Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Featured Replies

I'm hoping the emotional support monkey attack reverses the curse brought on by the fox run at the RRS. Everything went to shit right after that. this was exactly the antidote we needed.  take the Horns this weekend.

  • Replies 919
  • Views 109.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

  • Hank Scorpio
    Hank Scorpio

    We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

Posted Images

4 minutes ago, ABSR said:

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

Hang on captain, still a few hours to get you cleaned up.  

  • Author
11 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Gold Cup?

That place was just okay imo.  Is it even still around?

1 hour ago, Intruder said:

Does everything have to involve aggie?

To be fair, the coach in question here, Mr. Banks, was an aggy coach for 5 years...

 

4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

They had a blurb about this on the radio this morning on the classic rock station that I listen to in the car.  They mentioned that Banks was a candidate for the Washington State HC job, but if he gets it that the State of Washington wouldn't allow Pole Assassin to bring her monkey.  Is there some kind of a Washington state law prohibiting monkeys?

 

Answered my own question

image.png.eb160ffdffedd50aa922307ad6a11b48.png

User name check as you warn Jeff Banks to never marry a stripper (who has a pet monkey while trying to move to WA).

Edited by n64ra

58 minutes ago, hobbs said:

I used to often say "you can't make this shit up" with regard to inane stories about the Ags.  Sadly, it now applies to us as well

Thus far, the only story we are talking about here is "monkey bites little shithead." It isn't really a juicy story. Replace the monkey with a dog, and no one would have even picked the story up, particularly in the circumstances claimed by Banks' girlfriend.

33 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Gold Cup?

Closed several years ago...csb- one time we were driving to an Astros game and passed the Gold Cup and my oldest excitedly said "Look they still have their Christmas lights up!!!"

1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

That's funny right there 

40 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Gold Cup?

We won the Gold Cup...

1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

 

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

By these definitions, my wife is my "Emotional Support Vagina."

She's gonna LOVE this new term of endearment.

59 minutes ago, Fondren & Main said:

That place was just okay imo.  Is it even still around?

Gold Cup bit the dust with 290 widening.  Was my go to place for years.

Emotional support vagina. 

I may need a few of those.

Now I know what to tell my wife.

Thanks Surly!

2 minutes ago, BigSwingingD said:

Emotional support vagina. 

I may need a few of those.

Now I know what to tell my wife.

Thanks Surly!

Poon...call it Emotional Support Poon.  She'll buy in much easier that way.

Edited by Frank Gallagher
misspell

39 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

That's funny right there 

sho iz

Poon...call it Emotional Support Poon.  She'll buy in much easier that way.

Why not ESPN for emotional support poon now
41 minutes ago, Frank Gallagher said:

Gold Cup bit the dust with 290 widening.  Was my go to place for years.

Whoa, username checks out. It was called Gallagher's before it became the Gold Cup. 

2 hours ago, ABSR said:

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

giphy.gif

 

1 hour ago, Frank Gallagher said:

Gold Cup bit the dust with 290 widening.  Was my go to place for years.

giphy.gif

252698059_10158655099688869_1952443746197700996_n.jpg.5197667a784c481ccd96438755549790.jpg

 

Wondering if this New Yorker cartoon was timed coincidentally. 

4 hours ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse the uninformed. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

 keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.

In case any of you are still waiting for the highlight of the season - this is it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

2 hours ago, TxTower said:

In case any of you are still waiting for the highlight of the season - this is it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Are you crazy?  This is far from it.  We're going 7-6 and the Cheez-It Bowl in Orlando.  We're gonna have our coaching staff's emotional support animal surrounded by nothing but Cheez-It snacks and Disney mascots.  

Have you ever seen a Monkey in the throes of a processed cheese binge going insane on a crowd full of young kids and upright walking Mice?  You don't think this Gia the Monkey has friends in Florida?  Probably at Mons Venus?  This is gonna get Lit As Fuck.  

8 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

Aggy calls that a “dick coozie”

I believe that is a Kapuchin Kock Koozie in Aggieland. 

