

The fuck is up with Dallas and drag racing?  Cocksuckers revving up their engines roaring down the highway 1:30 in the morning....  fuck you, assholes. 

7 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I would like to hear Anthony Hopkins and Jody Foster sing Baby It's Cold Outside together.  Take the creepiness of the song to 11.

I don't know if either of them can sing. I've never heard either of them sing. But I don't think it would be creepy. They both seem like nice people. And you've got to figure they've had some vocal training. 

4 hours ago, Underdog said:

The fuck is up with Dallas and drag racing?  Cocksuckers revving up their engines roaring down the highway 1:30 in the morning....  fuck you, assholes. 

The crotchrocket motherfuckers taking up every lane on the highway so they can do wheelies during rush hour can also fuck off and die.

Dallas is being overrun with Qanon conspiracy graffiti bullshit. Anyone else seeing this stuff? I'm talking about graffiti that says "save our kids", "save the children", "organized stalking", etc. It is EVERYWHERE!

Not wanting to fuck up another thread, I’ve got to say Lucas Brasi was an incredibly compelling character, but fictional sociopathy is far richer than the ever loyal he.

His character doesn’t deserve a comparison with McCarthy’s Judge.

Aurora de Gama Zogoiby and the Judge. Greatest literary sociopaths. Them and whoever I’m forgetting, or ignorant of.
 

 

  • 2 weeks later...

"Die Hard" isn't a Christmas movie.  "Die Hard" is a Festivus movie.  

Hans and his team left Europe on the 23rd of December, the date of Festivus.  Sure, they don't start their heist until the 24th but that's in another time-zone that their faith does not acknowledge.  Their heist acknowledges it simply because they need bare minimum security, skeleton crew police nearby, and just enough hostages to make it interesting for the FBI but not a building full of thousands of employees, so they finish their heist on the 24th company party.  They began their heist on the 23rd as they made their way to Los Angeles, nearly half-way across the world.  They would have known better than to buy 10 tickets in first class on the same plane.  They started their journey on the 23rd and met up with Theo and Eddie who were already U.S. citizens.  

The aluminum pole in this case, isn't so much a pole, but it's still made from steel with a very solid strength-to-weight ratio......the festivus pole is Nakatomi Plaza itself.  

The festivus dinner is of course the Nakatomi Corporation holiday employee party that is being enjoyed by all when the Gruber gang busts in.  

The Airing of the Grievances is actually a ruse though, much like Frank Costanza not actually being all that upset.  In fact, just like Hans Gruber, he loses his train of thought halfway through his rant because his heart really wasn't in it.  Hans, too, was mostly lying.  And much like Elaine's horse, Mr. Takagi just had to be shot.  

The Feats of Strength of course come in many forms, most notably in what we are led to believe is the final showdown between John McClane and Karl in the service area of the building.  As we know with Festivus, someone must either pin their opponent on the carpet or wrap them in heavy-duty chain to choke out on the loading dock.  

And just as Gwen and Jerry reunite as a Festivus Miracle, so too is John saved by his new friend Al Powell so he can be reunited with his love, Holly McClane.  A true Festivus Miracle.  Hans Gruber was an eloquent speaker of English, but it was a third language for him.  What he meant to say earlier in the film was, "It's Festivus Theo, it's the time of Miracles!"  

I'll figure out how the bagel strike thing fits in later.  

Edited by Lobo

7 hours ago, Lobo said:

"Die Hard" isn't a Christmas movie.  "Die Hard" is a Festivus movie.  

Hans and his team left Europe on the 23rd of December, the date of Festivus.  Sure, they don't start their heist until the 24th but that's in another time-zone that their faith does not acknowledge.  Their heist acknowledges it simply because they need bare minimum security, skeleton crew police nearby, and just enough hostages to make it interesting for the FBI but not a building full of thousands of employees, so they finish their heist on the 24th company party.  They began their heist on the 23rd as they made their way to Los Angeles, nearly half-way across the world.  They would have known better than to buy 10 tickets in first class on the same plane.  They started their journey on the 23rd and met up with Theo and Eddie who were already U.S. citizens.  

