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Featured Replies

Sex is like Chinese food. It's not over until both of you get your cookies.

 

Check your tail lights before you go to the bar.  Don't give the cops a reason to pull you over drunk.

in a game of tennis always bet against the heterosexual

Edited by staboner

If you're gonna be stupid you better be tough.

12 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

pull your pants up, you look like a goddamn idjit.

 

(not you OP, that's my dad life pro tip)

 

If you're gonna be around stupid people doing stupid shit, be the one taking the video and not the one starring in it.

9 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Lock your bedroom door before you jerk it.

so important,

 

i also recall explaining to my wife why she could no longer just barge into my sons room when he turned 13, she may regret it some day 

dont insert your penis in the company ink?

Don't ever pay for pussy, there will always be some sweet girl willing to give it away for free

You only use one hand.  So pay attention.

Assuming that you are facing her, take one hand behind her underneath her clothing.

  • Then slide your index finger from top between the bra and back, so that your nail is actually facing her skin.
  • Using your index finger gently pull the straps of her bra from her back, thereby creating a smallish gap between her back and the bra.
  • Then, use your middle finger and your thumb to squeeze the bra inwards. Once you have done this, remove the index finger.
  • Now move the thumb outwards and the middle finger inwards in a snapping motion, which just pull the eyelets out of the hooks.
4 minutes ago, babysdaddy said:

here will always be some sweet girl willing to give it away for free

Mmmmmm, sort of

200.gif

If we are being serious, almost 6 year old boy:

 

Son what are the two rules of life?

”Learn to love yourself so that you can love others.  And 2, you must obey The Funk.”

 

Son, tell me the rules about guns.

”A weapon is just a tool, like a hammer it needs a hand to pick it up. Guns are for target practice, hunting, and to save your life. They are not for when you’re mad, when you’re sad, or for shooting bad guys.”

 

 

 

 

771B78D4-E8E7-4D5F-BE5F-3DBB21D8A4C1.jpeg

13 hours ago, F250 said:

Sex is like Chinese food. It's not over until both of you get your cookies.

 

And you're horny again 30 minutes later.

((John Prine))"Son, when you're dead, you're a dead peckerhead".((John Prine))

1 hour ago, BabaYaga said:

You only use one hand.  So pay attention.

Assuming that you are facing her, take one hand behind her underneath her clothing.

  • Then slide your index finger from top between the bra and back, so that your nail is actually facing her skin.
  • Using your index finger gently pull the straps of her bra from her back, thereby creating a smallish gap between her back and the bra.
  • Then, use your middle finger and your thumb to squeeze the bra inwards. Once you have done this, remove the index finger.
  • Now move the thumb outwards and the middle finger inwards in a snapping motion, which just pull the eyelets out of the hooks.

 

Your dad was the Fonz?

 

59 minutes ago, BabaYaga said:

You only use one hand.  So pay attention.

Assuming that you are facing her, take one hand behind her underneath her clothing.

  • Then slide your index finger from top between the bra and back, so that your nail is actually facing her skin.
  • Using your index finger gently pull the straps of her bra from her back, thereby creating a smallish gap between her back and the bra.
  • Then, use your middle finger and your thumb to squeeze the bra inwards. Once you have done this, remove the index finger.
  • Now move the thumb outwards and the middle finger inwards in a snapping motion, which just pull the eyelets out of the hooks.

Excuse Me Dog GIF by Butler University


General impressions of people, who they are and their relationships are always, always wrong.

1 hour ago, BabaYaga said:

You only use one hand.  So pay attention.

Assuming that you are facing her, take one hand behind her underneath her clothing.

  • Then slide your index finger from top between the bra and back, so that your nail is actually facing her skin.
  • Using your index finger gently pull the straps of her bra from her back, thereby creating a smallish gap between her back and the bra.
  • Then, use your middle finger and your thumb to squeeze the bra inwards. Once you have done this, remove the index finger.
  • Now move the thumb outwards and the middle finger inwards in a snapping motion, which just pull the eyelets out of the hooks.