I'm dumbfounded that all of this was known about Banks and he someone got hired to be a coach here.

9 minutes ago, naija said:

I'm dumbfounded that all of this was known about Sarkisian and he somehow got hired to be a coach here.

 

Banks really needed that $1 million per year to keep that monkey in diapers and Monkey Chow and to keep his girlfriend in crisp singles.

10 hours ago, closetojumping said:

So one of my Alabama buddies called this morning to cackle about this. We got to talking and I forgot about the ATM story he told me. 

In Sumlin's last year, Banks and like 5 of the other coaches were all going through divorces or heading there. It was obviously a program and people in disarray. Fisher arrives in the aftermath and he had to "fix" a part of their offices. Apparently, Sumlin had contractors come in at some point and overhaul an area that was either extra space or conference rooms or some shit. They had shag carpeting brought in, a stripper pole installed, a bar, club lighting, and numerous partitioned areas with couches. 

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

Fisher shows up and, numerous obvious jokes aside, looks around and says "what in the fuck?" and eventually had the area remodeled to normal office confines. 

Another one - The Pole Assassin came to the family Christmas party held by the Sabans a few years ago dressed as a Slutty Stripper Elf. This is a family gathering for the team's players, families, and employees/spouses/kids held in the middle of the day shortly after the SEC title game and the playoffs. They have a Santa there. She proceeds to sit in Santa's lap by herself with numerous photos taken. Along with all of the other photos from the photographer that day, they were posted in the team admin's photo cloud for family members to download the ones of their own family. "Mrs. Terry", who I assume is Saban's wife, goes in to find all of the Pole Assassin photos and they were promptly deleted. 

The Pole Assassin apparently had numerous monkey incidents while in Tuscaloosa that I don't think we realized because they're not referenced to her and Banks, but she's apparently the source for the monkey business. You can google "Bama Monkey" and get your fix. Below are a couple of links from there:

https://www.cbs42.com/news/video-of-bama-monkey-in-tuscaloosa-goes-viral/

https://www.al.com/life/2020/08/bama-monkey-video-just-might-make-you-say-roll-tide.html

 

 

Only holier than thou aggy would run off a coach this awesome.  Tucson had to be heaven for Rumlin.  

Anyone taking bets on who will ask the question at Thursday media availability?

I’ll take Kurt.

13 hours ago, Eugene11 said:

Is this a real show? This is fukcing  terrible.  Makes our surley podcast look like an ESPN production.  Jesus. That made my ears bleed. 

one of the most popular sports shows on the interwebs.  1.5m subs.

2 hours ago, naija said:

I'm dumbfounded that all of this was known about Banks and he someone got hired to be a coach here.

We didn’t hire the monkey!

3 hours ago, Cairn Horn88 said:

We didn’t hire the monkey!

And that was our mistake....

9 hours ago, naija said:

I'm dumbfounded that all of this was known about Banks and he someone got hired to be a coach here.

God damn quit being such a pussy ass dipshit.

18 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

image.png.9059c442c3c08ee4d6ec1fefcedc5f12.png

 

Just buy this and take the animal anywhere, easy!

Texas Football: It's Been 2 3 Days Without Rumor of a Monkey-Related Incident

Edited by FirstTimeCaller

59 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Texas Football: It's Been 2 3 Days Without Rumor of a Monkey-Related Incident

We need something else.  The thread is losing steam.

 
C9D5F5D0-4831-4798-8F0C-9FEF6F31444F.gif.d61be96feeda631c8fce6366a3f0116e.gif

There needs to be a monkey face on this gif. Or maybe the pole assassins face.


Make it so.

Mack Brown’s pregame speech before the USC game was “Don’t go on Jerry Springer.”

The current staff has a wife that was on the show. 

Obviously this means we’ve come full circle and will be winning the title again in Los Angeles in January 2023. 

Doctor of neighborhood still cracks me up.

Wait, I thought the Monkey was a she?  Goddamn this timeline! 

31 minutes ago, baboso said:

Doctor of neighborhood still cracks me up.

He got his degree by command of hi-five! Same as all our resident lawyers.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.