The aluminum pole in this case, isn't so much a pole, but it's still made from steel with a very solid strength-to-weight ratio......the festivus pole is Nakatomi Plaza itself.  

The festivus dinner is of course the Nakatomi Corporation holiday employee party that is being enjoyed by all when the Gruber gang busts in.  

The Airing of the Grievances is actually a ruse though, much like Frank Costanza not actually being all that upset.  In fact, just like Hans Gruber, he loses his train of thought halfway through his rant because his heart really wasn't in it.  Hans, too, was mostly lying.  And much like Elaine's horse, Mr. Takagi just had to be shot.  

The Feats of Strength of course come in many forms, most notably in what we are led to believe is the final showdown between John McClane and Karl in the service area of the building.  As we know with Festivus, someone must either pin their opponent on the carpet or wrap them in heavy-duty chain to choke out on the loading dock.  

And just as Gwen and Jerry reunite as a Festivus Miracle, so too is John saved by his new friend Al Powell so he can be reunited with his love, Holly McClane.  A true Festivus Miracle.  Hans Gruber was an eloquent speaker of English, but it was a third language for him.  What he meant to say earlier in the film was, "It's Festivus Theo, it's the time of Miracles!"  

I'll figure out how the bagel strike thing fits in later.  

If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.

Wait until I tell you about a man with a Messiah Complex who shows up on foreign lands with 12 believers in tow, who claims he can perform miracles and spread the wealth from the greedy rich down to the working man.  

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

Wait until I tell you about a man with a Messiah Complex who shows up on foreign lands with 12 believers in tow, who claims he can perform miracles and spread the wealth from the greedy rich down to the working man.  

life of brian GIF

If you drink Heineken I just assume you're a fucking moron.

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

If you drink Heineken I just assume you're a fucking moron.

There's only two things I really hate in life. People who are intolerant of other people's beers. And the Dutch. 

1 hour ago, ztejas said:

If you drink Heineken I just assume you're a fucking moron.

Heineken?! Fuck that shit! 

Pabst Blue Ribbon!!! 

If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
I keep hoping he will hand out the drugs. But no dice.
6 hours ago, El Diablo said:

There's only two things I really hate in life. People who are intolerant of other people's beers. And the Dutch. 

DLM

On 12/11/2020 at 4:27 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Heineken?! Fuck that shit! 

Pabst Blue Ribbon!!! 

Whoa now... not all of us are the Surley 1%

On 11/28/2020 at 2:52 PM, Underdog said:

The fuck is up with Dallas and drag racing?  Cocksuckers revving up their engines roaring down the highway 1:30 in the morning....  fuck you, assholes. 

The Karens are raging about that same topic on the RoundRock Nextdoor.

Watching all of these Cyberpunk 2077 commercials is making me pretty stoked about the world my five-year-old will inhabit when he's 62.

Watching a show called ice airport alaska.

The just said alaska is the midpoint for europe and asia. WTF? Am i wrong on saying no it isnt?

12 hours ago, markstanco said:

Am i wrong on saying no it isnt?

Yeah, because you brain has been trained by the Flat Earth Map people. 

 

6 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Yeah, because you brain has been trained by the Flat Earth Map people. 

 

Far eastern Asia to far west Europe, yes. But not most of the time I would think. 

3 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Far eastern Asia to far west Europe, yes. But not most of the time I would think. 

Yeah, they probably picked the farthest point for this "cool fact". But the northern flight routes do seem odd when you look at them on a flat map.

Does anybody else always quote Ed O’Neil, “Nothing burps better than bacon” from that 90s movie Dutch? I must have seen that flick 30 times on HBO back in the day. Highly underrated film. 

you can learn a lot of things from YouTube, and some of those things might even be true

There is no way that Buddy didn’t clog up the Elves’ plumbing on the reg.  

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