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15 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

I wish all weddings were like this. Then I'd always have an excuse not to attend. 

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

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    I bought them one place card holder:

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    I decided I was being cheap, so I bought them another one: There is still one more requested for someone else to buy.

  • try imagining him in a wheelchair. 

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8 hours ago, markstanco said:


I’m 6’2 and I think both of us would be on our toes in the shower.

Gay!.gif

2 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+.

You need to find a new venue.

So if the venue doesn’t see a baby running around they just assume everyone is 21+ and won’t card?

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4 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids

Nobody wants to go to your wedding, or anybody’s wedding. 

5 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

Wow.

19 minutes ago, Rockethorn1978 said:

holy fuck he married a tranny.
 

96999838-E0B1-441A-9E02-0B247437E2E6.thumb.jpeg.6912d0b97f92d4391ae9ccad8ea394c2.jpeg

The guy’s options were really limited. I doubt he had too many choices outside of active Klan members. 

Just now, Tex Pete said:

The guy’s options were really limited. I doubt he had too many choices outside of active Klan members. 

You know what they say about men wi, I mean women with pencil thin upper lips.

6 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

You sound poor 

It's really funny that only two days after it was surfaced here, that site was taken down.

That tells me he definitely saw this thread bump, and they likely got their gift messages from the board as well.

Well done here.

12 hours ago, Horn Dogg said:

Let’s hire her for some risqué photography and then send 12 of the ugliest fucking dudes from this website to be photographed naked.  Then you send the calendar to Daniel as a gift.

I love your idea, but there's one flaw. Where are you going to find 12 ugly guys on this board? We could all pass for Brad Pitt's younger, hotter brother and have 12-inch hogs. 

9 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

Man I'm so glad we eloped. 

I love your idea, but there's one flaw. Where are you going to find 12 ugly guys on this board? We could all pass for Brad Pitt's younger, hotter brother and have 12-inch hogs. 

Yea I’d do it but I’m way too good looking.
4 hours ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

I love your idea, but there's one flaw. Where are you going to find 12 ugly guys on this board? We could all pass for Brad Pitt's younger, hotter brother and have 12-inch hogs. 

Look someone needs to pick the 12 ugliest dudes here with tiny dicks and I volunteer to judge 

2 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Look someone needs to pick the 12 ugliest dudes here with tiny dicks and I volunteer to judge 

Are we measuring from the top or bottom?

I enjoy weddings. Its really just an excuse for family and friends to get together, and young children are a part of family. 
 

Yall some miserable kumquats

His must be annoying for Daniel. You plan one single racist hate crime and suddenly that makes you a bad guy. 

17 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Yall some miserable kumquats

There isn’t anything miserable about kumquats.  We used to have a kumquat tree in the backyard and the kids loved throwing them at each other

15 hours ago, Lhorn said:

His must be annoying for Daniel. You plan one single racist hate crime and suddenly that makes you a bad guy. 

Image of One little pinkie get blowed off and everybody trippin'.

5 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

There isn’t anything miserable about kumquats.  We used to have a kumquat tree in the backyard and the kids loved throwing them at each other

csb/ We have three loquat trees.  Very similar to a kumquat as you know.  The one in the front bloomed gorgeously right in the middle of the serious lockdown in April 2020.  Some lady on nextdoor asked if anybody had any 'quat' trees yielding fruit that she could pick with her kids to make jams/preserves.  I told her, so long as she agreed not to sue me if the kids fell, they could have whatever they could pick with any step ladder under 5'.  They came over that afternoon and probably picked 200 loquats.  My daughters were watching from inside as one of her daughters dropped a few and realized how easily they smoosh.  Her son and daughter got this look in their eye like they have discovered gold.  They threw a couple dozen at one another.  As soon as they left, my daughters were out there slinging 'em at one another.  Took two showers to wash all the sticky off.  But it was fun as hell to watch.  That lady ended up leaving a few jars of preserves on our front door as a thank you.  My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught.  Other one is starting to bloom again though, it'll always remind me of the great loquat wars of Pandemic.  It reminded me of the little joys that matter so much more than the big bullshit.  

Guess you could say that about Figurelli's wedding.  No kids allowed, prank gifts, cash bar, travel costs, etc.  Who cares?  In the end, all that'll matter at his inevitable divorce proceedings is that he's a cunt and she's a future Karen.  

6 minutes ago, Lobo said:

As soon as they left, my daughters were out there slinging 'em at one another.  Took two showers to wash all the sticky off.

Shark Tank Writing GIF

Yeah, I regretted that as soon as I typed it.  They're 7 and 3 if you feel like repenting on Palm Sunday...sickie

These "weddings" you speak of, are these the events before e v eryone meets me at the reception?

