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22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

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On 2/6/2025 at 4:19 PM, nnm said:

This one?  It had his dog!  The punch was absolutely justified.

Sskz0y.gif

 

Kangaroos appear to be assholes.

 

That kid did square up

 

  • 2 weeks later...
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  • A follow up to the above.  Tl;dr: the Emus are no more, man rules emus, and pussy rules man. My wife finally decided that we are not emu farmers.  Thank God.  She contacted the previous owners, a

  • Jameslaw121
    Jameslaw121

    An elephant that doesn't tell the truth  

  • @Goredho, is this one of yours? Emu: 

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

How come you can't see the mouse bones? Color me skeptical.

1 hour ago, gofuckyourself said:

But yes, a study showed California squirrels are eating meat now.

 It’s been nice (not really) knowing y’all. 

2 hours ago, gofuckyourself said:

But yes, a study showed California squirrels are eating meat now.

The little bastards have been eating copper for years. They're rats with good PR.

Was peeping out of our dining room window one early morning recently and saw a skunk scurrying off with what looked to be a rat by the tail in its mouth. 

2 hours ago, RPM said:

The little bastards have been eating copper for years. They're rats with good PR.

100%

My wife talks about how cute they are, just after watching them gnaw our back patio welcome mat and seat cushions.

Meanwhile, I like birds. I recently put a bird feeder out on an extended pole from our 2nd story deck. I greased the pole in the hopes the little fluff rats would just try it.

8 hours ago, gofuckyourself said:

100%

My wife talks about how cute they are, just after watching them gnaw our back patio welcome mat and seat cushions.

Meanwhile, I like birds. I recently put a bird feeder out on an extended pole from our 2nd story deck. I greased the pole in the hopes the little fluff rats would just try it.

kinky

  • 2 weeks later...
5 minutes ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

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Kinda like Aggie fans' approach to their QBs.

11 minutes ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

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I know I’m getting older as I stepped out on the back porch and was immediately stung in the back of the neck by some kind of winged creature. Grabbed the spray, found a hive and sprayed the fuckers. Upon going inside I sat down, didn’t feel good and proceeded to pass out from an adrenaline dump from fighting for my life against the winged fucks. Ambulance was called. Wife freaked out. Had to spend 250 on an EpiPen bc my wife is terrified even though it wasn’t an allergic reaction. /coolstorybro. 

  • Author
11 minutes ago, Texasborn91 said:

I know I’m getting older as I stepped out on the back porch and was immediately stung in the back of the neck by some kind of winged creature. Grabbed the spray, found a hive and sprayed the fuckers. Upon going inside I sat down, didn’t feel good and proceeded to pass out from an adrenaline dump from fighting for my life against the winged fucks. Ambulance was called. Wife freaked out. Had to spend 250 on an EpiPen bc my wife is terrified even though it wasn’t an allergic reaction. /coolstorybro. 

I'm not a doctor, but if your problem was caused by excess adrenaline, an EpiPen might be adding fuel to the fire. 

Also, just a heads up that your EpiPen has an expiration date, so enjoy the yearly expense. 

28 minutes ago, Texasborn91 said:

I know I’m getting older as I stepped out on the back porch and was immediately stung in the back of the neck by some kind of winged creature. Grabbed the spray, found a hive and sprayed the fuckers. Upon going inside I sat down, didn’t feel good and proceeded to pass out from an adrenaline dump from fighting for my life against the winged fucks. Ambulance was called. Wife freaked out. Had to spend 250 on an EpiPen bc my wife is terrified even though it wasn’t an allergic reaction. /coolstorybro. 

I mean the thing I posted, these fucks aren’t just in survival mode they’re evil

17 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I'm not a doctor, but if your problem was caused by excess adrenaline, an EpiPen might be adding fuel to the fire. 

Also, just a heads up that your EpiPen has an expiration date, so enjoy the yearly expense. 

She literally did it to put herself at ease and try to have some kind of control over the situation. I didn’t wanna hear it anymore. 

7 hours ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

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I was in the garage one night working on my truck wearing flip flops when I felt something furry drag across the back of my foot. 

I looked down and it was a tarantula hawk dragging a tarantula. I got the broom and swept them out of the garage. The tarantula hawk spent the next hour flying around the garage looking for it's meal. I'd swing the broom at it and it would fly off for a bit and then come back. I didn't get much work on the truck done.

27 minutes ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

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If I’m a place with trees it’s the hippo

Username fits. 

34 minutes ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

IMG_3786.thumb.jpeg.3f2c6ab58bbf252b77f5366da23b3d83.jpeg

 

 

gorilla.    It’s the only one you can reason with.   Of course it depends on the setting.  If I’m a place with trees it’s the hippo

Hippo is a move the downhill runner if you need to move the chains on 4th and 1. No lateral quickness at all. I could do this with him for 20 minutes.

 

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1 hour ago, Superhero said:

Hippo is a move the downhill runner if you need to move the chains on 4th and 1. No lateral quickness at all. I could do this with him for 20 minutes.

 

image.jpeg.8e8a92921c89045a65ccd94ec7c5db23.jpeg

Hippies are quick. Depends on the venue.   If it’s an enclosed ring without climbing then you’re done.  

Edited by Im_smarter_then_you

On 8/11/2025 at 7:12 PM, MissingInAction said:

There's no surly poster who could do anything for 20 minutes straight other than sleeping or drinking.

I can drive that long to go hunting or fishing or to play golf

If I had to choose between a grizzly bear and big spiders, I’d choose the spider but would for sure pause a minute. 

There's no surly poster who could do anything for 20 minutes straight other than sleeping or drinking.

Does sitting on the throne count? What about fucking off in the garage? You are selling Surlites short! Under estimate us at your own peril sir!
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Honey badger don't GAF

 

 

  • Author
9 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

The punt brought the lulz. Elephant keeps looking, is that motherfucker coming back again?

Am I the only one who fully expected the honey badger to come back for more? 

  • 1 month later...
1 hour ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

Dang bro 

 

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Pussy is defeated.

2 minutes ago, Superhero said:

 

Pussy is defeated.

As we get older, our brains turn to mush. 

On 1/23/2025 at 5:10 PM, Im_smarter_then_you said:

Well there were simulations simpletons in 05 that usc was gonna beat our ass.  That didn’t happen

 

On 11/11/2025 at 6:00 PM, Im_smarter_then_you said:

Dang bro 

 

image.thumb.png.097878c0fc62abbba67e871a9cb5f99f.png

That is metal as hell.  Also, are those puppies?  They look like piglets.

Back to the chimp thread, there's a movie coming out called Primate that looks dumb as hell and was absolutely inspired by the subject of this thread.

 

  • Author

It's got quite a hill to climb in order to equal or exceed the cinematic masterpiece that is Shakma. 

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Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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