Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

  • Replies 11.2k
  • Views 721.8k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Posted Images

On 5/11/2021 at 7:33 PM, Lobo said:

Is that guy available?  We're hiring.  

Do you manage the Jerk Store?

What's the difference?  You're our Manager of the Decade! 

I dunno. Long day, i got nuthin

On 5/14/2021 at 3:45 AM, SKJ said:

 I start throwing up dark green vomit that looks like it has wilted spinach in it.

merrin.gif.89da876b646f6687a69e52e229cb394f.gif

2 hours ago, Underdog said:

merrin.gif.89da876b646f6687a69e52e229cb394f.gif

Yes.  Exactly that.  One time,  I knew it was coming.  I was still trying to work,  so by the time I went to the hospital I was really distended and was really nauseous. I went into the ER and told them exactly what was up.  They had me wait an hour.  I told them repeatedly I needed them to start an NG tube before it got to exorcist levels.  I still waited. 

Finally,  this poor nurse takes me back. I told her I needed a bucket,  not just a little emesis dish, and I needed the NG tube placed and exactly how she'd need to do it since my nose has been broken several times.  She said,  no one requests an NG tube, and looked at me like i was strange.  She assured me she was a pro at this,  but wouldn't bend it like I told her,  and turn it downward as soon as it stopped going in.  She told me basically "I know what I'm doing" but she failed... and all that green vomit went all over her. 

I felt badly for her,  but again,  I had warned her and even coached her on how to get it down my throat. 

Edited by SKJ

1 hour ago, Underdog said:

All kidding aside, good luck with everything.  

I refuse to go back to the previous page to find out what the context of this statement is. For the 21st century, this statement stands on its own.

I know that pro golfers like to have the crowds there cheering them on. But watching the game on tv last year when the crowds were banned was a lot more enjoyable because you didn’t have to hear some assholes shouting “Get in the hole!” on every swing. And sometimes after lunch on a Sunday afternoon I like to take a nap on the couch with golf on the tv and it was nicer for that too. 

In Bourne Identity, Matt Damon gets the orange sweater from the fisherman.

He must've smelled like fish from a mile away. /MattDamon

i finally switched from pandora to spotify. fuck me pandora sucks compared to spotify. 

And they both suck in terms of how they treat artists.  Somebody's gonna invent an artist-friendly streaming platform where they offer a decent payment to the mid-level artist and let the artist see/keep their user data and blow this whole thing up.  The big names are gonna be just fine, but the mid-level artist that has sold a few hundred thousand albums, plays the mid-day stage at a festival, has 50k followers on social media...there are a couple thousands bands like that who are starving to be treated properly by these streaming services.  Pandora and Spotify and Patreon are just the modern day Barry Gordy's of the industry...promising up and coming musicians the world and fucking them over to the tune of 1 cent per play and 3 cents per download.  I do like access to new music though, but this just isn't working for almost anybody involved.  

If I could find a good platform to disrupt this space from the artist perspective, I'd invest in a heartbeat.  Not inventing a new platform and wasting $50mm in marketing to migrate users over to it.  But offer 1000 mid-level bands a huge chunk of the subscription fee and have them bring their followers over for me.  /endrandomrant

13 hours ago, Superhero said:

In Bourne Identity, Matt Damon gets the orange sweater from the fisherman.

He must've smelled like fish from a mile away. /MattDamon

It’s funny how Jimmy Kimmel apologizes to Matt Damon for bumping him at the end of every show. 

5 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It’s funny how Jimmy Kimmel apologizes to Matt Damon for bumping him at the end of every show. 

That's the first time I've heard "Jimmy Kimmel" and "funny" in the same sentence in a long time.

2 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

That's the first time I've heard "Jimmy Kimmel" and "funny" in the same sentence in a long time.

You’re not funny so your opinion doesn’t matter.

1 minute ago, WhatTheBuck said:

You’re not funny so your opinion doesn’t matter.

That's fair.

4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Does funny looking count?

Well, no, unless round is funny.

That's the first time I've heard "Jimmy Kimmel" and "funny" in the same sentence in a long time.

Not since he was clinging to the tailcoat of Adam Carolla on the Man Show

I have noticed the couple times I've seen Kimmel off script/cuecards...he's not that funny.  but then, sometimes those guys just drop it all when the cameras aren't rolling and just revert to nothingness.  Doesn't mean they aren't funny in real life.  But he didn't strike me as naturally funny.  I dunno.  He's doing something right, his show is very popular.  But I don't know it's humor-driven, just other factors and then...down the line...good writing with good delivery.  

2 hours ago, davidg said:

Not since he was clinging to the tailcoat of Adam Carolla on the Man Show

Who?

Public tattoos on a good looking woman is equivalent to spinners on a Bentley..The owner is a dumbass.

On 5/15/2021 at 9:56 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I don't see how anyone can watch golf on tv.  Did you run out of paint you could watch dry?

Yes, I’m such a tv golf junky that I like to sleep during it.

