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22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

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31 minutes ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

Darth Gator.

 

How the hell you gonna chose Garth Gator when Gator Vader is right there staring you in the face?

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    An elephant that doesn't tell the truth  

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On 7/27/2023 at 9:46 PM, Superhero said:

I would run away from a 200 lb cougar.

110 lb cougar? Bring. It. On.

 

On 7/27/2023 at 9:46 PM, Superhero said:

I would run away from a 200 lb cougar.

110 lb cougar? Bring. It. On.

you're no Vic Mackey

2 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

you're no Vic Mackey

No Siree. I like ‘em with BMI < 35.

 

 

Wonder how a hairless Kevin stacks up. 

That chimp doesn't even lift, bruh.

 

(Their muscles are also stronger, ounce for ounce, than a human's.)

Panda at anger management counseling after the incident.

image.gif.e512f571408d2e282bacb5250d77db36.gif

54 minutes ago, nnm said:

 

terrible take-down defense against a single-leg attack

  • 2 weeks later...

Nightmare fuel. 

 

Yeah, Kevin would totally hold his own in this little family spat. 

 

  • Author
1 hour ago, nnm said:

Yeah, Kevin would totally hold his own in this little family spat. 

 

The kid in front wanted blood! 

On 10/28/2023 at 1:13 PM, nnm said:

 

He's no Tugg Speedman.

  • 3 weeks later...

Baboons are something else

 

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Baboons are something else

 

My dad was a veterinarian and ran the vet program at a zoo for a few years.  This exact thing happened to him when an assistant was supposed to tranquilize a baboon for some kind of procedure.  Either the shot didn't happen or it was too low a dose.  Either way, the baboon attacked my dad when he went into its cage and it ripped a huge chunk of his hair out and took a big bite out of his leg, as well.

I can't recall all the details as I was about 4/5 at the time. 

 

Many years ago, we went on safari in Kenya. Stayed at this "Ecolodge" that was just across a river from the preserve. The rooms were just permanent tents. To get to the bar or restaurant, you had to walk outside. Baboons would come into area and fuck shit up.

The rules were:

1. Never leave anything outside your tent. It would be gone in seconds, stolen by a baboon.

2. If you wanted to walk somewhere (to the bar, your car, whatever) at night, you turned on a light, and a guy with a spear would come to escort you to protect you from the baboons.

 

None of the locals or natives were concerned about leopards, cheetahs, lions, hippos. They stayed away from anyplace with humans. Baboons however, did not GAF, and would fuck you up if you tried to scare them off, or whatever.

 

Swollen-ass simian motherfuckers

10 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Baboons are something else

 

Definition of FAFO. Why did he let the baboon get that close to him?

Just now, Superhero said:

Definition of FAFO. Why did he let the baboon get that close to him?

Probably had no choice.  Baboons gonna baboon.  Prob wished it was a capuchin though

  • 2 weeks later...

Kevin may change his mind if the chimp has a weapon.

 

 

On 11/30/2023 at 10:20 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Many years ago, we went on safari in Kenya. Stayed at this "Ecolodge" that was just across a river from the preserve. The rooms were just permanent tents. To get to the bar or restaurant, you had to walk outside. Baboons would come into area and fuck shit up.

The rules were:

1. Never leave anything outside your tent. It would be gone in seconds, stolen by a baboon.

2. If you wanted to walk somewhere (to the bar, your car, whatever) at night, you turned on a light, and a guy with a spear would come to escort you to protect you from the baboons.

 

None of the locals or natives were concerned about leopards, cheetahs, lions, hippos. They stayed away from anyplace with humans. Baboons however, did not GAF, and would fuck you up if you tried to scare them off, or whatever.

 

Sounds like a nice, relaxing vacation.  I need to check into that.

1 hour ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

 

That’s very much like the Rocky/Apollo beach scene, when you can see Carl Weathers obviously running about 1/4 speed so slow-ass Sly could actually beat him.  Put an anchovy on the target and that seahawk is smokin’ RG3.

 

  • Author
1 minute ago, Baboontyme said:

Ok why can't I see the baboon video? 

You missed it because you're operating on baboon time? 

I know This dude Randy we call him Fuck Monkey because he got rape by a zeta in the GoRee Unit

sometime he will come over when my boys are getting tore down and He does K and stares at your Penes

On 11/30/2023 at 10:20 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Many years ago, we went on safari in Kenya. Stayed at this "Ecolodge" that was just across a river from the preserve. The rooms were just permanent tents. To get to the bar or restaurant, you had to walk outside. Baboons would come into area and fuck shit up.

The rules were:

1. Never leave anything outside your tent. It would be gone in seconds, stolen by a baboon.

2. If you wanted to walk somewhere (to the bar, your car, whatever) at night, you turned on a light, and a guy with a spear would come to escort you to protect you from the baboons.

 

None of the locals or natives were concerned about leopards, cheetahs, lions, hippos. They stayed away from anyplace with humans. Baboons however, did not GAF, and would fuck you up if you tried to scare them off, or whatever.

 

What did you do the next vacation, charter a boat out of a port in Somalia?

On 11/8/2023 at 2:10 PM, nnm said:

Yeah, Kevin would totally hold his own in this little family spat. 

 

That would be the best zoo visit since watching the rhinos fuck in Denver.

That would be the best zoo visit since watching the rhinos fuck in Denver.

You really are a weirdo.
2 minutes ago, Nivek said:


You really are a weirdo.

Have you ever seen rhinos fuck?  It is amazing. And hilarious.

Soon to be *former* reptile expert

 

 

On 12/20/2023 at 11:24 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

What did you do the next vacation, charter a boat out of a port in Somalia?

 

some good fishing off the horn of africa

 

  • 2 weeks later...

Honey badger DGAF

 

lol that one lion was like 'bro, BRO, leave him alone, trust me!'

50 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I don’t think that’s a honey badger. 

Honey Badger dont care

58 minutes ago, huge said:

Honey Badger dont care

They could take down a couple of gazelles and zebras with half the hassle.  Juice ain’t worth the squeeze.

Not only do honey badgers give no fs, they also are smarter than Kevin. 

 

  • Author

Stoffel is a fucking character. There's an even longer video out there somewhere that really details just how incorrigible he is. 

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