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  • Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

  • Armybrat
    Armybrat

    58 years ago today….  

  • Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

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5 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Is there a physics major in the house? I'm trying to figure out if a 20lb cat can knock over a 10lb aquarium.  I don't want to blame my dog yet.

Force = Mass X Acceleration. 

for the liberal arts majors........the cat got a running start.

 

And that's big farking cat. 

Edited by Doze

Cats are strong af for their size.  And that's a bigun.

If there was any way for the cat to apply leverage, like getting between a wall and the tank, or hanging/falling off the stand with a paw in the water (gravity), that aquarium is getting knocked over.  Assuming the cat has interest in knocking it over, which is a good assumption with a fishy in it.

Also:

tenor.gif?itemid=4867017

1 hour ago, TwiceHorn said:

Cats are strong af for their size.  And that's a bigun.

If there was any way for the cat to apply leverage, like getting between a wall and the tank, or hanging/falling off the stand with a paw in the water (gravity), that aquarium is getting knocked over.  Assuming the cat has interest in knocking it over, which is a good assumption with a fishy in it.

Also:

tenor.gif?itemid=4867017

Definite interest.  He was stalking the fish from the start.  Now time to go buy a replacement beta fish

11 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m guessing a 20 pound cat can barely stand up, much less get a running start..

Maine Coon (/racist) cats get damn big. Ours weighed in at 18 pounds and was not fat at all.

13 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Definite interest.  He was stalking the fish from the start.  Now time to go buy a replacement beta fish

Fuck that beta shit.  If you want that fish to survive, you better get a alpha that will give that cat what for if he tries that shit again.

On 6/3/2021 at 12:19 AM, SHOOTER12 said:

👨‍💼I don't know, maybe people are more stressed and have more going on than when I had a young child, but if you're spread so thin that you can't remember and prioritize your childs life, YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE YOUR WHOLE FUCKING LIFE YOU DIMWIT MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE, OR GIVE YOUR CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COMMON SENSE TO BE CARING FOR ONE!

 

end rant

This seems a bit harsh but I have a hard time wrapping my mind around not knowing where your kid is at all times. 

10 hours ago, Bullneck said:

This seems a bit harsh but I have a hard time wrapping my mind around not knowing where your kid is at all times. 

I'm sort of in this camp too. Maybe start with a puppy or a betta fish and see how that goes for a few years before doing a human.

Apparently LED light bulbs in a garage door opener interfere with the signal to open and close. Who knew.

21 hours ago, Bullneck said:

This seems a bit harsh but I have a hard time wrapping my mind around not knowing where your kid is at all times. 

Have you forgotten what it was like to be a kid?

37 minutes ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I am thinking about starting a punk band called "Asparagus Piss".

Fun fact-less than half of humans have the digestive constitution that make your urine have that smell after asparagus.  We are actually in the minority.  Most people, it just passes through like any other dense vegetable and causes no unusual odor.  

Speaking of piss.  Why do some MFers grunt at the public urinal? 

I might understand grunting during numero duece, but what the hell is the "piss grunt" all about? 

31 minutes ago, Doze said:

Speaking of piss.  Why do some MFers grunt at the public urinal? 

I might understand grunting during numero duece, but what the hell is the "piss grunt" all about? 

Bad prostate. 

  • Popular Post
14 minutes ago, hookemATL said:

Bad prostate. 

That will be the name of the first album from Asparagus Piss.

I just got a cigarette burn on my dick.

And no it wasn't a kinky dear-penthouse-forum type situation. It was a misguided attempt at multitasking in the dark. 

Maybe it will play in my favor during a "never have I ever" contest at some point. 

7 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I am thinking about starting a punk band called "Asparagus Piss".

The good thing about forming a punk band is that you don’t have to know how to sing or play an instrument. Just scream, treat your guitar like you’re skinning a cat, and show a rebellious “attitude,” and you can get laid. And get some guys to think you’re totally awesome. 

8 hours ago, Doze said:

Speaking of piss.  Why do some MFers grunt at the public urinal? 

I might understand grunting during numero duece, but what the hell is the "piss grunt" all about? 

Gotta let the bettas know who the alpha is

On 6/10/2021 at 9:44 PM, Doze said:

Speaking of piss.  Why do some MFers grunt at the public urinal? 

I might understand grunting during numero duece, but what the hell is the "piss grunt" all about? 

The piss grunts while strange are not that bad. 2 weeks ago I was in a convenience store bathroom and the guy was so loud that on the way out the door I asked him if he was  needing a doctor since it sounded like he was giving birth. I got a loud f*** you as a response.

Edited by SHOOTER12

8 hours ago, ztejas said:

I just got a cigarette burn on my dick.

And no it wasn't a kinky dear-penthouse-forum type situation. It was a misguided attempt at multitasking in the dark. 

Maybe it will play in my favor during a "never have I ever" contest at some point. 

So you were smoking Pole or what?

2 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

So you were smoking Pole or what?

I was smoking with my pole out. 

4 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

People still smoke?

Stop in a convenience store and buy a soda the next time you’re in a hurry. The person in front of you in line will smoke. And play the lottery. 

17 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Stop in a convenience store and buy a soda the next time you’re in a hurry. The person in front of you in line will smoke. And play the lottery. 

And dip.

It's amazing they let those people vote.  

Therein lies the fundamental problem with democracy.

26 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Could you be more specific? 

Where he didn't...

On 6/11/2021 at 12:04 PM, ztejas said:

I was smoking with my pole out. 

Bong out with my dong out

On 6/13/2021 at 12:11 PM, NorthLoop said:

People still smoke?

Only when I'm fucking your mom. 

In actuality I smoke maybe 1-2 a day and in the process of quitting. I'm not a pack a day 1960s Joe sixpack.

23 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Only when I'm fucking your mom. 

We need a button right next to 'submit reply' that makes this reply automatically

Was out with friends Saturday just doing our thing at the bars.  I brought an edible with me, but I never took it.  Instead, I just stuck to drinking. 

Randomly, I just started laughing uncontrollably.  My friends suspected I had taken the edible, but I never did.  For some reason, something at the bar that night reminded me of The Simpsons and that doctor where wherever he goes, he just says “HI EVERYBODY!” And they go “HI DR. NICK!” And just thinking about that line made me laugh for what seemed forever.  Even I thought I was high, granted where we were you could tell many people were smoking. 

I’m still not sure why I got so tickled over that line, but even now, I’m laughing so hard on the inside and I don’t know why. 

 

This is my expression the entire time watching Army of the Dead on Netflix...

5ab7b21fe86fa_JackieChan.thumb.jpg.47962072d3888774ccf4f4acfb30bc9b.jpg

If I'm fighting zombies, I'm gonna McGyver some cardboard armor that zombies can't bite through instead of wearing a muscle shirt and a neck scarf.

 

9 hours ago, Underdog said:

Could you be more specific? 

Not your rectum. Tell us where you didn’t like it. 

3 hours ago, beer said:

We need a button right next to 'submit reply' that makes this reply automatically

Yet I can't get a rep for it.

On follow up - I still have burn marks on my Phillip K. But it doesn't hurt or affect my jacking efforts so it's now just a story. 

19 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

On a gay pride call at work.  They're playing Dancing Queen.  I believe this does more harm than good.

Momma Mia!

24 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

On a gay pride call at work.  They're playing Dancing Queen.  I believe this does more harm than good.

 

image.jpeg.bd2213e1096936728fdcc051be8edfba.jpeg

9 hours ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

I wonder how big of a tsunami would it take to destroy the great pyramid.

At least 14.72 units.

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