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  • Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

  • Hank Scorpio
    Hank Scorpio

    We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

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Holy fuck.

This season has been redeemed.

Petition to rename our team the University of Texas Fighting Emotional Support Monkeys.

After the Okie Lite loss I gave up on Longhorn related social media. Could not bear to read it. I assumed it would take the team coming together and stringing together a strong chain of wins to get me back online. I was wrong. All it took was a stripper and monkey. 

36 minutes ago, royiv said:

A woman with an emotional support monkey has got to be the biggest red flag I've ever heard of.

It's a novelty and sign of uniqueness when you're winning.

We're not winning. In fact, we suck. So, yeah, go ahead and raise the flag.

 

48 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Had this exact same story happened when Banks was at Aggy….aggy would claim "If you have a shot at fucking a monkey, you take that shot."

 

A woman with an emotional support monkey has got to be the biggest red flag I've ever heard of.

Or an indication that she fucks better than a porn star.
2 minutes ago, Stunns38 said:


Or an indication that she fucks better than a porn star.

Shark Tank Writing GIF

3 minutes ago, Stunns38 said:


Or an indication that she fucks better than a porn star.

South Austin's mom has an emotional support gorilla.

30 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:


Adding in a Steiner Ranch swingers scandal
Would just be…

giphy.gif

$50 - monkey stays at home

$100 - monkey watches 

$150 - monkey gets involved

3 minutes ago, Stunns38 said:


Or an indication that she fucks better than a porn star.

Never let a stripper and her monkey move into your house. 

Just when I thought I was out, a stripper and monkey pull me right back in.  
 

This is fucking awesome. 

Fuck Ponzi scheme involving gold, fuck the water nymph, fuck there should be a board where we bitch about the board, fuck a free fridge, fuck falling into a fire, fuck freakshow idoit….this is the greatest thread in the history of whatever the fuck this is….

i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

2 minutes ago, NorLa Horns said:

i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

This is Surly, do you think we're chock full of lawyers of neighborhood?

 

Because we are.

2 hours ago, kevwun said:

If you filled a room full of a thousand monkeys and whiteboards, they would end up designing a better defense than the one we run.

I think four could do it

  • Popular Post
i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

This is Surly, do you think we're chock full of lawyers of neighborhood?
 
Because we are.

Excuse me, I am a lawyer of neighborhood. Let me explain this for you:

Lets not forget that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious primate, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
2 minutes ago, Sawbonz said:

I think four could do it

Cover 2 RITZ? You stupid monkey!

1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

 


Excuse me, I am a lawyer of neighborhood. Let me explain this for you:

Lets not forget that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious primate, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.

 

lawyer of the neighborhood legaleez! see, dast wut i wantz

Never let a stripper and her monkey move into your house. 

That would be a great user name
27 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Someone needs to ghostwrite the monkey's bio. 

Or start the emotional support monkey Twitter account

13 minutes ago, NorLa Horns said:

i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

I believe the doctrine of attractive nuisance applies

 

 

 

Not sure what doctrine applies to the monkey

Been waiting for this all day

 

Can you sign the monkey to an NIL? Seems like he deserves it and we don't need him in the portal.

3 hours ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

Once you buy a monkey I’m pretty sure that counts as common law marriage.

It absolutely is according to the law of the jungle.

Does the monkey sleep in bed with them like a dog, or do they have a hanging cage containing a mini pole where they monkey can watch as she assassinates his pole?

1 minute ago, Murfdogg21 said:

Does the monkey sleep in bed with them like a dog, or do they have a hanging cage containing a mini pole where they monkey can watch as she assassinates his pole?

The monkey pegs him while he's fucking the pole assassin.

@NowThis approves

38 minutes ago, NorLa Horns said:

i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

As a general rule, I limit myself to bird law. I can’t help you. 

9 minutes ago, Tex Pete said:

As a general rule, I limit myself to bird law. I can’t help you. 

Better than Sheep law. 

1 hour ago, Goredho said:

Holy fuck.

This season has been redeemed.

Does that mean we can finally get this monkey off our backs?

Anyone selling t-shirts yet?

Anyone selling t-shirts yet?

Pole Assassin is bedazzling some shirts right now. They’ll be the $69 special on her OnlyFans by kickoff.

I fear this poor monkey, because of the strain he has brought to House Banks, is going to end up on the Barry Lutz show.  

Anybody have a paramount+ account we can borrow to watch what happens?  

2 hours ago, tx ind said:

Been waiting for this all day

 

The boys are gonna be dropping emotional support monkey references for weeks

  • Popular Post

6CE21DD7-A511-482D-97FA-3D4FB4A10C3F.thumb.jpeg.37332792233f019c210b93cee511b506.jpeg

Edited by justhookit

9 hours ago, ztejas said:

$50 - monkey stays at home

$100 - monkey watches 

$150 - monkey gets involved

Put me down for tree fiddy.

 

Go Do It GIF by Saturday Night Live

11 hours ago, RGBIII said:

She has been invited through every possible avenue

Get Gia, I need to hear the monkey's side of the story. 11 y/o boy was probably being a dick. Probably named "Kevin". 

11 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Get Gia, I need to hear the monkey's side of the story. 11 y/o boy was probably being a dick. Probably named "Kevin". 

I'm going with "Trevor"

so does Vegas have the o/u on number of signs referencing this incident on GameDay this weekend? 

It seems to me that a monkey in the house would cause emotional distress rather than support.

A friend in high school’s mom’s boyfriend had a chimp.  It was creepy…

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