I do occasionally see some good shots. And I got to see Tiger win the Masters. And Jordan Spieth choke in Austin. And lose again this past weekend. I’m not really a golf fan but when I saw an overhead shot on Saturday of the AT&T tournament and there were these big, ugly McMansions crammed together on the side of the course I thought, “That’s got to be Texas.” Sure enough, I was right.

😛

19 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Golf and baseball are great naptime tv.

As long as Dick Vitale isn’t calling the basketball game. I can’t take that, BABEEEE!!

(Even if I’d otherwise like to actually watch the game.)

Edited by WhatTheBuck

Since when did high schools start having proms at hipster bars? My grandson’s Austin High senior prom is supposed to be held at this joint on 6th Street:

https://thebelmontaustin.com
 

pretty weird IMO

why doesn't the toilet seat have a handle so i can lift it without risking touching the bowl?

On 5/19/2021 at 12:11 PM, Armybrat said:

Since when did high schools start having proms at hipster bars? My grandson’s Austin High senior prom is supposed to be held at this joint on 6th Street:

https://thebelmontaustin.com
 

pretty weird IMO

hipster?

Just now, elfenix said:

hipster?

Anything that doesn’t look like the inside of Scholz’s bar or the Poodle Dog Lounge. ((you know I’m old school).

1 minute ago, Armybrat said:

Anything that doesn’t look like the inside of Scholz’s bar or the Poodle Dog Lounge. ((you know I’m old school).

ok boomer greatest silent gi antediluvian

19 minutes ago, elfenix said:

ok boomer greatest silent gi antediluvian

 

3DBC89B3-C564-4C97-BDAB-BEC25DF2FD58.jpeg

I’m at Still Austin having a drink and a lady just walked in with a clear carrying case for her parakeet. 
Took her pet bird on a field trip. 

23 minutes ago, BrazilHorn said:

I’m at Still Austin having a drink and a lady just walked in with a clear carrying case for her parakeet. 
Took her pet bird on a field trip. 

This one?

 

B30A638F-9FBE-467D-9C93-68DD49E50AEB.jpeg

1 hour ago, BrazilHorn said:

I’m at Still Austin having a drink and a lady just walked in with a clear carrying case for her parakeet. 
Took her pet bird on a field trip. 

I have a neighbor that walks his bird around in a cage.  Keep Austin weird.

Public tattoos on a good looking woman is equivalent to spinners on a Bentley..The owner is a dumbass.


Boooo
why doesn't the toilet seat have a handle so i can lift it without risking touching the bowl?
Symmetry and designers man
Yes, I’m such a tv golf junky that I like to sleep during it.
I do occasionally see some good shots. And I got to see Tiger win the Masters. And Jordan Spieth choke in Austin. And lose again this past weekend. I’m not really a golf fan but when I saw an overhead shot on Saturday of the AT&T tournament and there were these big, ugly McMansions crammed together on the side of the course I thought, “That’s got to be Texas.” Sure enough, I was right.
[emoji14]
Tv Golf yields the best ever naps.

My pops used to record golf tournaments and play them for his pet duck when he traveled. Duck loved that shit
4 minutes ago, Born to Run said:
5 hours ago, elfenix said:
why doesn't the toilet seat have a handle so i can lift it without risking touching the bowl?

Symmetry and designers man

put handles on #bothsides

12 hours ago, elfenix said:

why doesn't the toilet seat have a handle so i can lift it without risking touching the bowl?

tumblr_ojtyazokkW1qmob6ro1_400.gif

Toilets should have the same setup as trashcans with the pedal to step on to open lid/seat. 

4 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Toilets should have the same setup as trashcans with the pedal to step on to open lid/seat. 

Won't work - if the people complaining about this issue had functional feet, this wouldn't be a discussion in the first place. 

5 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Won't work - if the people complaining about this issue had functional feet, this wouldn't be a discussion in the first place. 

sock touching bowl isn't much better. arguably worse.

8 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Won't work - if the people complaining about this issue had functional feet, this wouldn't be a discussion in the first place. 

There you go crushing my dreams again. Guess I'll just go ahead and throw away this prototype I've been working on for years and spent way too much money on. 

8 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Won't work - if the people complaining about this issue had functional feet, this wouldn't be a discussion in the first place. 

There you go crushing my dreams again. Guess I'll just go ahead and throw away this prototype I've been working on for years and spent way too much money on. 

3 minutes ago, elfenix said:

sock touching bowl isn't much better. arguably worse.

Whoa - I assumed that this discussion only applied to public toilets. You mean to tell me that the toilet seat in your own home is so disgusting that you won't touch it before pooping or peeing?

This is a whole separate problem, and a toilet seat handle is not the solution. 

i clean it all the fucking time. still don't want to touch it.

44 minutes ago, Underdog said:

There you go crushing my dreams again. Guess I'll just go ahead and throw away this prototype I've been working on for years and spent way too much money on. 

Let me crush it some more...

toilet-seat-lifter-pedal-2384.jpg

Well, shit.  Me and my fellow investors will be disappointed... 

spacer.png

Printer recommendations needed. HP or Canon? I think HP is better, but not sure. Something good under $200.

Also, who borrows a printer? It's like the chick on Friday borrowing the VCR?

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.