Good advice but the chicks I go for don’t wear underwear 

 

Which brings me to nugget of wisdom #2:

when there’s a job to do, use the proper tools. 

 

1A422952-DB35-4941-B068-1A1B282CAB13.jpeg

Edited by Doc Reeves

1 hour ago, Steel Shank said:

If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.
@InkaUTexas

I was never one to be negative. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead. 

1 minute ago, InkaUtexas said:

I was never one to be negative. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead. 

I think it was Jon Bon Jovi who said it best: "I'm a six gun lover."

 

  • Popular Post

 

Don't shit where you eat.

And especially don't shit where I eat.

-Tony Soprano

 

An orgasm in the bush is better than two in the hand.

-Me

29 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

An orgasm in the bush is better than two in the hand.

-Me

take that good job GIF

If working with g-pa on a wood-working project.  NO, there is no such thing as a left-handed hammer or a GD board-stretcher

"Don't pick up anything you can't lift"  
I had no idea your Dad was Yogi Berra
You only use one hand.  So pay attention.
Assuming that you are facing her, take one hand behind her underneath her clothing.
  • Then slide your index finger from top between the bra and back, so that your nail is actually facing her skin.
  • Using your index finger gently pull the straps of her bra from her back, thereby creating a smallish gap between her back and the bra.
  • Then, use your middle finger and your thumb to squeeze the bra inwards. Once you have done this, remove the index finger.
  • Now move the thumb outwards and the middle finger inwards in a snapping motion, which just pull the eyelets out of the hooks.

Did her boob feel like a a bag of sand?

Each of us is actually three people.  The person we think we are, the person other people think we are, and the person we actually are.

-Kenny Rogers (the roasted chicken guy, not the singer) 

19 hours ago, Parliament said:

Check your tail lights before you go to the bar.  Don't give the cops a reason to pull you over drunk.

and use your blinkers on the way home

Watch what you say to your woman when you’re angry. 
 

This one has saved me plenty of headaches.

8 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:


General impressions of people, who they are and their relationships are always, always wrong.

I completely disagree, shithead.

1 minute ago, freyguy said:

I completely disagree, shithead.

Got that bit of advice from a homicide detective. Ive found it to be true. Fuckface.

3 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

Got that bit of advice from a homicide detective. Ive found it to be true. Fuckface.

I ain't your Fuckface, buddy.

but seriously, most everybody is just trying to make it thru the day, and get a little action on the weekend.

3 minutes ago, freyguy said:

but seriously, most everybody is just trying to make it thru the day, and get a little action on the weekend.

Nah, i hear you. 

5 minutes ago, freyguy said:

but seriously, most everybody is just trying to make it thru the day, and get a little action on the weekend.

Facts. 

Canadian example of the sentiment:

Spoiler
Spoiler

 

 

 

Here’s the shit I feel like I’ve learned that I intend to try and teach my kids:
 

The 2 most basic rules of life are: 

1.) be good

2.) have fun

 

Here are 7 rules for preventing depression:

1.) Get 8 hours of sleep every night.

2.) Get 30 minutes of exercise every day.

3.) Be careful what you put into your body: lots of water, fiber, and protein; limit the drugs (including alcohol and caffeine).

4.) Get at least 15 minutes of sunlight every day.

5.) Spend at least 10 seconds being grateful every day.

6.) Make eye contact with at least one other person every day.

7.) Do something productive every day, no matter how small or simple.

 

All relationships must have boundaries.  When someone crosses the line, cut them out.  And know that if you cross someone’s line, they will cut you out.

Compounding is the most powerful financial tool there is.

10 hours ago, babysdaddy said:

Don't ever pay for pussy, there will always be some sweet girl willing to give it away for free

Then you really can’t afford it.

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