On 4/8/2022 at 10:26 PM, Horn Dogg said:

Let’s hire her for some risqué photography and then send 12 of the ugliest fucking dudes from this website to be photographed naked.  Then you send the calendar to Daniel as a gift.

The list will be long bit distinguished for the calendar boys' tryouts.

 

 

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6 hours ago, Lobo said:

csb/ We have three loquat trees.  Very similar to a kumquat as you know.  The one in the front bloomed gorgeously right in the middle of the serious lockdown in April 2020.  Some lady on nextdoor asked if anybody had any 'quat' trees yielding fruit that she could pick with her kids to make jams/preserves.  I told her, so long as she agreed not to sue me if the kids fell, they could have whatever they could pick with any step ladder under 5'.  They came over that afternoon and probably picked 200 loquats.  My daughters were watching from inside as one of her daughters dropped a few and realized how easily they smoosh.  Her son and daughter got this look in their eye like they have discovered gold.  They threw a couple dozen at one another.  As soon as they left, my daughters were out there slinging 'em at one another.  Took two showers to wash all the sticky off.  But it was fun as hell to watch.  That lady ended up leaving a few jars of preserves on our front door as a thank you.  My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught.  Other one is starting to bloom again though, it'll always remind me of the great loquat wars of Pandemic.  It reminded me of the little joys that matter so much more than the big bullshit.  

Guess you could say that about Figurelli's wedding.  No kids allowed, prank gifts, cash bar, travel costs, etc.  Who cares?  In the end, all that'll matter at his inevitable divorce proceedings is that he's a cunt and she's a future Karen.  

RIP to your daughters.

Yeah, they hung tough though.  But hey, it's all gonna be over by Easter...amirite?  

On 4/9/2022 at 4:30 PM, 52-80 said:

I enjoy weddings. Its really just an excuse for family and friends to get together, and young children are a part of family. 
 

Yall some miserable kumquats

 

95DB5278-31F0-4064-8967-9326545E4AC4.jpeg

Error

Edited by Lhorn

On 4/9/2022 at 3:46 PM, Js1 said:

Look someone needs to pick the 12 ugliest dudes here with tiny dicks and I volunteer to judge 

That’s probably the most selfless post in the interest of the greater Surly community I’ve ever read.  Count me out, though; I think I’m busy that day.

10 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

It’s usually where some surlyite bangs a bridesmaid in the coat closet

George Costanza Seinfeld GIF

19 hours ago, Lobo said:

My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught. 

Thoughts and prayers for you and your two dead daughters.

On 4/8/2022 at 10:52 PM, Barbacoa said:

I knew that was his sister. The people rating her 3 basically want to bang Daniel. 

No, they're saying Daniel looks like a girl.

On 4/9/2022 at 2:08 AM, Intercourse With Gray said:

Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. 

Lol

16 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

It’s usually where some surlyite bangs a bridesmaid in the coat closet

Was that wrong?

EDIT:  dammit

Edited by jimmyjazz

6 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Thoughts and prayers for you and your two dead daughters.

Yep, that was my immediate reaction. Along with about 20 others, I gather. 

On 4/10/2022 at 4:26 PM, Lobo said:

 My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught. 

Anyone else read this and think 2 of the kids died during the freeze? Cause, damn I had to read it twice to figure out he meant the damn trees.

Phrasing - - - - how does it work?

I am truly touched by the out pouring of support.  

On 4/8/2022 at 7:41 AM, Porterhouse said:

Blacklab’s response was the absolute best. “Thanks for letting me know I own my own site.”

NARRATOR: Turns out, he did not own his own site.

On 4/9/2022 at 6:55 AM, Bill Lumbergh said:

It's really funny that only two days after it was surfaced here, that site was taken down.

That tells me he definitely saw this thread bump, and they likely got their gift messages from the board as well.

Well done here.

 

Email confirmation says they read it.

 

Edited by Horn Dogg

On 4/9/2022 at 4:30 PM, 52-80 said:

I enjoy weddings. Its really just an excuse for family and friends to get together, and young children are a part of family laying some bridesmaid pipe.
 

Yall some miserable kumquats

fify

Has anyone received thank you notes for their gifts?

He doesn’t strike me as a thank you note type. Probably just sent a text to his guests and pasted the same message, “hey thank you so much for the gift!”
  • 1 month later...
On 3/31/2018 at 7:07 AM, Enchubben said:

Yea I made sure he would never work at KPMG. And potentially in a few weeks I will be in a position to make sure he never works at Deloitte either.

Yikes! That guy really screwed himself.

  • 7 months later...

Figurelli just making shit up about NIL now. Fuck this guy for eternity

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